i need support... to many feelings >_<

[Mackey Mouse]

Honey.... I do hope you work this out.. as a Mom, my first thought was to tell your Mom, but you know what is best for you. I am the straight Mom to daughters, but I do know that if one of mine came to me, I would do everything in my power to make sure she would be happy and healthy with her decisions..

Hugs!!!!

 

[RickinNYC]

I think that given the fact that you're 12 years old, you have a lot of confusing thoughts going through your head right now and the possibility of being gay is one of MANY. The one thing I would suggest is to SLOW DOWN and relax. I know that's difficult to do when you have conflicting feelings, but you really need to take things a step at a time.

As for telling someone, you just did, as Mike pointed out. We're not here to judge you. But you still might consider telling someone close to you, i.e. a best friend or a parent. As for your parents, only you know how your Mom or Dad might react. Regardless, when the time comes and you do finally have that chat with someone, it's going to be pretty scary. I know I was close to vomiting.

Some folks have had great experiences. The reality is some have had horrifying experiences as well. You absolutely need to be prepared for both. I honestly thing that one of the best things you can try now is some degree of counseling. Perhaps tell you parents you want to see a shrink. If they ask why, it could open up a door or two of conversation. If you're not ready to tell them at that point, simply tell them you have issues you want to work out. But you do need to talk to someone.

Finally, we're hear to help out. There are a lot of great gay/lesbian/bi folks on this board who have gone through what you're experiencing. There are also a LOT of absolutely fantastic straight folks who have their own kids who can be an "ear" to listen to you as well.

Best of luck.

 

[reid_man]

thank you everyone, but may i ask, what is a "shrink"?

 

[reid_man]

Honey.... I do hope you work this out.. as a Mom, my first thought was to tell your Mom, but you know what is best for you. I am the straight Mom to daughters, but I do know that if one of mine came to me, I would do everything in my power to make sure she would be happy and healthy with her decisions..

Hugs!!!!

thank you. im going to have to tell my mom sometime, but how do i confront her?? iick>_< the thought makes my stomach churn

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

A "shrink" is a nickname for a psychiatrist, or psychologist or other type of mental health counselor that can help you with major life issues.

Your language "confront her" shows me that you expect any discussion with your Mom (or parents) of your sexuality to go poorly. I would hope you aren't confronting her, rather talking about something of critical importance with her.

How have your parents been with other issues? Have you been able to have difficult discussions with them in the past about other things?

Twelve is quite young. That's not an insult, mind just an observation. You are awakening sexually, and finding much to be interested in. Recognize that you are in the early stages of learning about yourself in a very important way. Don't push yourself. Don't berate or demean yourself. Keep and open mind, and do take Rick's advice and seek out a trusted adult with whom you can have serious discussions.

Never hesitate to come here for a shoulder to lean on or support. We are all here to help in any way we can. But remember, we are just "cyber help" and you will need someone in your own real life to lean on.

 

[OrlandoMike]

http://www.pflagmemphis.org/

We found this for ya! It's PFLAG Memphis!

(Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays)

You may want to contact them for info on people and events in your area.

At the age of 12 I would hold off on telling your parents, what's the rush?

You have the rest of your adult life to figure out where you are headed, and you have plenty of time to share this with your parents. Take it slow and easy..........

 

[TuckandStuiesMom]

I was just fixin' to post the PFLAG Memphis link but OrlandoMike AKA: Dad, our fearless moderator and all-round awesome guy beat me to it!

SO GLAD you are feeling better this am.

 

[reid_man]

thanks mike, i will!

 

[Tony-NJ]

Hey, just reading this for the first time, I have no other advise that wasn't given, I just wanted to wish you the best, and take it one step at a time.

On another note, it's amazing taht a 12 year old today vs 20 something years ago (27 to be exact has the courage to face this!

 

[rosiep]

Hi Reid

My name is Rosie and my daughter is gay. She works at a Queer Resource Center here in Portland and she wants me to remind you that your feelings are normal, healthy and beautiful. Gay people have productive and happy lives and there are a lot of organizations available to help you.
Like many people here on the board I want to welcome you and encourage you to talk with us through out your discovery. YOU are the one who decides when and who you come out to. You asked about telling your Mom...and I think you'll know when you're ready to do that. It may be that she already "senses" that you feel this way. Like Mike has said...there's no rush.
Tell us what kind of support system you have. Is there a Gay/Straight Alliance at your school? Are your friends gay friendly? Do you have a favorite Aunt or Uncle that might be encouraging?
People here have suggested PFLAG and they're a great organization that will be supportive of you no matter what.
Lastly, you will continue to grow and develop your whole life. You don't need to worry who you'll be 10 years from now. Deal with today and how you feel today..it's all valid.
Hugs from a Mom
Please keep us informed. Let us know how your doing, what you day was like..let us know when your confused or sad...we'll respond.

 

[ConcKahuna]

That reminds me Rosie, when are you going to get your daughter hooked on DIS?

