If you invite someone to a church function, are you trying to get them to join?

[Galahad]

We have a LOT of programs at our church that I tell folks about or invite them to and it has never occured to me that they would even think we were trying to "recruit". Guess I'm not cynical enough to assume an ulterior motive. We just had a weekend festival that was VERY well attended and there was NO recruitment at all. It was to raise money for our AIDS projects so there was a short money pitch, but the pitch was not even religious in nature. Guess I wouldn't be too suspicious.

 

[Sleepy]

I tend to side with your husband. How many times have the neighbors invited you all to their HOUSE for a dinner, or just over to their house for whatever?

 

[helenabear]

I am a Catholic and Catholics are not generally known for their "recruitment."

If I would ask someone to attend a something at my church - maybe a speaker that they might enjoy, or a musical program, or even a card party, it would simply be because I thought that they might like to go. For me, it would never be because I was seeking out convert material.

I feel very much this way about it. We've invited several friends to dances, musical entertainment and other such stuff. We have no intention of converting friends or even trying to lure them into our church. We just know they would have fun.

Honestly if I wanted to try to bring someone into my church, I would invite them to the Sunday service. Not to a more social function.

If you have fun, keep on going with your friends. And if they haven't made any attempt to get you to worship there, tell your DH to hush

 

[WDWAurora]

I invite friends to the church for their scrapbooking functions all the time. Some of them I know attend other churches and do not want to change, others I have no idea of their religious status. Basically, I know there is an event they would enjoy, so I invite them. No recruitment done at all at these events and there are plenty of non-church members there who are just into it. From what I understand, the kids' basketball teams also have a lot of kids on them that don't belong to the church-they just wanted to play basketball.

 

[SeeDisney]

Yes, I say it's a little of both.


The churches I've been involved with always encourages to bring non-church people to our social events, which are fun. But no one will force anyone to come to church, which I hope not.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

I go to a Catholic Chruch in southwestern CT, and I can tell you without a doubt that a church function that is meant as a social function is just that...a social function.

This is absolutely right! Also, it's a fundraiser. We want you to come and spend your money, probably!!!

I think it depends on the church. When I was little in a small town, churches were the big social scene, and it was pure friendliness if someone asked you. Today, I'd be a little more leery, but I wouldn't assume they were trying to brainwash me or anything!

Interesting question! Let us know what you do!

 

[Skywalker]

Wow you guys are great, thanks. It is so interesting to read the different perspectives. I am trying to convince my husband that we should at least go and "see". It seems like each church could be different, but most of you have said a social function is probably just that. I'm sure they would be pleased for us to join the church, but that may not be the overt intent!

They invited us to a church dinner sometime around Christmas, and we could not go, but now my husband is suspicious that they are inviting us to another dinner and egg hunt thing for Easter...

...and Sleepy you brought up a good point - they have never invited us to their house for ANYTHING! Hmmmmmm...

 

[luvmarypoppins]

I havent read the whole thread yet, but if I invite someone to something at church its not to recruit them or get them to join etc. Its really mostly my 3 ds, they invite some of the neighborhood kids to either go to the youth group or to the summer bible school with us, that is for only a week. Its generally because they are bored and have nothing to do. I asked my neighbor to go to ds grandparents day because his grandparents are deceased, the school is christian and associated with our church, she said fine and said she actually enjoyed it, I think the kids put on a little play etc. Also the ds asked if the 2 neighbor boys could see them in a christmas play. The mom said no, the same mom who let one of them come to the youth group lately. This mom said she believes in a higher power that is not necessarily god. I havent questioned her about that, she is entitled to her own opinion. My ds were just disappointed because they worked so hard and wanted their friends to see them in the play. Dh and I usually dont invite adults. I did tell him once to ask some guy he works with to a picnic we had but dh said no.

 

[Jennasis]

In reality, you are being invited to a social function that your neighbors think you might enjoy. I am assuming you are friendly with your neighbors and perhaps have had cookouts/bbq's with them in the past or been social with them in some way so that this "church invitation" isn't completely out of left field. Otherwise the whole invitation would just be plain weird AND suspect (if you normally don't socialize with them).

