If you have an exceptionally beautiful child...

[Myothername]

I know we all think our children are cute. My son is a very handsome young man. But we know this child, husband's coworker's grand daughter, who is probably the prettiest little girl we have ever seen. She is 3 and just a beautiful child. Curly blond hair, sky blue eyes, prettier than JonBenet Ramsay without all the makeup and junk type child. Her parents are great people and we love all of them. Everyone who sees this child thinks the same thing.

My question is how do you keep your child from getting conceited. What made me think about this was when we saw the child this weekend I wanted so much to go up to her and say how pretty she looked (she was in a wedding) but then thought she probably hears that every day everywhere she goes. Then I got to thinking if she was my child how would I handle all the compliments and keep the child grounded. What do you think?

 

[mickeyboat]

I know we all think our children are cute. My son is a very handsome young man. But we know this child, husband's coworker's grand daughter, who is probably the prettiest little girl we have ever seen. She is 3 and just a beautiful child. Curly blond hair, sky blue eyes, prettier than JonBenet Ramsay without all the makeup and junk type child. Her parents are great people and we love all of them. Everyone who sees this child thinks the same thing.

My question is how do you keep your child from getting conceited. What made me think about this was when we saw the child this weekend I wanted so much to go up to her and say how pretty she looked (she was in a wedding) but then thought she probably hears that every day everywhere she goes. Then I got to thinking if she was my child how would I handle all the compliments and keep the child grounded. What do you think?

I guess I wouldn't make a big deal about the comments. I would teach her to say thank you and then let the conversation drop there. She doesn't know that every other child in the world doesn't hear the same thing, so until she is older, she shouldn't have any reason to feel conceited.

 

[NY Disney fan]

Nothing wrong with being called pretty but keep the child grounded by having them do chores and working hard like other kids. This is how Hollywood child stars (who didn't end up on drugs) stayed gounded.

 

[KimR]

My oldest DD was very pretty when she was little and I did worry a bit about the same thing. I just stressed the importance of being pretty on the inside...caring about other people, being kind, etc. It backfired, though, because we were out one day and an older gentleman approached her and said 'did you know you are a very pretty little girl?" DD just smiled and said 'Yes, and I'm pretty on the inside too!'. I was so embarrassed and wanted to explain but had no idea how to do so. He got a good chuckle out of it though.

 

[NotUrsula]

For some reason the curly blond hair and blue eyes combo positively hypnotizes people. My DD3 is one of these kids. She also has dimples, so the combination is deadly. Perfect strangers just seem compelled to do and say nice things, and the result isn't particularly good.

She uses people. She's devious as can be, and she knows that the cute factor equals power. She tends to be sugar-sweet with strangers and adults that she knows are easily manipulated, but if you stand your ground and refuse to kowtow to her whims you're in for a firestorm of temper. It is a constant struggle making her understand that she is NOT in charge of her world. (Not easy when we even have the little boys in daycare fighting over who gets to sit next to her at snacktime.)

When she's inclined to be sweet she can make your heart melt, but when she's on a tear she can clear a room in 5 seconds flat. Life is something of an adventure with this kid, and I am SO hoping that part of this is just her age and that she will eventually grow out of it.

PS: FTR, I wouldn't class DD as "exceptionally beautiful", as I don't really think in those terms, but she has a lot of features (such as the curly blond hair and blue eyes and dimples) that a lot of people tend to find appealing, for whatever reason. I think of it as stereotypical "American cute."

 

[Liberty Belle]

I wouldn't say my son, 17, is/was exceptionally beautiful, but he has always been very handsome. People always commented on it (in front of him). Last summer we were at a wedding seeing family that hadn't seen him since he was a baby and lots of people kept commenting on how handsome he is. I asked him if it ever bothered him and he said "Yes!" I also wonder how it makes my 8 year old feel. He's handsome, too, but kind of chunky and just not as "All American" looking as my oldest.

I don't think I've done anything different than if my children were plain. We've just always stressed that appearance is nice and can help get you places, but it's not very important at all.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

It's simple really. In order to counteract all of the praise s/he receives about his/her looks, you simply tell the child, on a daily basis, that s/he is dumber than a bag of rocks. That'll fix 'em, but good!

