I think my sister is wrong!

[always quiet]

When I tell you what this is all about, I think you might be stunned!

My father, who is 85, has made no secret of the arrangements in his will. I am the executor of his estate and have seen all this in writing. It is pretty clearly written...All his final expenses come out of the principal of the estate, I am to get the house, my sister gets the cash portion. He also is leaving $5000 to my deceased siblings children (4 grown children). She has recently discovered that a house like ours (we moved in with my dad due to health conditions), sold for more than what her cash portion would be. She has pretty much told me she plans to contest the will IF I don't agree to use my half a a life insurance policy my dad has (this is not included in the will) to pay for his final expenses.

I have no problem with agreeing to help pay for his final costs...this is not what bugs me. It just irks me that she is bickering over this NOW!! No, my dad won't live forever, but I don't think it's right to fight over all this even before his passing!! My dad told me that she asked him last weekend about whether he was still including my brother's daughter in the will (she has pulled a disappearing act again ). He said when he told her he was, he could see the anger in her face. He even warned me that he thinks things are going to get ugly for me!! He shouldn't even concern himself with things like this!!

Thanks for letting me vent here!!

 

[TLinden16]

Colleen, I'm sorry that your sister is giving you a hard time about that. It's really unfortunate that you have to deal with listening to her about this. It sounds like she's already counting the money when she should be valuing the time she has with your dad.

I agree with you that your sister is wrong. If you are living in that house with your dad, and helping him out, then why should you have to worry about where you will be living because she is being greedy. Hopefully your sister will realize that the value of the estate is nothing compared to the value of spending time with your dad.

If she does contest the will, she shouldn't be able to win it. If your dad was coherent when he made out his will, then his wishes should be honored.

Hang in there.

Karen

 

[Lewski709]

Sounds like sis needs to grow up, stop counting the days until dad is gone and stop counting the money out.

It is your dad's will not hers and however dad decides to dole out his hard earned assets is his business. I wouldn't even discuss it with her.

If you agree to anything, is she going to shut up or whip out something that you have to sign to make it legit? Do you feel she should "get" more? If you do, to keep peace in the family, you will probably do what she wants. I am not saying you should. Think of it like this: blood is thick (blood is thicker than water saying) but it sure can cause clots.

Sorry, she is a clot. You don't need this now or later.

Greed is EVIL

 

[Serena]

I'm sorry your sister is being like that. Try not to let it get you down.

 

[Rajah]

One of the reasons I'm glad I have no siblings.

Sorry, and good luck.

 

[mudnuri]

Im not sure about one part of this.

Why is the life insurance policy NOT spelled out in the will?

When my father passed away 5 years ago, he knew that his family would be fighting me every step of the way. EVERYTHING was spelled out in his will. Even though he had 2 insurance policies, and I was the sole beneficiary on each one, it was stated as such in his will.

Where the money was to come from to pay for his funeral expenses was also spelled out in the will.

Exactly who got what was spelled out, and if nobody was to get anything, that was also mentioned. (he has 8 bro/sis and 4 of them owed him considerable amounts of money at time of his death) It stated Joe Smith receives nothing...Sue Smith recieves nothing...etc..

And he was right, 2 sisters contested the will. 1 wanted his Lincoln Town Car, which was in both his and my name, and the other wanted his medals from Vietnam (purple heart etc.)...the medals were spelled out that they were to go to my children upon his death, and the car was a no brainer, though he spelled it out as well, the car went to me.

I would urge your father to go through his possesions, and make it clear.

The probate court judge was very unamused that they would contest my dads will, as everything was so clearly written. I still thank my dad to this day for that!

Brandy

 

[kimber79]

Oh my goodness........I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I just don't understand why people have to concern themselves with what they will get when a loved one passes. Cherish the times you have while they are here.........and worry about things when the time comes.

I lost my grandma Sept. 20, 2003. My dad has a brother and a sister. My aunt was a royal pain in the patootie when we lost gram. Everything and anything was hers. Some of the things she was demanding she got was just craziness ~ the only thing we could think she wanted with them was to sell them at the auction! Several years ago her son told grandma "grandma when you die, can I have your house"? This did not make grandma very happy!! She was in very good health when he asked this?? Some people!!!!!

I hope things get better with your sister. Hang in there.....

