I love him, but FIL is driving me insane....

[Lassie Lynne]

So my elderly FIL was very sick this year. His driving has never been very good (even when my DH was a child) but after his extended sickness in which he might not have ever walked again without some sort of walker/cane, he decided, along with us, to "give up the car". We applauded the effort, since his driving had been an issue we knew we needed to talk to him about. He didn't want to just "sell" the car (he was being sentimental, but I understood) so he asked me if I would like it in place of the car I had (which was exactly the same year/condition). I actually had to sell my car in order to have the money to tag the car and we used the leftover money to pay-off taxes, etc. Everyone was happy. Well, except me, because I actually do not like driving this car at all, but I was more than glad to take it, figuring that we were planning on buying a new car end of 2011 anyway so I would have it only a year and I was doing a public service in getting FIL off of the road.

Now, not even three months later, he is feeling better than he has felt in years. He is walking without much aid of the cane at all. He calls DH and tells him how much he "misses the car" and wants to have it "for just driving locally".....perhaps he could have it back?? WTH?????

I knew it, I knew it......I should not have sold my other car, but technically, I didn't have the moola to tag/title, plus the added expense of insurance of three cars.

Soooo....long story short, after talking with FIL regarding his driving, he has agreed to take a driving course and have his driving actually evaluated. After the evauluation, then I said we would talk and see about the car. But if it goes ok, I know I gotta give that car back, because if I don't, he will just go out and buy a new one, which I would prefer him (if he has to) drive the car he is used to, a new car would just be more distraction. Of course, this means re-tagging, titleing in PA, which he understands he has to take care of.

The only winners in this is the state of Maryland.....they got money for tags/title for only a few a months and then, of course, I need to get another car, more tags/taxes/title fees.......ugghhhh.......

 

[PaulaSB12]

Think of it from his side, he is loosing his independance and that has to be hard. If he doesn't have a car that means he will have to rely on lifts and that will not be easy. No more spontaneous trips out its all going to have to be planned in advance I bet he really hates that idea.

 

[Lassie Lynne]

Think of it from his side, he is loosing his independance and that has to be hard. If he doesn't have a car that means he will have to rely on lifts and that will not be easy. No more spontaneous trips out its all going to have to be planned in advance I bet he really hates that idea.

Exactly the idea, but he really has his transportation under control. He literally lives across the parking lot from a shopping center with grocery store and his apartment complex has a free shuttle that will take him to doctors, mall, shopping etc. And, actually, between insurance, car upkeep and a parking space, it was actually cheaper for him to cab a few times he really *needs* a ride each month (he lives in a very metropolitan area).

I do understand the independance aspect, but honestly, I really had hoped that he would stay off the road!

 

[tlbwriter]

If you were planning on only driving the car until the end of the year, tell him the truth - you sold your car in order to take his, since it really mattered to him, and now you need to hold onto it until the end of the year, and at that point you will be happy to give it back to him, assuming he is actually able to drive.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

If you were planning on only driving the car until the end of the year, tell him the truth - you sold your car in order to take his, since it really mattered to him, and now you need to hold onto it until the end of the year, and at that point you will be happy to give it back to him, assuming he is actually able to drive.

This is what I would do. Plus the odds aren't really good that he'll pass the re-evaluation if his driving is bad.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

If you were planning on only driving the car until the end of the year, tell him the truth - you sold your car in order to take his, since it really mattered to him, and now you need to hold onto it until the end of the year, and at that point you will be happy to give it back to him, assuming he is actually able to drive.

I totally agree with this. Make him wait. It's not like you're leaving him to rot in a cabin in the middle of the woods. He has the ability to get around with very little inconvenience to himself. You did him a favor so he can wait until you're ready for a new car.

 

[minkydog]

Has his doctor weighed in on this yet? It;s not easy on these old guys to have to give up their independence, but it's sometimes better if it comes from their doctor.

 

[Lassie Lynne]

Has his doctor weighed in on this yet? It;s not easy on these old guys to have to give up their independence, but it's sometimes better if it comes from their doctor.

Actually, it was the doctor that started all this. He said he saw no reason why my FIL couldn't drive. My answer to that is, have FIL take him for a spin in a car and he will sing a different tune.

My FIL really should not have been driving the last couple of years. Hence when he moved, he went to an apartment where he would have good transportation when the time came to "give up the car". Physically, he can drive, I am sure....but.....he makes bad decisions, get impatient and is actually a hinderance on the road to other drivers......the old man driving 10 miles an hour in the left lane, the one making a left hand-turn because "the car will not hit me, I am tired of waiting" that is my FIL. My DH and I will not get in the car with him driving anymore, haven't for over 3 years now. Actually, his girlfriend won't either, she is just more "polite" about it.

 

[Lassie Lynne]

If you were planning on only driving the car until the end of the year, tell him the truth - you sold your car in order to take his, since it really mattered to him, and now you need to hold onto it until the end of the year, and at that point you will be happy to give it back to him, assuming he is actually able to drive.

We tried that one......he said if that was the case, he would buy a new car, although he was a little nervous driving a car he wasn't familiar with, but he wants to drive.

I guess I can only hope that the driving test goes bad....I hate to wish it, but it would be best for everyone.

 

[momof1princess]

OP, i know how you feel. my mom is mentally ill, and i recently had to take her keys from her, after another horrible episode. i expect the whining to get her car back to start any day. she's got a doctor's appointment next week, so i'm hoping the dr. can reason with her.