If the invite does not say siblings welcome...leave them at home!!!

[DanceswithDisney]

Took my kiddo to a friend's birthday party at an outdoor horseback riding, sledding, ziplining place. Some woman showed up with the kid's classmate and three younger siblings!

This was a pay per child place and I learned the mom had not bothered to RSVP nor call to ask about siblings. She caused quite the scene and didn't offer to pay for the extra kids and loudly complained there were no favor bags for her kids. (These are older kids and no one received a favor bag!)

I know they say to be careful judging as you don't know what struggle another is going through, but geez! It was hard enough on the parents trying to do something special for a kid born the day after Christmas but JUST WOW!

 

[bsblady01]

wow. what is wrong with people

 

[NHdisneylover]

I'll judge--sounds like she was totally out of line, The parents of the birthday child would have been fully within their rights to tell her the little ones could not come (or even that none could come since she had not RSVPd and they had probably ad to give a number to the horse place) and stick to it--instead they were kind enough to allow all the kids to stay, pay fr it, and have little ones detracting from the older kids' fun and the women still threw a fit over goody bags?!?!?!

I really feel sorry for the birthday family and for that women's kids---I bet they get invited to fewer and fewer parties over time if she pulls this kind of stunt where others see----word gets around and no one else wants to deal with such things.

 

[cijay]

I'll judge, too! The host mother should have said "nice to see you kidA, nice for your mum to bring B, C and D along. It's quite expensive so it's great that she would pay for all of you."

 

[MommyinHonduras]

I am totally sorry for those kids. Ses mom is quite the embarrassment. If they are older kids I am sure he/she caught on to the awkwardness that took place.


I live where if you invite people to a birthday party they bring along their neighbors cousin too, ya know, free food? Unfortunately that means we have several friends we no longer invite. As a mom of 9, not knowing howany will show for each invite leads to less invites unfortunately. It also means when we as a family receive an invite I alwaysbtjank them and kindly refuse saying 11 is quite a challenge to get to a party, if they insist that is not a problem, we will accept if we are able.

If your kid is friends with that mom's kid. Have them share how to talk to their mom about going to future parties without the siblings so to not alienate him/her if possible.

 

[Jennasis]

This has happened to me a few times. I often host horseback riding birthday parties here at my farm. Inevitably, some guest will show up with their little sister or horse crazy cousin in tow. The answer is always the same from me. "Sorry. no can do." I plan carefully to have the correct number of employees to help me with the party, as well as the correct number of horses saddled. Added bodies are a no-no in my book. Plus, if the hanger-on is not a direct family member then there is no way for me to get a parental permission form signed. Bonus: I have an age limit!

It's presumptuous and rude.

 

[DawnM]

Wow!

In our circles when we homeschooled, parties typically said, "siblings welcome" but that was the nature of hanging out with homeschoolers, moms couldn't leave the kids at home and the parties were during the school day typically.

Now that my kids are older, (one starting community college in January and the second in a local charter high school) we are getting more and more invites that don't include siblings and I am actually liking it a lot......each child has his own set of friends, not contrived from "our families hang out." And the parties are more than just "hang out in the park with a cake" or "come to our house for lunch and running around in the backyard."

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

For DD#2's birthday one year, we did a big party at our house...school was newly out, yay summer! Invited all her classmates (and all of them came, oiy)...and one brought along her 4 sisters, ranging from one year younger than the classmate to a toddler. Mom let them walk to the party (across a very busy road, with only a stop sign) from their place in the cul-de-sac up the road. Yeah, that was fun. I ended up entertaining the 2 year old and toddler, and let the 2nd, 1st and K girls participate in the party. I had some extra stuff for goodie bags (although not everything) and when it was over, DH walked them home.

They kept showing up at the house for the week, every day, and would spend the whole day. No food, no diapers for the toddler, no parent. I finally caught the parent at home (DH would drive them home when he got off work, no carseats, trying to catch a parent, and no one would ever be home) on the weekend, and told her that if she wanted me to watch her kids, it wasn't a problem (I was a SAHM and DD was cool with having her friend over) but that she needed to send diapers and at least some snacks, or give me some cash and I'd pick up food and diapers for them. She stopped letting them come over.

I did talk to my friend's boyfriend, who was a state trooper, about them after the 2nd time they were at our place, and no one at home when it was time to go; and he contacted social services right away, but they were very slow to do anything (small town, mostly American Indians, near a reservation; white kids being left alone, no one cares). That August, none of them were in DD's school; I have no idea what happened to them.

