If you didnt work

[surfgirl]

I would be angry! Why bother getting an education if you are not going to use it? Please, I am not using my Ed degrees to stay home and help my kids with their homework . I could have done that without them.

Sometimes life changes and your original plans (made at age 21) don't work out and you adjust.

I got my MBA... it paid for itself in about 2 1/2 years (yes, my salary increased that much). I was in a high pressure, many hours job. When kids came and my husband started traveling 3-4 nights/week for work, I stopped working. I didn't think it was fair to a kid to be in daycare 7am-7pm daily, so we made changes.

Did I plan on quitting? No.
Did my education "go to waste"? No. I used it, it paid off.
Do I use it now? Not directly, but it indirectly made me the person I am.

I view my role in life to keep the household running, the kids happy, and the traveling spouse grounded. I am the glue that keeps our house together, the rock that holds us from flying away, and WD40 that keeps us moving in the right direction.

ymmv.

 

[surfgirl]

Well i just hope my daughter follows her dreams and has a career that she loves and wont want to give up to stay home with the kids! I will be available to take care of them while she works-it would be my pleasure to watch my grandkids-

Is there something wrong with staying home with kids? Maybe that IS her dream?


Not everyone has grandparents who can (or want to ) watch young ones. And honestly, I've seen some kids who've been 'watched' by grandparents and they are behind at K level. Not all grandparents are created equal.

 

[furb & dez]

You must have a very small house, or an apartment, if it takes you so little time to clean it. It takes me a couple of hours or more just to clean the floors, say nothing about window washing. That job alone would take all day to do inside and out.

1800 sq.ft. ranch style house, with front yard, driveway, back yard, solarium, and pool.

The simple expedient of cleaning things up when they occur and not leaving crap everywhere works wonders, too. One minute to vacuum the kitchen with the hand-vac after a messy meal, and one minute to wipe off the counters cuts down on a lot of drudge work on cleaning day.

I really don't see how anyone can claim cleaning takes so long. If you're letting it get dirty and leaving it that way for days at a time, I can see why, but otherwise quick maintenance on a daily basis saves so much time it's amazing.

 

[pixiewings71]

Even when you aren't working you still work. Things still need to be done so you still work. When I wasn't working I made a good home cooked meal every day, I baked, I cleaned the house (it was so clean when I wasn't working lol), I crafted, all things I still do but when I wasn't working I had more time for them. I also took the kids to school, picked them up, went to the library and did all the shopping and errands during the week. I liked that we had our weekends to do fun stuff instead of just errands all the time. lol

 

[aprilgail2]

Is there something wrong with staying home with kids? Maybe that IS her dream?


Not everyone has grandparents who can (or want to ) watch young ones. And honestly, I've seen some kids who've been 'watched' by grandparents and they are behind at K level. Not all grandparents are created equal.

Just because they are watched by the grandparents doesn't mean they don't go to preschool like every other child.
Up to now when my daughter talks about her future there has never once been a "I want to stay home and not work and take care of the kids" in there. If she wants to do that then fine but don't waste 100,000+ on college if that is what you want to do.

 

[SaraJayne]

Just because they are watched by the grandparents doesn't mean they don't go to preschool like every other child.
Up to now when my daughter talks about her future there has never once been a "I want to stay home and not work and take care of the kids" in there. If she wants to do that then fine but don't waste 100,000+ on college if that is what you want to do.

Up until the time I decided to stay home (due to circumstances at the time), it was never part of my future, either.

Life happens, plans change. And I didn't waste $100,000 on college, either. That is a ridiculous amount of money to spend on a four year degree. My BA wasn't anywhere near that (earned after I became a wife and mother).

 

[mhsjax]

Well i just hope my daughter follows her dreams and has a career that she loves and wont want to give up to stay home with the kids! I will be available to take care of them while she works-it would be my pleasure to watch my grandkids-

This is where you and I differ, I raised my kids, I will be done raising kids by then. I have told all of my kids that I will not watch their kids while they work. Not my job and not my pleasure. I will babysit, but I am not a daycare. Their kids, their responsibility.

 

[mhsjax]

1800 sq.ft. ranch style house, with front yard, driveway, back yard, solarium, and pool.

The simple expedient of cleaning things up when they occur and not leaving crap everywhere works wonders, too. One minute to vacuum the kitchen with the hand-vac after a messy meal, and one minute to wipe off the counters cuts down on a lot of drudge work on cleaning day.

I really don't see how anyone can claim cleaning takes so long. If you're letting it get dirty and leaving it that way for days at a time, I can see why, but otherwise quick maintenance on a daily basis saves so much time it's amazing.

You do seem to have all the answers. How many kids do you have?

 

[disykat]

Is there something wrong with staying home with kids? Maybe that IS her dream?


.

It always seems to come down to that. Some people thing there IS something wrong with it. It's not about every woman getting to make a choice or have her dream, it's about everyone's choice/dream being what that person thinks it should be.

It always amazes me on the DIS that the people most likely to make stepford wives type accusations are the first people to think that there is only one path for everyone. Why can't we just celebrate the ability to make our own choices and have open minds about what other people choose to do?

