I need advice from anonymous internet posters...

[EthansMom]

Before I was a SAHM, I was an engineer (female in a male-dominated environment). None of my coworkers ever did anything at all like you're describing. That is blatant sexual harrassment and the company needs to put a stop to it now!

You DW should go in to the head of HR and tell him/her everything that this man has done. She should let them know, in no uncertain terms, that she finds the man's behavior despicable and that she doesn't consider the company to have done enough to protect her (no change in his behavior after replacements and no change after DW talked to her supervisor).

If the man isn't fired, DW should consult an attorney about a sexual harrassment suit against the company.

 

[Tracey1974]

That is way over the line-your wife needs to make sure everything is documented. Shame on her HR department for letting this go on. The ear thing would gross me out and would result in a punch to the nose if that happened to me.

If I even hinted to DH that something like that were taking place at work, the guy would be walking with a limp!

 

[Hedy]

HR, HR, HR.
And you're not at all out of line.

 

[oxfordcircus]

Is this a joke? Someone sticks his tongue in your wife's ear and you haven't done anything yet?

My only concern would be that the company has good dental coverage, because Loverboy would be bringing his teeth to the dentist in a paper bag.

Seriously, you gotta have a "talk" with this guy. Preferably in a dark alley.

Not a joke. I ran through all those scenarios in my mind when I learned of the tongue/ear incident. I planned to do things, you know, things to the guy. I even rented Pulp Fiction for a refresher (just kidding). But during that initial surge of rage, the guy wasn't standing right there. So the rage passed. Then I started thinking of consequences of my actions, if I were to follow through. Seriously, I could spend some time in jail, lose my professional license with a felony conviction, and all kinds of other things that non-criminals don't have to think about. So now I have contacted my wife's supervisor and we've gotten her supervisor, human resources and general counsel involved. They have given us a "proposal" and we have to decide if we are satisfied with it. It is my nature to second guess my emotional reactions. That's what I'm doing here: wondering if I'm making too big a deal out of this. This guy's about to lose his job. He has a kid. I don't want to be flippant. But just for the record, we'll be giving him a big thumbs down. He made his bed.

 

[Chilehead Too]

That's what I'm doing here: wondering if I'm making too big a deal out of this. This guy's about to lose his job. He has a kid. I don't want to be flippant. But just for the record, we'll be giving him a big thumbs down. He made his bed.

Do not second guess yourself. You are not making too big a deal out of it. He should have thought about the kid and the consequences prior to sticking his tongue in her ear.

Good Luck to you and your wife.

 

[Evil Genius]

You're worried about this man losing his job?? He should!! This is sexual harrassment you are talking about in a big time way. Your concern should be for your wife, not this jacka$$ and his family.

She needs to go to her supervisor's supervisor, the head of hr, possibly the head of the company. This needs to stop NOW!!! I would also contact a lawyer.

 

[salmoneous]

That's what I'm doing here: wondering if I'm making too big a deal out of this.

Up until I hear the word "shotgun" from you, you aren't making too big a deal of it.

 

[Sandy22]

Holy crap! If a co-worker stuck his tongue in my ear I'd sock it to him big time!

I would suggest she request immediate action from her supervisor to deal with this guy.

 

[ducklite]

They have given us a "proposal" and we have to decide if we are satisfied with it. It is my nature to second guess my emotional reactions. That's what I'm doing here: wondering if I'm making too big a deal out of this. This guy's about to lose his job. He has a kid. I don't want to be flippant. But just for the record, we'll be giving him a big thumbs down. He made his bed.

That proposal had beeter include the loser being fired and not eligible for rehire. Additionally, your wife needs to be protected from any possible retailiation by any buddies this loser had.

In all honesty, you should make a police report and have this guy arrested for a low level sexual assault. I think I would seriously consider it, as it would identify him as a sex offender--which frankly, he is. Unfortunately a lot of guys start small and end up committing more and more serious crimes, including rape. Stop him now, label him. His kid really isn't your concern--if he's deemed an unfit parent the child will be removed. But you should be concerned about the other women out there who might be his next victim.

Anne

 

[Michie]

how long has this been going on

 

[dmslush]

Not a joke. I ran through all those scenarios in my mind when I learned of the tongue/ear incident. I planned to do things, you know, things to the guy. I even rented Pulp Fiction for a refresher (just kidding). But during that initial surge of rage, the guy wasn't standing right there. So the rage passed. Then I started thinking of consequences of my actions, if I were to follow through. Seriously, I could spend some time in jail, lose my professional license with a felony conviction, and all kinds of other things that non-criminals don't have to think about. So now I have contacted my wife's supervisor and we've gotten her supervisor, human resources and general counsel involved. They have given us a "proposal" and we have to decide if we are satisfied with it. It is my nature to second guess my emotional reactions. That's what I'm doing here: wondering if I'm making too big a deal out of this. This guy's about to lose his job. He has a kid. I don't want to be flippant. But just for the record, we'll be giving him a big thumbs down. He made his bed.