 

[caseylouandtyler2]

I feel for you. My Mother and her sister fought over my grandfather's money for most of their lives. My grandfather was so aggrivated with them that he told me he was going to leave everything to me to teach them a lesson. I told him although I was greatful, I did not want to be in that position. What he ended up doing was putting his money in separate trusts or something like that and specifically stating in his will that everything including the house was to be sold and split between them. Anyway, long story short. When he passed the will wasn't contested but my mother and her sister still do not speak. Best wishes for you and your family, hope everything works out for you.

 

[always quiet]

What really stinks is that she is my only living sibling. She has always tried to bully me into seeing things her way when I was younger. I don't think she should try to bully me into doing something that my dad doesn't agree to. I understand why my dad is doing things the way he is. My sister is much older than me (I'll be 40 in Aug, she'll be 62). All her children are grown, married and out of the house. My kids ARE still kids! If it wasn't for them, I don't doubt he would simply have the house sold and everything split. He doesn't want to uproot the kids. He also knows that my DH is chronically ill. We honestly don't know if treatment this time round is going to work. There are no guarantees.

She has gotten so petty that recently, I was talking about getting new living room furniture. She asked me OUTRIGHT "Who is buying it? You or Dad??" (I AM!!) When we got the new stove last year, she asked me who bought that as well! (again me!) I was talking to her on the phone yesterday and Dad joking said (knowing her feelings) that he was going to go out and buy a new car...she told me (in the phone) "That's fine...as long as he leaves it to me!"

Think it's going to get messy???!!

 

[Lewski709]

The nerve of her.
Messy, ugly and totally not necessary. I hate to say this, but maybe she will go before he will.

I feel for you!

 

[caseylouandtyler2]

Sounds like my mom and her sister. When I purchased my first car. I had to show everyone my payment book to prove my grandfather didn't buy it for me. Sorry for the extra stress this is causing you. Families can be really hard sometimes.

 

[Dan Murphy]

If your dad is up to it, Colleen, maybe have a 'pow-wow' with him, your sister and you, all three of you. And he can verbally state, in addition to the binding aspects of the written will, state his wishes. Tough, but maybe helpful. Also, insurance proceeds pass by beneficiary designation, the most current, and are totally independent of what is written in a will. Just an FYI.

 

[always quiet]

My dad didn't include the life insurance in the will because it is to be divided equally between us. He didn't think it was necessary. His will clearly states, even before it lists anything about the house or the money that all his final expenses be taken out of the "principal of his estate". I am only assuming that she will want to reimburse her. I would have no clue how to do it any other way since his will states that is to be paid first.

All household items also go to me and I can, at my disecretion, distribute the possessions. He has also told her this. Keep in mind, this is not a huge house and we are not talking about valuable antiques or family heirlooms. I have told her that if there is any furniture that she would want and has childhood memories of (the hutch and end tables have been around since my parents first married in 1934), I have no problem letting her have. I am not going to keep something like that from her. That wouldn't be fair. I have told her this even before things started to get icky. In fact, one day, her oldest daughter called me and asked me if, when the time came, she could have the bar! Maybe I should start a sign up sheet.....

 

[Octoberbride03]

Some ppl have all the nerve don't they?

My only advice is this, if you haven't already filed the will with an attorney then do so now. And ask for any suggestions that will mollify your sister asap legally when dad goes. No matter what the will says she'll likely contest it, unless of course she got everything. But a clear concise will made according to the laws of your state will end any legal fight in a hurry.

However, she's likely to disown you after she loses, though from what I've read I'm not sure that'll be any real loss if she does.

On the Life Insurance note, it may not matter whether that's in the will. The company should only pay the benificiary named on the certificate. But adding it to the will probably wouldn't hurt.


Good luck

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Your sister would really be mad if you charged the estate for your time and expenses as executrix of your father's estate. You are entitled to a certain % for executing the will.

Your father needs to go to a good lawyer to get advice on his will and estate. He could go ahead and give you the house by signing a quitclaim deed. It would save you a lot of hassle after he dies. A good attorney could give you several tips about how to pay less in estate taxes.

Your sister sounds very bitter and jealous.

Lori

 

[Octoberbride03]

His will clearly states, even before it lists anything about the house or the money that all his final expenses be taken out of the "principal of his estate".

If this is so then your father believes he has enough money to pay for his own funeral. Neither 1 of you should have to contribute anything towards that. I know this because my grandmother's wil stated the same thing and when she went that money paid for her expenses and none of her children had to pay for anything. She even had enough left over that my uncle said to get outfits for the funeral at her estate's expense. My gran was not rich, but she had a paid off house and didn't spend a lot of money unneccesarily.

