I made a facebook No-No apparently

[Mickeyistheman]

Sure they go on for the games.

You have other feelings and this might be the straw that broke the camels back. Definately talk with him, and see where he is at. He might just be going through something at work and he may not want to talk about it. Men are very different about things like that HOWEVER.....

I am curious why he doesn't want you to comment at all on his page. That would make me suspicous that something else is going on. I feel the computers are the root of alot of relationships that fall by the wayside because if they weren't around he wouldn't be on the computer chatting or whatever with someone else and it goes both ways.

Talking is the only way you will find out how he is feeling. Good Luck OP!

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I'm sorry he hurt your feelings. I doubt he meant to - men are usually clueless about things like that.

As far as the weight, has he ever SAID anything to make you think he is embarrassed about your weight or is this just an insecurity you have? If this is making you feel bad about yourself then do something about it - for YOURSELF not for your DH. Eat healthier and go out and take long walks around the neighborhood (or if it is too hot then mall walk!). Exercise releases endorphins which makes you feel better so it's a bonus in more ways than one.

You do need to communicate with your DH and find out why this incident upset him. Wishing you the best.

 

[Buckalew11]

Maybe he doesn't understand how it works.

I have a little problem (I think) with FB. I comment just like I comment on the DIS. I want to comment on other people's comments and have to hold back on that. It sounds like that is what you did with his co-worker.
I am not sure if that's *allowed* or not. Sometimes when I do it, people are OK with it. I try to only do it with people I know well but sometimes I can't resist. I am sure there are other people out there wondering why I commented on so and so's posting.

Oh well.

I think you need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart. It sounds like your weight gain has put your self-esteem in the tank. He may or may not be bothered by it but your own thinking that he is makes you very vulnerable. I'd try to get it out in the open and then I'd figure out why I'd gained the weight (if I did not already know) and then I'd face that head on. Make a goal and reach for it. Not for him--but for you.

Anyway, if you want to talk, you can PM me. I'm totally here for you. Sending you lots of hugs!!!

 

[goin2disneyagain]

 

[karibritt01]

I asked him to go to counseling early this spring but he declined.

No one ever said that marriage counseling had to be 2 people. I would go talk to the counselor yourself if you think it would help you any. Maybe it will give you new insight into dealing with him, or just an outlet to vent. And maybe your DH will come around and decide to join you.

 

[rie'smom]

He was acting like a horse's patoot. You know in your heart that way to go. As kari posted, go to a counselor for yourself if he won't go.

 

[novajeanjellybean]

I'm sorry. That was really mean.

 

[bumbershoot]

That's just rotten.


It also brings up some stuff I've been thinking about FB the last few days. FB is weird weird weird; weirder than message boards even where strangers get into the business of strangers. People who maybe haven't seen each other in decades can now get back in touch, and share the tiniest things that you would NEVER have shared in person...the biggest things, too. And there are conversations you can see, based on someone's status update.

I personally kinda like it, but I've always been nosy, and it kind of gives me license to poke my head into other peoples' conversations and comment. Same sort of thing that, if done in real life, would make me feel embarrassed for years and years (I'm still embarrassed about something stupid I said to an adult babysitter talking with her friend, and I was something like 8 at the time). But on FB...it's all out there in the open, being delivered to your email inbox, even!

If your hubby wants to keep his page a zone where only his guy buddies can talk, and you aren't allowed to talk to them, that needs to be stated in black and white. From there, you can continue the conversation...it wouldn't fly well in our household...we started out in counseling, pretty much (should have, at least...took us a bit over a year to get so bad that we had to do it or just go separate ways...and I'm talking about the relationship...not a year into the *marriage*, that's how early we started) and wouldn't be together if it weren't for Amanda-the-amazing-counselor (a family psych masters degree candidate at PLU, actually). If hubby wanted to shush me around his friends, either in person or or FB, there would be a Problem. But the very first step is to get it out in the open, WHY you aren't supposed to make comments on what others say to him.

Then go from there.

 

[wdwiala]

edit

 

[mickeyboat]

Sorry your DH is being so difficult. Sounds like this issue definitely extends past FB. Hope you are able to resolve it.

FB is very strange, I agree. I think people forget how public it really is, even when it is supposed to be just for your "friends." I tend to "like" a lot of stuff, and don't comment or post much - works better that way.

