I want to be happy for them....

[bellacam]

Hey there...I can understand the way you feel. I have been in this situation before. When dh and I lived together before we married we were in the exact same situation though he had abt 15k on me...I took a second job, nights and weekend, to "keep up" with him. Eventually I burned out totally. Working 7 days a week is no good. There is no down time and it catchces up with you quick. Even our relationship suiffered cuz I was never home and when I was I was beat. Trust me....when $5000 = about $96 a week extra-before taxes, it would not be worth it!

 

[Michelemouse]

He'll probably be clearing no more than $3500, which equals $67.31 per week. It's not that much when you think about it.

I agree with those who say that working 7 days a week is too much. You need quality of life. I think it would be very stressful to have to be totally equal to my partner (in my case my husband) financially, married or not. Is there some reason you feel you need this? Is it his wish that you be equal or yours? If you were just living with a roommate would it still bother you? I guess I just don't understand...but good luck with the situation.

 

[sunni]

Please, please, please don't be offended, but what you need is therapy not another job. This shouldn't be bothering you that much.

 

[2bemarried]

I don't have any advice that hasn't already been given. Just hope that you're able to accept the fact that it's not leeching off of him....it's called LOVE and SHARING.

 

[Disneylvr]

How about doing a little Ebaying? DH and I together just make enough to pay bills, buy the necessary things and set a little aside for our retirement and college for dd. But we like to have fun too. DH works an extra evening job because he wanted a new car. Instead of working an extra job I sell things on Ebay and make enough to fund vacations with a little extra fun money (movies, dining out et...) left over. There is a thread on the Budget Board that might help you get started Ebaying if you want to.

 

[TigerBear]

I admire you for wanting to have equal power when it comes to money, but I personally don't believe that equal salaries is essential to a true partnership. I think Serena's question is a good one: What does it mean to you if he makes more than you? Why can't you just continue to split 50/50? Do you think his standard of living will go up so much that you won't be able to afford it?

If I lived by your philosophy I wouldn't have even been able to begin dating my dbf. I have absolutely no hope that I will ever be able to make what he does. But I don't think that factor lessens our partnership....

 

[battricia]

Just a little side note: Letting your Significant other pay for your movie ticket or dinner out once in a while is NOT called leeching, it's called A DATE!

tricia.

 

[Beth76]

Most of what I'm thinking has been said here already. So, I'm not going to repeat it. I will add this though. What will happen if/when you do get a new full-time job and you happen to make more than your BF? Are you going to insist that he get a second job so that he can keep up with you? Just something to think about.

 

[danacara]

I know you were burned by your ex, but truly, there's no loss of honor in asking a man who makes more to contribute more. Actually, most guys consider it to be a badge of courage. Really think hard about your philosophy on this one. Even if working 7 days per week makes you a financial equal, it will definitely detract from your time and energy in being a good girlfriend and partner to him.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by BedKnobbery2
Maybe you can try looking at it differently. For example, he's now making a mere $13.66 per day more than you are. Heck, he could easily blow that on 2 lattes and a muffin at Starbucks.

Do you have any hobbies that you can turn into a money-making venture? Perhaps hitting yard sales or auctions, and selling things on ebay? Making crafts and selling them at craft fairs? Playing poker (although you have to be really good and also careful with that one--I speak from experience. )? Maybe offer pet-sitting services? Something that won't totally burn you out, but will give you some spare change in your pocket. I think a second job would be a horrible idea, and would lead you to even more resentment regarding your BF (as in "I have to work so much harder to make the same money!")

I'm sorry that this is such an issue for you.

This is a good idea. I am kind of good at crafts , particulalry making things like birdhouses. And I could definately be a pet sitter.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

He is okay with my taking a second job although he does not really want me to, he supports me in whatever I do.

I wish I knew why I felt this way but I really don't

 

[tw1nsmom]

Everyone approaches relationships differently. I can't say that I agree with your perception that you must earn equal money as your DBF, but you seem to feel strongly about it. Have you considered asking your BF to set aside the extra money he makes and spend it only on himself (save for something big, buy more little indulgences)? That way the money you share will still be equal. Just one question though. Do you share all household chores completely equally? Right now I'm a SAHM, and my DH runs his own business. I feel we are equal contributors to our relationship. I do all the housework, take care of the children, and help with his business when I can. When the children are in school I plan to get a job and support our family while my husband goes back to college. It all equals out in the end.

Having said all that, what is your degree in? You could be qualified to tutor children. Depending on grade level, subject matter, area you live, you could make between $20 and $40 an hour.

Good luck and much happiness with whatever you decide.

 

[Bumbles]

Originally posted by EsmeraldaX


I wish I knew why I felt this way but I really don't

which is why therapy is a good thing

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by tw1nsmom
Everyone approaches relationships differently. I can't say that I agree with your perception that you must earn equal money as your DBF, but you seem to feel strongly about it. Have you considered asking your BF to set aside the extra money he makes and spend it only on himself (save for something big, buy more little indulgences)? That way the money you share will still be equal. Just one question though. Do you share all household chores completely equally? Right now I'm a SAHM, and my DH runs his own business. I feel we are equal contributors to our relationship. I do all the housework, take care of the children, and help with his business when I can. When the children are in school I plan to get a job and support our family while my husband goes back to college. It all equals out in the end.

Having said all that, what is your degree in? You could be qualified to tutor children. Depending on grade level, subject matter, area you live, you could make between $20 and $40 an hour.

Good luck and much happiness with whatever you decide.

I'd say we split household chores equally. My degrees are bachelors in Psychology and Sociology.

 

[TigerBear]

It sounds like you are determined to find a second job - I hope that you will be able to find something you enjoy. I know you mentioned something in your first post about grad school - are you considering going?

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by TigerBear
It sounds like you are determined to find a second job - I hope that you will be able to find something you enjoy. I know you mentioned something in your first post about grad school - are you considering going?

When I get the money. Possibly one or two classes here and there. It will take a while but I think it will be worth it.

 

[Cindy B]

Quite bluntly, you have deeper issues than "financial equality".

When my DH and lived together (we were engaged) I actually made more $$. Then he got a promotion, and got a 32% raise. Since then (over 12 years now) he has always made more money, and I;m ok with that. He now makes over 5x (times not percent) what I make, and thats ok. --I also work part time so I can stay home with the kids in the summer, so it all works out.

Its not a competition or a race. 5 K is nothing to be upset about.

So he makes more money, so what? We, as a couple, never obsessed about splitting the bills.. it all came togehter. We never took off money for the grocery bills for his razors, or my female stuff. We never split bills for dates, or other things.

It works for us. I was like you, always wanted to be financially in charge of my own thing, but I found out it was not to be right now. Now I am in school, and My DH is supporting me in school. (I still work part time). Someday, I will make as much as him, or I may not.. .its not a big deal.

 

[Crankyshank]

you do realize that statistically, women earn less than men. right?

If making more money is a big deal, then you really need to go back to school and get a degree in something different. times are tough and a lot of people would envy the fact that you even have a job.

I don't say this to be mean or anything. truly I don't. It's just that getting a 2nd job isn't go to do much more than screw up your taxes, burn you out, and make you even more resentful of your dbf.

 

[WhenUwishUponAstar]

How about doing a little Ebaying? DH and I together just make enough to pay bills, buy the necessary things and set a little aside for our retirement and college for dd. But we like to have fun too. DH works an extra evening job because he wanted a new car. Instead of working an extra job I sell things on Ebay and make enough to fund vacations with a little extra fun money (movies, dining out et...) left over. There is a thread on the Budget Board that might help you get started Ebaying if you want to.

I think this or something like it is your ticket.

also maybe you could pull a few more of the chores around the house on purpose to make up for a movie or dinner, kinda barter it out since this seems to be your issue and not his.

PS I have those degrees as well, and I know how ummm well for lack of a better word.....worthless they are. I haven't worked in quite a while but when I did I found I could find a lot better pay "outside" of my field. Those skills will help you in any situation so you don't have to feel as if you gave up on your dream but....... I guess what I'm saying is maybe you should try and think outside of the box and bend a situation to fit your education instead of the other way around.

just a thought since the money seems to be the biggest priority at the moment.

 

[pw2pp]

I don't have any advice that hasn't already been given. Just hope that you're able to accept the fact that it's not leeching off of him....it's called LOVE and SHARING.

But I think she is feeling guilty because maybe she doesn't really LOVE him - she stated "We never plan to marry".