I wish for world peace. Please let it start with homework.

[indimom]

I know! I wish they could go outside and play. Have some fun. They aren't getting much of a break after school.

Granted, I think it's the process of getting them to attend. But it is still a lot, and I think when they see the "mountain" they buck the whole thing. I can't say that I blame them. But the work still has to be done.

I wish there were a way to get it done quicker and they have time to be kids!

Of all your posts this was the comment which caught and held my attention. My children have had a tendency to buck the system when they see a MOUNTAIN of work in front of them - whether that was homework, or cleaning their room or folding the laundry. So I started to break it down.
Instead of telling them to clean their room, I told them to make their bed. When that was done, I asked them to pick up any laundry or empty the trash. Etc, etc...
We did the same thing for homework. Break it down and make it "appear" less than the mountain it is. For example, go ahead and save quizzing for spelling until later in the evening during commercial breaks in your fave family show or during their bath or whatever works. I also repeated the mantra over and over and over again that studying "a little every day" would make preparing for tests easier. So, don't go overboard. Don't spend 35 minutes studying science study guides on Tuesday for a test on Friday. Have them read over it, ask a couple questions to see if they paid attention. Then repeat each day, asking a couple more questions each time.
If one particular subject is the most troubling, do it FIRST. Get it out of the way and make sure they understand that is what you are doing.

My mother's mantra when we were growing up was "Sooner started, sooner done." That's another I've used on my kids. It took awhile for them to "get it" though.

My kids are now in 5th and 7th grade. My daughter is completely independent this year. She hasn't even asked me to quiz her for tests. We still run DS through study guides and check his math worksheets to make sure he understands the material and is doing it correctly, but otherwise he is doing great on his own. BUT, it took a lot of struggle and time getting to this point.
For the first few weeks of starting a new routine, you may have to set dinner prep aside and sit at the table with them, until they realize you mean business and this is how things are going to get done. Once they settle into the schedule, I'll bet you'll be able to get back to prepping dinner while they work.

We always did homework right after school, because it was too difficult to redirect them to homework later. And we normally had a snack during this time. I don't think a reward system is a bad idea either. 30 minutes of homework (without debate) = 30 minutes of computer or playstation time or whatever else they enjoy. I prefer immediate rewards to earning stars or points and getting a reward on the weekend, at least for younger kids.

Hope this all helps and things start to go smoother.

 

[SmallWorld71]

OP- I haven't read all the responses, but here are my thoughts. Back when I had more than one in elementary school, I found it best to have them do their homework at SEPARATE times. One could be relaxing by watching TV, playing outside, on the computer etc... while I just had to think about ONE child and their homework. I would have them work in whatever area I was working in so that I could also get things done. So, if I was cooking dinner, one child was doing homework at the kitchen table and so on. It sounds like it would take longer this way, but I actually found it to be much quicker. Without the kids arguing with each other or me having to run back and forth from room to room, each child worked faster and had more time and I actually got some things done as well.
Also, anything that didn't involve written responses (independent/ shared reading usually) we worked into our bedtime routine.

 

[Nancyg56]

I would stop fighting with them. Right now it is YOUR homework, YOUR responsibility. Once my DGD hot 3rd grade her teacher told the parents that the children were responsible for their homework as well as the rest of their classroom assignments. Her 4th grade teacher does this and has added assignments that can be done throughout the week but must be completed on Friday. The children know that they are responsible for their work, no dumping on Mom and Dad.
I would so as others have suggested, make a schdule with each child and then let them handle it. See how it goes. You can email the teacher and let her know what is happening so that you will not be blindsided if the kids are not completing homework. I imagine that there are many more children who are trying to make parents be responsible for getting homework done.

 

[hereyago]

DD12 is in 7th grade this year. Beginning last year, the school had a program which parents can see what their kid did in class and what they have for homework each night. The teachers have their own websites and you can even print off work sheets as well as see online textbooks.

They can also see missing assignments and what grades they have for the week.

I work at night, so it has truly fallen on DD to get it done, because she knows that I know what she has for homework and I expect it to be done by the time I get home.

Last night, they had back to school night and the teachers in her group have decided that they will do detention not just for bad kids, but if you forget your homework as well.

Her math teacher, if you turn in homework late, you get an automatic F for the homework, even if it's correct because she said in "real" life, you can't tell your boss you forgot to do work. BUT: if you do your homework, show your homework, even if it's wrong, you can get an A. She has notes quizzes from the notes that kid's have to write down in the book, so it's like an open book quiz.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Of all your posts this was the comment which caught and held my attention. My children have had a tendency to buck the system when they see a MOUNTAIN of work in front of them - whether that was homework, or cleaning their room or folding the laundry. So I started to break it down.
Instead of telling them to clean their room, I told them to make their bed. When that was done, I asked them to pick up any laundry or empty the trash. Etc, etc...
We did the same thing for homework. Break it down and make it "appear" less than the mountain it is. For example, go ahead and save quizzing for spelling until later in the evening during commercial breaks in your fave family show or during their bath or whatever works. I also repeated the mantra over and over and over again that studying "a little every day" would make preparing for tests easier. So, don't go overboard. Don't spend 35 minutes studying science study guides on Tuesday for a test on Friday. Have them read over it, ask a couple questions to see if they paid attention. Then repeat each day, asking a couple more questions each time.
If one particular subject is the most troubling, do it FIRST. Get it out of the way and make sure they understand that is what you are doing.

My mother's mantra when we were growing up was "Sooner started, sooner done." That's another I've used on my kids. It took awhile for them to "get it" though.

My kids are now in 5th and 7th grade. My daughter is completely independent this year. She hasn't even asked me to quiz her for tests. We still run DS through study guides and check his math worksheets to make sure he understands the material and is doing it correctly, but otherwise he is doing great on his own. BUT, it took a lot of struggle and time getting to this point.
For the first few weeks of starting a new routine, you may have to set dinner prep aside and sit at the table with them, until they realize you mean business and this is how things are going to get done. Once they settle into the schedule, I'll bet you'll be able to get back to prepping dinner while they work.

We always did homework right after school, because it was too difficult to redirect them to homework later. And we normally had a snack during this time. I don't think a reward system is a bad idea either. 30 minutes of homework (without debate) = 30 minutes of computer or playstation time or whatever else they enjoy. I prefer immediate rewards to earning stars or points and getting a reward on the weekend, at least for younger kids.

Hope this all helps and things start to go smoother.

Thank you, your post does help. The perspective of not presenting the mountain but the road (in increments) is what I needed to hear. While I give them one task at a time, there are times I have mentioned, ".. then you have to do x, y, z, and aa.". I hadn't really thought of that, but I can see where that is a big deflater. One thing at a time, presented one at a time. Thank you!

I like immediate rewards too.

OP- I haven't read all the responses, but here are my thoughts. Back when I had more than one in elementary school, I found it best to have them do their homework at SEPARATE times. One could be relaxing by watching TV, playing outside, on the computer etc... while I just had to think about ONE child and their homework. I would have them work in whatever area I was working in so that I could also get things done. So, if I was cooking dinner, one child was doing homework at the kitchen table and so on. It sounds like it would take longer this way, but I actually found it to be much quicker. Without the kids arguing with each other or me having to run back and forth from room to room, each child worked faster and had more time and I actually got some things done as well.
Also, anything that didn't involve written responses (independent/ shared reading usually) we worked into our bedtime routine.

I have had one child play quietly in their room while the other does the homework.

I would stop fighting with them. Right now it is YOUR homework, YOUR responsibility. Once my DGD hot 3rd grade her teacher told the parents that the children were responsible for their homework as well as the rest of their classroom assignments. Her 4th grade teacher does this and has added assignments that can be done throughout the week but must be completed on Friday. The children know that they are responsible for their work, no dumping on Mom and Dad.
I would so as others have suggested, make a schdule with each child and then let them handle it. See how it goes. You can email the teacher and let her know what is happening so that you will not be blindsided if the kids are not completing homework. I imagine that there are many more children who are trying to make parents be responsible for getting homework done.

You're right. I had this very conversation with a friend today.

I don't think the kids want me responsible in a conscious way. I think it's just not on their radar. They haven't had a consequence for not having hw. I need to help them see the need for ownership and find a system that works for them and fosters independence.

Thanks to all that have posted on this thread. Lots of good advice and perspectives. I appreciate them all. Lots of things to think about. And thank you for those that have shared their experiences. It's nice to hear from everyone.