If It's Not ONE Friend Issue, It's Another...

[chloelovesdisney]

I'd just mail her the card and leave the plant by her door.

 

[FireDancer]

With all the friend issues you have sometimes you just have to ask yourself:

 

[Neelloc]

I'd just mail her the card and leave the plant by her door.

I agree with this!

 

[Disney Doll]

I find your friend ungracious.
I'd probably throw the card away and bring the plant to my place of employment so that my mother owuld never find out how ungracious your friend is.

I'd also rethink having this friend do anything else for you....sorry, but to me, this is the height of rudeness.

I have received thank you gifts from people for various reaosns. I, too, have enough "stuff". I would never think of refusing a thank you gift. I accept it graciously and, if it is something I cannot or will not use, donate it to an organization that will, save it to include as part of a raffle basket for the various times I am requested to make up a raffle basket, or something along those lines.

A plant...so maybe she doesn't have a green thumb. Put it on the porch and when it dies, it dies.

 

[PaulaSue]

HOw old is your friend she sounds so high schoolish.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Wow, along with all other behavioral and social graces that are severely lacking in our narcissistic (all about me) world today... Being a gracious receiver of gifts must be yet another.

What about being 'gracious'???
What about 'don't look a gift horse in the mouth'???
What about being friendly and 'accommodating'.???

Even if this friends tone of voice was not really that negative.
I would also feel a bit put off by the instant and blanket response.
By the fact that she placed Megs in the unfortunate position of being stuck in the middle.

I agree with placing these items on her doorstep.
Your mother wished to extend these small tokens of appreciation.
Do your part to deliver them.
What happens after that is your 'friend's' call.
End of story.....

 

[It'sWDW4me]

Meh, I'd give the plant and card back to mom and let her know what your friend said.

If mom sees friend in the near future and asks if she liked the plant, how will she feel to find out that friend never got it (even though it was of her own choosing)?

If you leave it on friend's doorstep, friend will be ticked because she already told you she doesn't want it.

This is between mom and friend - I'd give the plant back to mom and step out of the situation.

 

[sbell111]

I can totally understand refusing the gift. Perhaps she isn't a plant person or simply doesn't want one more plant to take care of. After all, giving someone a plant is giving them one more responsibility. Basically, it's assigning her more work in her everyday life. No thank you.

 

[ols386]

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't say anything further to your friend about this, and I wouldn't mention it to your mom. Throw the plant and card away, and don't worry about it. There are bigger things in life to be concerned about.

 

[marcyinPA]

I find your friend ungracious.
I'd probably throw the card away and bring the plant to my place of employment so that my mother owuld never find out how ungracious your friend is.

I'd also rethink having this friend do anything else for you....sorry, but to me, this is the height of rudeness.

I have received thank you gifts from people for various reaosns. I, too, have enough "stuff". I would never think of refusing a thank you gift. I accept it graciously and, if it is something I cannot or will not use, donate it to an organization that will, save it to include as part of a raffle basket for the various times I am requested to make up a raffle basket, or something along those lines.

A plant...so maybe she doesn't have a green thumb. Put it on the porch and when it dies, it dies.

 

[Rora]

It seems a little silly that she wouldn't accept the Thank You gift but hey, if she doesn't want it, don't press the issue.

I wouldn't mention anything to your mom. It's not like she'll bring up the card with your friend. Dispose of the card and bring the plant to work, or re-gift it!

 

[marcyinPA]

I can totally understand refusing the gift. Perhaps she isn't a plant person or simply doesn't want one more plant to take care of. After all, giving someone a plant is giving them one more responsibility. Basically, it's assigning her more work in her everyday life. No thank you.

It's a freaking plant, not a person! How much responsibility does a plant take? You water it, and if you forget, it dies. No biggie!

Even if she doesn't want it, she should graciously accept it, and then do whatever she wants with it. She doesn't need to tell the giver that she killed it, gave it away, hated it, etc. She just needs to say 'thank you', and that's it!

What the heck has happened to manners in our society??? Some of these responses really frighten me for what's to come in the future!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It's a freaking plant, not a person! How much responsibility does a plant take? You water it, and if you forget, it dies. No biggie!

Even if she doesn't want it, she should graciously accept it, and then do whatever she wants with it. She doesn't need to tell the giver that she killed it, gave it away, hated it, etc. She just needs to say 'thank you', and that's it!

What the heck has happened to manners in our society??? Some of these responses really frighten me for what's to come in the future!

On the opposite end, what happened to truth to your parents? I can't imagine being deceitful over a PLANT. I mean really, are you parents that fragile?

Now I suppose you can lie to your mother so she feels no "hurt" but that just seems dumb to me.

I would prefer my mother know up front that this person does not accept gifts so she does not do it again. Also if my mother is asking me about the plant, and how the person liked it and so on.... and then it becomes "plantgate". Lie upon lie.

I find honesty to be so much simpler.

