I Need Some Christian Advice

[Need Some Advice]

Ok, first off as disykat stated, it was not my intention to offend non-believers. Just that other believers would better understand where I'm coming from.

I think answering Disney Doll's questions would help clear up some of the questions.

1. I understand that she may be mad, but I know she won't really hold it against me.

2. We are extremely close and almost all of our trips are together. She would know that it would be me being concerned about her, not a "gotcha".

3. My sister is in her mid 20s and her underage contact was 16.

4. My sister does share similar beliefs and she has often asked me to come with her to church. To my knowledge and according to her ad, she's a virgin.

5. I'm not sure how long it's been going on.

6. I do fear for her safety, wondering what might happen if she gets herself into a situation that she won't know how to get out of.

 

[Pugdog007]

First of all, I believe Disney Doll asked some very logical questions and I would really consider those questions and the answers to them before acting.

But my question would be: If she is indeed a virgin, could it be that she is just very curious about sex/sexuality and would not really ever act on this curiosity? Let's face the facts: It is very unusual for someone in their mid-20's to be a virgin. Maybe she feels ashamed of this and is actually looking to lose her virginity in order to "fit in?" I don't have any real great advice, I would say go with your heart. I'm not a confrontational type person and would not address something like this with my sister, but them again we are not close.

 

[DonnaS]

I wasn't offended by the thread topic and I wouldn't really say the post I quoted offended me, but I did feel compelled to address the implications from the post you quoted.

Now back to the OT:

16-- you don't say what state you live in, but the age of consent in many states is as low as 16. I'm not saying I'd like my sister to be dating someone that young (especially since she's in her 50's ), but it is a legal age of consent.

The website where I am finding age of consent does contain some language that may be objectionable (origins of a euphemism for sex) so moderators/admins may want to delete my link. If it is deleted, you can PM me for it.

Age of Consent

 

[mom42860]

1. I understand that she may be mad, but I know she won't really hold it against me.

It sounds as though you know the answer to your question, you have good communication with her so go and listen to her side of the story.

 

[kdibattista]

I would confront her with what you found and just say how concerned you are that she could get herself into trouble, let her know you are there if she wants to discuss it further and then leave it alone.

 

[Rajah]

Knowing what I know now, I would say sit down with her and have a heart-to-heart. Don't accuse, just let her know what you found and that you're very concerned about her. Concerned about the under-age boy (if that's true in your state), about her meeting with people who want cybersex, and about her in general. It's one thing to meet with people from the DIS who are a wonderful caring group of people. It's another to meet with someone who just wants cybersex. Many (not all, but many) of those people are trouble.

And, most importantly, pray about it.

 

[Silky]

I would liken snooping around an adult sister's computer to secretly reading her diary or love letters. I'd call it an absolute breach of trust. Would you do the same thing with your parents' computer??? I'm just glad for your sister that she didn't have any pornographic sites in her history which would have caused you to cascade further aspersions................

 

[GladysK]

How is this any different than reading someone's diary?

You did something you should not have done.

Everyone's sex life is extremely personal. You can be a very "christian" God fearing person and STILL have an exciting, active sex life.

I say MYOB.

 

[Zurg]

I think the story goes, that when asked about a woman, who was out side the laws of sexual norm, Christ suggested that anyone with out sin be the first to throw a stone, then turned to the wonam and asked her to go forward with her life and sin no more.

So I would assume that form that example in simmilar situations chirstians should: 1) not throw stones and 2) support moving forward.

There are no doubt other teachings that could be useful, like the story about the taking the beam out of our own eye before worrying about the one in someone elses. My 2 cents on the doctrine side of things and keep in mind I am not a religious scholar.

(Oh and on the practical side, I doubt there is any way to know the age of the virtual person on the other side, unless they are truely a known individual, could be some guy hospital in Mass. roll playing.)

