I need help with potty training...

[ms.yt]

I hope you aren't suggesting that potty training at a normal age is going to make kids grow up to be murderers, alcoholics and unemployed.

No, of course not. I'm saying that it doesn't really matter that much in the grand scheme of a child's development as a human being if they are potty trained at 2 or 3. And, by the way, the "normal age" according to most everything you read on the subject is 3-5 years, not 2.

OP, you said your child was in a preschool that didn't allow kids in diapers? What preschool in Jonesboro even accepts 2 year olds? All the school sponsored ones I know of don't take kids until they are 3. If it's a daycare that just calls itself a preschool, I would consider changing. There are lots of daycares in Jonesboro, and I know that most don't require 2 year olds to be completely potty trained.

 

[TMcDwyer]

First of all, !!! We did not start potty training my DS until he was three. It took about a month for him to pee in the potty on a regular basis and 11 MONTHS for him to poop in the potty on a regular basis. My pediatrician told me that he would do it when he was ready, and he was right. One morning, two weeks before his fourth Birthday he came downstairs and said, "I use the potty all the time now Mommy." I was skeptical, but sure enough, that day he started to poop in the potty. I have no idea what changed for him, but all of a sudden he was ready and he did it.

Please do not beat yourself up over this. He is still a baby and the pressure to learn to Potty Train can be scary for kids. If you ever need to talk please feel free to PM me. I spent 11 months thinking I was a failure as a mother and that I had somehow let me son down. I know now that it is not true at all, but it was so hard for me.

As for his school, you should check to see if it is even legal in your state for the school to mandate that he not wear diapers, or a pull-up. In Colorado a school cannot refuse a child because they are not potty trained. (Potty training is a developmental milestone and all kids reach it in their own good time, just like walking and talking.) The school can tell you that they will not change diapers and that the parent will have to come to the school if the child has an accident, but they cannot turn the child away. For a school to mandate that a 2 year old be completely out of diapers is insane!

Again...I am here if you need to talk.

 

[NJMomma]

Really, this isn't worth stressing over, for you or your child. He will get there. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow - but it will happen! Back away from the hard sell on the potty and re-visit it in a few months. He's not just not ready yet.

 

[finallygoingtoWDW]

If the child knows when he needs to pee (and can control it) he can do the same for poop.

Well that is just incorrect.

OP, sorry there is no magic method. He will do it when he's ready. And he's still very young. My suggestion is to back off. You can not make him do it. He has to physically be able to it and he has to want to do it. This is not something you should force on him.

Could he be constipated? Have you talked with your doctor about this?

 

[TMcDwyer]

Well that is just incorrect.

I was just going to say this. There are different muscle groups involved and it is very common for kids to be able to control one, but not the other.

 

[PaddingtonBear]

I'm not one to get riled by anything I read here, but I can't believe the advice you're getting from Sarah Jayne. Please, please ignore it. Your child is not manipulating you. Letting him poop his pants and just sit in it for a few minutes will not solve anything. There's no gauranteed solution to your child's potty training issue, children are all different, no one approach works well for all of them. You can force an issue, you can force him to poop in the potty or on himself, but what would you have accomplished? You'd have a resentful child who can poop on the potty. Please, its not worth it.

My DS is 2years 4 mo. He is still in diapers and we're just starting to sit on the potty a few times a day. He has just gotten to the point where he won't scream on the potty. I'd rather have an emotionally healthy, happy toddler in diapers than an pent up, resentful one in underpants.

If you school is mandating that children that young be potty trained then they are not working to normal standards of developmentally appropriate behavior. It is not a reasonable expectation that all children be potty trained at that age- what else will they demand your child do that he is not developmentally capable of doing yet?

Our preschool requires that children be pottytraining (training, not trained) by 3. That's it.

Relax, and tell your mom to back off. He'll do it when he's ready. There's no award and no lifelong advantage for a child learning to poop in the potty by 2 and a half.