HOWEVER, once you are at this innocent social event (Bingo, BBQ, picnic, ballgame etc...) do not be surprised if you are approached by other members of the congregation or even the minister/pastor himself and asked about joining the church on a regular basis, or about you religious affiliations etc. It may not be a "recruitment" event, but when some of the more zealous members see a new face they may strike up a religious-based conversation in an attempt to convince you how great their church is. It happens to us at almost every event we go to (here in NC you can't drive a mile without passing 5 churches...all Baptist, and they have chicken suppers and bbq's all the time which we often go to).

If your husband is uncomfortable with defending his decision to stay at your current church (or not go to church) then I would politely decline the offer, because I have YET to go to a SINGLE church sponsored event where I haven't been harangued by some member of the congregation about joining. We still go because we find their attempts kind of funny (DH and I are in a VERY good place with our faith and do not attend any church.)

In fact, we attended the funeral of a local teen who worked for us. She died in a car accident and we were quite devastated. After the wake, a few days later, the pastor from her church had taken the guest book from the funeral home and began driving around town to all of the homes of the people who had attended the girls funeral but were not part of HIS church (there are 100's of churches in our small town). When he got to our place, he showed up with two GOONS (large guys in suits) started talking about how great the young lady was and how much we all missed her and how much she would have wanted US (DH and I) to join HIS church!! He was strong-arming/guilting grief-stricken people into joining his church. Disgusting.

 

[caitycaity]

with the exception of one friend of the family, everytime i have been invited to church it is definitely to try to get me to join.

i even have a jewish friend who keeps trying to bring me "back to the tribe".

some people have the best intentions, others...well i'm not so sure what their intentions are. either way, as someone else so eloquently put it, i'm not hungry right now.

 

[cardaway]

"When someone invites you to a function at church, its more analogous to a hungry person telling another hungry person where to find food. Ideally, churches are not out to "lure" anyone in and suck them dry like a spider working on a fly carcass. Rather than take, we only seek to give. Of course I can't speak for all churches, but this probably describes the vast majority.

Oh please. The only thing worse than the recruitment process itself are the people who deny it's a recruitment process.

I guess I just don't like people assuming that I'm hungry, so I always turn those invitations down politely.

I agree. In fact I think it extends to the whole witnessing issue which I believe is rude. They are all but telling you that you are flawed unless you follow them. Much more than assuming you're hungry, since any source of food can solve that problem. More like assuming you have a disease only their church can cure.

"Luring" may not be the word most folks want to hear about recruitment at their church, but I don't know a single church out there that is NOT looking for new folks. They may claim to be wanting to help others, but their "giving" is actually a means of getting YOU to give to them (in $$$). Building their membership builds their financials, bottom line.

While there are certainly situations where people honestly only invite people for specific events (come see Johnny in the church Christmas program for example) there is also a flat out recruitment porcess. If the OP's husband is getting that vibe, he may be right.

Not long ago there was a thread here about a situation where kids were invited to a function where their childs personal information was being taken down. Pretty cut and dry recruitment function.

 

[caitycaity]

Not long ago there was a thread here about a situation where kids were invited to a function where there personal information was being taken down. Pretty cut and dry recruitment function.

when i was in high school i spent a lot of time going to church with one of my friends. i still remember the first time i went - they handed out index cards to everyone that had "is this your first time in a church?" and "have you accepted jesus christ as your savior today?" printed on them with yes/no checkboxes. sorry if i offend anyone by laughing at that, but i just seemed SO cheesy to me.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Oh please. The only thing worse than the recruitment process itself are the people who deny it's a recruitment process.

What "recruitment process?" are you referring to?

I'll admit some churches are much more agressive than others but most I've seen are just "hey you are welcome to join us" kinds of things. Our church holds several functions throughout the year and I do agree that the purpose is twofold - social and an opportunity to show the Community what our church is about and invite people to visit during Sunday Services. You seem to view that as an almost sinister undertaking.