 

[Porter]

My sister is legally an adult, however the person she was having cybersex (meaning instant messaging and phone calls) with was not. There are also dangers from meeting people online.

I believe that a lot of good points were made with respect to your sister. Seeing that she is of legal age I would not mention this to your parents however you may want to bring it up with her.

However, am I the only one who sees that the real issue is that an adult likes to have cyber sex with a minor? Just how old was the other person? In today’s sick world of child pornography you may want to warn your sister of the crack down on adults having cyber sex with minors. I am not casting judgment or anything like that. Just trying to lend a friendly hand.

 

[Lanshark]

I think the title of this post will give you exactly what you don't want.

As a Christian, you should know who to ask. You'll get the answer you want there.

I couldn't have said it better

 

[Tuffcookie]

Actually, being a Christian has nothing to do with the issue you're talking about. You are worried about your sister's safety. Meeting someone on-line can be dangerous. I would try to talk to her about what you found and see what she says. If she closes up on you tell her you love her and you'll be there if she wants to talk. Hugs!

TC

 

[browneyes]

As a Christian, I'm still a firm believer in minding my own business. I also have a problem with people saying they're going to do something to someone else based on their Christianity.

If I got into one of my brother's computers and saw that stuff, I wouldn't have poured through everything looking at every minute detail. I would've backed away. Then I would go up to him the next time I saw him and say "I saw some things on your computer that I shouldn't have." He'd know what I was talking about. If I had a sister, I'd do the same thing. Or if I got into my mom's computer, I would've told her the same thing.

Are you sure the person she was talking to was 16, or someone that was saying they were 16? Are you wanting to threaten her with legal ramifications if he is only 16?

 

[Princess_Aurora]

Originally posted by Need Some Advice
I understand the inclination to think it's not any of my business and perhaps that's true, but I wonder if people would have the same response had I found something like drugs.

Well, that depends. If it were out in plane sight I would probably have a talk with her. If it was hiding in her underware drawer stashed way in the back then you shouldn't have been snooping there and she'll just get mad at you.

Again, I say if you want to talk to her about it you better not be telling her you were snooping in her computer unless you want to cause a big rift between the two of you. I can almost say with 100% certainty she will get very POed at you. My sister and I are very close. I love her to death, but if I found out she had been snooping through my PERSONAL files on MY computer there would just be no more trust there whatsoever. Things would probably never be the same between us. It's things like this that can ruin families forever.

If you just want to give her the moral of the story, find some other way to bring it up in a round-about way. Let her know that meeting people online can be dangerous without letting on that you saw all that stuff on her computer. That would be the safest way to do it.

 

[MosMom]

(Oh and on the practical side, I doubt there is any way to know the age of the virtual person on the other side, unless they are truely a known individual, could be some guy hospital in Mass. roll playing.)

Indeed, the person she was talking to is most likely not 16. I would venture to guess more like 40.

If you are truly concerned about her safety and well-being, talk to HER about it directly and don't tattle on her to your parents. Tell her that you are concerned about her and remind her that the Internet can be a very dangerous place. If she tells you that she knows what she is doing and not to worry, then back off. She is an adult and it is her life to live.

Think what position you would put your sister in by telling your parents. What adults do privately with their time is their business.

 

[aahmom1]

Originally posted by browneyes
As a Christian, I'm still a firm believer in minding my own business. I also have a problem with people saying they're going to do something to someone else based on their Christianity.

If I got into one of my brother's computers and saw that stuff, I wouldn't have poured through everything looking at every minute detail. I would've backed away. Then I would go up to him the next time I saw him and say "I saw some things on your computer that I shouldn't have." He'd know what I was talking about. If I had a sister, I'd do the same thing. Or if I got into my mom's computer, I would've told her the same thing.

Are you sure the person she was talking to was 16, or someone that was saying they were 16? Are you wanting to threaten her with legal ramifications if he is only 16?

Ditto that, I couldn't have said it better myself.