 

[DawnCt1]

With kids in their 20's, I can assure you, everyone gets potty trained. That said, I never gave my kids candy....except for potty training. I also bought Superman and Spiderman Underroos, and a cape! You couldn't wear the underroos or the cape unless you used the potty. If you peed, you got a Hershey's kiss. If you pooped, you got a Hershey mini chocolate bar. Potty trained within two weeks. No punishment of mention or failure. Just no underroos. "they are still in the wash" and no 'cape".

 

[tonilea]

DS was about the same age as your son when he fully potty trained. We never pressured him. I did let him pick out underwear with his favorite character, Thomas the Tank Engine. I told him I really didn't think Thomas the Tank Engine would like it if he was peed or pooped on. It did seem to help.

ETA: My mother was a PITA about things like potty training, how long was I going to let him nurse, co-sleep and crap like that.... just ignore it. Trust your instincts, if something doesn't feel right - like making him sit on the potty until he is dry heaving - don't do it.

 

[kellyg403]

I agree with the others...he will do this when he is ready. Forcing the issue will only cause him to be more scared and honestly open up a whole can of worms you don't want to deal with. I have 6 children as well, and the first ds was way easier when it came to peeing in the potty but pooping in the potty a whole nother issue. To the point, he would hold it. I also had 'excellent' advice from older moms and as I first time mom I took it as gospel. Until the day we were at the emergancy room getting said son cleaned out and having to take a medication everyday to smooth things along. He was so scared he literally learned to hold it for days...

If he is scared, he is scared..he will get hopefully realize there is nothing to be scared about. On his own time. Letting him poop in his diaper is really not a big deal. And your mom...tell her to back off or move out. If you were talking about a 6 year old with no disabilities I would say you were being manipiulated but a 2 year old I just can't think so. There is something that is bothering him and all you can do is encourage him until you find his currency.

Just my two cents...
Kelly

 

[mjkacmom]

My oldest pee trained a whole year before poop training, and 2 others didn't do them at the same time. It wasn't an issue with preschool - he'd just wait until he got home. PLEASE do not push this (although still encourage). If you don't put a diaper on him (or let him put on a pullup), he will start to withhold, which causes permanant damage. Trust me, he'll get it eventually - it usually only takes one poop on the potty.

 

[mjkacmom]

He's playing you. Get rid of the diapers immediately. And don't give in.

I understand why your Mom is upset...'cause you gave in.

Let him poop in his pants....NO DIAPER, and make him keep it in there for a couple mins. It won't hurt him and he'll understand what it means to poop in your pants (ie, how it feels and the mess (and stink) it makes).

I can almost guarantee you he won't do it again.

OR, you can sit with him on the potty until he does it ~ regardless of how long it takes. Everyone has to poop eventually.

As a mom of 5, this has to be the worst potty training advice I've ever heard, and goes against anything I've ever read or heard from pediatricians. Unfortunately, I tried this with my first (no internet then), and thank goodness I spoke to my pediatrician! She was on day 5, screaming in pain. DH thought we should wait it out. If I had listened to him, she'd probably be in depends due to a stretched colon, at the age of 13. Fortunately, my mommy instinct kicked in. For about 3 months, she put on a pullup when she had to go, and I changed her. Then, one day at a neighbors house, she pooped in their potty, and that was that.

 

[DMickey28]

Kudos for the potty training so far. I agree that he is just not ready yet and at not even 2.5 years that's super early. I do think that you will end up with a battle getting him away from pooping in the diaper eventually but I don't think his little body and little ego is ready for it yet.

My DS is 2 years 4.5 months old (April 24) and I am not even remotely ready to potty train him. He has had a potty for about 6+ months and he almost always pees in it when we go but I lack the consistancy right now. We have been staying with my parents while we found a house and hopefully will close in October. We are probably going to start more serious potty training in December/January but I expect set backs with the new baby in March.

I'd just let him have his time right now and stand firm as his parent. My mom keeps trying to push the potty on DS too and he will go when we you take him there but it's upstairs and I just am not willing to shlep upstairs every 1.5 hours right now ... once we move and have room for the potty downstairs in the bathroom and another upstairs it will be much easier!

Good Luck.

 

[mjkacmom]

Kudos for the potty training so far. I agree that he is just not ready yet and at not even 2.5 years that's super early. I do think that you will end up with a battle getting him away from pooping in the diaper eventually but I don't think his little body and little ego is ready for it yet.

