I need a hug .... and maybe some advice

[EdiePA]

Just received an e-mail from my ex (divorced two years). He was to pay child support through our second son's graduation from college, which is next May. He now, because he has made changes in his employment, is asking me to let him cut his child support, starting in September, by half. I'm just shocked and upset and really don't know what to do.

Edie

 

[KelNottAt]

I know nothing about this and can't offer any "real" advice. The best I can tell you is DON'T answer the email yet. Wait and get official legal advice.

Best of luck.

 

[RitaZ.]

 

[Keli]

Oh boy, this would really upset me too. Your costs for your son aren't going to be any less so if you let him pay half of what he agreed to then it's going to be you picking up the slack.

Can you do that? If you can do it then the question becomes are you willing to? The answer to that only you can give but for me it would have a lot of factors involved like how fair was your divorce settlement in the first place, why is he facing a change in finances, and probably things like would he do it for you if your places were reversed?

I'm sorry you are even faced with this situation.

 

[EdiePA]

Any other advice? Do I need to contact my lawyer? I'm so scared that I'm going to lose my home.

Edie

 

[cinmell]

Since you said he is supposed to pay thru your second son's graduation from college, then he is legally obligated to do so. Isn't he? I would bring a copy of the email to your lawyer and take it from there.

 

[FayeW]

Well, if agreeing to his request is going to cause you such financial hardship that you could lose your home, then the answer is obvious. SAY NO! He is legally obligated to pay, and you are entitled to receive, a set amount for the next 12 months, so there really isn't anything he can do about it. Now, if you want to be a nice guy you could consider compromising, and letting him pay less than he is obligated it to, but more than he is requesting. For me this would depend on how dependable he had been with his payments in the past, and how forthcoming he was with money for "extra's" throughout the years. Perhaps he could extend his payments beyond the original agreement so that ultimately you end up getting the right amount of money, but just over a few extra months.

Now, to me, the biggest issue is that reducing this amount by half for the last 9 months of his obligation causes you to fear that you could lose your home. What the heck are you going to do 12 months from now when you don't have ANY child support? You better start figuring out how you are going to make it then!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Now, to me, the biggest issue is that reducing this amount by half for the last 9 months of his obligation causes you to fear that you could lose your home. What the heck are you going to do 12 months from now when you don't have ANY child support? You better start figuring out how you are going to make it then!

Yeah, what she said. Took the words out of my mouth.

 

[BuzzBoyMom]

Well, if agreeing to his request is going to cause you such financial hardship that you could lose your home, then the answer is obvious. SAY NO! He is legally obligated to pay, and you are entitled to receive, a set amount for the next 12 months, so there really isn't anything he can do about it. Now, if you want to be a nice guy you could consider compromising, and letting him pay less than he is obligated it to, but more than he is requesting. For me this would depend on how dependable he had been with his payments in the past, and how forthcoming he was with money for "extra's" throughout the years. Perhaps he could extend his payments beyond the original agreement so that ultimately you end up getting the right amount of money, but just over a few extra months.

Now, to me, the biggest issue is that reducing this amount by half for the last 9 months of his obligation causes you to fear that you could lose your home. What the heck are you going to do 12 months from now when you don't have ANY child support? You better start figuring out how you are going to make it then!

Ditto!! This post says it all. I would be telling my ex - Sorry Charlie! But this also may be a reality check for you. What were your plans?

 

[EdiePA]

In January of 2007, the State of PA (my employer) is giving us a raise that will equal half of the now child support. That, along with no longer having to pay 40% of my son's bills will allow me to keep the house.

I just don't see where he thinks this is about me -- it's about supporting his son. I never asked for, nor received alimony or any support for DS#1 who was over 18 at the time of the divorce.

I'm just so scared that he can do this.

Edie

 

[Serena]

Take a breath.

He can try all he wants, but you don't have to say yes. The judge told him this is what he has to pay until next May.
Think of it this way, that is the money for your child support. It's to support his child. A judge wouldn't take it to kindly that you overruled his order.

Tell your ex that your lawyer said no. He doesn't have to know you didn't talk to one.
Or talk to one and let them tell you no.

Just treat it like it's not up to you. Because really, it isn't.

 

[FayeW]

.

I'm just so scared that he can do this.

Edie

He CAN"T!! He obviously took a cut in pay somewhere along the line, and is asking you 3 months in advance if he can reduce the payments. Just tell him NO!

 

[shortbun]

Take a breath.

He can try all he wants, but you don't have to say yes. The judge told him this is what he has to pay until next May.
Think of it this way, that is the money for your child support. It's to support his child. A judge wouldn't take it to kindly that you overruled his order.

