I still feel like I fell down a rabbit hole

[lucyanna girl]

I have not come back and updated because there has been nothing to update.

I have tried to call DIL everyday. More than once a day. I did miss one call from her. She called while I was at the mall buying a gift and was checking out. I immediately tried to call her back when I finished but she didn't answer.

Last night she finally answered her phone and told me she couldn't talk because she was busy. She also said she hadn't answered because I had been (most of the time) calling her on our home phone rather that my cell. I don't know what the difference would be. I call from my cell if I'm not at home but usually use the home phone when I am (at home) because I have to be in certain spots in the house to get good reception on my cell (Gotta love AT&T). She told me she would call back later.

Two hours later I texted her and asked if she was going to call back. I got the following text back from her.

"Just got Baby to sleep. I'm sorry 4 the confusion. We have no problem and we're just creating aggravation. Lets just give one another some time and talk n a week or so. Luv u"

You now know as much as I do except that my stomach really hurts.

Thanks to everyone who has tried to help me reason this out.

Penny

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I hate to be a pessimist, but it sounds like she has you where she wants you and is being the lovely little manipulator. Her grievances were so important that she dropped everything to tell you about them, but suddenly is too busy for you to speak to her about it.

Her excuses sound obnoxious.

I would drop it and let her contact you when she is ready and be ready for an appropriate response if she opts to cross a boundary again.

 

[Jennasis]

She's a winner, that one. Nothing like getting to spend a week dreading some conversation or confrontation that is to take place. Like being told to go to the principle's office.

This chick thrives on control, and by leaving you hanging (and not returning or answering your calls) she is attempting to weild supreme power/control over the situation.

At this point, I would deal with her as if the original conversation with her never happened. Don't mention it, don't bring it up. If she does, just redirect the conversation elsehwere. Continue your football game going, Disbey vacationing ways and ignore the loons comments.

 

[HM]

Wow. Just wow. She's really turned into a piece of work.
****** Pixies for you and your tummy.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I agree with Lisa. She knows that you are upset and almost seems pleased by it. So my 2 cents. Ignore the witch!! You've done nothing wrong. You've attempted to speak with her and she obviously doesn't want to address it.

Live your life the way you want to. If she brings it up again just tell her that you've done nothing wrong and you're sorry she seems to have issues. But to quote my 9 year old: "Too bad, so sad." Sometimes playground logic does work!!

 

[momrek06]

I have not come back and updated because there has been nothing to update.

I have tried to call DIL everyday. More than once a day. I did miss one call from her. She called while I was at the mall buying a gift and was checking out. I immediately tried to call her back when I finished but she didn't answer.

Last night she finally answered her phone and told me she couldn't talk because she was busy. She also said she hadn't answered because I had been (most of the time) calling her on our home phone rather that my cell. I don't know what the difference would be. I call from my cell if I'm not at home but usually use the home phone when I am (at home) because I have to be in certain spots in the house to get good reception on my cell (Gotta love AT&T). She told me she would call back later.

Two hours later I texted her and asked if she was going to call back. I got the following text back from her.

"Just got Baby to sleep. I'm sorry 4 the confusion. We have no problem and we're just creating aggravation. Lets just give one another some time and talk n a week or so. Luv u"
You now know as much as I do except that my stomach really hurts.
Thanks to everyone who has tried to help me reason this out. Penny

Wow, Penny, you have gone beyond the "call" of duty to contact her and talk to her and she is avoiding you. That whole calling from your home phone # is bizarre...what does THAT matter whether it is your landline or cell.

The text screams "I don't want to talk to you" and I am sorry, Penny, she is being like this to you...where you have reached out to her to "clear the air"!

What in the world does that mean = "we're just creating aggravation"...hmmm, I think DIL is the one that "created all the aggravation"! The "we're" should have been "I"!!!

You know what...at this point...I would stop, yup stop calling...wait a week or two.

