If you don't work, what do you tell people you do?

[disneyfans95]

I quit work when I had kids...
when people ask I say I don't earn a living I'm a Mom hardest job there is.

Nope.

Harder job is being a Mom with a full time job. You parent just as well as SAHM, you kids turn out as well and you work full time.

Double the work.

 

[si-am]

If you are confident in your decision to let your husband support you while you stay home with the kids, then there should be no reason to try to hide that fact when someone asks you. Just say you don't "do" anything professionally. You are a SAHM.

If someone is embarrassed to be a SAHM, then maybe they should go back to work.

 

[ols386]

I don't take it as being rude or nosy, they are just trying to start a conversation. I don't think anyone should feel bad about not "earning" a living. I did work for 32 years, now I "stay home" and believe me, it is harder than going to an office every day. There is always something that needs cleaning!

This is how I see it too.

Someone mentioned about going with their dh to an office party and someone asking "what do you do"...I think many times, if you are at some type of social function, people may ask this question just to get a conversation started with someone they don't already know. I suppose there are exceptions to this, but that's how I would take it most of the time.

I've done it myself in social settings. Asked someone what they do, or where they work, simply because I don't know them, and it can get a conversation started.

 

[scrapquitler]

But it struck me that the question of "earning a living" is different from "what's your job" and "what do you do" and other questions like that. It's easy to talk about what I do, as I know I work quite hard. However, I don't get paid for most of it.

I told my husband about the cashier's question and he laughed and said, "You sponge off me!"

I'm a sponge, too.

I've got a VERY part time job, I wouldn't call it 'earning a living' because I'll probably make $2000 this year, and that ain't much for living on here in CT.

When people ask me 'what do you do' I often give a flip answer like "Anything I want" or "I keep our house from imploding on a daily basis". But most of the time I just say "I'm a mom".

If someone asked me the question in the "what do you do to earn a living" way (no one has ever asked like that) I would just say that I am raising children if I didn't feel like giving a sarcastic answer.

But then again, I don't always worry about telling nosy people the truth when they ask intrusive questions that I don't feel like answering, and I don't ever feel a need to justify the answers to those questions when I do decide to answer them truthfully.

 

[mamajo]

This always begs the question from me, what about the Mom's that mom full time AND work? I hate, hate, hate the supposition that I work because I'm "career" oriented as if my family is less important to me but no one EVER considers that I may HAVE to work because together my husband and I make one living wage. I've been working at my "job" 27 years and in our area salaries aren't exactly gold plated. I'm working for the benefits (health insurance) that my husband has never gotten from any employer he's worked for. Career my Aunt Fannie (not flaming anyone here, just saying...)
So, I just want everyone to consider that while stay at home moms are "working" and doing a darn good job, please consider us "have to work" mom's that do it all at home PLUS a full time job. Not looking for awards but just throwing another angle out there. I never ceases to amaze me the amount of people in the world that intimate that I really have a choice.

 

[scrapquitler]

Homeschool. It usually garners amazement or sympathy.

Speaking of homeschool...time to go do that...(and in my defense, the elementary school doesn't start until 9am, so I'm still early.)

I've never had a cashier or anyone like that come out and directly ask.

I have had folks say, "oh, is school out today"--and then I will voluntarily say that we homeschool.

I sometimes tell people that we homeschool when they ask, but I get so tired of all the questions that most of the time I never mention it. If I'm out with my son and I get the "Oh, no school today?" question, I often say something like "We had an early dismissal today" It's none of their business and I don't need to explain myself to strangers in the grocery store.

 

[scrapquitler]

The next time someone asks me what I do for a living, I'm going to say...."As little as possible!"

It's witty, yet stops the conversation dead....what do you say after that...?

I LOVE IT!

 

[KristaTX]

For those of you who have children, just think how it feels when this subject comes up for those of us who DON'T have children but who also don't work outside the home. I recently quit my part-time job, and I hate it when this subject comes up. On top of it all, I hated my chosen college degree and career - being a registered nurse. How dare someone dislike such a "wonderful" occupation?? <insert more feelings of guilt>

This is why I hate going to parties or DH's work functions where there will be people I don't know. The first question any one asks is, "So, what do you do?" It's their way of pigeonholing you into some category and determining your "worth." I hate it.

I don't think that is most people's intention. Maybe some, but not most. But the people your husband works with may not be "most people", depending on what field he is in. But I know what you mean. When it gets to me is when people push push push the subject. I have been put into that position before.

Most are great when I say I stay home and take care of the bills, the taxes, the yard, the grocery shopping, the laundry, the oil changes, the cooking, the cleaning, the ironing, the vet visits, and so on, so that our weekends and evenings are mostly free to do whatever we want. We have been married for 20 years, and we travel quite a bit - more than we would be able to if I had a full-time job. Most people understand that and think it's great. If my husband finds out a few weeks before a business trip that it's to someplace interesting, it is an option for me to go with him and extend it into a little vacation.

