If It's Not ONE Friend Issue, It's Another...

[Heidict]

I can totally understand refusing the gift. Perhaps she isn't a plant person or simply doesn't want one more plant to take care of. After all, giving someone a plant is giving them one more responsibility. Basically, it's assigning her more work in her everyday life. No thank you.

I kill plants, all plants. No matter how much I try, they die. I have even killed a cactus before. Twice I have been given plants as gifts. I accept them, say thanks and then begin the death march. I try, I really do, but no matter what, they end up dying on me.

I would never refuse. That would be extremely rude in my book.

 

[LuvOrlando]

When I read the OP I got the distinct impression the friend might be doing it for a Faith based reason which would explain her reluctance to accept anything in return. It can't be a good deed if payment in return takes place. As soon as the friend said no-thanks that should have been respected. What shouldn't have happened was a back and forth disagreement.

I vote for letting the whole thing slide, it's not worth getting upset over and certainly not worth bruising a friendship over.

If you are really worried about the flower and won't tell your Mom the truth do what the other pp said and bring it to work or even drop it off at a local retirement center or hospital so the good intentions still flow out of it, just somewhere else.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I wonder if the friend would have accepted the gift if you were there in person giving it to her (you or your mom had caught her at home or gave it to her when you knew you would both be at the same place) I doubt it. I also doubt she would have said anything had the gift been left on her doorstep.

Honestly, I think it is a bit rude to call someone and tell them they need to schedule a time to be available for you to deliver a thank you gift to them. Maybe it was not so much the thank you gift she was refusing as the obligation on her time. I truly think there is a world of difference between refusing a gift that is right there and refusing to schedule at time to meet up with someone so that you can accept a gift.

Given the above, I really do not think you should be angry at this person at all. She did a nice thing for your mom. Your mom wanted to reciprocate but decided to stick you in the middle of delivering when she did not find your friend at home. Now your friend is letting you know she did not do the nice thing for "payment" and does not want to schedule her time around receiving a gift in return. I wouldn't want to either. If anything, I could see you being (very slightly) miffed with your mom for sticking you with delivery.

I'm really just so tired of them all at this point.

Um wow. I am glad i am not one of your friends.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I would bring the plant to work and simply say nothing to your Mom

That was my first thought too. Or give it to someone that would appreciate it.

I find your friend ungracious.
I'd probably throw the card away and bring the plant to my place of employment so that my mother owuld never find out how ungracious your friend is.

I'd also rethink having this friend do anything else for you....sorry, but to me, this is the height of rudeness.

I have received thank you gifts from people for various reaosns. I, too, have enough "stuff". I would never think of refusing a thank you gift. I accept it graciously and, if it is something I cannot or will not use, donate it to an organization that will, save it to include as part of a raffle basket for the various times I am requested to make up a raffle basket, or something along those lines.

A plant...so maybe she doesn't have a green thumb. Put it on the porch and when it dies, it dies.

Ungracious is the operative word. I can't imagine.

 

[FayeW]

I think that it was kind of weird to call your friend and try to schedule a time to give her a gift. It put her on the spot. It would have been better just to wait until the next time you saw her and give it to her then. However, friend should have just said "that was really nice of your mom; she didn't have to do that...I'll get it the next time I see you" and leave it at that. Even if she doesn't want the plant, I'd give her the card because your Mom probably wrote a personal message inside.

From reading your other posts I think you make a big deal out of things that are not a big deal at all. You seem to be high maintenance.

 

[MIGrandma]

Be thankful if this is all you have to worry about.

I think the woman was rude in not accepting the plant/note from your Mother. She could have accepted it graciously, then thrown it in the trash if she didn't want it!

 

[OceanAnnie]

I think that it was kind of weird to call your friend and try to schedule a time to give her a gift. It put her on the spot. It would have been better just to wait until the next time you saw her and give it to her then. However, friend should have just said "that was really nice of your mom; she didn't have to do that...I'll get it the next time I see you" and leave it at that. Even if she doesn't want the plant, I'd give her the card because your Mom probably wrote a personal message inside.

From reading your other posts I think you make a big deal out of things that are not a big deal at all. You seem to be high maintenance.

1.) It's not weird to call a friend to make arrangements to give a gift. If that's putting someone on the spot, the recipient is weird.

2.) It's a big deal to the OP. There is a way to post something that disagrees without being mean.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I posted once, but hey, I'll jump in and post again....

IMHO, I don't care if this friend doesn't have a green thumb, or what her reasons might be....