Tell your ex that your lawyer said no. He doesn't have to know you didn't talk to one.
Or talk to one and let them tell you no.

Just treat it like it's not up to you. Because really, it isn't.

I haven't been through this but I think this is the best advice you've gotten so far. He should be the one struggling financially because he's the one making the changes. In the meantime, I'd be paring down my expenditures in case he quits paying. Be prepared. Also, start talking to your son about getting a small job during school IF he isn't already doing that and tell him to watch his expenses closely this summer. He should be saving most of what he earns. You guys might need to change things next year. The writing is on the wall. Good luck.

 

[Christine]

Basically, what has to be done is that you need to go back through the courts.

It is not out of line that a parent asks for a revision of the original child support agreement due to a change in employment status.

My cousin's husband was paying a set amout for child support based on the fact that he was a manager at a large chain grocery store. About 9 months ago, he lost his job and then became a real estate agent. Needless to say, he could NOT continue to pay the amount that the court originally established. So they had to go back to the child support office (I don't think that they even had to get the lawyer involved at this time) and submit a new spreadsheet with all the new pay stubs, bills, etc. It took a few months (and they had to keep paying the higher amount) but the monthly amount was revised and he was issued a refund of overpayment.

It sounds as if your ex need not take this up with you (although a "heads up" is nice) but he needs to go to the child support office.

 

[lindakmonty]

If it is in your divorce decree that he has to pay it, make him pay it. this sounds like something my ex would do !! Good luck and stay firm! It can't hurt to call your atty. and get their opinion either. Here in OH, if he's more than the total of one month behind they go after him. Even if he quits paying the correct amount they can go after his tax returns, his drivers license, any equity in his house..assets... ! They don't mess around anymore with that stuff! My dad went to jail b/c he never paid one penny in c.s. our whole lives!!

good luck!

If he wants a review, that has to go through the child support agency and they'll review both of your incomes again. Here they take in account who pays the med. insurance and if they pay c.s for other children...

 

[Hannathy]

How does your son feel about this he is a Senior for heavens sake not exactly 8.
I don't see how loosing 1/2 of child support for a young man for a few months will make you loose your home. Why would you have to pay anymore than you do now. Tell him (son) to get a job, go part time. most kids don't get fully supported thru school anyway. I would hope your son would do everything he could to not put you in that situation. If you can't pay more you can't. It is up to your son to find the difference. I also think if your husband can pay it he should but if he had a major change in employment and it happens-many big companies are cutting back people at middle and up positions like crazy-I think with an adult child he deserves a break. I also think he must be trying to do the right thing since he e-mailed you and asked, he could have just stopped paying or paid late and by the time you got authorities to try and get it your son would have been long done with school.

 

[simpilotswife]

Meet him halfway and tell him that he can reduce it in January.

 

[poohandwendy]

How does your son feel about this he is a Senior for heavens sake not exactly 8.
I don't see how loosing 1/2 of child support for a young man for a few months will make you loose your home. Why would you have to pay anymore than you do now. Tell him (son) to get a job, go part time. most kids don't get fully supported thru school anyway. I would hope your son would do everything he could to not put you in that situation. If you can't pay more you can't. It is up to your son to find the difference. I also think if your husband can pay it he should but if he had a major change in employment and it happens-many big companies are cutting back people at middle and up positions like crazy-I think with an adult child he deserves a break. I also think he must be trying to do the right thing since he e-mailed you and asked, he could have just stopped paying or paid late and by the time you got authorities to try and get it your son would have been long done with school.

I am kind of thinking the same thing.

I guess I am just wondering, what if you had a recent job change and could not afford to pay the same amount towards your childs education as you have been? I would think a senior in college would step up and say, "Ok, I have to do something to alleviate my parents burden on this."

I am of the mindset that if either/both of my parents were facing serious financial hardship by paying for my schooling, it's time for me to take some responsibility for it.

(that is without knowing the specifics here)


Good luck to you with this, you shouldn't have to worry about losing your house over this, but then again....I don't think your ex should have to either.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Any other advice? Do I need to contact my lawyer? I'm so scared that I'm going to lose my home.

Edie

Support is either done by the state or a court. I would do nothing now.

I am a little confused. If he haved your second son's support you would lose your home. So what are your plans for next May when you lose your support all together?

 

[Maleficent13]

Edie, am I totally confusing you with another poster, or are you a pharmacist? The reason I ask is, if you are, and you are working for the state, I would bet dollars to donuts you could get a private sector job making $$$ more. Pharmacists around here can pretty much name their price. Just a thought, as I really don't have any advice about the child support issue.

Of course, this is all moot if I have you confused with someone else!!