if you bust your teen drinking

[Pam]

Oops ... went back and found your second post where you found your son at his boss's house. I personally would be pretty peeved at the boss if he let your son spend the night there. And if the boss served alcohol to minors - that's pretty stupid on his part as he could be arrested for furnishing alcohol to minors.

 

[Tiggeroo]

boss' house turned out to be a duplex. He rents the bottom floor to employees.

 

[stacilee]

mother of 4 here, ages 19,13,9,and 7. My hear goes out to you.
First of all, I am so happy for you that your son is safe! We have been through similar experiences with our oldest, although drinking was not the problem- spending the night with his girlfriend was! I too have been out all night driving around looking for my son. When I finally found his car and her house her mother was out of town and they would not answer the door or the telephone. I was boiling mad. I finally had to just go home and wait. We waited up all night and into the morning.
Later someone suggested to me that we should have taken the spare keys we had to his car (OUR car, he was given permission to drive it) and taken the car without telling him. Kind of leave him a little surprise for in the morning. I still wish I had done that.


YES, confront the boss. Your child is a minor and the "Tip jar" is innaprpriate and unprofessional. Just by having it, it could be construed that the owner is contributing to the delinquency of minors.

Yes, think before you speak. I am the one that tends to go off, (it's the Irish in me) My DH on the other hand is very calm and sure of himself and thinks in very practical terms. Later, I am always mad at myself for letting my anger get in the way.
I like that prev. poster who said her dad would take a week to decide on a punishment.

Consider this as part of his punishment: Contact your local Mothers Against Drunk Drivers chapter and "fine him" by having him do a certain number of hours volunteer work for them. Sometimes kids learn better from outside experiences than by just listening to what we say "could have happened" because you KNOW that they think THEY are INVINCIBLE, and that NOTHING bad is EVER going to happen to THEM!

 

[minniecarousel]

I am still amazed that the over-21 crowd would risk giving booze to a minor. Don't they know the risks? When our younger DS worked a summer at a place that held picnics, he hung around and had a beer (or two) with the older guys he worked with. I smelled it on his breath when he got home. Needless to say, he didn't go out that evening! For some reason, he's so much smarter now that he is over 21! (he's admitted that he won't need to buy beer for the keggers in his apt complex at college - he said there are plenty of others to do that!)

I wish I knew the answer to the question regarding punishment. It sounds like he'll get the message - I'd let him finish out the week at work, but his social life would be NIL until school starts. He abused your level of tolerance. But, of course, you need to continue to let him know that he can call you rather than ever drive after drinking or get into a car with someone who has.

 

[Lewisc]

I'm sure I'll get flamed. In a few week your son will be away in college. You won't know how late he stays out. Chances are he'll be at parties in which there will be some underage drinking. Many (most?) college students drink. The important thing is they don't drink and drive.

I'm not sure an end of the summer late night (or even all night) party for the employees is the end of the world.

The BIGGEST PROBLEM to me is the lying and the worrying you went through.

I wonder why he didn't just say the people from work are having an end of the season party? If it runs late I may just crash in their apartment rather than driving home late when I'm tired. It's hard to be definitive without knowing his co-workers but unless they were criminals, drug dealers or drug users I'd hope that you would have agreed. It sounds to me like he came up with a "cover story" so you wouldn't worry.

I'm not really sure why drinking is the only activity that you have to be 21. Allowing college students to legally drink might stop some of the binge party drinking that goes on.

 

[Tiggeroo]

Lewisc, My son is just entering his sr. year of high school so he has nearly a year til college. And he is a young sr., just turned 17yo. I don't think the drinking age should be 21. And I know he'll be around alot of drinking opportunities at college. I wouldn't have let him stay over because these aren't people he hangs with. And I won't turn a blind eye to him drinking at 17. But like I said before, if he came home after having a few too many my reaction would have been alot different. The biggest problem is the worry he caused me. They only live a block from my house. I imagine his coworkers are typical college kids. My concern is my son is bit too young for this. And there was some driving involved.

 

[Trish Bessette]

Not only is he too young to be drinking, but the older guys could be prosecuted for serving a minor alcohol.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Is there a legal drinking age of 21 across the country, or is it state by state? Somewhere on the first page I believe, OP said something about DS making an adult decision to drink. He's just barely 17! That's not an adult decision he made. More like peer pressure.

PJ...I agree with your post completely. I'd definitely have him leaving that job now and putting in a week of full time hours at MADD. Car, computer, TV, and the rest would be gone at least 2 weeks. What worry your son caused you!! Not to mention underage drinking.

Glad he turned up okay.

 

[mudnuri]

I dont have any words of encourangement to offer you, however I want to wish you the best in whatever comes from this.

I find it very hard to offer advice, as I've never been in the situation myself, though I'm sure eventually one of my DD's will do this. I could say "ground him" "kill him" etc... but without being in it, I cant really say...

Good luck to you!

Brandy

 

[Lewisc]

Originally posted by Tiggeroo
Lewisc, My son is just entering his sr. year of high school so he has nearly a year til college. And he is a young sr., just turned 17yo. I don't think the drinking age should be 21. And I know he'll be around alot of drinking opportunities at college. I wouldn't have let him stay over because these aren't people he hangs with. And I won't turn a blind eye to him drinking at 17. But like I said before, if he came home after having a few too many my reaction would have been alot different. The biggest problem is the worry he caused me. They only live a block from my house. I imagine his coworkers are typical college kids. My concern is my son is bit too young for this. And there was some driving involved.

I must of misread one your posts, I thought he had graduated HS and was about to go away to college. Even if he doesn't normally hang out with those people an end of the season employee party really isn't bad. NOT TELLING YOU WHERE HE IS would be a problem with me.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

something like this happened with my brother last year...we both live at home (im almost 20, joe is 18 now)..this was when he was 17....he told my parents he was sleeping at a friends house "bob"..bob told his parents he was sleeping at our house...my mom heard a message on the machine asking if joe was going ot the party--somehow she figured out what house it was and drove by....joes car was there...her and my dad went over , knocked on the door..just walked in and saw a huge party going on..they took joe and bob and left...joe got grounded for a couple of weeks ..thast all i remember....

 

[Blueeyes101817]

sorry for the double post..but good luck