She also flatly refused to receive or acknowledge a thank you card!!!

Also, I can't imagine having a 'friend' whom I was just so bothered to take the time to meed up with and say 'Hi'....

Look, this friend may have her issues and her reasons.... I get that...
But, IMHO, there seems to be no excuse for her unfriendly, ungracious, response to the OP.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I totally agree with Ocean Annie above.

 

[FayeW]

1.) It's not weird to call a friend to make arrangements to give a gift. If that's putting someone on the spot, the recipient is weird.

2.) It's a big deal to the OP. There is a way to post something that disagrees without being mean.

That was kinda my point. The OP made a big deal out of something that wasn't a big deal. She said "Mom got a gift for you to say thanks for the earrings...when can I come over to give it to you?" Friend said "No thanks, that's not necessary, I didn't do it to get something back" and then the OP is posting about "more friend issues". It's not an issue unless she makes it one.

 

[OceanAnnie]

That was kinda my point. The OP made a big deal out of something that wasn't a big deal. She said "Mom got a gift for you to say thanks for the earrings...when can I come over to give it to you?" Friend said "No thanks, that's not necessary, I didn't do it to get something back" and then the OP is posting about "more friend issues". It's not an issue unless she makes it one.

That's easy for you to say.

It's not your mom, your friends, or your issues.

I've read some of the OPs posts. It would bother me if a friend called incessantly and wanted to do things to the extreme. That is a problem for her and from her thread, others wouldn't like it either. She was venting.

Her mom bought her friend a gift. Her friend was ungracious. You may disagree, but that is how the OP perceives it. Others do too.

So these are issues to her and if it helps her to post about it, what difference does it make?

 

[MIGrandma]

That was kinda my point. The OP made a big deal out of something that wasn't a big deal. She said "Mom got a gift for you to say thanks for the earrings...when can I come over to give it to you?" Friend said "No thanks, that's not necessary, I didn't do it to get something back" and then the OP is posting about "more friend issues". It's not an issue unless she makes it one.

And you never "make a big deal" out of anything that bothers you? Must be nice that nothing ever pushes your buttons or gets you upset.

The situation bothered the OP. You could have politely agreed with those who have said it wouldn't bother them, without telling the OP she shouldn't make it an issue, or saying that she seems to be high maintenance. Kind of rude IMHO.

 

[FayeW]

And you never "make a big deal" out of anything that bothers you? Must be nice that nothing ever pushes your buttons or gets you upset.

The situation bothered the OP. You could have politely agreed with those who have said it wouldn't bother them, without telling the OP she shouldn't make it an issue, or saying that she seems to be high maintenance. Kind of rude IMHO.

I have read a lot of her posts, sometimes I agree with her, sometimes I think she is a ninny. However, the common denominator in all of her posts seems to be drama. Maybe it's because I probably have 20 years on her, and have bigger fish to fry, but to me, much of the drama seems to be manufactured and unnecessary. Even her own post title "If It's Not One Friend Issue, It's Another..." acknowledges all the problems she has with relationships.

I think AKL Megs needs to develop some type of "litmus" test to help her figure it out which "friend issues" are actually issues to begin with, or worth getting worked up over. If she learns to not sweat the small stuff she may see that a lot of it is, in fact, small stuff.

FTR. yes, lots of things bother me and push my buttons. Sometimes I even post about them. When I am being ridiculous I get a smackdown from 250000 of my closest friends. It's made me think twice about the wisdom of posting certain vents on the board, and I usually know what I am in for if I am foolish enough to post it anyway.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Personally, I think there is way more backstory to this drama than the OP is sharing.

The friend did something incredibly nice for the OP - made matching earrings with birthstones for the OP and her mother.

To then be so rude does not compute.

There has to be more to the story. Does the OP have a habit of trying to reciprocate gifts with things like plants, perhaps with strings attached? Did the friend tell her when she gave the earring to OP that she didn't want anything in return? These are just examples of what might have transpired, although we have no idea.

But to me, it sounds like the friend might have given her forewarning not to give her anything in return but the OP and her mother ignored that. So, the friend, perhaps frustrated that she can't do something nice without getting paid (ie; plant), finally refused.

Just supposition, but there has got to be more to the backstory than the OP is sharing. A friend doesn't do something so nice as make earrings with birthstones (that also probably cost a little bit) and then do a jekyll and hyde and be rude and not accept a plant.