 

[marcyinPA]

On the opposite end, what happened to truth to your parents? I can't imagine being deceitful over a PLANT. I mean really, are you parents that fragile?

Now I suppose you can lie to your mother so she feels no "hurt" but that just seems dumb to me.

I would prefer my mother know up front that this person does not accept gifts so she does not do it again. Also if my mother is asking me about the plant, and how the person liked it and so on.... and then it becomes "plantgate". Lie upon lie.

I find honesty to be so much simpler.

You see, I don't even think this should BE an issue. The person should have just accepted the stupid plant and been done with it. This post is not about lying to your parents. It's about people being ingrates. I still can not believe the number of posters here who would REFUSE a kind gesture! That is so unbelievable to me!! (Ok, I know, this IS the DIS, but still...)

BUT, since there IS an issue, then yes, the OP should tell her mom that the person in question did not want the plant, but that it was a very nice gesture on her part. Then I think the OP should do whatever she or her mother wants her to do with it.

As far as honesty goes...I agree to a point. But honesty also requires some degree of tact, and apparently, the friend of the OP's doesn't have much of that.

 

[disykat]

I still can not believe the number of posters here who would REFUSE a kind gesture!

I went back looking for a single poster who said they would refuse the plant and couldn't find one.

I said I've been told on the DIS it's rude to take a gift and then not use/consume it, implying that it would be preferable to refuse it than to just throw it away. (Again, referencing Christmas cookie threads) In the spirit of an honest conversation I also said I'm not crazy about receiving gifts, but was quite clear I would graciously accept it IRL. Another poster said she wouldn't want the plant - she never said she would actually refuse it. Maybe I'm missing some posts?

 

[ShesAPirate]

Wow, I'm surprised how many people don't think it was rude of the friend to refuse the thank you.

All I can think of is that one Seinfeld episode where Jerry's girlfriend refuses to taste his dessert, with no explanation. She just sits there shaking her head like a lunatic. That's what I'm picturing this friend doing.

I wish your mom would've just left the plant and card on the friend's doorstep, then you wouldn't have needed to get involved... but things being as they are, yeah -- I'd be insulted at the outright refusal to accept the token of appreciation. If you called and said, "My mom would like to buy you something for making the earrings.", and at that point, friend said "no need, that's not why I did it, I don't want anything in return" --- that would be acceptable. BUT you mom already got the plant and wrote a card, and for friend to give that response (and gave no other reason for refusing, I'm assuming?), knowing that the gift/card were at your house already, is just plain rude and absolutely ungracious.

 

[marcyinPA]

Maybe she knows she'll just kill the plant.

I don't like receiving plants. I don't have a good spot to put one and inevitably it will die from lack of proper sun, me not watering it etc. I would actually be inconvenienced by receiving a plant and would rather not accept it, especially if the giver would eventually notice I'd killed it.

Why don't you compromise and ask her to at least accept the note.

I think it's neither rude nor mean spirited to not want to go to the trouble of pinning down your schedule to find a time to accept a thank you gift you don't want.

I can totally understand refusing the gift. Perhaps she isn't a plant person or simply doesn't want one more plant to take care of. After all, giving someone a plant is giving them one more responsibility. Basically, it's assigning her more work in her everyday life. No thank you.

I went back looking for a single poster who said they would refuse the plant and couldn't find one.

Hmm. I found several that said that refusing the gift was fine (which tells me that they would probably refuse a gift if put in the same situation), and one that actually put in a request to not receive a certain type of gift. Sorry, but I was raised that this is rude. My mother taught me that you accept every gift with grace and thanks, whether you like it or not. This is how I've raised my children. Maybe not everyone was raised that way?

 

[buckler]

Hmm. I found several that said that refusing the gift was fine (which tells me that they would probably refuse a gift if put in the same situation), and one that actually put in a request to not receive a certain type of gift. Sorry, but I was raised that this is rude. My mother taught me that you accept every gift with grace and thanks, whether you like it or not. This is how I've raised my children. Maybe not everyone was raised that way?

If you read what people said, they said they understood why someone would want to refuse the gift but none of us said we would do the same thing in the situation. I've graciously accepted (and killed) a number of plants in my day. I'd rather not accept them, but I do accept them.

 

[mickeysgal]

I wouldn't think twice about it and certainly wouldn't be mad at my friend. For whatever her reason, she didn't want it. So what? Let it go. Move on.

 

[Nancyg56]

I wish your mom would've just left the plant and card on the friend's doorstep, then you wouldn't have needed to get involved....

That would have been the best thing to do IMO.

Honestly, I would have simply accepted the gift, said Thank You and moved on but there are some folks who are really uncomfortable recieving gifts and this person may be one of them. My DH is one as well and for those who are not used to him his respponses can be odd. He is a very generous man who gives and gives. Just try to give back and he can get so nervous that he is almost squirming. My first husbands family took it personally for a long time when he would struggle to accept gifts, they thought it was about them.

I am not saying that it is okay to be rude and I think that to out and out refuse a gift is rude, but there may be a reason.