But there are those few people who just stare at you and then probe with more questions:

Why don't you become a nurse practitioner?? (They completely miss the part about my dislike of nursing).
Why don't you work in another hospital?? (again - disregarding what I've said)).
Why don't you go back to school??
Why don't you find another job?? There must be something out there that you could do!!

And then there are comments like "You're so lucky to be a 'lady of leisure'", or "What are you doing with all your time?", or "Aren't you bored?". And those comments often come from people who are NOT strangers.

Ugh. I hate it. I hate the questions, and attempts to help me "remedy" the situation. It's not broken, people!!

But I don't mind it when someone simply asks, "What do you do for a living?", listen to my explanation, and leave it at that.

I don't take it as being rude or nosy, they are just trying to start a conversation.

I agree. Most people are just trying to start a conversation and express interest in you. It's like a child asking "What's your favorite color?".

It's funny, but when I worked I never was offended by the question. Someone was just curious, no big deal. However, when I stopped working and was staying home with my kids, I dreaded that question, and yes I was probably a little offended, but really why? If it didn't offend me when I worked, than it really shouldn't offend me when I stayed home with the kids. I think I was just really self-conscious about the fact that I couldn't say I had an outside regular job; which in hindsight was really stupid, because I honestly "worked" and did much more as a stay at home mom, than I did at my job.

I think that is a good point. While intellectually I know that what I am doing is right for me and for my husband at this point in our lives and marriage, I hate that I sometimes feel ashamed or guilty when the subject comes up .

 

[ZuZugal]

I recently told my DH that i should be paid $100/hr for the work that I do for him and our family in general. I told him no one would ever take care of any of them the way I do. Sure he could find someone to do the cooking and laundry and run the kids everywhere, but would that person love his kids the way I do, and stay up late signing school papers, packing lunches, take a phone call from his mom at 10:30 at night, AND be the manager for all of the teams he coaches??

He was without words, and that does not happen often.

I respect moms that work outside of the home and moms that stay home and work taking care of their families. Just being a mom is hard work, no matter what else you add in!!

 

[The Orchid]

This is a very painful topic for me because I am on disability. I have several autoimmune conditions that are pretty much invisible to inquisitive people. Most people are kind and understanding, but some are not. My partner is in a very high income level and some of her peers see me as healthy and taking advantage of her (unless the neurological aspect of my disease is flared up, then they just assume I am a drunk when I stumble around and slur my words). It's very hard for me because I struggle with feelings of worthlessness a lot, as I'm sure many people on disability do. I do accomplish things, though I do not earn a living. On my good days I tend to the house and cook dinner and other things, but on bad days I may be in bed all day on strong pain meds. It's not the life I asked for and I did everything you are supposed to do. I spent eight years in college and worked only a few years before getting sick. I took care of my health...never smoked, rarely drank, did not use drugs, and ate healthy. But I got sick anyway and sometimes I feel guilty for it.

Anyway, I never know how to answer that question and always dread it. But I have to admit, I LOVE this answer:

I just say I stay home with my kids. One time some jerk asked in a really snotty way "What do you do all day." I told him 'I lie on the couch, watch soaps, eat bon-bons and when I get really bored..I have s*x with the UPS man." That shut him right up.

 

[scrapquitler]

This always begs the question from me, what about the Mom's that mom full time AND work? I hate, hate, hate the supposition that I work because I'm "career" oriented as if my family is less important to me but no one EVER considers that I may HAVE to work because together my husband and I make one living wage. I've been working at my "job" 27 years and in our area salaries aren't exactly gold plated. I'm working for the benefits (health insurance) that my husband has never gotten from any employer he's worked for. Career my Aunt Fannie (not flaming anyone here, just saying...)
So, I just want everyone to consider that while stay at home moms are "working" and doing a darn good job, please consider us "have to work" mom's that do it all at home PLUS a full time job. Not looking for awards but just throwing another angle out there. I never ceases to amaze me the amount of people in the world that intimate that I really have a choice.

You are correct. I could NEVER work full time and be able to do all the kid stuff and house stuff, you Mom's who work amaze me. You must be better organized that me or something. I had to cut back my very part time job because it was too much for my family, now I only work 2 shifts a month, and even that can be too much for my schedule. Can't imagine doing it all with a full time job!

 

[Planogirl]

For those of you who have children, just think how it feels when this subject comes up for those of us who DON'T have children but who also don't work outside the home. I recently quit my part-time job, and I hate it when this subject comes up. On top of it all, I hated my chosen college degree and career - being a registered nurse. How dare someone dislike such a "wonderful" occupation?? <insert more feelings of guilt>

I might be about to deal with the same thing.