.

I disagree that 2 1/2 is super early. I learned the hard way that there is a window, and if you take advantage of it, you can pt in under a week. I waited until 3 with my 2 oldest, and they were definitely the hardest. I accidently trained dd8 when she was 2 1/2 (took off the diaper because she had a rash, put the potty in the room, and she never went back to diapers - i had to run out and buy underwear!). This was when I discovered the magical way of PTing - nakey butt. Did the same with the twins, dd was ready, and trained in a few days, ds was not (peed on the floor more than once), so he went back in diapers for 3 months, tried again, he didn't pee on the floor, and was trained in a few days.

I do believe that in a lot of cases, pee training comes before poop training, because it's harder to hold in pee, and it's less scary. I do believe it's cruel to force the poop training - my kids were seriously terrified!

 

[flafan]

My son was not completely potty trained until 4, he was just late. He did exactly what your son is doing. Waiting until he gets home. Please be patience with him he will get it.

 

[SaraJayne]

As a mom of 5, this has to be the worst potty training advice I've ever heard, and goes against anything I've ever read or heard from pediatricians. Unfortunately, I tried this with my first (no internet then), and thank goodness I spoke to my pediatrician! She was on day 5, screaming in pain. DH thought we should wait it out. If I had listened to him, she'd probably be in depends due to a stretched colon, at the age of 13. Fortunately, my mommy instinct kicked in. For about 3 months, she put on a pullup when she had to go, and I changed her. Then, one day at a neighbors house, she pooped in their potty, and that was that.

When we started potty training, the diapers were taken away. They weren't an option anymore. The only option was underwear.

And no, the OP's son isn't too young...he's at a great age to potty train.

And pssssst ~ it's SARAJayne.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

When we started potty training, the diapers were taken away. They weren't an option anymore. The only option was underwear.

And no, the OP's son isn't too young...he's at a great age to potty train.

And pssssst ~ it's SARAJayne.

I have to ask - how did you get to be the expert on potty training. You seem to think you know more than any other parent, or even the pediatricians.

 

[SaraJayne]

I have to ask - how did you get to be the expert on potty training. You seem to think you know more than any other parent, or even the pediatricians.

I'm not any more the expert than anyone else giving their opinions on this thread.

I know what worked for us and many of my friends.

 

[mjkacmom]

When we started potty training, the diapers were taken away. They weren't an option anymore. The only option was underwear.

And no, the OP's son isn't too young...he's at a great age to potty train.

And pssssst ~ it's SARAJayne.

While I agree he's at the perfect age, I stand firmly in my belief (and that of any pediatrician) that you should force a child to poop in the potty. There are many discussion boards regarding parents who's children develope encopresis from this, and it's not phttp://mayoclinic.com/health/encopresis/DS00885retty. The concept that a 2 year old is manipulating adults is crazy. Three of my kids poop trained later than pee - they were truly terrified! I tried all kinds of bribes, including a ride on battery operated jeep! Yes, I was willing to spend hundreds of dollars! Trust me - ds wanted that jeep, but not enough to poop on the potty.

 

[WL Fan]

What's with all the Grandmas and the harsh attitudes? What does she care? She should be happy she's got all day to spend with her grandson who'll be driving before she knows it!

Let it go for now. We didn't with my DS who's now 19 and COMPLETELY potty trained! (He's doing fine in college, too!) He had a hernia surgery at 2 1/2 and a ruptured appendix at just shy of 3, mostly because (I think) we were sticklers about the whole pooping thing, and he would go days without having a BM. When he did, it was a screaming, kicking fiasco. What were we thinking? If I could have that little toddler back, I'd sit him on my lap with a pull-up on and give him a big old squeeze. Making a little guy sit in a poopy pair of underpants is disgusting. Period.

PS. You may need to remind grannie that they make depends for big people... who knows what's in store for her down the road?

 

[Magic Mom]

He'll do it when he is ready. He already showed you that when the time was right he will go pee in the potty. Give him some time, ask him periodically, and he will do it when he is ready.