I need some help deciding things

[jenseib]

I would love to take my whole family to Disney this fall assuming there wil lbe free dining. The thing is my DH is not the dad of my older two, and really never wants to do anything with them or include them on trips anymore. They don't even live with us anymore. My son is 19 and my DD is almost 16. The chances of me doing a family vacation is dwindling away now that they are older too. So anyways, I have a plan on how to do it, if free dining is offered.
So assuming I can pull off the trip, would you allow the older two to bring friends if they wanted. I wouldn't mind. I would have the friends pay for the airfare and park tickets. Would you also have them pay a partion of the room? I will ahve to get two rooms no matter what. And the other thing is, then I wil lhave 2 teen girls and 2 teen boys in one room. Now My DD and her friend can't stand my son and his friends. But would it be OK to do that .WE would have adjoining rooms as well. And I woukld defiantely have this all outlined for the parents. Now these are all big IFs because I still have to see if DH will go (He always seems to busy with farming. LOL), and then a big IF we take the older 2 and then if we take friends if the parents allow. But I am just trying to do some preparing for the just in case.

 

[allison443]

My kids are also getting older and I see your point about the dwindling chance of a family vacation.

This is just my opinion, but if you are hoping to do this as a last family vacation kind of thing since your kids are older, why would you have them bring friends? Your son and his friend will go off on their own, your daughter and your friend will probably go off on their own, and will you really see them that much?
As for the 4 teenagers sharing a room together, I would not be comfortable with that if my daughter was invited on the trip.

I hope you can work everything out!

 

[Colinsmom]

Disney won't guarantee you adjoining rooms, so what if the teenagers' room is down the hall?

No way would I be comfortable as a parent allowing my teens to share a room with teens of the opposite gender where there is unlikely to be constant parental supervision. And you said that they don't like each other - then there's the privacy issue. No way.

Also agree with the point that it doesn't make sense to allow them to bring friends on one of your last family vacations together!

 

[jenseib]

I was kind of leaning to not having friends too becuase of all the complications. It's alot of money for a friend to come up with too. I know my older two will go off on their own anyways though. We can do some family time and some alone time if they want. Plus all meals would be together too. I don't even know if it will happen anyways. Just trying to figure out things before I mention it to anyone in the family.

 

[Darcy03231]

Sorry, there is no way I would let either my teen daughter or teen son share a room with opposite gender. Also, what will you do if the parents of your son's friend say ok and your daughter's say no way (or vice versa)? Someone will then be the odd person out. Even with just paying airfare and park tickets that can be too big of an expense for some people.

I also agree with the PP who said if you're taking it as a last opportunity for a family vacation, why invite friends? We took DD's friend on a cruise with us and we hardly ever saw the 2 girls on board the ship. If you truly want it to be a last family vacation I would stick to just family.

I also don't understand why your DH doesn't want to include your two older children in a family vacation. Even if they don't live with you aren't they still family? My DH has two children from his previous marriage (as do I) and we wouldn't dream of taking a family vacation without taking everyone, even when his children were younger and didn't live with us. As they've gotten older sometimes they don't accept for various reasons (DSS - 23 in college and DSD - 19 in college) but they've always been invited, even if DH wasn't going along (he hates WDW but that's a whole other thread). I never want any of the children to feel left out or like they're not family. Since your DH feels this way are you sure they'll even want to go?

 

[MRYPPNS]

The thing is my DH is not the dad of my older two, and really never wants to do anything with them or include them on trips anymore.

I think this is really the heart of the problem. And I don't think a Disney vacation is the ideal place to try it out. It can be stressful as it is without the family drama. Have you considered going to WDW with just yourself and all of your children? I think that would be a great bonding/memory for your younger ones to go with their olders siblings without any conflicts from your DH.
Let us know what you decide and good luck.

