'I love you, but I am not IN love with you!' - update Nov 18th post #92

Claire L · Sep 13, 2009

So who has had this comment and how did you cope with it?

This is basically what DH has told me and he moved out to his Mum's last weekend to have time to think about what he really wants.

Is there a chance the 'old spark' can come back or ways of encouraging it to?

Just feel at a loss at the moment

Claire

wilma-bride · Sep 13, 2009

Oh Claire, I am so sorry to hear this. Do you think you perhaps fell into a bit of a rut :confused3

Maybe your DH just needs a bit of space to get his head round how he is feeling. How do you feel about it all? I really can't offer any advice except to say that there are a couple of DISsers here who have been in similar situations and, for the most part, I think they managed to work things out so maybe they'll have some better advice than me.

I'm afraid that the last time I heard those words was when my first husband left and, for us, it was definitely the end. But then it worked out for the best as far as I was concerned as I wouldn't have met DH if it hadn't happened.

I hope you are able to work things out, if it's what is meant to be.

Bug hugs to you babe :hug:

wicket2005 · Sep 13, 2009

Oh Claire sending you lots of hugs :hug:

I can not offer any real advice other than to talk to friends about how you are feeling and perhaps talk to your hubbie once he has had time to think. It sounds like the ball is out of your court and you have to let him decide what he wants. :hug:

Claire L · Sep 13, 2009

Yes Joh we did fall ino a rut and neither of us spoke about it until it reached a certain point. Not sure if we can recover from this rut or not

Just relly need some pointers as to where we can start from.

Claire

Snowy-girls · Sep 13, 2009

Claire i am very sorry to hear what you are going through right now :hug:

,and i also think how brave of you to ask for help on here by not going under a different user name :hug:

.I hope he just needs time to think things through and work out what he want's+realise's-it's you.Do you wish for it to end or is it one sided?.

I was told this by my fiance back when i was 18yrs,also was told 'i can't bear to have s*x with you anymore as your like my Sister now,not my fiancee'.
It broke my heart+turnt my world upside down,we tried to get through this,but i knew his mind was already made up-but I still tried but it was'nt meant to be and 2weeks later he was gone back to his mum's.In between them 2 weeks-i found out he was seeing someone else-someone i knew(i am not saying that your Dh has someone else,just telling my story).
At the time i was hearbroken,devasted+turnt to drink,but like Joh, i am glad it did'nt work out as i would'nt have met Dh+had my girls.(i also still see someone still linked to him every now+again+boy i am glad i was well shot of him).

I do hope things are not as bad as they were for me+that you can both get back on track,you both need to sit down and talk things through on a neutral ground-not at his Mum's+not in the marital home-i would'nt rush him into talking things through-not at first anywayi,give him the time he obviously needs,i wish you both lot's of luck,take care Claire :hug:

.x.

natalielongstaff · Sep 13, 2009

so sorry to hear this Claire, me and dh had some issues a while back and he moved out, im glad to say the time apart made us realise that we did love each other and we gave our relationship another go ( and put more effort into it )

so it doesn't have to be the end of the relationship, best of luck hun xx

wicket2005 · Sep 13, 2009

Claire L said:
we did fall ino a rut and neither of us spoke about it until it reached a certain point. Not sure if we can recover from this rut or not Just relly need some pointers as to where we can start from.

Claire

I think everyone in a relationship gets used to just being together all of the time, that is only natural. The best pointer is to allow him a little bit of space, see if he contacts you and then arrange to meet up to talk through exactly how he is feeling and also allow you time to express your feelings as well. If he is sure of his next steps then there is little you can do to change that, however, if he is unsure you can talk and see what the problem areas are and work on ways to improve them. :hug:

mandymouse · Sep 13, 2009

So sorry to hear your news Claire, I wish I had some advise for you. I really hope that a bit of time apart will do you both some good, and that it works out well for you both

joolz1910 · Sep 13, 2009

Perhaps a bit of distance will refresh his perspective and make him see what he is missing. My vote is to let him get on with it, make it clear your door is still open but that it's not indefinite. I do believe that couples can come back from this sort of crisis (I did) but for some it's not meant to be. If it's what you still want, give it your best shot. Good luck :hug:

Mrs Dazzle · Sep 13, 2009

Claire - I wish I had a magic wand, like this :wizard:

and I would wave it over you both to help.

As someone who has gone through one of the worst years of my life with my DH this year for a number of reasons, I can't offer any real advice, other than to sit down, go back to the start, talk about why, how and what has changed and why his feelings for you have changed.

It's worked for us - we now understand each other better and we've been together for over 20 years, so thought we knew it all!!

He obviously has a lot of feeling for you, may it's just a little confused.

Lots of hugs for you :hug:

I hope you find yourselves back together again.

T16GEM · Sep 13, 2009

Claire, I'm sorry that you are going through this, I have no advice really just wanted to let you know that I amm thinking of you.

Hope everything works out for the best :hug: