I won't go up.... I won't go up..... I won't go up...

[Claudia1]

I'm trying to get my DGS to sleep for his nap and he is rarely put to bed by anyone except his mom, my DD. He has been crying for 10 minutes and I know that he is fine. I can see him. He is wanting her and we need to get him so that he will go to sleep for others.

My head knows what to do but my heart is weak!

DD has moved back home with him because her not-so-dear hubby is in prison for violence issues (both domestic and otherwise). Yes, he hurt her and but she called the police. Both times. Yes, twice. She is due to deliver her third child in 3-4 weeks, so it is imperative that we get DGS on a routine that involves the rest of the family.

He is in his own bed with his own toys and his own environment, so the only thing missing is his mommy. He sees me all day long, so I am not a stranger. She is away today volunteering at the Salvation Army and I have him by myself. So this is a good time to get him used to somebody else putting him to bed.

His cries are winding down now but he is a persistant little guy.

I won't go into get him......

 

[MulanUSAF]

Ear plugs?

 

[Jenvenza]

How old is he?

 

[Claudia1]

He is 19 months and he is fast asleep after 18 minutes of fussing. The last 7-8 minutes was because he threw his blanket out of the crib and I had to wait for him to turn so I could throw it back in without him seeing me. Once he got his blanket back, he was fine.

 

[DMickey28]

My DS goes through these phases. He is 2.5 years old. Right now only Mommy will do ... DH gets him ready for bed and winds down with him in our room but I am the only one that can read to him. On the odd chance he lets DH read to him, he still wants me to tuck him in last.

It's a phase for us ... it's been like this for about two weeks. Before we were alternating and he was fine with it. If I am not around he has always been fine going down for Grandma or Noona.

They are stubborn little people, that's for sure! DS will lay there just whining "Mommy ... Mommy" in a sad little voice. I go in and he will look at me with those big eyes saying "Mommy, Mommy" in that little voice but doesn't need anything!

 

[bumbershoot]

I'm a big fan of meeting the needs of children. He is crying, telling you that he needs you. Telling you that there is something wrong; maybe not with his body, but with his heart or mind. When my son cries b/c he needs/wants me, I meet his needs/wants.

Especially with such enormous upheaval as he's experiencing...having an abusive father, about to have a new sibling, being in a new place...

Put another way, do YOU like crying yourself to sleep all alone with no one to comfort you????? I sure don't.

 

[clovergirl5]

I really don't have any advice, just a for you, dd and dgs. Hard situation. Its hard enough with toddlers when you don't have extenduating(sp) circumstances. I let my kids cry it out up to a certain time limit. I also started paying music on a small cd player. Disney tunes. She loves it and starts singing along evenually falling asleep. Good luck.

 

[Jenvenza]

I'm a big fan of meeting the needs of children. He is crying, telling you that he needs you. Telling you that there is something wrong; maybe not with his body, but with his heart or mind. When my son cries b/c he needs/wants me, I meet his needs/wants.

Especially with such enormous upheaval as he's experiencing...having an abusive father, about to have a new sibling, being in a new place...

Put another way, do YOU like crying yourself to sleep all alone with no one to comfort you????? I sure don't.

I agree with this 100%. Especially at 19 months old. There is no way I would allow my child to cry for 20 minutes and no one go to them.

 

[Kit'smommy]

Does he cry when your daughter puts him to bed?

I'll be honest and say that I never allowed my child to cry himself to sleep at that age.

 

[pixiewings71]

I'm a big fan of meeting the needs of children. He is crying, telling you that he needs you. Telling you that there is something wrong; maybe not with his body, but with his heart or mind. When my son cries b/c he needs/wants me, I meet his needs/wants.

Especially with such enormous upheaval as he's experiencing...having an abusive father, about to have a new sibling, being in a new place...

Put another way, do YOU like crying yourself to sleep all alone with no one to comfort you????? I sure don't.

I would not be able to let any baby, mine or not, cry for that long to get to sleep..... poor little guy.....

 

[MIGrandma]

I would not be able to let any baby, mine or not, cry for that long to get to sleep..... poor little guy.....

I wouldn't be able to do it either.

I babysit for my grandchildren occasionally, my DD has a 4-year-old and a 10-month-old. When she is ready for her afternoon nap, I rock her and every time I tell myself I will put her down when she falls asleep. But no, I hold her instead, for the hour, or hour and a half she sleeps. I just can't put her down. She is growing up so fast, it won't be long and she won't want to be rocked to sleep for naps. So I cherish the chance to hold her like that anytime I possibly can.

OP, would it be possible to lay down with him while he goes to sleep, so he's not crying by himself? Or rock him to sleep and then put him in his bed when he's fallen to sleep?

 

[PatsGirl]

OP: I think that each day it will get less and less time for him to fall asleep. I know it is very hard but not everyone has the luxury of holding or rocking their children to sleep and it is important for him to learn to fall asleep on his own. You said he can see you and is surrounded by his belongings and that is great I'm so glad you held out, tomorrow will be easier.

Your daughter is lucky to have you. Congratulations on your new grand baby to be and I hope that things get easier for everyone.

 

[Claudia1]

It was really more of a tantrum cry than a "I'm hurt cry". He was wanting his mommy and she was not here. Unfortunately for him, there will be lots of times in the near future that she will not be able to put him down to sleep. I put him down the same way that she does and was there when he woke up. He woke up happy and we played for almost 30 minutes while he was still in his crib. He learned that Grandma loves him, too.

If he was hurt or sick or scared or any other type of pain, I would not have let him cry. However, in this case, he did need to learn that he can go to sleep without seeing his Mommy. He needs to learn that, sorry to say.

While DD is doing better than she has ever done, she did make a huge mistake this summer and violated the no-contact order with her DH repeatedly. I honestly don't understand the "stick-with-your-man-even-when-he-beats-you" syndrome, but that was her this summer. Consequently, the police got tired of letting it go and took her to jail for 5 weeks. I think she now understands that the law is the law and will not put herself in position to lose her children again. I only bring this up because we had the little guy for those 5 weeks, without contact with either parent, so I know him very well. Since her return, he understandably clings to her. However, we will care for him while DD in in the hospital for the new baby so it is better to go thru this now instead of later. After a couple of times with me putting him down, it will get much better. Today was the first .... and as another poster said.... tomorrow will be better.

I hope to get to the point that I can put him down easily with her in the house. However, I think I need my rosy colored glasses for that!

 

[SDFgirl]

OP, don't let people make you feel guilty about letting a 19-month-old cry it out. The "Cry It Out" method is not for everyone, but those who use it are NOT less-loving parents or grandparents. Kids need to learn how to get themselves to sleep.

There are many different ways to parent lovingly and deliberately.

 

[belledreamer]

OP, don't let people make you feel guilty about letting a 19-month-old cry it out. The "Cry It Out" method is not for everyone, but those who use it are NOT less-loving parents or grandparents. Kids need to learn how to get themselves to sleep.

There are many different ways to parent lovingly and deliberately.

I agree.

Of course you wouldn't let a child cry if he/she was in physical pain, hungry, etc. But this doesn't sound like a child in pain, this more or less sounds like a child that couldn't have what he wanted. I know I'll probably get flamed for this, but a 19 month old is old enough to know what will move you to action.

If you respond everytime he starts to cry for something that isn't a need, he'll keep doing it until he gets what he wants. It doesn't hurt a child to "cry it out"

Let the flames begin...

 

[marlynnp]

OP: I think that each day it will get less and less time for him to fall asleep. I know it is very hard but not everyone has the luxury of holding or rocking their children to sleep and it is important for him to learn to fall asleep on his own. You said he can see you and is surrounded by his belongings and that is great I'm so glad you held out, tomorrow will be easier.

Your daughter is lucky to have you. Congratulations on your new grand baby to be and I hope that things get easier for everyone.

MTE
I'm sure it will get easier quickly. It's good for a little one to know how to self-soothe and get to sleep without be mollycoddled.

 

[Claudia1]

That for the support! I asked my DD to run errands today at naptime so I could establish a pattern. He was not happy when he realized I was taking him upstairs for his nap but he only fussed for 4.5 minutes (yes, I was watching the clock that closely). This time, is was only a fussy cry not a tantrum.

With his background, it would be so easy to give each time he has a need but that is not in his best interest. I agree, he needs to learn to self-soothe and I think he is on the way with me. He does is very well with my DD, his Mommy. She puts him down, he plays for a minute or two, then goes out like a light.

Thanks again.

 

[clovergirl5]

OP: I think that each day it will get less and less time for him to fall asleep. I know it is very hard but not everyone has the luxury of holding or rocking their children to sleep and it is important for him to learn to fall asleep on his own. You said he can see you and is surrounded by his belongings and that is great I'm so glad you held out, tomorrow will be easier.

Your daughter is lucky to have you. Congratulations on your new grand baby to be and I hope that things get easier for everyone.