 

[Nancyg56]

I have read a lot of her posts, sometimes I agree with her, sometimes I think she is a ninny. However, the common denominator in all of her posts seems to be drama. Maybe it's because I probably have 20 years on her, and have bigger fish to fry, but to me, much of the drama seems to be manufactured and unnecessary. Even her own post title "If It's Not One Friend Issue, It's Another..." acknowledges all the problems she has with relationships.

I think AKL Megs needs to develop some type of "litmus" test to help her figure it out which "friend issues" are actually issues to begin with, or worth getting worked up over. If she learns to not sweat the small stuff she may see that a lot of it is, in fact, small stuff.

FTR. yes, lots of things bother me and push my buttons. Sometimes I even post about them. When I am being ridiculous I get a smackdown from 250000 of my closest friends. It's made me think twice about the wisdom of posting certain vents on the board, and I usually know what I am in for if I am foolish enough to post it anyway.

I see this differently. Everyone has different ways to process a slight or some frustration. You have your 20 years of experience telling you not to sweat small stuff and advising the OP to develop a litmus friend test yet you are sweating how one woman vents on a message board. One woman's drama may simply be another's way of getting a little slight out of her system. You point out that you know how it feels when you post something that others may find foolish yet you found the need to ridicule the OP when she opened up here and your opinion was that her issue was silly.

Me- I clean when I need to think something through, I am not thick skinned enough to share here, I prefer not to get a virtual smackdown.

 

[FayeW]

I see this differently. Everyone has different ways to process a slight or some frustration. You have your 20 years of experience telling you not to sweat small stuff and advising the OP to develop a litmus friend test yet you are sweating how one woman vents on a message board. One woman's drama may simply be another's way of getting a little slight out of her system. You point out that you know how it feels when you post something that others may find foolish yet you found the need to ridicule the OP when she opened up here and your opinion was that her issue was silly.

Me- I clean when I need to think something through, I am not thick skinned enough to share here, I prefer not to get a virtual smackdown.

Nah, I'm not sweating anything. A couple of posters made direct comments to me when I said the OP has a history of making a big deal of things and that she seemed high maintenance. I was responding directly to them.

I have nothing against AKL Megs. Those of us who have been on the board for years know that some times there is a pattern that emerges with posters and after awhile people, for whatever reason, lose patience. If a poster only posts vents and drama, people will get the impression that the poster may be a little hard to please.

 

[MIGrandma]

I have nothing against AKL Megs. Those of us who have been on the board for years know that some times there is a pattern that emerges with posters and after awhile people, for whatever reason, lose patience. If a poster only posts vents and drama, people will get the impression that the poster may be a little hard to please.

Then why not just back away from her threads since you seem to not have patience for her threads?

Things she posts seem to annoy you. If I'm annoyed by things a poster posts, I generally stop reading them, and definitely stop posting on them.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I just wanted to thank everyone for letting me (always, apparently ) vent, and for your honest opinions. That's what I love about the Dis... a broad spectrum of honest opinions!

And FayeW... what took you so long! Where were you on page one and two? I was waiting for someone to come along and rip me to shreads! People like YOU are the main reason I POST my crazy drama! It's ENTERTAINING! See, you were entertained for TWO whole pages!

 

[FayeW]

I just wanted to thank everyone for letting me (always, apparently ) vent, and for your honest opinions. That's what I love about the Dis... a broad spectrum of honest opinions!

And FayeW... what took you so long! Where were you on page one and two? I was waiting for someone to come along and rip me to shreads! People like YOU are the main reason I POST my crazy drama! It's ENTERTAINING! See, you were entertained for TWO whole pages!

You call being advised to give a little more thought to what constitutes a "big deal" and to "not sweat the small stuff" being "ripped to shreds"????

OK then.

 

[AKL_Megs]

You call being advised to give a little more thought to what constitutes a "big deal" and to "not sweat the small stuff" being "ripped to shreds"????

OK then.

Ever heard of a joke Faye?

Anyways...

Trust me, what I post here are entertaining little snippets of my life... the humerous parts. ENTERTAINMENT.

I have three REALLY interesting friends, I've posted about them here. I have a REALLY interesting MIL, she sometimes drives me crazy, I've posted about her here. I have an issue letting people use my hand towels, I will probably never live that one down, but I posted it here. Everyone enjoyed adding a little something here and there to those threads. It's entertaining. Somebody has to supply it!

Sure, I am seeking some advice, probably venting a little more than anything. Does anyone really want to her about my REAL issues, probably not. Do I want to share them, absolutely not.