I MIGHT be in trouble with the wife.....(long-sorry)...advice requested...

[Brer_Papa]

This is going to be long....sorry....you have been warned...

Well, anyway, I went to bed last night thinking that if ""one man bands" made a comeback....I should be ready...

so....I got up real early today... (not unusual)....and went on a "Scavenger Hunt" around the house to see what could be gathered to complement the instruments I do have for my "one man Band"...

the way i figure...I don't want to spend a lot of money in case

a) "one man bands " don't make a comeback
or b) if I stink at "one man bands"...

I have:

a 5 string banjo with a strap

a tambourine

a bass drum with a foot pedal

a cymbal with a foot pedal

a pair of hand cymbals probably from one of the kids time at band camp

my accordian Pop and Ma got me when i was 5...

a casio portable keyboard that belongs to DD

a harmonica with a neck brace ( i don't play it too well..but it looks good)

well...i found out i can pluck the banjo over the accordian if i stretch my arms out real far...

anyways...my scavenger hunt found:

a jingle bell wreath that i took apart..
and put jingle bells on some old earrings...the clamp type...you know what i mean? and since i can wiggle my ears...they go well with my music combo... i have 5 earrings on each ear....

a sleeveless pin vest that i was able to pin some other jingle bells and a couple cow bells...

"NOEL" doorhangers with jingle bells that i hung on my belt...if i shake my booty sounds pretty darn good.

a drawer full of frilly garters...that , in case garters made a comeback, I have been giving to Princess Ariel fr many Christmases, Easters, United Nations Day, Mothers Day, Birthdays and anniversaries...

an old kids xylophone (an octave and a half) with 2 sticks...i got the xylophone on my left arm anchored by the garters...the sticks I keep under the velcroed pocket of the pinless pin vest...

I gartered the hand cymbals from band camp on each knee...

and I cut 2 garters and stapled them back together and have the tamborine secured like a headband...

a kitchen timer with a sweet "DING" that i hung from my belt...

a "Roy Rogers" plastic guitar with a wind up knob that plays "Home on the range" that i have upside down in my back pocket...

Anyway, with each treasure found and instrument secure...I would proudly go show Princess Ariel...she would look...shake her head from side to side.. and continue sipping her coffee or crocheting...

THEN....i took my flip top cel phone and gartered it to my right arm...all i have to do is flip up the top....press a button....verbally say a command...and that cel phone would call the cel phone in the side pocket of my sleeveless pin vest....and when THAT phone would ring..it would ring out a tune that was programmed to the name i said...

for instance..I say "Brer_Papa"...the other phone would ring "flight of the bumble bee"...if i say "WishingStar"...it would ring "William Tell Overture"..

40 songs it can play...and i figure on one man banding all 40.....

so...i get everything together about 9....9:15...and I hear a knock on the door...i think DW will answer it....hmmm...more knocking...i still think DW will answer it...MORE knocking...

what the heck!!!!

i go answer it

...complete with garterd head, gartered arms with a xylophone and a cel phone..a jingle bell / cow bell covered pin vest......garterd / cymbaled knees...a banjo over an accordian...5 earrings per ear...."NOEL" banners & a timer hanging off my belt...

it was hard walking...AND after all THAT trouble...the Lady at the door runs away when i answered the door...she must have had the wrong house i figure...

anyway, on my way back to my play area...I see a note from Princess Ariel..."went to see Mom & Dad"....

odd....

She's been calling me on the home phone at the top and bottom of every hour since....

her ~~> what are you doing?

me ~~> practicing....can i play a song for you?

and she hangs up...

odd....

OK! finally...my need to request adcvice..

Can you suggest any common household items I can add to my "one man band"?

Thanking you in advance.....and apoplogizing for the length of the post...

Brer_Papa

UH OH! TOP OF THE HOUR...phones ringing....

 

[lilboo]

That *WAS* long.

I can't make any other suggestions about what to add....guess it depends on what body parts you still have left available? Maybe if you have any piercings you could put little bell earrings through them?


EDIT: Whoa! I just re-read...guess you've got the serrings covered!

 

[TEENEE]

Sounds like a serious career move. You say your DW runs away, hhmmm. Maybe she's jealous. How 'bout a picture or a tune?

 

[Rippington'sFan]

How about the Kitchen Sink...I think you got everything else covered. LMAO

 

[Vivianne]

Uh-oh! You're in big trouble mister!

 

[JoGloMorKat]

How about an empty can of chewing tobacco in each of the front pockets filled with dried peas. Your very own maraccas (sp?) as you twist and contort to play everything else!

 

[browneyes]

Originally posted by lilboo
Maybe if you have any piercings you could put little bell earrings through them? (DW might have some holiday ones lying around the house?)

One idea:

I've seen a 1 man band perform at Ghost Town in the Sky in Maggie Valley, NC. I was dutifully impressed.

 

[Christine]

I think some Ritalin might be helpful here.

 

[4cruisin]

Do you realize how hard it was not to laugh out loud while I was reading this at work????

Do you?

I'll be the first in line to buy tickets to your show.

Nancy

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

Oh for heaven sakes, ya didn't even MENTION the classic sounds of teaspoons played across the knees, or the delightful whine of saw 'n violin bow.......OR the lip numbing hum of the cheap'o comb wrapped in waxed paper.

Ya ain't ready till ya got ALL yer instruments, ok?

 

[princessariel]

Oh my gosh! I just got home and all I can say is.....Do you people realize what it's like to live with my Brer_One_man_band_Papa? I need ear plugs! Or can I get Ritalin over the counter?

It's gonna be a long weekend! The grandkids are coming over and I'm afraid of it becoming an orchestra!

I'm going shopping!

 

[Lanshark]

Yep. A very LARGE garbage can to hold all of your one man band stuff. I believe this would make your wife happy.

 

[tiggerwannabe]

he's creative-and really knows how to make people laugh!
Have fun shopping princess!

And as far as the grandkids-
they will either have a fun show to watch
or become part of it!

 

[Cruisin]

Hi there Brer_Papa, up to no good again I hear

Did you leave some space so you can squeeze out a few yodels while you are one-man banding????

Do you have any thumb tacks or metal bottle caps in the house? You could attach them to the bottom of your shoes and tap while you dance and play.

:thewave: Can I be part of your fan club???????

 

[Serena]

:rotfl

 

[FranP]

 

[KimRaye]

Poor, Poor, Karen.

 

[WishingStar]

Just wanted to let everyone know, I dropped his grandkids off, and orchestra it was (sorry Mom)

I wish I would have known you were putting the band together, the kids could have brought their Kazoos ., and we could have tied the toy phone that ring when you pull it to your belt so you could drag it while you now march in your four-man-one man band.

 

[missyc]

Sounds like a fun family! Strange........but fun!! LOL
My kids would be thrilled if they could get their grampa out of his recliner and doing something fun like this! Just think of the memories they'll have!
Enjoy each other while you can!



Oh yea...and my guess would be that the wife is probably glad to be getting rid of those garters!

 

[Gette88]

That's funny :happy2: