I Need Some Christian Advice

[Need Some Advice]

I'm so disappointed in my sister and I don't know what I should do. I have been on these boards for a while and started a new ID because I didn't want that to be an issue.

Yesterday I was checking the modem and making sure all the computers were connected. When I was checking my sister's computer I went to type something in the address and the address tried to autocomplete for me, but the address was for a online sex personals.

At first I wrote it off as her being bored or curious, but then I checked her history and she had created a personal ad of her own stating that she was looking to be with women, men and part of "a/some". She also had some disgusting cybersex things she's saved, including one with an underage boy.

I'm not a saint myself, but this is a complete shocker. My parents just left town for a few days. I don't know if I should tell them, or what I should say to my sister.

 

[bsnyder]

How old is your sister?

 

[TiggerPiglet]

Originally posted by bsnyder
How old is your sister?

I was just thinking the same thing.

If your sister is not a legal adult, I would definitely tell your parents. She may be planning on meeting someone through these ads, which could be very dangerous.

If your sister is of legal age, the only thing I guess you could do is try to talk to her about how dangerous this is.

With respect to the underage boy, this is illegal no matter what age she is. Kiddie porn sites are illegal and she needs to be told to stop visiting sites like that and maybe seek professional help as to why she would visit such a site.

 

[Silky]

I guess that it depends upon the age of your sister. If she's 12, I certainly would first speak with her about the risks posed by the Internet; I'd then tell your parents, in a non-specific manner, that you had some concerns about her safety on-line.

HOWEVER, if she's older than 18, I'd mind your own business. Perhaps you accidentally came upon her online personal. Fine, but then you SNOOPED around by exploring her history. If she's a mature adult, you had no business doing so.

JMHO.....

 

[Lynn CC]

If your sister is underage I would let your parents handle it. As long as she isn't planning on meeting one of these people while your parents are away it can wait until they get home.

If she's over 18 then I would just let her know that you know and that it is illegal/dangerous and your worried about her.

It sounds as if you really care for your sister, sometimes people need someone to talk to about certain things, so maybe she'll confide in you.

{HUGS}

 

[Princess_Aurora]

I agree with Silky. If she's a consenting adult then you really had no business snooping in her computer and personal files and bringing it up to her will probably really make her VERY mad at you. I know I would be POed if I found out my sister or anyone else for that matter went snooping through my computer. If you're worried about her safety, then find a round-about manner of just saying that meeting people on the internet can be dangerous. Tell her you head "a story" on the news and use that as a way to bring in a sort of lecture.

If she is underage, just tell her parents and let them deal with it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

How I would handle it is if my sister was underage I would tell her I found out and then explain she needs to tell on herself to mom & dad asap. If something were to happen and you knew something that would be awful.

However if she is "of age" and has no kids I probably would just distance myself from her. I may or may not talk to her about it. I would have to really think out it. I don't think that I would trust her around my kids, to be honest.

Now, if she had kids I would most likely have a heart to heart talk about what is going on. The thought of my nieces and nephews exposed to kiddie porn would prompt me to speak up.

{{{HUGS}}} sounds like an awful situation to be in.

 

[Princess_Aurora]

Wait, was this actual kiddie porn or just a saved conversation you found containing cybersex? There IS a difference. If she's actually looking at and downloading kiddie porn then you really need to tell her to get it off her system before she gets caught. Some of those kiddie porn sites are government-owned just to catch you. But if it was just a "conversation" she was having with an underaged boy, I don't *think* that's illegal (I knew a lot of people trying it out at the age of 16 just because it was the thing to do on the internet) but it's still not the best thing to be doing.

 

[ripleysmom]

If she's underage then I would talk to her and tell your parents. If she's not underage then MYOB.

Just because you live your life by a proscribed set of morals doesn't mean that she has to live her life according to your Christian principles.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Oh sorry if I mistook it PA.
It could have been a conversation. I didn't take it that way. I forgot that "Cyber" could mean conversations. And if she is calling "him" underage I am safe to assume that she is "of age", right?
If it is just talk and sites and she is of age then I don't know what I would do.
"Cybertalk" leads me to believe that these "underage" people are not, really anyway.

 

[Need Some Advice]

My sister is legally an adult, however the person she was having cybersex (meaning instant messaging and phone calls) with was not. There are also dangers from meeting people online.

I understand the inclination to think it's not any of my business and perhaps that's true, but I wonder if people would have the same response had I found something like drugs.

I know that to most non-believers this may seem like no big deal, but the rest of you know exactly what I'm talking about. We're an extremely close family and I can't just pretend like none of this ever happened, though I truly wish I could.

I need to figure out how to approach her about this.

