i think my bf and i might break up... and we're supposed to go to wdw on thurs(long)

[Hessie628]

hi everyone. i usually don't post here on the community board, but since most of my friends and family are not home and all i am getting is voicemail i thought i would just write here. my bf (23) and i (26) are supposed to go to wdw on thurs. he wasn't overly enthusiastic about the trip b/c he has not been on a vacation in 10 years nor has he really taken any time for himself to relax-- ever. he also has never been to wdw!!! now we have only been together about 7-8 months. my b-day is in 3 weeks and my parents are dvc members w/points they needed to use so we booked a trip for thurs-mon. well, now he is flipping out about the trip. he lives w/his dad (his parents just got divorced last year and he is saving his $ to move out) his dad does not like me very much. according to his siblings he does not like anyone. personally i feel he does not like me b/c i am not full blooded italian. which i think is very sad. i have also fallen asleep or slept there a few times and i don't think that has gone over well either. however, i do not do that on purpose i live 40 min away and have a very hard time driving at night. if i am over there and it is really late i would prefer to sleep a little than get in an accident. also-- my bf works midnight-8am so i only get to see him on the weekends- if that. he just informed his dad today about the trip so his dad did not have very nice things to say about that. last night and this morning before i went into work we were laughing and joking about our trip and talking about what to pack, blah blah, blah. then at 11 am he calls me on my cell and is all weird about the trip. now i stupidly very recently have told him some things my mom has said about our relationship. i laugh b/c i am the youngest of 3 kids and all of us are unmarried. my mom is getting a bit crazy about that now. i reassure him that these are not my feelings, but i can't help that he is taking my mom's expectations and making them mine. i have told him that i do not expect anything frm this trip but to have fn and to show him wdw. i am not expecting him to propose or anything like that b/c we are no where near that point in our relationship. so of course we both start discussing our relationship and over-analyzing everything. i have no idea what i should do. if he decides he can not go on the trip-- do i go by myself? i would hate to waste the points. do we try to discuss even further before we go on the trip? do we try to go on the trip and discuss it there when we are away from all outside factors? we'll have a 1 bdr and i have friends that live in orlando i could go and see if it got bad. to be honest i think it is whatever his dad said to put him in this frame of mind. he tries so hard for his dad's approval where unfortunately his dad is a very unhappy man and likes to see others that way. his mom absolutely adores me by the way. i'm not really expecting to get any replies to this. i just wanted to talk (or write) it out. thanks for listening.
-jessica

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

Jessica - I hope it all works out for you and your BF. Hopefully, you can work it out before you go to WDW. Sorry I don't have any other advice for you. Just lots and hugs and pixie dust that things work out and you get to have your fun vacation at WDW.

 

[binny]

I wish I had some sage advice for you but I really dont.

Just a hug and a wish for happiness and peace for you in whatever happens

 

[HTH]

I hope it all works out.

 

[chyam]

My thoughts on this...........if he decides not to go then go yourself, you sound like you are a strong person and why should you not go and have some fun and relaxation! Also I think this whole saga could be a sign of things to come, he sounds like he has some growing up to do and lets other people decide how he should act and feel, it maybe a good thing that something like this is happening so new in the relationship. If he can't think on his own now he never will and regardless of how his dad feels he should have his own life and make his own decisions...........I say COME ON DOWN!!!

 

[scrump]

 

[minniecarousel]

Jessica - I don't see why you two can't just go and enjoy! Reassure him that there are no expectations on your part - point out that he needs a vacation. If he doesn't end up going, go anyway! My son took himself on a solo trip for his 25th birthday last December and had fun! Either way - GO!!

 

[Alicnwondrln]

i agree with what minnie said
if he doesnt wanna go you should go anyway
have a great time, relax
hes not to smart if he doesnt wanna go
sounds like he needs a vacation, and if his dad is that controling of him its better to know NOW

 

[ktink]

I agree w/ the other posters, go either way. It'd be great if ya'll could talk and let him know you just want to go and have fun that you don't expect anything. But if he backs out, then go on and enjoy your trip.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

First, I think you are absolutely right about his dad. He sounds like a very unhappy man that can not deal with anyone else's happiness.