 

[eeyoremum]

I would like to offer an opinion. I had a step dad that didn't bother with me and we lived in the same house. When I was 18 and his dd was 17 we had a "family" florida vacation. This is what happened. I talked to my mum, step dad and his dd talked to each other, the adults talked to each other. Get the idea. So second the suggestion of just you and the kids, you didn't mention if you and DH have kids together. I would say if you and DH have kids together and do Disney without the older kids it would be resented. Trust me even if they say they don't care. THEY DO. SD and his DD went on many Disney trips without us Mum and me. I was always a little put out. Childish yes but I was a child.

 

[daisyduck123]

And the other thing is, then I wil lhave 2 teen girls and 2 teen boys in one room.

But would it be OK to do that .

At their ages?? I would never do that in a million years.

I also would never let my DD or DS go on a vacation with friends if that were going to be the rooming arrangements. Sorry. No way. I think you'd be asking for trouble.

 

[jenseib]

I would like to offer an opinion. I had a step dad that didn't bother with me and we lived in the same house. When I was 18 and his dd was 17 we had a "family" florida vacation. This is what happened. I talked to my mum, step dad and his dd talked to each other, the adults talked to each other. Get the idea. So second the suggestion of just you and the kids, you didn't mention if you and DH have kids together. I would say if you and DH have kids together and do Disney without the older kids it would be resented. Trust me even if they say they don't care. THEY DO. SD and his DD went on many Disney trips without us Mum and me. I was always a little put out. Childish yes but I was a child.

We do have a DD together. She just turned 3. We do vacations with just her alot. (little ones mostly) but have already done Disney with just her. I have done Disney with my older kids as well.
My DH is extremely cheap, and he feels he shouldn't have to pay for anything for my other kids. He was also a single guy till he was 40 so it has been hard for him to take on a whole family at once. I don't work, which was the arrangement we made when he wanted to have a child with me. I have worked since I was 7 years old, starting on my dads farm, and worked there and then in the real world after highschool. I was a single mom with my older two for many years so it was a big decision for me to have another one.
But anyways, that is how we are.

I agree with the kids not staying in the same room, as I posted earlier.
You know how sometimes you thin kup these brilliant plans, then after yo uthink about it for a day, you think.."what was I thinking?" it was one of those moments.
My kids can get along with DH and he with them, but actually he is the biggest baby of them all. I am still mulling it over. Sept is a bad time to go anyways, as he is a dairy farmer and alot of times hay needs to be done then. But I was thinking if free dining was in the picture, then it would make it substantially cheaper to take all of them. But again, they may think we are just boring old duds too.I KNOW they will take off on there own as well, because we won't be able to ride all they want to with a 3 year old along.
My kids do go on trips with their dad too. They have other siblings there too. It is also no unusual for just one child to go on a trip with the step mom and or dad. I guess we don't work like normal families, but it works for us.

Thanks for the advice. Definately won't be taking any friends along if we do take this trip. Which is a big IF anyways, as DH is hard to convince on these things. Last year when we went I had some leverage. He was going out of town for a tractor pulling event, and Ialways come, but it was going to be hard to take all of us, so I said I would stay home with no complaints if we went to Disney, and he said yes. But then it took 5 months for him to set the date. We have several pulling events this summer out of state (he is a tractor puller by the way) and I may say that I will stay home with no complaints if we can go. In the long run, the money we save from the 3 YO and I not going would make up alot for the Disney trip.

 

[Tammysue5]

Hey just thought I would share ...

1. First if you want to make it a family vacation, I would lean towards not having the kids take friends. We had considered that when we went in Sept. (for DS16) but decided that he has gone on vacations w/some friends, spends many hours w/his many friends so these 2 weeks were "family".
Having kids of different ages we agreed that each child would get to help pick out restaurants/etc. DD5 and DD8 wanted CRT, Akershus, so we did those. DS we chose Planet Hollywood, Sci-fi and 50s. We also did CM, Ohana. The MAIN thing was that we did things together. NO one could complain about the others choices.

DS16 was awesome about 'posing' for pics at CRT and the AKershus. He would Pose as Alladin when Jasmine came around, things like that... his sisters LOVED it!!!! He was a great sport. DDs then did not have a problem w/his choices and (depsite the fact that DD5 was NOT thrilled about 'sitting' next to the Chucky doll ... She willing posed for pic w/him. They laugh about those pics now... and love to show them off.

