I need a shot of courage- how do you do this?

[safetymom]

My best friend that lives in Pittsburgh is dying with cancer. (This isn't my sister in law) The doctors have given her less than a month. She refuses to believe she is as sick as she is.

She lived alone and she ended up in a long term facility in November. She always believed she would be going home.

One of her friends gave me her phone number to call. She hasn't been able to take calls up till now.

This is going to be a tough phone call. I am not very good at hiding my emotions.

Trust me when I say I have lots of experience with cancer in the family but when it gets down to where I can't do anything I just don't know what to do.

Please keep Beverlee in your prayers. Thanks for listening.

 

[IWISHFORDISNEY]

Kathy I have found over the years both personally and professionally the best thing to do is listen. Let them sound off. Some get mad (my dad), some cry and some have total acceptance and just need to talk (my mom). It is hard for you too and it is ok that she knows that. ((HUGS)) it is never easy and they are my only words of wisdom. Can you possibly go up and visit before her time comes?

 

[slapwhitey]

This is a tough situation Kathy and I'm probably the last person that could give you advice on this as I am terrible in this type of scenario. I don't do well with illness, hospitals, death....you name it. All I can do is offer my thoughts and prayers for Beverlee and yourself. I think I know you well enough that I know you'll figure it out and hopefully you can enjoy at least one more conversation with your dear friend. You have a ton of friends here on the DIS that can offer support and advice. This is a fantastic community in that regards.

Take care,

Chris

 

[exwdwcm]

Huge hugs Kathy. I guess all you can do is get on the phone and offer your support and love. I always am so awkward in these situations, i never know what to say, it seems like nothing I want to say will express the love I have in my heart. big hugs and prayers for your friend.

 

[dalt01]

she is your best friend!!!!! that is what the conversation should be about. the same as it was over many years. tell the disease to go to hell.

 

[corky441]

Kathy - I'm sending you all the "virtual" courage I can. I can't begin to put myself into your position.

I hope you and Beverlee have a good talk and if necessary - a few shared tears too.

You both will be in my thoughts and prayers

 

[DSNY4ever]

No matter what you manage to say, I am sure she will know you care for her.

 

[UrsulasShadow]

Call and tell her you love her. That's all you need to say. Let her lead the rest of the conversation.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

I think I'd concentrate on the fact that she's your best friend, do some gossiping together, ask her how she is doing and let her vent if she needs to, tell her how much you love her and treasure the time you have together. Then let her know that you want to be there for her and it's ok for her to talk with you about anything.

Have a box of kleenex handy and don't worry if you cry. She'll love that you called her and are there to support her as much as you can.

Hugs and Prayers for you and your friend.

 

[howlongtillsummer?]

We just lost my hubby's Mum after 15 months declared terminal with cancer. She wasn't supposed to see the first Christmas but almost managed two.

Some weeks she wanted to be practical - sorting things out etc.
Other weeks she wanted to hear about us - she listened and pondered.
She rarely talked about her - we only ever heard "I am not too bad." right to the end.
She loved the news, soaps and reality TV right to the end and loved taking about things like that which took her mind off it.
Occassionally she wouldn't talk at all, just looked away when we tried to say anything.

We just went with the flow - let her be our guide.

I am not going to lie, it was a dreadful time, especially at the end. We needed to be strong for her but it was hard, hard, hard. Think of her but think of yourself and family too - you will do her more good that way.

Wishing you every strength and any help I can give.

 

[safetymom]

I have tried the number to the nurses station twice now and no one answers. I am waiting to hear if she has a direct line. I tried to get to an operator but got stuck in the endless loop of voice prompts.

 

[simonkodousek]

Good luck reaching her Kathy! I too have a lot of experience with sick/dying friends and family members; I know how hard it is to make those call and express emotions you never felt as if you had to before.

You are in my thoughts and prayers!

 

[OKW Lover]

I'd agree with Mindy. Just letting her know that you are thinking of her will help both of you. Don't be afraid to mention some particularly fun time you had with her.

Its not an easy call, but its one that best friends make.

 

[*NikkiBell*]

Hugs and our positive thoughts to you, Kathy.

 

[AnneR]

Hugs Kathy!

This is just one of those very hard things we do. It is harder thinking about it than actually calling and talking with someone who has been part of your life.

Just listen, the conversation will come.

Thinking of you.

 

[Applemomma]

You're still in my prayers Kathy. And I agree with the others - just say "Hi. I was thinking of you" and let her take the lead.

 

[DebºoºS]

{{Hugs}} Kathy, Hope all is well with you and you're able to connect with her.
You both are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Disneybridein2k3]

I agree with Mindy as well. Sending a , hope you are able to get through soon.

 

[Cyrano]

Kathy wish I could offer words of wisdom but I have little experience of this situation. You are in my thoughts and I know you will get plenty of support from others

 

[cslittle999]

Like the others I have no words of wisdom to offer you. I'll keep you and Bev in my thoughts and prayers.