 

[Robinrs]

It's simple really. In order to counteract all of the praise s/he receives about his/her looks, you simply tell the child, on a daily basis, that s/he is dumber than a bag of rocks. That'll fix 'em, but good!

I really don't find this funny... my ex thought the best way to keep my son from getting a "BIG HEAD" was to drag him down a little...NOT!

Pretty prejudice is WAY more prevalent than ugly prejudice. People will try to drag a pretty person down because of their own insecurities. We as parents, need to hold them UP, not down. Adults may find them adorable but they also have to deal with petty peers..and it can be very ugly.

Conceit is negative, confidence is positive. Both can be results of being "socially attractive". Confidence comes from parents who love and respect you, conceit is a social stigma.

 

[Feralpeg]

Oddly, many attractive people don't see themselves that way. Of course, as a mom, I've always thought my daughter was attractive. She doesn't see herself that way. If we talk about appearance, she always brings up her faults. She thinks she is too fat or too skinny. She doesn't like her hair. She really doesn't like to discuss her appearance. So...

I agree with a previous poster. Try to focus on inner beauty.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

As a pp mentioned, I would stress that it's what's on the inside that matters most. We all know people that are physically beautiful that are mean and shallow. Yuck. And we all know not-so traditionally handsome people that are some of the nicest people you'll meet.

How many of these really beautiful specimens on the outside are actually truly beautiful on the inside, that is the question.

 

[MusiqChic99]

Keep the child grounded in all aspects and looks won't be a big deal.

It's when a parent ONLY focuses on the appearence that I think you would need to worry.

And I dont think there is anything wrong with telling your child that you think they are really pretty/handsome either. It's all about balance.

 

[USAND3KIDS]

I'd probably start by not refferring to her as an exceptionally beautiful child. Theres a lot of ugly "beautiful" people and a lot of beautiful "ugly" people. Why don't you start by teaching her that.

 

[Acklander]

eh, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Over the years I've known many beautiful babies/children who grew up to be unremarkable as well as the occasional ugly duckling who turned into a beautiful swan. When you live with a "beautiful person" day in and day out, you're not spending your entire time going on and on about how beautiful they are (at least I hope the parents aren't LOL) Instead you're just living your day as you normally would with your kids.

 

[Kitzka]

For some reason the curly blond hair and blue eyes combo positively hypnotizes people. My DD3 is one of these kids. She also has dimples, so the combination is deadly. Perfect strangers just seem compelled to do and say nice things, and the result isn't particularly good.

She uses people. She's devious as can be, and she knows that the cute factor equals power. She tends to be sugar-sweet with strangers and adults that she knows are easily manipulated, but if you stand your ground and refuse to kowtow to her whims you're in for a firestorm of temper. It is a constant struggle making her understand that she is NOT in charge of her world. (Not easy when we even have the little boys in daycare fighting over who gets to sit next to her at snacktime.)

When she's inclined to be sweet she can make your heart melt, but when she's on a tear she can clear a room in 5 seconds flat. Life is something of an adventure with this kid, and I am SO hoping that part of this is just her age and that she will eventually grow out of it.

NotUrsula-My daughter is not curly haired and blue eyed but is a blue eyed brown haired biracial child (asian and caucasion). her hair is light brown with gold highlights (DH is white blonde) I always thought with dominate and recessive genes that she would look more like me but she popped out with dark black hair and blue eyes. her hair lightened and her eyes stayed blue.

she is now 12 and people have told her or i for years that she is beautiful. her peers have voted her the most beautiful girl in school (grades k-8) for the last 5 years in a row. she uses this 'charm' and can be the sweetest thing. but as much as DH and I love her and know how beautiful she is we make sure she isn't able to pull one on us. there is some manipulaton but it is mroe subtle than your daughter's. she knows that if we witness it, we will call her out in front of whoever is around. we don't care.

i want to share a funny story the 3 of us were out running errands at a strip mall along a highway. DD was about 6 at the time. SHe and i were walking towards the car when a car pulls up behind us. the woman driving had gotten off the highway to tell me that she noticed how beautiful my daughter was and just had to tell me. she actually said the words "she's so beautiful i can't look at her."

lara

 

[jrmasm]

eh, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Over the years I've known many beautiful babies/children who grew up to be unremarkable as well as the occasional ugly duckling who turned into a beautiful swan. When you live with a "beautiful person" day in and day out, you're not spending your entire time going on and on about how beautiful they are (at least I hope the parents aren't LOL) Instead you're just living your day as you normally would with your kids.

I agree

 

[PigletsPal2]

If you really felt the need to compliment the child, you could have told her what a good job she did in her part of the ceremony (strewing flowers, carrying train or ring, etc,) and that her parents and the bride must be so proud of her. This rewards good behavior and doesn't reflect in any way on how she looks.

Queen Colleen

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

I really don't find this funny... my ex thought the best way to keep my son from getting a "BIG HEAD" was to drag him down a little...NOT!

Pretty prejudice is WAY more prevalent than ugly prejudice. People will try to drag a pretty person down because of their own insecurities. We as parents, need to hold them UP, not down. Adults may find them adorable but they also have to deal with petty peers..and it can be very ugly.

Conceit is negative, confidence is positive. Both can be results of being "socially attractive". Confidence comes from parents who love and respect you, conceit is a social stigma.

It's was a sarcastic answer to a silly question. IMO, the world's eventually tough on everyone, regardless of race, creed, etc. Why in the world would anyone look for answers on how to make a child, be they super pretty, or intelligent, or talented, feel "less than" simply out of a parent's fear of some imagined future conceited behavior? I just don't get it.

Truth is, no one knows what this 3 year old will look like in 10-20 years. Most people I know who were "exceptionally beautiful" toddlers turned out to be exceptionally ordinary teens/adults. It's just the way it is...

 

[Sanchez]

NotUrsula-My daughter is not curly haired and blue eyed but is a blue eyed brown haired biracial child (asian and caucasion). her hair is light brown with gold highlights (DH is white blonde) I always thought with dominate and recessive genes that she would look more like me but she popped out with dark black hair and blue eyes. her hair lightened and her eyes stayed blue.

she is now 12 and people have told her or i for years that she is beautiful. her peers have voted her the most beautiful girl in school (grades k-8) for the last 5 years in a row. she uses this 'charm' and can be the sweetest thing. but as much as DH and I love her and know how beautiful she is we make sure she isn't able to pull one on us. there is some manipulaton but it is mroe subtle than your daughter's. she knows that if we witness it, we will call her out in front of whoever is around. we don't care.

i want to share a funny story the 3 of us were out running errands at a strip mall along a highway. DD was about 6 at the time. SHe and i were walking towards the car when a car pulls up behind us. the woman driving had gotten off the highway to tell me that she noticed how beautiful my daughter was and just had to tell me. she actually said the words "she's so beautiful i can't look at her."

lara

There is an official school vote for the most beautiful girl? What are the other categories?

 

[Kellydelly]

My seven yr old is quite adorable, everyone says so . She knows she's cute too, but that doesn't mean she thinks anyone else is less cute . It's probably more her sparkly personality than her actual looks that make people attracted to her anyway. She's the face in my signature photo .

 

[Jeniferdwn]

I think maybe it's the way children are taught to act. We don't make a big deal over my kids looks and they are pretty children. Of course I think my ds 3 and dd9 are beautiful, but others tell us quite often. DD has such a bad opinion of herself that it's unbelievable, she thinks her hair is ugly, she's too fat, her stomach isn't flat, her legs are too hairy, her hair is stringy, she has tiny tiny little pimples sometimes, these things I hear every day! She is a little stockier than others her age, she has a figure and alot of 9 yr old girls still have little tiny bird legs. She is one of the most popular girls in her classes. I have had to have the teachers and cafeteria staff watch her to make sure she eats because someone called her fatty. She is also one of the sweetest, most unselfish people I know. She looks for something to compliment everyone she talks to. She jumped in a freezing cold, drty, nasty swimming pool to save her little brothers life. She doesn't want anyone to mention it or applaud her for that. She has no self esteem. It breaks my heart to see her think so little of herself!!