If it was your mother, would you go? - UPdate

[TupperMom7]

Three years ago, my mother found out she had a melanoma on her eye and had to travel to a hospital that specialized in cancer of the eye. My sister and I took her there - a four hour drive. We took her to the hospital and she had to see a specialist, have all kinds of tests taken, etc. and we were there for the whole day. Finally, she got to talk to the surgeon and she told my mother that she needed to have surgery to remove the tumors from her eye. We ended up staying at a motel down there until the day after that so they could do the surgery, rather than drive all the way home and all the way back down. We stayed in the motel the day of the surgery too because my sister didn't feel that my mother would be up to making the trip - she was 80 yrs. old then. She had to go back down for a check up and I went down with my sister for that trip too. Then she needed radiation - in which my mother had to stay in the hospital for 7 days with a radiation patch in her eye. Due to other commitments beyond my control, my sister and friend of hers brought my Mom down and got her all situated and then came home. We all called my mother everyday, etc. and then my sister went back down and picked her up. My sister has made the trip down there 2 other times since then for my Mom's annual check up.

Fast forward to this week. My Mom is now 84 and felt a lump under her eyelid - same eye. I took her for her check-up at her regular eye Dr. and he could not get her eyelid up to look at it. Her eye was bleeding from him trying to look at it (sorry gross). Anyway, he told her she should call the eye hospital and tell them that she needed to move her appointment up because of this. My mother was actually going to ask him if she still needed to go down there because everything was okay and she didn't feel up to making the trip each year. Anyway, she called and they moved her appointment up to the beginning of February.

In all likelyhood, they will need to operate on her eye again. I wanted to go down with them this time to provide support and company for my sister if my mother needed surgery. In order for me to go, I have to take time off from work for which I will not get paid. Other than that, my husband can handle things with the kids (all in school) and with the pets. But, he feels that my sister can handle taking my Mom down there this time by herself because she has done it the past two years alone. I'm trying to explain to him that if she needs surgery, my sister might need me there with her. We have another sister who has never gone. She had a husband that was ill and totally dependent on her so she never went before. He died last year, but she hasn't said anything about going this time. My sister says it's up to me, if I want to go for our mother that's fine, but she can handle it by herself and I can do what I have to do. Whatever that means. I just know that if I was the one taking her down there, I'd want someone to go with me!

 

[geffric]

Yep if it was my mother I'd go.. sister needs help and I would feel better being there..

 

[lovesmurfs]

Listen to your heart. If you feel you need to be there (and your job is secure in spite of no vacation time), be there. When all's said and done, that's not a regret I'd want to have.

Best wishes.

 

[Feralpeg]

Go. If you don't go, you may regret it. I lost my mom early in life. There are many things I now regret. There are things I could have done for her, but didn't. We get so caught up in our day to day lives. We miss out on opportunities to do things for the ones we love.

 

[Jennasis]

I have no idea what your family dynamic is like, but if it were my sisters and mom, I'd go for the support. That doesn't mean YOU should. It's just how my sisters and I roll. If you feel like you need to be there, then go. If your sister says she can handle it and you really can't take time off, then don't feel guilty about it.

 

[Tuffcookie]

I would go. You never know if a complication would come up. Your DSis is a dear to tell you it is not necessary but I think it would be a good thing if both of you were there.

Prayers for your DM!

TC

 

[Handbag Lady]

You wouldn't be able to keep me away unless I had a very ill husband or kids to look after myself.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I'd go, with or without my sister. In fact, I'd insist on my sister staying home this time, because she's spent so much time getting mom back and forth to appointments over the last few years - unless she wanted to come, I think she's entitled to a break. It's my mom.

Good luck to your mom, whatever you all decide to do.

 

[SC Minnie]

Yes, if it was my mother I would go.

 

[eh24fan]

I'd go.

 

[cheermom1]

I would go b/c of her age and if your sis is by herself she may need help with getting her to and from where she needs to be..plus think about bathroom trips and such...I would have to go...

 

[Liberty Belle]

Absolutely. If I could take off work without it being held against me and my family could handle my loss of pay, I'd definitely go.

Your mom is 84 and I'm sure she'll be around for quite a few more years to spend time with you, but you just never know. I'd rather be there.

 

[Darsa]

I would definitely go. That's your only mom! I'm surprised your DH wouldn't expect you to go!

 

[Magic Mom]

Go, it's the right thing to do. If you don't, you may regret it later down the road.

 

[allison443]

I would go, especially because your sister has gone without you the last few times.
It would be different if this was a constant thing. Last year my father was in the ICU in the hospital, my siblings and I and my mom were going in every day, after a while we realized it was going to be a while and we had to spread our resources so we took turns going in separately. Between taking off work, our families, etc. we worked out a schedule so we had "coverage".

Hope everything turns out okay for your mom.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I absolutely would go and would not think twice about it.

Hope all turns out OK.

 

[Darcy03231]

I'd go without any hesitation.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Absolutely, I would go.

 

[okeydokey]

I would never think of not going. Maybe you should ask your other sister is she would like to go as well.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I'd go, with or without my sister. In fact, I'd insist on my sister staying home this time, because she's spent so much time getting mom back and forth to appointments over the last few years - unless she wanted to come, I think she's entitled to a break. It's my mom.

Good luck to your mom, whatever you all decide to do.

I agree. It's what families do to support each other.