 

[rosiep]

That reminds me Rosie, when are you going to get your daughter hooked on DIS?

Please understand, I love my daughter no matter what her orientation towards Disney is.......she doesn't like it! I repeat, (shamefacedly but bolder..because I am proud of my Dis dissing daughter) my eldest daughter is not a fan of Disneyworld or Disneyland...yet she beat the pants off the whole family when we played Disney's "Scene It"....go figure.

 

[jamieandben]

Please understand, I love my daughter no matter what her orientation towards Disney is.......she doesn't like it! I repeat, (shamefacedly but bolder..because I am proud of my Dis dissing daughter) my eldest daughter is not a fan of Disneyworld or Disneyland...yet she beat the pants off the whole family when we played Disney's "Scene It"....go figure.

What....I cant think of anything to say.
(To many minicoopercraig post)

 

[reid_man]

hi everyone, well,not so good so far, my mom readmy journal and found out, and talked to me, but i was so not ready, shesaid sheis supportive but then got mad because wouldnt tell her "why" but, i dont know WHY.i have to talk to her again tomorrow, any suggestions? plus: my friends are cool with it, they are all for it.

 

[OrlandoMike]

The only words of wisdom I have this morning is remember, you didn't choose to be gay, you have just chosen to accept it, and not live in denial. Why are some people born gay? That my friend is the million dollar question. Your Mom may want to contact PFLAG also.

 

[TuckandStuiesMom]

Well, it's a good thing about your friends. And at least your mom has said she wants to be supportive (although she may not know how to do this yet) -- that's also a good thing. Now about her question: it probably seemed like a valid question to her -- even though you know it's a situation that just "is". It seems like this would be a real good time for both of you to get in touch with PFLAG. It'll be good for both of you. ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))

 

[hematite153]

To echo what's been said so far:

It is okay to say to your mother,
- "I don't know why, it just is."
- "I don't feel like I have any choice about this, it is just who I am."

You may also want to share the fact that you were worried about her reaction and call her on it if she is acting "mad". After all, she said that she wanted to be supportive, right?

So, if she gets mad, try to stay calm yourself (often fights can escalate, even though neither party wants to be fighting, simply because people are hurt by someone's reaction). If you are calm, then you can ask, "do you mean to sound mad right now?" Or say something along the lines of, "Mom, I really need your support because I'm still young and just starting the process of becoming an adult, but, right now I am scared because you sound so angry." Etc.

And, to echo again, PFLAG could be good for both of you. Give them a call.

I might also add that the "why" doesn't really matter.

My eyebrows are different colours and I get asked why all the time. I simply say, "I don't know, I was just born with it." There have been times in my life when I have explored the why of the genetics of it, but, nothing changes the fact that they are different.

If you can, try to think of the coming conversation with your mother as an opportunity to share and get support (you can even tell her that this is your goal at the beginning of the conversation) rather than a confrontation that you have to have.

If you are looking for other adults who might be able to be supportive, consider teachers. I teach high school and I have had many students come-out to me. For several of them I was the first person they told, but after opening up to me they were able to discuss their feelings more widely. Teachers, also, may have access to information about where you can go for better support.

 

[rosiep]

Hi Reid...

I'm glad that your friends are supportive and that now things are out in the open with your Mom. Sometimes, even when you want to be supportive..you don't know how to. You might need to tell her what it is you need from her right now...maybe it's to just listen and to understand that there is no "why" about it. Like others have said..it's just who you are.
It's good that she wants to talk again tomorrow..this will give her a chance to put her thoughts in order.
If she wants to talk to another mom, tell her she can write me...that's only if you want to share the board with her.

We're all rooting for you Reid!
Happy Thanksgiving..
Rosie

 

[npmommie]

Hi Reid,
I am going to answer as a mom. Both my kids are still young, but I am assuming your mom is not really "mad' but just as confused as you. you are her baby, she may ask why, but she knows there is no answer, nobody knows why some of us are heterosexual, and some are homosexual, and some are Bi.......no one knows, if we knew those kinds of answers it would be like the holy grail of information!
She wants to be supportive but she probably doesn't know how. First of all you are only 12, I would assume she was caught off guard that you are becoming aware of sexuality already, remember you are her baby! So maybe she was just unprepared to have to deal with questions of this nature and talks of this nature, straight OR gay.
So try to be open to discussion, don't get defensive, you have done nothing wrong, and just keep remembering your mom loves you more than anything on the earth, and she wants you to be happy, thats what all us moms want for our kids, we want them to be happy and healthy, and we would do anything to have that be.
keep us posted!

 

[CanadianGuy]

Please understand, I love my daughter no matter what her orientation towards Disney is.......she doesn't like it! I repeat, (shamefacedly but bolder..because I am proud of my Dis dissing daughter) my eldest daughter is not a fan of Disneyworld or Disneyland...yet she beat the pants off the whole family when we played Disney's "Scene It"....go figure.

Maybe we should form create a support group for THIS?

As for Reid man - hang in there.. take your time.. you're getting good advice here.

Knox