I still feel like I fell down a rabbit hole

[lillygator]

Hi Penny - I think Lisa hit it nail on. She has you right where she wants you.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Penny, First of all

I think you have bent over backwards to talk to your DIL. Since she is not receptive to your attempts, I would let it be.

I think I would have a talk with my son, though, and let him know I do not want anymore drama from his wife!

TC

 

[DVC Sadie]

Please do not call her anymore and stop allowing her behavior to control you to the point of getting physically ill. (stomach pains) Stop engaging with her until her behavior changes. (you might be waiting awhile)


I know it sounds so easy coming from someone else and it's not easy to change our reactions to others but it is possible. You may need to let this go and not dwell on it anymore for your own peace of mind and well being.

 

[shortbun]

I knew no good would come of your trying to talk to her as your son requested. She's the troubled one and nothing you can do will change her mental health. Quit letting her mess with you and move on. She's obviously in trouble with her husband-thus the 'we have no problem' statement. Leave it alone. You've been been diligent about trying to talk to her. Drop it and if she brings it up, tell her it's not a big deal.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

My heart goes out to you.

I think it's time to cut the strings. I wouldn't try to contact them at all and please continue to be yourself and have fun. Sounds like you did a great job raising your children and when your son has had enough, he will be back. I would be ready with arms open. As for your DIL, you didn't marry her. She is not your responsibility. It is okay that you are not best friends.

Once again, I can't say enough how sorry I am that your are going through this. Hopefully you have a football game this weekend, go, tailgate, and enjoy. You deserve it.

 

[marlynnp]

Not going to answer because you called from your home phone???
Sounds like she's afraid you'll be taping the conversation!

 

[BCV513]

I think she realized (or your son made her realize) that she crossed a line and was wrong, but she's not mature enough to apologize to you. Therefore, she just wants to forget anything ever happened.

Unfortunately, mean girls from elementary school never grow up.

 

[Green Tea]

I wouldn't make any effort to figure it out. Treat her as before; like the wacky behavior never started. If you normally call her on Thursday, call. If you would normally go by on Friday afternoon, go. I wouldn't keep trying to track her down to have a conversation you don't want to have. If she calls, answer. But I wouldn't call her and try to talk about why she is acting so insane.

 

[KatieG73]

Hi,

I've nothing to add really and you've been getting some good advice here -I just wanted to give you some

I read the original post and can't get your situation out of my mind - I really feel for you and hope that you manage to get everything sorted out.

My gut feel is that your DIL is very unhappy and it's very.very unlikely that you or your lifestyle are the root cause....

Good luck OP.

Katie

p.s. I think you sound fantastic and I hope and pray I have the same relationship with my DD (Niamh) when she's older that you have with Sarah.

 

[luvsJack]

Two hours later I texted her and asked if she was going to call back. I got the following text back from her.

"Just got Baby to sleep. I'm sorry 4 the confusion. Maybe she is trying to apologize for some of what has been said and done? We have no problem and we're just creating aggravation. Maybe she is saying that there is no problem between the two of you and this calling back and forth is just creating aggravation?Lets just give one another some time and talk n a week or so. Sounds like a good idea Luv u" Maybe that is meant as an olive branch?

Penny

I would simply take what she has said as a "its over for now" and go on with life. When she wants to talk, she will. If she never brings it up again, maybe chalk it up to hormones and move on.

A psychologist we were talking to about one of my kids once told me that when we are having problems in our lives we are quickest to lash out at those we know we can depend on. Maybe that was what was going on? In which case, it would be nice to know that you are that person she can depend on the most.

I know its hard not to dwell on it, but I would just leave it be and let her either come to you or pretend it never happened.

 

[MELSMICE]

I also just read the original thread & am in shock. I can't believe someone would be bothered by such trivial things - actually it sounds like jealousy to me - she's jealous that you are such active & involved parents/grandparents.

My thoughts..........when you do eventually talk to her I would tell her that I am sorry she feels this way about you & your DH. Tell her that you & your DH just enjoy doing all these things & have chosen to enjoy your lives, rather than sit back & watch life pass you by. I would tell her that you hope she can appreciate this & can wish you both lots of fun, love & happiness for as many years as you have left on this earth.

I'm still in shock over what she said.

 

[golfgal]

Well, it sounds like the got her meds refilled .

I would stop calling her. Give your son a call when he is at school and tell him that you tried to call and she is just too busy but you are done trying to set this right. His wife has bigger issues than you going to football games, sorry.

 

[Kim1964]

I just read the original thread and now I'm jumping in here. I can't imagine ever speaking to my MIL that way, even if I'd ever thought that way about her. The disrespect is a disgrace.

