You have to look at the bigger picture. These books are fluff peices, they aren't meant to be scoured over with a fine toothed comb to find flaws and hidden anti-feminist messages.
The story itself is beautiful, and it does reveal a lot of selfless acts from many of the characters. While the writing isn't as wonderful as a classic, it is easy to understand and many women can identify with Bella.
It is an incredible love story. Edward's love for Bella surpasses his extreme desire for her blood, and he endures constant pain just to be near her. Their love is unbreakable, and while it may not be the best thing for Bella or Edward, it is what it is.
I love the series and I think that they just need to be taken for what they are. An interesting read about an incredible world where vampires and werewolves exist, a world where love is stronger than any thirst.