The point is maybe talk w/your whole family and let them know that we can make this the best family vacation or the worst.

2. You already made the right choice for the teens sharing room

3. Sit down and talk w/your husband. I am a step mom and can say that honestly those relationships can be some of the most rewarding. I have always tried to be nice and do the right things.... while trying to not take the place of their mom. My stepsons will come to me (not their mom who tries hard to NOT do the right thing) with everything. I get hugs all the time and all the kids really care about each other. It is NEVER easy to take on a 'whole' family, whether you are 40 or 19 like I was. But your DH knew that going into the relationship and so now it really is time he took a good look at this situation. Talk w/him! Also, he has the opportunity to do the right thing... be a role model. Our children call my stepsons 'brothers' nothing else. They love each each other and there is really no jealousy between any of them. DSS19 is already asking when DD6 and DD8s dance recital is so he won't miss it. I would hope that those feelings were in part due to how my DH and myself have dealt w/the kids. I am sure your DH is a good man (I know farmers and they are good people) so give him the opportunity to discuss his feelings. Things may change w/a good talk, even if it does take time.

4. I will send Pixie Dust your way that you will beable to use free dining

Good Luck! (sorry this is so long and off topic in some cases)

 

[robsmom]

Here is what i think you should do.

Sit down with a blank piece of paper and write

I would like...

then write your answers such as:

to spend quality time with my older childer
to ensure that my older children and daughter have a relationship
for my husband to love my other children

then think about whether a disney trip is going to really accomplish what you want and if so who needs to be on the trip.

I think you are trying to solve some very serious issues with a vacation and in the long run i don't think this is going to happen. You may find counseling a better use of the money or a quite week in a cabin in the woods with no video games no computers and no TV. just a week together to talk, play games, etc.

 

[minkydog]

Well, i;m glad you rethought this idea because I foresee nothing good coming of it. If you want to take your kids on vacation, why not take them by yourself? Let the DH stay home this time. Your kids will always be your kids and you have a very small window of time left when they will want to go on vacation with you (that is, until they hit about 25.) If your Dh doesn't want to get with them at home, the stress of being a Disney isn't likely to improve things. Perhaps you can get away with just the DH for a nice weekend, just the two of you.

 

[jenseib]

Here is what i think you should do.

Sit down with a blank piece of paper and write

I would like...

then write your answers such as:

to spend quality time with my older childer
to ensure that my older children and daughter have a relationship
for my husband to love my other children

then think about whether a disney trip is going to really accomplish what you want and if so who needs to be on the trip.

I think you are trying to solve some very serious issues with a vacation and in the long run i don't think this is going to happen. You may find counseling a better use of the money or a quite week in a cabin in the woods with no video games no computers and no TV. just a week together to talk, play games, etc.

I'm not sure what you are talking about. All I want is to take a vacation ,and I thought bringing the older kids might be nice. I have no issues that need solving. I talk with my kids all the time. Even though they don't live with me they are only 2 miles down the same road! Nothing was trying to be solved.

The possibility of me going with JUST the kids is NIL. I don't work ,so I don't have an income. DH would neverjust had me 2 or 3 thousand dollars and say have fun without me. He would definately want to come. They will all get along. I'm not worried about that. I just was thinking of having fun all together one last time. But wether the older ones come or not, DH, the 3 YO and I will go on some sort of vacation this year. It may be one or two days, or it may be something like Disney. Like I said before I am just playing with stuff in my head right now. I didn't ask for family advice. It may not be how your family is, but it is how mine is.

 

[Schmeck]

I would love to take my whole family to Disney this fall assuming there wil lbe free dining. The thing is my DH is not the dad of my older two, and really never wants to do anything with them or include them on trips anymore. They don't even live with us anymore. My son is 19 and my DD is almost 16. The chances of me doing a family vacation is dwindling away now that they are older too. So anyways, I have a plan on how to do it, if free dining is offered.

Yes, I think there are issues to be resolved...

I wish you the best of luck!

 

[jenseib]

Yes, I think there are issues to be resolved...