But I will be honest. This is not about his dad. It is about him. He is a grown man at 23. (I know some will say 23 is still a kid but my brother is 23 and he is married with a baby and fully supports his own family. So, I say 23 is a grown man.)

He has to be the one to tell this to his dad. He has to stand up to his dad and if it means having to live elsewhere or find the cheapest studio apt. he can find and stay there he has to do it. Does he live with his mom? What about friends? He must have some friends with their own places or some who'd be willing to be roommates and split the bills.

It is time for him to do this. And if he can not stand up to his dad enough to go on your birthday vacation that you are obviously excited about, then think about what that says about him and how he will treat you. It says a lot. And most all of it is not good.

You deserve better. Go to WDW by yourself, visit friends if you can. But even going alone can be fun and surprisingly relaxing. Check out the DIS adults and solo's board. You will find a lot of support there if you still decide to go. It sounds like you need a vacation.

Sheri

 

[Beauty]

I'm with Esmerelda, I had a 4 year old by the time I was 23 and DH was 22. We lived on our own and supported ourselves. Its time for him to do what his heart tells him and not let his father influence him. There are times when you have to cut ties and say THIS IS MY LIFE and I'll do what makes me happy.

Good luck! If he doesn't go and you feel comfortable going alone I say go for it!

 

[lilangel1181]

If you two are anything like my boyfriend and me(same ages, except im 23 and he is 26) we always seem to get in fights right before we go away. I think you should both go if you feel comfortable going together and have a wonderful time. And if worse comes to worse, spend some quality time with your friends in orlando!

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

That he just informed his Dad about the trip might mean he knew his Dad was going to have problems with it. It would have been better to tell his Dad earlier so his Dad would have time to adjust or you could have time to cancel or change plans such as inviting a girl friend or cousin.
I would not put any pressure on him to come. Only have him come if he is comfortable coming.
Go and enjoy yourself.
It is better to be alone than to be lonely with someone.

 

[wide awake]

I would call and talk to him or leave a message saying that he doesn't sound like he really wants to go so you'll be going by yourself, you'll talk to him when you get back. Then go and have a good time. I think he needs to see that he is not necessary for your vacation...just an aside...I wouldn't be passing on any more of mom's comments.

 

[Martha7]

I remember back when I was your age, and my boyfriend at the time, who I had met and started dating in grad school in Arizona, accepted a job in So Cal, near where I was from and was returning to. I wasn't sure if I'd stay with him, or if I'd get back with my former boyfriend. He did the smartest thing he could have done. He left me alone to make up my mind. No calling, no begging or pleading. If your guy is balking at the trip, go alone. You will appear strong and confident, which equals ATTRACTIVE! Oh yeah, and I've been married to that smart guy for 22 years...

 

[Hessie628]

thanks for all your support. i really appreciate it. if he doesn't come on the trip, i am planning on still going. i was just there a few weeks ago, but i don't care-- it's my birthday month and i'm going to celebrate. i might even get some friends to fly down for the weekend. thanks again!!!!!!!
-jessica

 

[Serena]

Yep, ask him straight out if he wants to go. If not, then take me.

 

[Amberle3]

I went out with one of those when I was a teenager. His father hated me because I wasn't Italian and my parents were (gasp!) divorced. He (the father) on the other hand was a lecherous fool who cheated on his wife constantly.

My story ended with BF breaking up with me because of things the father said. And then now ex-BF getting in a fist fight with his father the next day because of it, calling to try to reconcile (too late, wasn't in the mood to go from being called nasty names to "but I love you" in 24 hours), and then exBF moving out to live with his grandparents.

Hate to say this, hate to sound mean, but your BF needs to grow a spine. Either he's afraid of hurting your feelings and has left backing out of his way too long, or he's afraid of his father and has left telling him about this way too long. Either way, he needs to stand up for himself and do SOMETHING.

 

[Maleficent2]

i might even get some friends to fly down for the weekend. thanks again!!!!!!!

make one of them a straight guy friend!


Mal

 

[ophie]

I had a similar problem back in Feb. that led to me actually joining Dis.

We broke up just before the trip and I canceled. However, if I'd been using DVC points, I may have acted differently. I would have just taken someone else!

It's a tough situation, I know. But you honestly have to just look at what you want.