If you are a step-parent....

[Pooh Crew]

I do love my step daughter dearly, but it's more the way I would love a sibling or other close family member than the way I love our other children. BUT the reason for that is that she has a mother--a good mother who loves her and is a part of her life. I could never replace her mother (and would never try to do so), so all her life I have told her that my goal was simply to be a positive influence in her life. Dh and her mother were able to effectively co-parent her even though both were remarried from the time she was 3. We have shared custody and lived close enough that she stayed pretty much where she wanted until high school (the hs in our district is better) and then she lived exclusively with us, but visited her mom often.

She is now a beautiful 20 yr old and is away at college. We talk several times a week and text pretty much daily. We've always gotten along amazingly and have never had a fight.

On the other hand, I am my other children's only mother. They are dependent upon me in a way that my step daughter never was. That's the only differing factor in how I view my love for them and my love for her. Does that make sense???


I will add that she is not at all close to her step dad, but that's because he always tried to exhibit more authority than he should have. He never just let her mother handle things--he always had to put in his two cents and she resents him for that.

And just for the record, I didn't read the other thread either.

 

[wvdisluv2]

I do love my step daughter dearly, but it's more the way I would love a sibling or other close family member than the way I love our other children. BUT the reason for that is that she has a mother--a good mother who loves her and is a part of her life. I could never replace her mother (and would never try to do so), so all her life I have told her that my goal was simply to be a positive influence in her life. Dh and her mother were able to effectively co-parent her even though both were remarried from the time she was 3. We have shared custody and lived close enough that she stayed pretty much where she wanted until high school (the hs in our district is better) and then she lived exclusively with us, but visited her mom often.

She is now a beautiful 20 yr old and is away at college. We talk several times a week and text pretty much daily. We've always gotten along amazingly and have never had a fight.

On the other hand, I am my other children's only mother. They are dependent upon me in a way that my step daughter never was. That's the only differing factor in how I view my love for them and my love for her. Does that make sense???


I will add that she is not at all close to her step dad, but that's because he always tried to exhibit more authority than he should have. He never just let her mother handle things--he always had to put in his two cents and she resents him for that.

And just for the record, I didn't read the other thread either.

This is VERY much like the relationship I had with my step-son (we lost him in a car accident in 2002 ) We were only 13 years apart in age though and often acted more like brother/sister )I was his "step-monster" (lovingly) for 10 yrs.

My husband and I are both lucky to have good relationships with our ex's and my husband tries to be a "positive influence" in my son's life~he is almost 19. (He realizes and respects that he has a very involved/good Dad) I am lucky to be a part of my step-grandaughter's life (she is almost 9) and am thankful every day.

 

[Pooh Crew]

This is VERY much like the relationship I had with my step-son (we lost him in a car accident in 2002 ) We were only 13 years apart in age though and often acted more like brother/sister )I was his "step-monster" (lovingly) for 10 yrs.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. That would be devastating.

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

I love my step-daughter dearly. It's not the same love I feel for my own children but only because she's not here very often. Her mother moved across the country with her 6 years ago, so we only have her during the summer and on school holidays.

If she lived with us, I'm certain it wouldn't be long until that love was no different. When she comes in the summers, by the time she leaves, I'm a bawling mess.