 

[DonnaS]

Originally posted by Need Some Advice

I know that to most non-believers this may seem like no big deal, but the rest of you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Yep, all of us non-believers are into free love and such.

Oh, and apparently you aren't THAT close of a family if your sister has such interests and nobody is aware of them.

 

[Silky]

Originally posted by DonnaS


Yep, all of us non-believers are into free love and such.

Please speak for yourself . When I was at BERKELEY, I discovered that most of you California types were one step removed from Sodom .

This non-believer views sex as only an evolutionary necessity to assure procreation of the species........

 

[Miss Jasmine]

That's a tough situation. You care about and love your sister very much. More than anything you must be shocked. But remember, Jesus meets us where we are. We don't have to improve first and then go to Him.

You have a couple options: you could go to her and talk to her but she will be MAD you were checking her history and that will shut her down immediatly. Or you can say nothing to her and continue on. You can pray for her and you can pray that you are given the right opening or you can just pray about whether you are right to go to her. In the Bible it says Christians are to help other Christians stay strong. Is she a self-professed Christian or does she just follow christianity because your familyh does? That could make a big difference in your decision.

She is still your sister. You many not be happy with her choices, but they are her choices to make. Our Father instills free will in each and every one of us.

{{{{HUGS}}}}

 

[dcgrumpy]

If she's an adult it's none of your business and you had no right snooping. When you say she's an adult but he's not, do you mean she's 35 and he's 11 or she's 19 and he's 17?

 

[bsnyder]

Why don't you just ask her about it?

And if she tells you to MYOB, then you should respect that.

If she's an adult, you really shouldn't get your parents involved in this, unless you want to ruin your relationship with your sister.

 

[Robinrs]

I think the title of this post will give you exactly what you don't want.

As a Christian, you should know who to ask. You'll get the answer you want there.

 

[Disney Doll]

I think you need to ask yourself several questions.
1. Are you willing to risk hurting your relationship with your sister? She may be very angry when she finds out you were snooping.
2. Are you and your sister close? Would she understand that in your heart you are truly worried about her and have her best interests at heart, or would she think you were being "holier than thou" by pointing out her shortcomings?
3. What is the age difference between your sister and her underage contact? If she is 40 and he is 15, it's problem, and also a risk for being arrested etc. If she is 20 and he is 17, well, he may be technically underage, but that is not THAT huge of an age difference.
4. I think another poster asked this question...does your sister actually subscribe to your religious beliefs? If not, then your beliefs,morals, and values are not necessarily her beliefs,morals, values. Answer the question honestly...think about what actually, is, not what you'd like it to be.
5. How long has this been going on? Was it precipitated by something(ie-job loss, relationship breakup)? If there was some major stresor in her life, and shortly afterward she started with this, it may be a reactive sort of behavior.
6. Do you feel she is in physical(as opposed to moral/religious) danfer based on her actions?

The risk you run is alienating your sister, so think and pray long and hard before you do anything.

 

[Jenzebelle]

By underaged, what exactly are you referring to? Someone who is 18? 16? 11? How old is your sister?

Honestly? unless she is engaged in illegal activities, you really need to myob. She is an adult and has her own version of a higher power to answer to - not necessarily yours. She might be meeting people in a way you don't approve of, but just because she is looking for people online doesn't mean she is necessarily in danger. I know many people that have met their spouses in chat rooms (like myself) or through online personals.

I understand the inclination to think it's not any of my business and perhaps that's true, but I wonder if people would have the same response had I found something like drugs.

That is apples and oranges. Last time I checked, sex wasn't illegal unless it was with a minor. If it were my sister, I wouldn't say anything unless she was involved with a child or doing hard drugs.

You really need to step back and ask yourself how important is your relationship with your sister. Because more likely than not, confronting her or showing her that you're judging her because her interests don't fall into what you consider moral or normal will drive her away. Not to mention additional anger because of how you came across that information. I would be absolutely livid if either of my siblings went through my personal history without my knowledge or permission.

I know that to most non-believers this may seem like no big deal, but the rest of you know exactly what I'm talking about. We're an extremely close family and I can't just pretend like none of this ever happened, though I truly wish I could.

You are aware that non Christian families are also close knit and care about each other, right?

 

[disykat]

I truly don't believe that the OP's intention was to offend non-Christians. She was simply hoping for advice from the Christian perspective, thus her thread title. I don't think that is unreasonable.

If it were my sister, I would have a heart to heart with her. Aside from the morality issues, she may be unaware that she is breaking the law. She knows you were working on her computer so may suspect that you could have run across it. You'll find out pretty quickly what her reaction to you bringing it up is and can figure out what to do from there.