As for the weight, I had gotten up there last year, and didn't figure I would do anything about it. I didn't realize how much it affected DH - he made a few comments about both of us walking more and eating better, but he refrained from hurting my feelings. In February a friend of mine decided to get healthier, and I decided to join her. I have lost quite a bit of weight (have more to go), but it is amazing how much better my relationship is with DH, and my own confidence and energy level. It has made a big difference.

Good luck to you.

Denae

 

[Lionqueen2]

 

[powellrj]

This is the second post this week about feeling being hurt on facebook. Its really sad how something like this can affect people so strongly. I have no answer for you OP, but to say I am sorry you are hurt and I hope you can work it out with your DH.

 

[Bren's Mom]

to you. I commented on my dh's FB page just yesterday, and I say things 'back' to his co-workers all the time. My dh has no problem with it. I'm sorry that your dh does. I know that everyone is different, but I really think he's out of line here. (Assuming your comment really was benign.)

I think *you* should start counseling, even if your dh won't go.

 

[sbell111]

Sure they go on for the games. ...

What a funny comment. You are basically saying that women go on those sites for innocent social networking and that men go there to do 'bad stuff'. This basically ignores the statistics which state that around 60% of married women will have an affair and puts it all on guys. Sadly, this type of attitude is pretty common on this forum.

My wife is pretty active on facebook. I am not. She has tried to get me to saign up, but I've resisted. I personally would rather that most people didn't know my personal junk and I don't much care to know a bunch of strangers junk, so why bother? I think that if I were to sign up, I'd only do so because a few of my sibs are on it and for the games. Mostly, for the games. After all, I can call or email my brother and sisters.

... As for the weight, I had gotten up there last year, and didn't figure I would do anything about it. I didn't realize how much it affected DH - he made a few comments about both of us walking more and eating better, but he refrained from hurting my feelings. In February a friend of mine decided to get healthier, and I decided to join her. I have lost quite a bit of weight (have more to go), but it is amazing how much better my relationship is with DH, and my own confidence and energy level. It has made a big difference.

Taking care of oneself is important. Not only because it makes you healthier, but because of the message that it gives your spouse.

 

[sbell111]

I commented on a post on my dh's facebook page- something a coworker of his had posted. The coworker was teasing him and I made a benign comment back (it was about age and I'm a little older than my husband...) anyway- my husband was not pleased that I had posted. He said, "why did you comment on Jon's post?" and trust me- he wasn't just asking. I just said, "That's what people do on FB" and I came in the other room and deleted my 2 posts on his page. It really hurt me. I've gained a lot of weight this past year and I think I embarass him. Things havent' been going well with us~ but after 22 years it seems like we could maybe work things out. I think he would prefer to not have me listed as his wife to tell you the truth.

thanks for coming to my pity party

Perhaps, you hurt your husband's feelings with your comment. It is one thing to have to take a jab from a co-worker, and quite another to get one from your wife.

This, frankly, is a lesson that I should learn. I'm a year or two older than my wife. I occasionally tease her about her age, thinking that since I'm older that the comment is 'benign'. It isn't.

 

[Buckalew11]

I didn't know there were even games on FB. Like farmtown? I've seen that kind of thing but didn't know it was a "game". Sometimes an update will say "Rachel has a stray cow" or some such thing...it sounds like taking care of a furby or something to me. I don't need anything else to "take care of" esp. virtual animals, LOL.

Or an I missing something?

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[karibritt01]

I didn't know there were even games on FB. Like farmtown? I've seen that kind of thing but didn't know it was a "game". Sometimes an update will say "Rachel has a stray cow" or some such thing...it sounds like taking care of a furby or something to me. I don't need anything else to "take care of" esp. virtual animals, LOL.

Or an I missing something?

I like to play Uno and Pathwords on FB. I have some friends who play Bejeweled or Farkle, but I haven't tried those yet. So there are games on there other than the virtual stuff. Which I personally don't get the appeal of... I don't care who's mafia stole what, what your job is in Yoville, or how much you made for your crop in Farmtown!

 

[Kathi OD]

To the OP: marriage is hard work, some times will be harder than others.

I like to play Uno and Pathwords on FB. I have some friends who play Bejeweled or Farkle, but I haven't tried those yet. So there are games on there other than the virtual stuff. Which I personally don't get the appeal of... I don't care who's mafia stole what, what your job is in Yoville, or how much you made for your crop in Farmtown!

Such heresy shall be met with tar and feathering!!!

 

[happygirl]

OP, I think I would tell my hubby where he could go on facebook, If he talked to me like that