I need a shoulder to cry on...

[Desnik]

I guess I just need to get this out. It's not working with DH and I. For those who don't remember what happened here's a link:
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1368000&referrerid=&highlight=married

I really have been trying. He is just making it impossible. One minute things are OK and then the next they're not. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but I really don't feel like I deserve what has been going on. He wants time apart and I am no longer going to try to convince him he's doing the wrong thing. He really isn't being fair to me and I refuse to be a door mat. I am so heart broken and upset. I don't even want to think about what us splitting up will intail. I just am so upset for my children. I feel like I have failed them. So many things are running through my head. I just want to sulk and cry, but I know I have to not let my kids see me that way. I know I have to get things sorted out with the financials and house stuff. I can't believe this is happening. Also, our trip is a month away, DS turns 4 on Fri. How do I deal with all of this?

 

[Hedy]

 

[minnieandmickeymouse]

 

[AprilShowers]

I'm so sorry. No advice, just prayers and hugs.

 

[sPaRkLeSpAz]

 

[Trish Bessette]

I am so sorry you are going through this. You deal with it just like you are...one day at a time. I know it must be hard but try not to overwhelm yourself with every detail all at once. Choose one item, focus on it and move on from there.

You have not let your children down. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Surround yourself with people you can talk to and who make you feel good. That is what will help pull yourself through this.

I am so sorry!

 

[mommasita]

to you.

I don't blame you for not wanting to be a doormat. I think counselling would be your best bet. Someone neutral to give an unbiased opinion. It is hard to throw marriage away, especially with children involved.

I hope you do what you feel is right. I would just give it all I have, even if it does not work out, you can look yourself in the mirror, knowing you did everything in your power to "try" and remedy your marriage.

Good luck, and please post again.

 

[Pooh67_68]

 

[suezpqt]

I am sorry to hear that things are not getting any better. Please don't feel that you failed your children - you didn't. You need to focus on the future and the betterment of your lives. One day at a time and don't be hard on yourself. Some days are going to be easier than others - just take it one day at a time.

 

[mickeyboat]

I am not sure what to say, except, from what you have posted before, I know you are a strong person. While it might seem insurmountable right now, you will get through, one step at a time.

Please make sure you remember we are here as a cyber-shoulder to cry on any time you need us.
Did you every get to counseling? I think it would really help. And as much as I hate to say it, I might contact a good divorce attorney, just to see where you stand, and if he has any recommendations as to a course of action, even if you decide to wait a while longer.

Denae

 

[Desnik]

We have been in counseling. For awhile now because of other issues, the car accident, the miscarriage. We have been about 4 times since this all has started and had lots of convos on the phone with the therapist. I really have been giving it my all.

I just don't want my kids lives to be turned upside down like this.

 

[mickeyboat]

I just don't want my kids lives to be turned upside down like this.

I really hear you on this one. I hope you take comfort in knowing there are lots of kids who have gone on to have great lives after divorce, and that once you get past all of it, you may just be able to make a better life for all of you.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

 

[kandeebunny]

My mom felt that way when she and my dad split, I was 9 at the time. It was the BEST thing she EVER did for herself and for me. Kids pick up more than you t hink on an unhappy household, and can get the wrong ideas about love, relationships, and" normal" functioning households.

I turned out pretty well, I have my issues, but then again who doesn't have issues stemming from their parents? Thanks to the split I had a safe and nurturing enviroment to grow up in, even if I only had one parent who was around all the time.

It will all be ok!

 

[ilovejack02]

THere is a good article on children and divorce in the April issue of Parents. You might want to check it out. It might be a little early for it, but it talks about kids feelings etc in it.

Good luck girl!

 

[tkd lisa]

I was just wondering how it was going. I'm sorry it's not better news.

As far as "failing your children" I think you need to visualize what things would be like if you stayed together and things were just like they are now for the next 2, 5, or 10 years. Do you think that is a healthy environment for your children? It sounds like it wouldn't be, but I'm not living in your house. If that is the case, then you're really failing your children by accepting that kind of environment just because you made a mistake 10 years ago (as I recall your situation).

Now I do want you to realize that your kids probably WILL tell you that you've "failed" them. My DS just said this to me last night. Kids will blame the parent who they are with for their world not being perfect. Just realize that their world wouldn't be perfect anyway! In this situation, they just have something specific to complain to you about. And since it will probably be a hot button for you, they'll use it as often as they can.

Even if you take steps to separate now, that doesn't mean you couldn't still reconcile. If you see your husband becoming willing to work through the issue, then the environment would have changed. But until or unless it does, I think you're failing your kids by accepting this kind of treatment.

And honestly, I say this having stayed in a bad situation for far longer than I should have because I looked at divorce as a failure.

 

[kandeebunny]

My mom felt that way when she and my dad split, I was 9 at the time. It was the BEST thing she EVER did for herself and for me. Kids pick up more than you t hink on an unhappy household, and can get the wrong ideas about love, relationships, and" normal" functioning households.

I turned out pretty well, I have my issues, but then again who doesn't have issues stemming from their parents? Thanks to the split I had a safe and nurturing enviroment to grow up in, even if I only had one parent who was around all the time.

It will all be ok!

 

[dawn8226]

I am sorry. Things will get better with time, and you will get through this. Just take it one day at a time.

 

[Serena]

I am so sorry.

The best advice I can give is to write down what needs to be done on a daily basis. I was so overwhelmed at first I just stayed in my room crying for too long. I don't want that for you. If you can just refuse to think about it for a time to get what you need done, then do whatever it takes.

You have to convince yourself that you are doing what is best for your family. For you and your kids. Living like they and you are right now isn't the best is it?

On down the road you both might even make up and try again, but in the mean time take care of yourself.

 

[Desnik]

Thanks.

I have just been surrounded by divorces. My parents after 32 years divorced 5 years ago. I have a now 15 year old sister and it was so bad for her. My older sister has been going through a divorce for the last 2 years and it has been horrible. She has 3 kids and they have been through so much. They had to give up their house, dog and their father only sees them every other weekend. My sister went down a destructive path and is just not a good mom. My mother has been consumed with helping her and mostly her grandkids. There is no room for me. They all have their plates full. My best friend is home with newborn triplets, so I don't want to dump my stuff on her. My dad I just can't talk to about something like this. My MIL has actually been really great, but I can't say too much to her about her son. I guess I'm really scared too. I have been a SAHM for 10 years. I have no education, no skills and haven't worked for 11 years ago.