 

[DisneyMissy318]

I read your post last week - and just thought WoW! I couldn't believe the nerve of the girl - jealous much? Anyway... is it possible that she told your son what she did and he told her to drop it? Maybe this was without his knowledge? Have you talked to your son through any of this? (I didn't read the whole thread - so not sure if this was mentioned.)

I would do as others have suggested - keep being the Wonderfully Supportive Mom, Grandma and Wife you have been all of these years. It sounded like you were a happy go lucky person and now this weight has been dropped on your shoulders... as hard as it may be - just shake it off - and keep going! Keep going the places you go and do the things you do! Your DIL will realize what a complete jerk she has made of herself (maybe she already has) - and this too shall pass!

Hopefully you will get your magic back!

 

[agnes!]

Even though I do understand your frustration and sadness and anxiety, maybe you can make the decision to be grateful... it seems your DIL has decided she doesn't want to start a war with her husband's mother over all this.

agnes!

 

[agnes!]

... At this point, I would deal with her as if the original conversation with her never happened. Don't mention it, don't bring it up. If she does, just redirect the conversation elsehwere. Continue your football game going, Disbey vacationing ways and ignore the loons comments.

What she said.
agnes!

 

[sunnyday123]

I agree with everyone above except Agnes-sorry-but the only thing I would be grateful of is that I didn't have to listen to her control-freak,selfish whiner complaints again.

More than likely, your son told her to knock it off, and she's trying to pin the blame on you. Talk to your son, be the good Grandmom, don't worry about her.

ETA: And your a better person than I am because I'd drive the 3 hours to knock the ka ka out of her.

 

[minniecarousel]

I'm reading this as she knew she crossed a line and she isn't ready to apologize. That's it! (OK, just trying to cheer you up...)

Hang in there.

 

[Motherofboys]

I'm reading this as she knew she crossed a line and she isn't ready to apologize. That's it! (OK, just trying to cheer you up...)

Hang in there.

I read it that way too. She screwed up and knows she made an *** out of herself, and she's not ready to admit it to you yet or apologize.

Or maybe your son was at her actions and now she sees that she doesn't have his support in it so she is backing down.

Who knows, either way I would wait and let her call me and I would totally NOT worry about it anymore

 

[agnes!]

Even though I do understand your frustration and sadness and anxiety, maybe you can make the decision to be grateful... it seems your DIL has decided she doesn't want to start a war with her husband's mother over all this.

agnes!

I agree with everyone above except Agnes-sorry-but the only thing I would be grateful of is that I didn't have to listen to her control-freak,selfish whiner complaints again.

More than likely, your son told her to knock it off, and she's trying to pin the blame on you. Talk to your son, be the good Grandmom, don't worry about her.

ETA: And your a better person than I am because I'd drive the 3 hours to knock the ka ka out of her.

I think you misunderstand... my meaning was that it *SEEMS* that the DIL has decided not to start a war after all. If the anxiety over a situation is causing stomach pains or other medical issues, then sometimes one has to make a decision to go to their 'happy place' (in the immortal words of Happy Gimore ) and make a decision to "not worry about her". I basically agree with you about everything in your post... well, except maybe the driving 3 hours to commit bodily mayhem.

I missed this in the post of this thread. to the DIL's comment that the OP has any hand in creating this mess ("WE are creating aggravation"?).

Hugs to you lucyanna girl -
agnes!

 

[amyup]

I read it that way too. She screwed up and knows she made an a** out of herself, and she's not ready to admit it to you yet or apologize.

Or maybe your son was at her actions and now she sees that she doesn't have his support in it so she is backing down.

Who knows, either way I would wait and let her call me and I would totally NOT worry about it anymore

I'm thinking this is the case too. She knows she messed up. She's probably trying to figure out a way to gracefully say she's sorry without fully admitting she was way out of line.

 

[diznygirl]

I'd call every day for the next two weeks and ask to speak to my son. But then I'm like that.


Definitely sounds like she knows she's in trouble and is trying an avoidance defense. Maybe she does have a conscience, or maybe her hubby isn't too happy with her. Either way, hopefully you'll never hear another word about her "concerns."