 

[mom2rtk]

For DD#2's birthday one year, we did a big party at our house...school was newly out, yay summer! Invited all her classmates (and all of them came, oiy)...and one brought along her 4 sisters, ranging from one year younger than the classmate to a toddler. Mom let them walk to the party (across a very busy road, with only a stop sign) from their place in the cul-de-sac up the road. Yeah, that was fun. I ended up entertaining the 2 year old and toddler, and let the 2nd, 1st and K girls participate in the party. I had some extra stuff for goodie bags (although not everything) and when it was over, DH walked them home.

They kept showing up at the house for the week, every day, and would spend the whole day. No food, no diapers for the toddler, no parent. I finally caught the parent at home (DH would drive them home when he got off work, no carseats, trying to catch a parent, and no one would ever be home) on the weekend, and told her that if she wanted me to watch her kids, it wasn't a problem (I was a SAHM and DD was cool with having her friend over) but that she needed to send diapers and at least some snacks, or give me some cash and I'd pick up food and diapers for them. She stopped letting them come over.

I did talk to my friend's boyfriend, who was a state trooper, about them after the 2nd time they were at our place, and no one at home when it was time to go; and he contacted social services right away, but they were very slow to do anything (small town, mostly American Indians, near a reservation; white kids being left alone, no one cares). That August, none of them were in DD's school; I have no idea what happened to them.

You're a better person than me. I would not have asked for a few dollars to buy diapers and food for the kids. I would have quoted her the going rate for day care.

 

[DanceswithDisney]

We never assumed that siblings were invited if the invite was addressed to the child. I don't know why anyone would think differently.

 

[Cantw8]

rude and classless behavior but not unexpected in the new "snowflake" world

 

[anniemae]

Yeah, totally rude to not rsvp OR ask if she could bring siblings. I have noticed that many many people bring siblings along to birthday parties here. I NEVER do because I think it's rude. But I constantly see people at birthday parties with sibling in tow. Once in a while an invitation will state "siblings welcome!" but unless that is on the invite, I always assume it's just the one child invited.

 

[LilyWDW]

We never assumed that siblings were invited if the invite was addressed to the child. I don't know why anyone would think differently.

That's because you are intelligent and understand etiquette. Other people don't and expect people to just bend over backwards for them.

 

[awalker1015]

Totally rude. Admittedly when my kids were to young to be left at a party without a parent staying, I invariably has challenges with what to do with the other child. I always contacted the party host and asked if it was ok to bring my other child and let them know upfront I would cover the costs. Usually it was never and issue and the one time it was I just regretted the party no big deal.

 

[BellsFam]

DD had a "Inside Out" movie party, invite was a "movie ticket" with the individual child's name on it, which each kid brought to the theater on the date, DD invited a girl and her brother, because she's friends with both, and both got a separate invitation. The party package included an hour before the movie in a party room, and popcorn and drink for all kids included.

Some of the other brothers/sisters showed up after the room party to watch the movie, but all who stayed paid for their own movie/food. The theater was nice enough to let us all save seats to sit together though...

 

[Jhaberlein]

It's similar where we live. Siblings and parents just show up as well, stay, eat, have cake/ice cream. I'm a transplant from another area and most of the "social etiquette" around here appalls me. But for us, unless the invite includes the names of all three of my stepsons, only the classmate/friend goes. We had a swim party for their bdays last year (twins and their brother; bdays are 2 days apart). A girl from the twins class who did not rsvp brought a friend! Theres no way DH would let one of the boys go to a bday party with their friend if they hadn't received an invite themselves. Grandmother brought them, and she was completely in the dark. I usually have to double/triple the actual number of invited when planning. And, if when people rsvp'd we clarified no siblings... We'd be the rude family in town.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I can't say I've ever seen this happen, thankfully.

Now, because we live in a rural area, it's not unusual for parties "in town" at places like the skating rink for Mom to stick around at the party rather than do a drop-off. With a 30-minute drive each direction, that's to be expected. And occasionally, mom (or dad) has a couple younger siblings in tow when they come in. But, I've never seen one assume the younger siblings were to be part of the festivities.

 

[kamik86]

I could somewhat see this if the party was at a public place and the parents were staying (example birthday party at the lake, which is open to the public the party just gets the covered structure) a bit rude to assume they will get food but otherwise not a big deal and you really can't make them leave anything but the covered party area since it is open to the public.

However for other events... I wish it would surprise me but
1) DHs family brought random extra people to my wedding, others that RSVP'd didn't show...
2) My uncle was surprised when I assumed my husband wasn't invited to his wedding because his name wasn't on the invite. I know my uncle didn't know my address so he obviously called my mother for it... so why not just ask my husbands name while your at it?

 

[Disney Doll]

I will never understand why it is so hard for people to uderstand "if your name is not on the invitation you are not invited".

 

[RedAngie]

I will never understand why it is so hard for people to uderstand "if your name is not on the invitation you are not invited".

Same applies for kids at weddings as well as for BD parties.