So why is your sister expecting to have to anyting of her own for your dad's funeral? As long as y'all don't plan a service on the scale of Princess Di then there should be no need to reimburse anybody.

 

[momof2inPA]

Has your father thought of a pre-planned funeral? That would solve that problem and then that money would not be taxable as part of the estate.

 

[Lynn CC]

Before I give you my view on your situation want to give you a {HUG} The same thing is going on in my family and because of it My oldest Brother is not speaking to my Mother who is 81. They haven't said but 2 words to in over a year, because DM made my sister the executor of her estate and is giving her the house...cash to DB and a little bit here and there for everyone else.
(I'm only getting a few trinkets because I'm not her "real daughter"...even though she raised me since I was 2...yes it hurts, but that's a whole different story LOL)

So I have stepped back and looked at this situation between my Mother, Brother and Sister as a "third Wheel" and here is what I see. A parent just can't play favoritism without some hurt feelings, especially if they are going to let their wishes be known before they die. They would be better off concealing their wishes until after the fact. Let's just say your Dad lives to be 90+ which I'm sure everyone is hoping he does, I hope LOL...
He's going to use up some money in those senior, senior years.

So I say to all parents with more than one child stop playing favorites and divy-up equally to all your children, unless of course they have a favorite (which is the case with My Mom Dsis is her favorite..you can't help but notice).
The cat is out of the bag now and I'm sure your sister is feeling hurt. If there is no favorites, then maybe your Dad would consider revising his will so there can be peace in the family.
Life is too short to be worried about all these trivial things, (I lost my "real sister" who was only 37 to Breast Cancer a couple of years ago. Now do you see why it doesn't bother me that the only Mother I have known all my life and built a relationship with, who has decided to leave me essentially out of her will, is not going to make me bitter towards her. I'm better than that... If your Dad is not willing maybe you can make some sort of legal agreement with your DSis, so you two can have your relationship back and put these monitary issues behind you. Then you can both enjoy your Dad's love while he's still here as one happy family should.

Now if I could just get my Brother and Mother to see it my way!
I'm glad I only have One Child!!!!

 

[CajunDixie]

Your sister would really be mad if you charged the estate for your time and expenses as executrix of your father's estate. You are entitled to a certain % for executing the will.

She has recently discovered that a house like ours (we moved in with my dad due to health conditions),

It seems more like the sister is getting more than half when you take into consideration the above statements. Full time health care workers are expensive. DH's grandmother pays an unreal amount to live in a senior assisted apartment.....they consider the assisted as call 911 if she pulls on the the emergency cords in her apartment. They dont go up to her apartment to see what is wrong just automatically call 911. Think how much it would cost to have a full-time live in care provider.

I'd also encourage him to preplan his funeral. Then not only will the expenses be taken care of but all of the other choices can be outlined. You do not want to have to get the sister to agree on casket, pastor, music....... Its better to have him make his wishes known in writing.

 

[always quiet]

My father has more than enough money to pay for his own final expenses. When he retired, he took one lump rollover amount (6 figures) instead of a monthly pension. He has that money in a bank drawing interest and honestly, has never touch that initial deposit. He lives off Social Security and some of the interest (good for him! ) My sister's beef about that part of the will is that his expenses come out of the 'cash' portion of it...see....it is coming out of her money. We have discussed what we would like his arrangements to be (as morbid as that sounds!). Neither one of us like viewings so that is out of the question. Just a private service and cremation. There is a family plot so that isn't even an issue.

A number of years ago, when my oldest sister was alive, there was a huge fight between my dad, myself, and both sisters (to make a LONG story short, my oldest sister refused to help with my mom who had Altzheimers - I could no longer do it as I was on total bedrest with my youngest). My father and oldest sister didn't speak for quite awhile. My dad was at the lawyers office for something and they were discussing the will. My dad tells the lawyer he is so mad at my sister that he would really like to just cut her out completely. The lawyer's advice, "Go ahead, you won't be there to watch!" Since this time, this sister passed away.

My only remaining sister didn't seem to care about the cash/house arrangements til recently (when a neighboring house went for more than she expected). It is hard to say what this house would be valued for at the time of my dad's death. Could be more, could be less. Who knows....maybe she'll walk away with more than me! I don't care....I just wish she'd get off this will business. My dad is very active and coherient for 85. I really think that not being alone at this point of his life and watching his grandchildren grow up has kept him young. My kids have memories with him that I don't think many kids have. I tease my dad....he used to tell me that he hoped I would have a child "just like me"!! I tell him he should of known that God has a sense of humor....he was making him live through it again!!