 

[Dan Murphy]

Hi Penny.

I do not stop by here too frequently anymore, so have no idea what this DIL story is all about.

But, I did not see a followup or conclusion to Sarah's ailment from some weeks back, high temperature for so long and all. You probably did, between my visits. How is Sarah doing now? Hope she is well. Please pass on my good thoughts to her.

Dan

 

[Disney Doll]

Sounds like someone gave her the "Come Back to Jesus" talk. Or she got on some good psych meds...

Being that you want to continue to have a relationship with these people, I'd probably let this sleeping dog lie.

Chalk it up to hormones or a moment of "crazy" on her part. Back off, and treat them as you normally would. This will serve several purposes:

1. It will seem as if you are not as worked up over this situation as you are...take away some of her perceived "control" of your emotions over the past few days
2. It will give her a graceful "out" for her stupidity...talking it to death will just serve as a reminder of what she tried to stir up and how badly awry it went for her
3. You will look like the bigger person

So, go about your business and do what you would normally do with your ife and with your interactions with them. I'd probably tread a little more carefully around her though.

If the topic ever comes up in discussion, I'd probably be very benign and say something like "I appreciate your input and gave some thought and consideration to what you said". But I wouldn't get too deeply into it with her.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I never go back and read prior posts but I just had to see what the original situation was about and all I can say is WOW. You were verbally sucker punched.

She sounds like a mean spirited so & so, but she is your DS's wife. If I was in your shoes I would totally turn up the niceness, call my DS and ask him why his wife wouldn't return my calls. Does he know of something that went on between you and her to cause her to make that phone call? Ask for his advice in dealing with the situation, since you already tried to contact her repeatedly you can't be accused of going over her head, she has shut you out. No anger, check it at the door, just let your DS in on her antics and let the chips fall where they fall. No way would I give her the upper hand on this. She hurt you and your DS needs to know she hurt you. Maybe it has nothing to do with you at all, maybe she was trying to hurt him through you. I would be vulnerable with him but whatever you do don't be angry, if you get angry he will defend he because he will feel he has to. Let him deal with her and as far as she is concerned, I would never bring it up with her again, or call her. Thanksgiving is a month away, all you have to do is invite them through your son and watch it play itself out. You can't make her less mean, all you can do is refuse to give her ammunition... and screen your phone calls so you only call back when you know your DS is around to hear her.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am so sorry this is still going on!!!

A couple of wonderful (and very funny!) posts by posters like agnes and Disney Doll.

OP, I am sorry that this is ongoing....
But I am not surprised, given your course of action.

My advice to you stays EXACTLY the same as it was then....
You should NOT have called this girl.
And, you especially should not have kept calling.
IF (and I say IF, because, who knows) She is turning into the manipulative, demanding, drama queen..... She now has you RIGHT where she wants you.... she is holding ALL of the strings now.

No matter what she said in that one last communication.
This is FAR from over....


That is why my advice now is the same as it was then....

I would call my son, and only my son..... I would not 'engage' with her. I would be arranging a nice face-to-face, and LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN. Until you do this, NOTHING is going to change, and you will not know the truth....

IMHO, she started this, and it should be finished...
Just how are things supposed to go down when the Holidays start next month?????

TALK WITH YOUR SON.

 

[Wishing on a star]

some good comments here, my comments are in bold....

she has shut you out.
(YEP, no doubt about it, you have been thrown into the rabbit whole and cut off at the knees... she HAS cut you off.... calling you, and then not returning phone calls for DAYS..... She is usurping control and cutting you off.... NO doubt about what she is doing here. NO DOUBT WHATSOEVER.)

No anger, check it at the door, .....
whatever you do don't be angry, if you get angry he will defend her because he will feel he has to. ( AMEN!!!!!! somebody on this thread finally understands and sees the light.... This is not about showing your anger.... It is not about winning.... You need positive resolution.)