 

[Princess on the Run]

It always seems to come down to that. Some people thing there IS something wrong with it. It's not about every woman getting to make a choice or have her dream, it's about everyone's choice/dream being what that person thinks it should be.

It always amazes me on the DIS that the people most likely to make stepford wives type accusations are the first people to think that there is only one path for everyone. Why can't we just celebrate the ability to make our own choices and have open minds about what other people choose to do?

Because the minute you mention a paycheck, SAHMs get defensive. And the minute you mention daycare, working moms get defensive. And it would save everyone a lot of time and hurt feelings if we all just did our thing and didn't worry so much about what others do or think about it.

What makes sense for me may not make sense for someone else. What motivates and fulfills me may not be the same as someone else. What I consider wasteful, others might think was valuable. Does it matter in the long run if I think someone wasted her time and money on college or if she thinks I am a crap mom because I have a nanny? Nope. It isn't going to make either of us change our lives nor should it.

 

[esk]

I have always wondered....when did the Mommy Wars begin?

When Rosie the Riveter went to work in the factories and left her kids with someone else, did every get upset about it? When Queen Elizabeth had her children raised by nannies, did everyone get upset about it?

I don't remember this being an issue when I was growing up (70s/80s)....I knew kids whose Mom worked and kids whose Mom didn't and nobody talked about it one way or another. Why are we so judgemental and defensive about it NOW? (and by now I mean in at least the 12 years since I had my first child)

 

[aprilgail2]

Because the minute you mention a paycheck, SAHMs get defensive. And the minute you mention daycare, working moms get defensive. .

Actually what gets me is when SAHM's say " I work 24/7 cleaning the house, cooking, running errands etc"-- I am sure they do BUT moms that work outside the homes do all that too- we just do it in the evening or on weekends but we do all the same things PLUS work outside the home so the 24/7 thing to me is ********. When someone chooses to be totally dependant on someone elses paycheck and then ends up getting divorced it never ends well for that mom-I just would never leave myself in that potential position and I will always encourage my child not to either.

 

[dogluva]

You picked the wrong career then. Thankfully, I did not. I also have a lot of time off since I am a teacher. Best of both worlds I guess.

 

[dogluva]

Fine follow the dream then . You just don't need a 100000 degree to stay home.

 

[dogluva]

I do those things too. Working mothers kids can be happy too . And why is it that the woman has to stay home?

 

[dogluva]

I agree. I can't imagine cleaning all that time. And the whole "volunteering" thing". I don't know a single stat at home mother who volunteers personally. However, I teach CCD on Sundays in my daughter's class." I, personally, cannot understand why anyone would stay home who heir kids are in school all day. I have Dix kids and there is not enough cleaning to do all day even with that amount!

 

[furb & dez]

You do seem to have all the answers. How many kids do you have?

My kids are grown. My house was clean back then, too (with both of us working).

I agree. I can't imagine cleaning all that time. And the whole "volunteering" thing". I don't know a single stat at home mother who volunteers personally. However, I teach CCD on Sundays in my daughter's class." I, personally, cannot understand why anyone would stay home who heir kids are in school all day. I have Dix kids and there is not enough cleaning to do all day even with that amount!

Volunteering == watching trashy TV shows and Facebooking?

 

[*JoGo*]

I never planned to work, but an opportunity came up, we needed the money, so I took it. My kids were in school/preschool. I did that for five years until my hours were cut and cut and I quit. My dh said take the year off and do what I want, figure out if I want to keep working, not work, school, whatever. I'm almost 3 months in and I am not enjoying it. I got more done when I was working!! It has been a real struggle. Part of it is I'm a procrastinator and not good at self-motivation. I put things off because I can. Some weeks fill themselves up with dr appt, babysitting (not paid, diff thread for diff day ), etc... But my house is still cluttered, we are still eating frozen foods, there is still dirty laundry....

 

[Buckalew11]

I've worked the same job since I was 18 so next June it'll be 30 years. I only work PT and for the last 18 years I have worked out of my house. In general I only work 3 days a week.

I really like working PT on my own terms. I can take off when I want to take off although I keep my clients in mind when I take off.

When I took off 18 years ago for 7 weeks maternity leave, I thought I'd go crazy not working! I was shocked by my feelings and I actually cut hair at home (before I put my shop in) so I could keep my sanity.

However, now as I approach 30 years, I'm thinking I'd like to stop working (or maybe just this job, lol). I think I could stand it. But then again, maybe not. There are a few jobs I'm interested in doing just for fun.

Not sure I will ever find out...

 

[mefordis]

I agree. I can't imagine cleaning all that time. And the whole "volunteering" thing". I don't know a single stat at home mother who volunteers personally. However, I teach CCD on Sundays in my daughter's class." I, personally, cannot understand why anyone would stay home who heir kids are in school all day. I have Dix kids and there is not enough cleaning to do all day even with that amount!

I know a lot of moms who volunteer at their kid's school.

Kids are in school until 2:30 / 3:00. Most jobs are 9-5pm or later. Most bosses don't want to see you running out at 5pm, at least in the jobs I have had.

The biggest perk of not working is not having to trust a stranger to care for my kids and drive them to their activities. I get complete control.

I have nothing bad to say about moms who choose to work. I feel bad for those who want to stay home but cannot due to financial reasons.