I think I'm going to cry... (HELP!) (Update)

[LUCiD]

My friend and i got into an argument. Something awful happened to this one girl, REALLY awful, and my friend says although it's sad it's karma for being "mean". I was shocked she'd say that and said that I was upset that she'd say something like that, and now she hates me! I tried to talk to her and she said I never respect her opinions- which isn't true! All I do is civily support mine, and she takes that as me being closed minded because I don't 100% accept hers as "reality" or whatever!
She and I are like sisters, and I am REALLY upset now, I told her I'm sorry if it came out the wrong way, and that I've just been going through a lot lately. She got even more upset and said we all have problems- and acted like mine didn't matter! I'm upset at her, but also really don't want our friendship to die! Help me please!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My friend and i got into an argument. Something awful happened to this one girl, REALLY awful, and my friend says although it's sad it's karma for being "mean". I was shocked she'd say that and said that I was upset that she'd say something like that, and now she hates me! I tried to talk to her and she said I never respect her opinions- which isn't true! All I do is civily support mine, and she takes that as me being closed minded because I don't 100% accept hers as "reality" or whatever!
She and I are like sisters, and I am REALLY upset now, I told her I'm sorry if it came out the wrong way, and that I've just been going through a lot lately. She got even more upset and said we all have problems- and acted like mine didn't matter! I'm upset at her, but also really don't want our friendship to die! Help me please!

How old are you guys? You sound very young.

She does not "hate you". You guys had a disagreement and now you need to chill and think about what happened.

If your friend feels like you do not respect her opinions then you need to examine yourself more carefully. She obviously feels differently than you about the relationship.

You do not seem not really "in-tune" with your friends feelings with your post.

My advice is to listen to your friend and make some changes.

 

[mhsjax]

I disagree, I think the friend is a my way of the high way type of person. Now, we really don't know because we don't know either of these people and really can't tell from just one post.

Seems to me that maybe the OP is just a nice person and doesn't want anything bad to happen to anyone. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

OP just give it some time, maybe she will come around, if not and it went down exactly as you say, well then maybe you don't want her as a friend.

 

[luvmy3]

My friend and i got into an argument. Something awful happened to this one girl, REALLY awful, and my friend says although it's sad it's karma for being "mean". I was shocked she'd say that and said that I was upset that she'd say something like that, and now she hates me! I tried to talk to her and she said I never respect her opinions- which isn't true! All I do is civily support mine, and she takes that as me being closed minded because I don't 100% accept hers as "reality" or whatever!
She and I are like sisters, and I am REALLY upset now, I told her I'm sorry if it came out the wrong way, and that I've just been going through a lot lately. She got even more upset and said we all have problems- and acted like mine didn't matter! I'm upset at her, but also really don't want our friendship to die! Help me please!

I don't really think telling a friend how shocked and upset you about how they feel is doing anything to support your own opinion. I assume your friend feels the same, although I think she's blowing this out of proportion by saying you don't respect her opinions. It sounds like there is a history of this kind of stuff, so I would continue to try to communicate with her. When she cools down, I think its a good idea for you guys to have a heart to heart and get your feelings out in the open.

 

[taximomfor4]

I feel bad for you, OP. Disagreements between friends are painful.

You said a horrible, terrible thing happened to the "mean" girl. I think it's admirable of you to feel bad for her. Even mean people don't deserve terrible things happening to them. You sound sensitive and caring.

 

[C.Ann]

You said the "right" thing.. She said the "wrong" thing.. Give it a little time.. If she is a true friend she will get over it.. If she doesn't, you might be better off in the long run..

 

[disney_mommy]

Sounds like maybe she needs a day or two to calm down. How old are you two? Sometimes when you're young, a little problem can get blown so out of proportion, it seems huge. Try to keep a calm head and be understanding when she's ready to talk.

 

[Magic Mom]

How old are you guys? You sound very young.

She does not "hate you". You guys had a disagreement and now you need to chill and think about what happened.

If your friend feels like you do not respect her opinions then you need to examine yourself more carefully. She obviously feels differently than you about the relationship.

You do not seem not really "in-tune" with your friends feelings with your post.

My advice is to listen to your friend and make some changes.

I agree with this.

 

[LUCiD]

I am no longer on speaking terms with her. I won't say how, but she went too far. She never sees how meanly she treats me, and always expects me to agree with her without question. She calls me names and refuses to accept that we both have problems. She just pushed me too far this time. While I will always love her like a sister, and be there for her if needed, but I will no longer talk to her casually, sit with her at lunch, etc... She is being selfish, and I can no longer deny that she is not a good friend to me. She used to be, but now she's just cruel.

I always get into these situations, where I am treated like crap by people I consider "friends", and only stick around so I can live under the illusion that they truly care about me. No more, just no... I'm tired of crying over this every other time...

I do not want people thinking badly of her, though, because she is going through a lot, but I can no longer personally think of that as an excuse to be treated this way. I can't let myself get into this situation with anyone else. It's happened all my life, and no more.

 

[disney_mommy]

I'm sorry that it worked out that way, but it sounds like you have a good handle on things.

 

[LUCiD]

I'm sorry that it worked out that way, but it sounds like you have a good handle on things.

Thank you.

Although give it time, I'm probably just going to go crawling back with my tail between my legs. Begging for uneeded forgiveness like the dog I am...

 

[Robinrs]

I am no longer on speaking terms with her. I won't say how, but she went too far. She never sees how meanly she treats me, and always expects me to agree with her without question. She calls me names and refuses to accept that we both have problems. She just pushed me too far this time. While I will always love her like a sister, and be there for her if needed, but I will no longer talk to her casually, sit with her at lunch, etc... She is being selfish, and I can no longer deny that she is not a good friend to me. She used to be, but now she's just cruel.

I always get into these situations, where I am treated like crap by people I consider "friends", and only stick around so I can live under the illusion that they truly care about me. No more, just no... I'm tired of crying over this every other time...

I do not want people thinking badly of her, though, because she is going through a lot, but I can no longer personally think of that as an excuse to be treated this way. I can't let myself get into this situation with anyone else. It's happened all my life, and no more.

I checked your age. I know this age well ... I was one and I live with one.

You're just learning about relationships and co existing with people. Understand that lots of people get their so called power by putting other people down. It's a sign of insecurity, something that people like you don't understand. You don't really have to understand it, it's what makes you sensitive and kind. Just don't take their lack of confidence as an affront to your character.

Avoid them. Know their characteristics and move on. Find others like yourself and not those who take your kindness as a weakness.

It takes YEARS to learn "people". Just don't yell for help because of their flaws, let them be the ones who seek the help. You're just fine.

 

[LUCiD]

I checked your age. I know this age well ... I was one and I live with one.

You're just learning about relationships and co existing with people. Understand that lots of people get their so called power by putting other people down. It's a sign of insecurity, something that people like you don't understand. You don't really have to understand it, it's what makes you sensitive and kind. Just don't take their lack of confidence as an affront to your character.

Avoid them. Know their characteristics and move on. Find others like yourself and not those who take your kindness as a weakness.

It takes YEARS to learn "people". Just don't yell for help because of their flaws, let them be the ones who seek the help. You're just fine.

*Hugs* Thank you. It's not going to be easy, but I'm going to try my best to move on. I can't dwell on how she used to be nice anymore. She's not now, and I can't live like this any longer.

 

[Magpie]

I am no longer on speaking terms with her. I won't say how, but she went too far. She never sees how meanly she treats me, and always expects me to agree with her without question. She calls me names and refuses to accept that we both have problems. She just pushed me too far this time. While I will always love her like a sister, and be there for her if needed, but I will no longer talk to her casually, sit with her at lunch, etc... She is being selfish, and I can no longer deny that she is not a good friend to me. She used to be, but now she's just cruel.

I always get into these situations, where I am treated like crap by people I consider "friends", and only stick around so I can live under the illusion that they truly care about me. No more, just no... I'm tired of crying over this every other time...

I do not want people thinking badly of her, though, because she is going through a lot, but I can no longer personally think of that as an excuse to be treated this way. I can't let myself get into this situation with anyone else. It's happened all my life, and no more.

You know, this really jumped out at me...

I always get into these situations

If you've "always" got this kind of drama in your relationships, you need to take a good, hard look at yourself.

It IS possible to have a nice, relaxed, angst-free friendship with someone, where you can disagree civilly, even have a little fight occasionally over something, without it ever being a deal-breaker.

A session or two with a therapist might help you get a different perspective on your relationships with people, and give you some idea how to do things differently in the future.

Good luck!

(P.S. I think moving on from this relationship and starting fresh is a very good idea, from what you've said.)

 

[KinziePooh]

I am no longer on speaking terms with her. I won't say how, but she went too far. She never sees how meanly she treats me, and always expects me to agree with her without question. She calls me names and refuses to accept that we both have problems. She just pushed me too far this time. While I will always love her like a sister, and be there for her if needed, but I will no longer talk to her casually, sit with her at lunch, etc... She is being selfish, and I can no longer deny that she is not a good friend to me. She used to be, but now she's just cruel.