You are doing right by not assaulting the guy. No good would come out of that, even if that is our first instinct!! You need to get an independent attorney and settle for no less than him losing his job. Anyone in this country with half a brain knows that sexual harassment is an offense that can leave you unemployed and financially devastated. However, the people that continue to do this simply think they are above the rules or exempt from them. He is learning both because he has only had his job moved for doing this to other women. So, now it is your wife's opportunity to make sure that this doesn't continue in her place of work. Also, if the company is moving him around knowing that he is doing this, they are just as guilty as he is!

So basically, instead of kicking the guy's rear end physically, kick it legally!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

They have given us a "proposal" and we have to decide if we are satisfied with it. It is my nature to second guess my emotional reactions. That's what I'm doing here: wondering if I'm making too big a deal out of this. This guy's about to lose his job. He has a kid. I don't want to be flippant. But just for the record, we'll be giving him a big thumbs down. He made his bed.

He NEEDS to lose his job. He deserves it. A "proposal" huh???
Is this is way to buy you off so you don't sue?
Interesting....

 

[nealymouse]

I dont want to hi-jack your thread but this hits home. Not the same thing happend to me but very simular. I went to HR and got no where. I went again and lost my job (not kidding here) Called the Equal Rights Com and was told to NOT walk but run to an attorney.
I had an on going diary from day one of what was going on that was the most important thing I could have done

I got my job back with a very nice "were so sorry bonus" only to have it happend again but worst this time (still not kidding)

Again went to HR only to be told to suck it up and deal with it ( I was dealing with several things one being men pooing on the floor in my female only bathroom and being told I had to pick it up. Sounds hard to believe but again NOT kidding)

My name in this work place was the "C" word, cow, Fat *SS ect ect again told to suck it up.

The final straw was when a male employee threatend to KILL me because he wanted to !!!!

I walked out, Called my attorney. Started a lawsuit. My Job was still saying I needed to suck up and deal with it ( I felt I was and they were NOT)

It was settled out of court and the deciding factor was my companies Therpist who said that he has never ever heard of such a horrible case and if my company did not settle this then he would be forced to side with me in court.

Again not trying to hi-jack but need to stress the importance of a diary and DO NOT let HR bully you and this man should loose his job.

I so feel your pain

 

[laura001]

Wow! Ii can't believe that your wife's employer has let this go on, if they do nothing about it (like fire that guy) they are just as liable. By letting this go on without doing anything about it, they are condoning his behaviour.....huge problem.

If she isn't getting anywhere with her employer, she should contact a lawyer and find out what her options are, in the meantime document absolutely everything.

Good luck, hope it all works out.

 

[miss missy]

OH MY GOD he is sooo over the line!!! He should be fired! That is that!

Tell her to keep strong! I would be freaked out and pissed off! I would def not take that for a second!

 

[agnes!]

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.
I feel dirty just *reading* what this piece of human debris has done to your DW (and others at work that you *know* about - there are probably more incidents that still remain a secret).

agnes!

 

[xyzabc33]

My first reaction if someone snuck up behind me and EEEEWWW stuck a wet object in my ear would be to swing my hand back in defense. My BF can attest to my quick reaction on sneaking up on me(I bloodied his nose) Felt horrible but that is what he gets for scaring the bejesus out of me. I agree witht poster that said YELL and make a scene when he does this so the office is aware that he is doing something inappropriate. Who knows how many others he has done this to or WORSE to. He needs to be stopped and prosecuted.

This creep (maybe we should call him a Hag because he definatley deserves the title) deserves to lose his job and be reported to the police. I wouldnt feel too sorry for his family because they probably know what he is like and if they dont you would actually be helping the mother realize that her child may be in danger if it is a girl.

For the poster that had gone thru such attrocities at work I am glad you are not in that situation anymore and good for you for speaking up. OP you show great restraint in not beating the poop out of this guy..KUDOS As much as my BF acts as if he doesnt care I know he would be livid if this was happening to me.

OH...the proposal thing...exactly what did they propose? If you dont mind me asking. Most "proposals" are a corporations way of buying you off so they dont get bad press. Depending on what it is (him just losing his job and no reporcussions other then that) I dont know if I would take it, but again depends on what it is.

 

[Liberty Belle]

He is entirely out of line. That is disgusting behavior. It makes me sick to my stomach to read it, so I can't even imagine how horribly it's making your wife feel.

If her work won't do anything about it, I'd take it further. This is just wrong and he needs to be stopped.

And what's with the "small girl" comment? As you know, many, many, many men prefer a curvy woman. Just that comment alone would be harrassment, and incredibly rude.

 

[Liberty Belle]

If I even hinted to DH that something like that were taking place at work, the guy would be walking with a limp!

Yeah, same here. I don't mean to make you feel bad OP, but I don't think I could hold my husband back if someone did this to me. You must be a very patient and peaceful man.

 

[oxfordcircus]

Alright. The guy has been fired. I think once the legal department got involved, he was toast. Thanks for your input.