I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of discussing this with her again. She's jealous for some reason, but that is her problem, not yours. Whatever you do, keep living your life....it sounds pretty darned great to me!

 

[horseshowmom]

I think she realized (or your son made her realize) that she crossed a line and was wrong, but she's not mature enough to apologize to you. Therefore, she just wants to forget anything ever happened.

Unfortunately, mean girls from elementary school never grow up.

I also just read the original thread & am in shock. I can't believe someone would be bothered by such trivial things - actually it sounds like jealousy to me - she's jealous that you are such active & involved parents/grandparents.

My thoughts..........when you do eventually talk to her I would tell her that I am sorry she feels this way about you & your DH. Tell her that you & your DH just enjoy doing all these things & have chosen to enjoy your lives, rather than sit back & watch life pass you by. I would tell her that you hope she can appreciate this & can wish you both lots of fun, love & happiness for as many years as you have left on this earth.

I'm still in shock over what she said.

Well, it sounds like the got her meds refilled .

I would stop calling her. Give your son a call when he is at school and tell him that you tried to call and she is just too busy but you are done trying to set this right. His wife has bigger issues than you going to football games, sorry.

I agree with these 100%

I missed the first post so I just went back and read it. Oh...my...goodness... The girl is out of her mind. There was nothing wrong with anything that she had "concerns" about.

BTW, let me add here that my daughter also spent a lot of time with her boyfriends hanging out at our house. She also had some friends that she distanced herself from as they got older due to things they chose to get involved in that didn't interest her. Further, she chose to live at home her first two years of college too. She wasn't into partying either (got married this past June).

I agree - she's jealous. Also, she thinks there's a problem with your Sarah because she doesn't act like she did. I would very strongly disagree with her. And why on earth wouldn't you be close to a child who was living in your house? What a ridiculous comment!

I think she's caused a tornado and now she doesn't want to talk about it. I say let it go. Don't keep trying to call her to resolve this. The ball is in her court now. She's got a lot of nerve to tell you that she has no problem with cutting you off (and saying it in such a purposely hateful way) and then to say that "we're just causing aggravation" like it was just a little misunderstanding.

Oooo, I don't even know you and this ticks me off. Good grief, maybe she would prefer that you were pursuing more mature endeavors - like staying out all night drunk somewhere.

Sorry for the mess, OP...

 

[lucyanna girl]

Oh my gosh, you all don't know how much I appreciate your input. Even those who think I am not handling this as they would. Hearing other points of view has helped me to try and think more objectionably.

It makes me feel better just knowing there is a place I can vent.

I'm just giving it some time. Kills me not to call and hear my little grandson's voice talk to me and hear the little one coo (or cry) in the background.

I do think my son has talked to his wife. He is a real sweetheart who always tries to think the best of everyone.

I really, really hope that a little time will let us put this incident behind us.

For those who have asked me to be their MIL, the more the merrier!



Penny

 

[Kim1964]

I just want to add that I will be 56 when my youngest is a senior in high school and I hope I'll be doing all of the stuff you and your family do....it sounds like a lot of fun and a great way to stay connected to your kids and grandkids.

 

[horseshowmom]

I'm just giving it some time. Kills me not to call and hear my little grandson's voice talk to me and hear the little one coo (or cry) in the background.

I do think my son has talked to his wife. He is a real sweetheart who always tries to think the best of everyone.

I really, really hope that a little time will let us put this incident behind us.

Penny

While I said I wouldn't keep calling the DiL, I wouldn't hesitate to call your son when you know he's home and asking to talk to your grandson after talking with him for a little while. Just be very casual about it.

And, to be honest, I'm sure it will pass. As I mentioned before, my daughter got married this summer after graduating from her university. She and the young man had been dating for a long time and get along great with both sides of the family. The wedding, as weddings sometimes can do, created some issues unfortunately.

While there were some hurt feelings here and there, everything passed, and everything is fine now.

 

[C.Ann]

She expects you to grovel.. Don't do it..

Just go about your life as you normally would - minus your phone calls to her.. Eventually she will call you again and when she does, just act like the whole incident never happened.. She's being passive-aggressive and you're buying right into it..

If you want to hear your grandchildren, call you son..

 

[Kay1]

Is it possible she drinks a little too much and can't even remember what she said?

 

[alexandria674]

She expects you to grovel.. Don't do it..

Just go about your life as you normally would - minus your phone calls to her.. Eventually she will call you again and when she does, just act like the whole incident never happened.. She's being passive-aggressive and you're buying right into it..

If you want to hear your grandchildren, call you son..

I am in total agreement with this and I don't think the OP did anything wrong to deserve such disrespectful behavior from her DIL.


Sorry to say your DIL is a PILL.