I wish you the best of luck!

Well thats your opinion, and like i said, I didn't ask for you to judge the way my family runs.

I probably worded stuff wrong too. They get along, but teenagers can get mouthy and since DH isn't their dad they sometimes don't treat him well(even if he was they might not treat hime great either ,as teeenagers can be horrid creatures at times ). And he was not used to kids when he came into the relationship, so he has had a hard time with it. But he has improved alot. And also because he grew up on a dairy farm where working since you are a kid every day, for several hours a day, he doesn't get why the kids don't have full time jobs on top of school. And I, who grew up in a similar way swore I would never have my kids doing what I did growing up. I missed alot of stuff because my dad wouldn't let me have time off hardly ever in the summer to join friends. I want my kids to enjoy the teen years. My son is now going out inot the big world and wil lbe working for the rest of his life.
But we all can get along. And do on numerous occasions. I was trying to just do a fast sum up. But evidently on these boards if you don't give every exact detail then you get flamed for asking innocent questions.
So unless you have the exact situation, I don't think you could possibly understand.

 

[flipflop]

I am a stepchild and I took a family trip to Disney with my stepfather, mother and brother when I was 16. I was a mouthy 16 year old who knew everything (don't know many who aren't like that at 16 really) and at one point even told my stepfather that he wasn't my father and couldn't tell me what to do. Regardless of this, he loved me and I loved him - he always treated me as a daughter -and I enjoyed every moment of being away in Disney with him and the rest of our family. I was allowed to bring my best friend with me - she paid for her park pass and airfare - and that worked out great because we had family time for part of the day but she and I got to go off and be "independent" too, which teens tend to like. At 32, my best friend and I still talk about how much we enjoyed that vacation.

I would be concerned about the teens sharing a room - if there was a way to work around that I might still consider allowing them to bring friends.

I wouldn't take the trip without all of your children.

 

[livie1205]

do what you think is best...We have a blended family and it is NOT easy,we have done vacation with one or the other,and all together depending on what is going on at the time...sometimes they are on summer vacation with other parents or other parents dont agree on terms or ect...just depends....that is the way OUR family works,every family is not the same some have others ways of doing things...whatever works for you....if my son did not respect my dh (who does so much for him) and called him names he WOULD NOT go on a trip with us.My dh is a good man who does more for him than his own dad and I will not put up with it, so you do what you think would be best for your family...no matter what anyone thinks.

 

[Schmeck]

Well thats your opinion, and like i said, I didn't ask for you to judge the way my family runs.

I probably worded stuff wrong too. They get along, but teenagers can get mouthy and since DH isn't their dad they sometimes don't treat him well(even if he was they might not treat hime great either ,as teeenagers can be horrid creatures at times ). And he was not used to kids when he came into the relationship, so he has had a hard time with it. But he has improved alot. And also because he grew up on a dairy farm where working since you are a kid every day, for several hours a day, he doesn't get why the kids don't have full time jobs on top of school. And I, who grew up in a similar way swore I would never have my kids doing what I did growing up. I missed alot of stuff because my dad wouldn't let me have time off hardly ever in the summer to join friends. I want my kids to enjoy the teen years. My son is now going out inot the big world and wil lbe working for the rest of his life.
But we all can get along. And do on numerous occasions. I was trying to just do a fast sum up. But evidently on these boards if you don't give every exact detail then you get flamed for asking innocent questions.
So unless you have the exact situation, I don't think you could possibly understand.

What I highlighted was the crux of your situation, which you asked for help with (should you invite the older kids because your husband doesn't want to take them on vacations) which seems to be the reason why you asked for advice. I wasn't judging you, I was pointing out that this is what you posted, and you denied it in another post. There is an issue - you stated it and asked for help. Then when someone (robsmom), pointed out that maybe a vacation planned this way wasn't the greatest plan and suggested an alternative to get the issue resolved so it wouldn't be an issue any more, you denied having an issue. Just pointing out what you had originally stated. I agree that it didn't come across as you wanted it to, and most likely was not stated in the way you wanted it to be.

And I still wish you the best of luck!