If It's Not ONE Friend Issue, It's Another...

[Carly_Roach]

I am mad at my friend right now, and don't know if it's warranted. It is not warranted.

My friend makes jewelry and made my mom "mother and daughter" earrings, they have both our birthstones on them.

My mom was touched and loved them, and just brought over a card and a small daisy plant as a "thank you" for me to take to my friend.

Just called friend, asked when a good time to drop it off would be. She said, " I don't want it, that wasn't my intent, to get something in return."

We went back and forth, but she is refusing it.

I am mad because that is mean spirited. But also, what the heck do I do with the flower? If my mom comes over and I have it, she will have hurt feelings. I can't throw it away. Do I take it and put it on her doorstop?

Your friend does something nice for you. You (your mom) try to force her to take something in return for her doing something nice. Your friend refuses. You argue with her but she stands her ground (and good for her ) and doesn't accept the gift. Now you're complaining to anyone who'll listen about how mean spirited your friend is.

Lesson: friends should not do anything nice for you.

It just seems to me that based on the last few situations you've posted you have a "My way or the highway" kind of attitude which, in all likelihood, has attracted less than desireable people to you as friends. You may want to re-think how dramatic you want your life to be. If you enjoy this kind of drama, then by all means continue as you're doing.

If you're really and truly tired of how your friends treat you, then start changing the vibrations you put out. That is totally within your control.

 

[design_mom]

OP, I'm sorry you are stuck in the middle. That seems to be the crux of it to me. Your mom asked you to deliver the gift. If she had called the friend herself and the friend said "Oh, no... you don't need to give me anything." (perhaps in a very nice way), then your friend knows her gesture was appreciated, your mom keeps the plant, and everyone is happy.

The problem is that now *you* have to do something with the plant. If you return it to your mom, it's going to sound like the friend rudely refused (and maybe she did, but I can see where someone could refuse without being rude)...but it's hard to explain it to someone else without it sounding like "she snubbed your gift."

I am fortunate to have family (mine and in-laws) who all get along for the most part. My parents invite my in-laws for get-togethers (and vice versa). My sister is borrowing a halloween costume from my SIL (DH's sister), etc. Somehow, although they're all friendly with each other they always try to put ME in the middle. "Can you ask Julie if I can borrow that?" "Do you know if Sherry is done using the __ she borrowed from me?" "Can you tell Jerry and Cindy to be here by 5 on Saturday?" "Can you ask your mother if there's anything I bring for the party this weekend?" Argh... Please call yourselves! (I try to stay out of it, but...)

I'm sure it would have been easier for you if 1) your mom had arranged to deliver the gift herself or if 2) your friend had accepted it even if she didn't want/need it. I'm not sure I'd call refusing the gift "mean spirited," but it left you holding the ball which is an uncomfortable place to be... and you weren't even involved in the first place! It should all be between your mother and your friend!