Our most recent Church event was a Comedian that we hired. The only "recruitment process" was some info included in the Program handed out at the door and at the beginning when the Minister did a brief prayer and welcoming - he mentioned the Church and what time Sunday Services are held and issued an invitation.

 

[Zippa D Doodah]

Oh please. The only thing worse than the recruitment process itself are the people who deny it's a recruitment process.

If I may ask... what has made you so aggressively bitter and cynical about churches and believers? There must be some real hurt in your life about that issue.

 

[cardaway]

What "recruitment process?" are you referring to?

I'll admit some churches are much more agressive than others but most I've seen are just "hey you are welcome to join us" kinds of things. Our church holds several functions throughout the year and I do agree that the purpose is twofold - social and an opportunity to show the Community what our church is about and invite people to visit during Sunday Services.

Is the word recruitment the problem? From here it looks like we agree given the parts I bolded.

 

[cardaway]

If I may ask... what has made you so aggressively bitter and cynical about churches and believers? There must be some real hurt in your life about that issue.

Yeah, it must be me. Couldn't possibly be that there are people who do exactly what I described.

How incredibly rude. If we have a problem with each other it's your multiple insinuations in threads that it's only other people that are rude and snarky.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Another Catholic here -- I agree with those who've said there's no recruitment at social functions with our church. I've had neighbors and friends (non-Catholics) come with us to fish frys and poker nights and festivals and they've never felt like they were being recruited for anything.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

no, I just pretty much agree with Rajah. You just have a rabid history of answering any thread having anything to do with Church or Christianity with a type of disdain and accusations --- like a Church inviting people to join is the equivalent of Charles Manson recruiting new followers.

I'm just not sure what you mean by "Recruitment Process." You said that the only thing worse than the Recruitment Process is ..... and I was just wondering what kind of "Recruitment Process" you went through that left such deep psychological scars on your psyche.

Sure, Churches try to gain new members. The same way ALL organizations advertise and try to gain new members....I went to a Book Club Meeting at the Library a couple of weeks ago and they invited me to join. Gasp!

I don't see anything wrong with Churches or any other organization inviting people to join them.

 

[cardaway]

no, I just pretty much agree with Rajah. You just have a rabid history of answering any thread having anything to do with Church or Christianity with a type of disdain and accusations --- like a Church inviting people to join is the equivalent of Charles Manson recruiting new followers.

I'm just not sure what you mean by "Recruitment Process." You said that the only thing worse than the Recruitment Process is ..... and I was just wondering what kind of "Recruitment Process" you went through that left such deep psychological scars on your psyche.

Sure, Churches try to gain new members. The same way ALL organizations advertise and try to gain new members....I went to a Book Club Meeting at the Library a couple of weeks ago and they invited me to join. Gasp!

I don't see anything wrong with Churches or any other organization inviting people to join them.

Rajah's husband maybe?

As for the rest, if that's how it looks then I don't know what to do.

If people are seeing what I'm writing in multiple religion threads it means they follow those threads just like I do. What makes your motive in doing so better than mine?

I also don't comment on any every thread dealing with religion. There have been here in the past who did that, people who invaded every prayer thread to cause trouble. IMO I enter my opinion on things just like everybody else, and yes, since I feel strongly that there is serious damage being done by organized religion in this country, I read most of those threads.

As I posted back to (Rajah's husband?) from this side there are just as many things I feel are rude and I question their motives just like you questioned mine. But in least in your case TF, you haven't went out of your way to be nasty to me every chance you got. For whatever reason Zip has lately.

 

[Maleficent13]

The churches around here hold kick-*** social functions, and my family attends alot of them, especially in the summer. I have never been "recruited" at any of these functions, not even at the church where my grandparents were members and the older congregation greets me with "Oh! Xxxxxx's granddaughter is here!! How are you honey?" Not once have any of them ever suggested to me that I come to services. If one of them did, I would politely thank them and turn them down.

Now, the record companies that try to trick me into their "CD of the month" clubs...they are truly evil!!