My current job has just about pushed me to the edge and even my work is suffering because of it. I hate my job passionately!

We can soon afford for me to quit and I hope to find something else but it's not easy in this economy. I feel guilty and a bit ashamed and worried all at the same time. If someone asks me, I might just fall apart.

 

[traviesojmt]

If you are confident in your decision to let your husband support you while you stay home with the kids, then there should be no reason to try to hide that fact when someone asks you. Just say you don't "do" anything professionally. You are a SAHM.

If someone is embarrassed to be a SAHM, then maybe they should go back to work.

I have never understood why this is an issue with people. I am a very happy SAHM. I am very fortunate that my DH works very hard so that I can stay home. I have no problem when people ask me what I do for a living. I don't feel the need to get into semantics regarding how hard I "work". I do not work outside the home. It is not my job nor do I feel a need to convince anyone how hard I "work" at home either. Do I stay busy? Most of the time, yes. However, I have no problem confessing to anyone who wants to know, that I also enjoy being able to do nothing if I feel like it. I am comfortable with the choices our family has made and no one will make me feel less because it is not what they would do.

Asking what someone does for a living is just a conversation starter, most of the time. The easiest answer is always the simple truth. I don't work outside of the home. If they then want to imagine my lazy tail sitting at home doing nothing, that is no skin off my nose.

 

[disneychic2]

I was an x-tay technician before I had kids. I loved that job as I worked primarily in the ER and OR and every day was different. But trading that in for motherhood was what I wanted and I've never been sorry.

I'm an empty nester now and still do not work outside the home. I either tell people I'm a Domestic Goddess or I'm a professional volunteer. Both of which are true.

DH and I have flipped houses together and when the economy gets healthier will probably do more of that. Meanwhile, I am available for others who have a need.

 

[castleview]

I just tell people I'm home with the kids right now. Not that hard to do.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I would tilt my head slightly and say, "Why do you ask?" because it's really none of their business and they are only asking because they are nosy.

This.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

For those of you who have children, just think how it feels when this subject comes up for those of us who DON'T have children but who also don't work outside the home. I recently quit my part-time job, and I hate it when this subject comes up. On top of it all, I hated my chosen college degree and career - being a registered nurse. How dare someone dislike such a "wonderful" occupation?? <insert more feelings of guilt>

I've been a SAHM for most of the last 23 years (VERY part-time when I did work outside the home) and all of the last 15 or so. My youngest is going off to college in September, and I've got that "can I be a SAHM without a SAHKid??" feeling. I don't know.

I also hated my chosen college degree and prior career...business/accounting. I'd never go back. And as much as I admire nurses, I don't blame you for not wanting to do it, or any other career, if it's just not you. My nephew was offered a movie role (he had been modeling) when he was a teenager, and he turned it down; everyone told him he was missing out on a "wonderful opportunity", but it's not a wonderful opportunity if it's one you have no interest in. (And people from the spelling/word usage thread...I know I ended that sentence with a preposition, but I don't care. )

 

[KimR]

I'm surprised this is such an issue. I do have a paying job; however, I can't remember the last time someone asked what I did for a living and I can honestly say I've NEVER had a cashier ask me that question. It's just something that doesn't come up that often, at least for me. Funny, though, now that I think of it, most of the people I know probably don't even realize that I work.

 

[KristaTX]

I might be about to deal with the same thing.

My current job has just about pushed me to the edge and even my work is suffering because of it. I hate my job passionately!

We can soon afford for me to quit and I hope to find something else but it's not easy in this economy. I feel guilty and a bit ashamed and worried all at the same time. If someone asks me, I might just fall apart.

That is the kind of uncalled for guilt/shame that I sometimes feel when people do the pushing thing. Maybe we'll have to get together, and then we have another thing that we can say we "do" .

Oh yeah - "People" is another important "activity" I left off. Because I am not working full-time or even at all right now, I am able to spend a great deal of time with my parents who live about 30 minutes away. That is soooo important to me, especially as I see us all getting older. I also have time to get together with friends during the day, although lately I haven't done enough of that.

My nephew was offered a movie role (he had been modeling) when he was a teenager, and he turned it down; everyone told him he was missing out on a "wonderful opportunity", but it's not a wonderful opportunity if it's one you have no interest in.

That is so very true.

 

[NikitaZee]

I tell them I stay home with my kids. No big deal to me. I don't get offended that I'm asked, or think that the 'asker' had an ulterior motive or condescending attitude for asking. If the conversation turned in that direction, I'd have more to say. But just the question itself? No problem - ask away.