I always get into these situations, where I am treated like crap by people I consider "friends", and only stick around so I can live under the illusion that they truly care about me. No more, just no... I'm tired of crying over this every other time...

I do not want people thinking badly of her, though, because she is going through a lot, but I can no longer personally think of that as an excuse to be treated this way. I can't let myself get into this situation with anyone else. It's happened all my life, and no more.

I'm sorry that this happened but trust me when I say you'll be better off without her. I just ended a friendship with someone because of the way she treated me. She said she cared but her actions and words didn't back that up. I'm glad you realized this now. The longer it takes to see it, the more it hurts in the end. It's sad to lose a "good" friend but you have to do what's best for YOU sometimes too

 

[Where'sPiglet?]

Thank you.

Although give it time, I'm probably just going to go crawling back with my tail between my legs. Begging for uneeded forgiveness like the dog I am...

Don't beat yourself up, and don't stay with someone who is mean to you just because it takes some time to find true friends.

Are you involved in school clubs, band, sports, scouts, or a youth group? If you're not, you might want to consider joining something that will help you develop an interest of yours as well as connect you to a group of people with common interests.

 

[Imzadi]

My friend and i got into an argument. Something awful happened to this one girl, REALLY awful, and my friend says although it's sad it's karma for being "mean". I was shocked she'd say that and said that I was upset that she'd say something like that, and now she hates me! I tried to talk to her and she said I never respect her opinions- which isn't true! All I do is civily support mine, and she takes that as me being closed minded because I don't 100% accept hers as "reality" or whatever!

I am no longer on speaking terms with her. I won't say how, but she went too far. She never sees how meanly she treats me, and always expects me to agree with her without question. She calls me names and refuses to accept that we both have problems. She just pushed me too far this time. While I will always love her like a sister, and be there for her if needed, but I will no longer talk to her casually, sit with her at lunch, etc... She is being selfish, and I can no longer deny that she is not a good friend to me. She used to be, but now she's just cruel.

Yes, I could tell from your first post that SHE is a mean type of person, too. What you did was call her on it. If she really believes in Karma coming back at someone, basically you pointed out that stuff will come back at her, too.

So, of course, now she hates you.

She either believes in Karma, or she doesn't. She can't believe it for that other girl, but not for herself. Karma doesn't work that way.

I always get into these situations, where I am treated like crap by people I consider "friends", and only stick around so I can live under the illusion that they truly care about me. No more, just no... I'm tired of crying over this every other time...

You are going to have to be choosier about who you pick as friends. If you have been picking the same type of people, it's because something about them seems familiar and comfortable to you at first. Something about being around mean people is normal for you. We do have a habit of picking the same type of people and attracting the same type of situations, unless we consciously become aware of it and choose DIFFERENTLY.

Really pay attention when you first become friendly with someone. Their meanness will show up a lot sooner, if you consciously look for it. Then choose to be around different people instead.

A session or two with a therapist might help you get a different perspective on your relationships with people, and give you some idea how to do things differently in the future.

The OP is 16. She doesn't need a therapist. She just needs some adult advice & experience. Which is probably why she came to the adult forum, instead of asking on the teen forum.

 

[rie'smom]

My daughter is your age. She and her best friend are like sisters. Every once in a while they disrespect each other and take a breather, then they're close as ever.

 

[Scurvy]

OP, I'm really sorry it worked out like this. It does sound like you're better off without that person in your life for right now.

If you've "always" got this kind of drama in your relationships, you need to take a good, hard look at yourself.

I have to agree with this. If this happens often, then it sounds like you might be choosing the wrong sort of people as friends or there's something you are doing that's feeding the drama. Of course, the teen years are pretty dramatic. To some extent, it's normal for teens - especially girls - to have big fights and then make up again later. There are lots of ups and downs in high school friendships. You can go from the best of friends to mortal enemies and back to friends in no time. Time will tell if the friendship with this person is worth reviving. Maybe it will be, and maybe it won't. Try not to take it too personally. I think this kind of thing happens to almost everyone at some point.

 

[Magpie]

The OP is 16. She doesn't need a therapist. She just needs some adult advice & experience. Which is probably why she came to the adult forum, instead of asking on the teen forum.

Didn't realize she was that young, sorry!

But talking to a counselor or trusted adult in real life never hurts, either - there's probably one in her school who can be helpful. And even at sixteen, sometimes we can get ourselves into harmful patterns of relationships. If the OP is truly seeing a recurring pattern here, than she needs to do something about it. Luckily, it's easier at this age!