If you have an exceptionally beautiful child...

[cm8]

I don't think this thread is upsetting exactly, but I think it is an odd thing to discuss. Think about it, "My child is so stunning that strangers approach us and prostrate themselves at her feet."

It's bragging about something that is merely a genetic happenstance.

Beauty is also in the EYE of the BEHOLDER

 

[krcit]

You said much better than I could ever have. I'm sorry if someone doesn't understand that this topic is upsetting to me or some of the posts. It's okay though, like Peg said we all think our children are beautiful and that is a wonderful sentiment for me to stop with my posts.

I'm with you Tinker.I find this thread kind of ridiculous.

 

[Imzadi]

I agree it's about teaching inner beauty and other values beyond looks. A friend of mine is a makeup artist and I have been able to visit her on various movie sets. Actors who are incredibly beautiful can turn out to be downright UGLY as a person in real life, once the camera & the facade is off. Catherine Zeta Jones is one of them. Any description of her has a person would be point-worthy. From what little I've seen, she is as exceptionally narcissistic, cold and calculating as she is beautiful.


I haven't seen or met Brad Pitt, but I saw him on an interview with Oprah who asked did he grow up getting special advantages because of his looks. Brad said he noticed when he was a kid that he was getting special treatment that his friends weren't getting, because of his looks. He told his mom it wasn't fair. His mom agreed with him and told him that if he wanted to make things more fair use those extra advantages and extra treatment in positive ways to do good things that his friends maybe wouldn't be given the chance to do.

While Brad started of his early career as an actor based in part on his looks, ultimately, he has been using his fame that his gifts helped him to get, to be quite the humanitarian, with all his focus & donations to various charities. He was taught early on the values that he can make a positive difference with his gifts.

 

[Andtototoo]

I don't think this thread is upsetting exactly, but I think it is an odd thing to discuss. Think about it, "My child is so stunning that strangers approach us and prostrate themselves at her feet."

It's bragging about something that is merely a genetic happenstance.

I guess I didn't see it that way.

My perspective starts with my sister who is considerably younger than me. I had been a long, gangly awkward looking kid with straight black hair you could do nothing with (who ended up growing into my body and my looks as a young adult). She was a gorgeous pink-cheeked curly-haired baby, toddler and little girl. My parents treated her differently -- better -- than me in many ways because she was pretty. They said that explicitly and noted that while I HAD to make my own way in the world, my sister could expect people to give her what she wanted because she was "the pretty one". I saw how people reacted to her instinctively and the SOP was to find ways to please her and give her what she wanted. (For an explanation of WHY we do this, I recommend the documentary, The Human Face with John Cleese and Elizabeth Hurley.)

I saw how this reaction to her beauty affected my sister's emotional growth and development. In very negative ways.

So assuming the question was not asked as an excuse to brag, I don't think the question is worthless. In fact, I think it's as useful a parenting question as any others asked on a message board -- how to bring up our children to enable them to be the best PERSON they can be.

 

[Aisling]

I don't think this thread is upsetting exactly, but I think it is an odd thing to discuss. Think about it, "My child is so stunning that strangers approach us and prostrate themselves at her feet."

It's bragging about something that is merely a genetic happenstance.

Strangers don't prostrate themselves at the feet of beautiful kids LOL, but I've been known to do a double take at an exceptionally beautiful child and made a comment to myself or to whoever I was with like "wow did you see that beautiful child?" It is what is is. Just like there are things in nature that made people specifically notice how beautiful it is. I don't see anything wrong with acknowledging an extremely beautiful child. And not all parents of these children brag about it; they just agree with the observation without false modesty.

I am mother of two very average looking children who were taught that true beauty is on the inside, and your character would define who you were as a person.

My sons are average-looking who were taught that there's beauty on the inside, but they also know exceptional physical beauty when they see it and were taught not to feel jealous of these children. Inside beauty is obviously different than physical beauty, and we shouldn't be insecure or afraid to be honest that there are some children more facially beautiful than our children. It doesn't matter in the great scheme of life if our children aren't exceptional in that regard, but we can still recognize extreme beauty when we see it.

As a parent, I know how upsetting and awkward it is to admit even to ourselves when another child is more exceptional than ours in one way or another, but it's ok! Really!

 

[jrmasm]

I'm with you Tinker.I find this thread kind of ridiculous.

 

[kt_mom]

So assuming the question was not asked as an excuse to brag, I don't think the question is worthless. In fact, I think it's as useful a parenting question as any others asked on a message board -- how to bring up our children to enable them to be the best PERSON they can be.

This is my thought exactly. And the OP wasn't even asking or talking about her own child but someone else's.

 

[njmom47]

THEN... my tween stage... omg! Boys used to walk up to me and say "you know you're ugly, right?", and I'd quietly say "yea, I know" and look down, because I KNEW. My nose and eyes grew faster than the rest of my face, add some braces and my mom not really helping me take care of my appearance in any way (my hair, etc)... yikes! When I look back at pics, I feel that pain. THEN I grew into my face again

This was me. I don't think I was a particularly attractive baby at all but had very big eyes that my mom said people would comment on. That pre-teen awkward stage was a killer for me. Boys used to call me "Big Nose" and "Bigfoot" and "Rocky Mountain Chin." A few boys even signed my 7th grade yearbook like that. However, once my awkward stage went past, people would tell me I should model. And yes, I entered a local beauty pagent (came in 2nd). Now as an adult, I feel comfortable with myself...I guess that's something that comes with age. And I don't really care if people think I'm pretty or not. So that is a lesson I try to teach my dd#2...who you are on the inside is important.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I actually do have an exceptionally handsome kid. He was always very cute, but now that he's growing into a man, his features are have become breath-taking. He resembles Leonardo DiCaprio quite a bit--very refined features that are almost "pretty."

I lecture him about respecting girls and not taking advantage of them because that's my biggest concern about his looks. He'll be 15 this summer, and he already gets phone calls from girls at all hours. I've been out and about town, and heard girls from his school whisper there's "HIS mom!" while they gawk at me. It's like he's a local rock star! LOL!

I don't want him to use girls because they are crazy about his looks. I don't blame them for liking him--he is gorgeous. But I worry that it will get him into trouble.

I think there are much worse problems a parent could have, so I see his good looks as a lucky thing in any event.

 

[smb6]

My ds12 is very attractive. He has gotten compliments from the time he was an infant. I have 5 kids and while all babies/children get the occasional compliment; he got them every few minutes as we walked through the stores. He had super curly ringlets of hair and big blue eyes. As he has gotten older; we don't get near as many random comments from strangers- but still more than my other kids do. It seems as if anyone (stranger or friend) talks about my ds for more than a few seconds they mention his looks.
With that said, he is not conceited at all. I do think he is aware he is attractive because of all the compliments, but definately not conceited. He gets a lot of attention from girls (and their moms suprisingly push their dd's on him)- but he is actually not really into girls yet...
With all that said; my issue/concern is my other 4 children whom I obviously find beautiful also.... They see this one sibling get compliment after compliment... not to say they never get compliments, but I'm sure they notice that their one brother gets the most... I worry they will develop a complex or compare theirsevles to the one brother....

 

[golfgal]

I think it comes down to more how the parents react than what others say about a child. I know people that have constantly told their child how pretty they are, worry constantly about every little superficial detail (clothing being just so, hair being just so), etc. and can't understand why they have raised a conceited child (and quite frankly, that child isn't all that good looking). On the other hand, I know plenty of very beautiful children that don't seem to notice their looks because it hasn't been the focus of their life.

I don't see this as being different from having an exceptional athlete or an exceptional student. It's all in how the parents deal with those things.

 

[FergieTCat]

There once was a woman on the DIS who claimed that she was beautiful, her husband was brilliant and her children were beautiful and perfect. I distinctly remember that she managed to fit those facts into all of her posts.

I remember that her downfall was when her perfect daughter was sitting in class and the teacher made a mistake (I think it was History and the teacher made a grammatical error, but I could be wrong). Of course, her perfect daughter would NEVER say anything, but another kid corrected the teacher in front of the class. It digressed into a discussion about subverting the teacher's authority. The OP disappeared shortly after that discussion.

That being said -- this OP reminded me of that woman.

 

[KimR]

Oh, for heaven's sake, it's as though a person can't post anything positive about their child without being accused of bragging. And God forbid anyone mention the G-word. The OP wasn't even talking about her own child - she was referring to someone else's and wondering how the parents dealt with people constantly commenting on the girls' looks. I think it's a valid point of discussion.

All kids have their strengths and weaknesses and I don't see anything wrong with mentioning these things now and again. Now if ALL someone talks about is their beautiful, athletic, talented, popular, well-behaved, gifted child and implies they are better than all the other inferior offspring out there, that's totally different. But I didn't see any of that on this thread.

 

[dngnb8]

Oh, for heaven's sake, it's as though a person can't post anything positive about their child without being accused of bragging. And God forbid anyone mention the G-word. The OP wasn't even talking about her own child - she was referring to someone else's and wondering how the parents dealt with people constantly commenting on the girls' looks. I think it's a valid point of discussion.

All kids have their strengths and weaknesses and I don't see anything wrong with mentioning these things now and again. Now if ALL someone talks about is their beautiful, athletic, talented, popular, well-behaved, gifted child and implies they are better than all the other inferior offspring out there, that's totally different. But I didn't see any of that on this thread.

Bless your heart.

 

[dngnb8]

To heck with the kids.... Im pure Hawtness.

 

[KimR]

Bless your heart.

What? Somehow I get the impression I'm being made fun of but I'm not sure how or why. Anyway, right back atcha!

 

[dngnb8]

What? Somehow I get the impression I'm being made fun of but I'm not sure how or why. Anyway, right back atcha!

There was a thread a while back where that phrase was determined to be condescending.

Im trying to make it the most common DIS phrase for another thread.

 

[KimR]

There was a thread a while back where that phrase was determined to be condescending.

Im trying to make it the most common DIS phrase for another thread.

aawww....bless your heart.

 

[surferdave]

This weekend I'll ask my parents how they handled it.

 

[Kat77]

This weekend I'll ask my parents how they handled it.

Best response!