I know I'm being petty, but I can't help it....

[Mom2Angels]

First, sorry for the long post!!

I'm about to become a grandma at any time now. My son just called from California (I'm in Georgia), his wife is in labor with my first grandchild.

The reason I'm upset is that his father has had no contact with him for over eight years and very little before that, now all of a sudden he wants to be grandpa!!?!?! He spoke to him for the first time this weekend. He lives about two hours from my son and works nights and weekends so I doubt he will get up there this week if he follows his previous ways. I'm so mad he will probably get to see Cheyenne before me!! I'm moving there in three weeks and was hoping she wouldn't be born early. I know I shouldn't have said anything to my son, but I couldn't help it, he said it would be mean of him to not call his father! I didn't say anything but it took everything I had not to. I'm trying to get a flight out in the next couple days or for next weekend but it is so expensive.

How do I stop from feeling like this, I was just there for the baby shower, his dip *hit dad never called, never heard from him when he got married, but now he wants to be there.

Debbie

 

[skuttle]

Sounds like a tough situation for sure. I wouldn't mention it to your son right now...I would maybe discuss your feelings about this later since it does obviously hurt you, but right now let him enjoy the birth of his daughter.

Congratulations, Grandma!

 

[Princess_Aurora]

I don't think there's any way to stop feeling the way you do...the only thing you can do is spoil the baby more than he will and come baring lots of presents

Congrats on becoming a grandma though. I'm sure you'll forget about the harsh feelings as soon as you hold your little grandbaby

 

[Disneycrazymom]

Don't worry babies and Grandma's always have a special relationship and I'm sure you will spend much more time with the baby. I hope all goes well with the labor, how early is she?

 

[poohandwendy]

Try to concentrate on the positive...it is a stinky situation, but nothing you can do anything about. Take the high road and you will never lose...

Btw, I hope everything goes really smoothly and congrats on the soon to be born DGD!!!!!

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

I know that this must be hard for you, especially with all that you know about your ex. However, I bet that somewhere within your son there is a little boy who longs for his daddy. That is probably where this is coming from. Your son does not want it to be "too late" for him to have a relationship with his dad. I am sure your son is smart enough, however to know who was there for him and who was absent. He is not likely to forget that.

Congratulations, Grandma!

 

[Mom2Angels]

Thanks for the replys, she is not that early only a few weeks, my move was cutting it close on being there on time. I know he has always wanted a relationship with his dad and I want that for him, I tried for years to get my ex to have a relationship with his son, but he was to busy. I know this has hurt my son for years, I had told my ex years ago he would regret not spending time with Tommy, but if I know our son he would probably welcome him back with open arms and that is exactly what he is doing. I'm also hoping that he is not going to show up for one visit and then not be seen again for years, that is his usual game!

I cannot wait to get out to CA and spoil Cheyenne rotten! I also can't believe I'm going to be a grandma!

Debbie

 

[poohandwendy]

but if I know our son he would probably welcome him back with open arms and that is exactly what he is doing.

You must have done a great job raising him, for him to be so kind and forgiving!!! I bet you can't wait to get out there!!!

 

[AZ JazzyJ]

Originally posted by Mom2Angels
My son just called from California (I'm in Georgia), his wife is in labor with my first grandchild.

Wow what a coincidence! My wife was in labor too. She worked one summer at a steel mill in Indiana. They didn't allow kids there though. I heard California had some different child labor laws but I always assumed that meant that kids couldn't work. Well good luck to your daughter-in-law and your grandchild and GO UNION!

Jeff

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I just wanted to say first CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!

After watching my DH struggle with this I say please, please do not get involved. Later on when "grandpa" is not visiting your son & DIL they will need you as a sounding board. Your son will be hurt all over again and let me tell you it feels extra awful to watch it happening.

Just smile and nod! (even though it will kill you!)

Of course he may become involved which my DH would give his eye-teeth for that but at this point for my dh it is not to be. So I say hope for the best and enjoy being Grandma!!!

 

[browneyes]

More than likely, there will be 1 of 2 outcomes. 1. Your ex might be finally growing up and will change for the better. or 2. He'll still be an idiot and will continue to not be there for your ds and your grandchild.

 

[C.Ann]

Your son's father's track record is not a good one.. Odds are these newly surfaced father/grandfather feelings will be very short lived..

Congrats - and have a ball spoiling that little one!!

 

[Serena]

Don't worry. Your son loves you and nothing and no one can take that away. Yes, I'm sure your son is trying to mend the relationship, but he cannot possibly take your place. That baby will know and love his/her grandma. It doesn't matter if grandpa is in the picture or not. Your son's heart hasn't forgotten what all you've done for him.
He feels a need for his father in his life right now. It doesn't take anything away from you, except that maybe you have raised him to forgive.
Trust in the love you two have and you'll be fine.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>Hi Mom2Angels... I think you're in pretty much the same boat I am as far as exes and the attention they give the children.

My own personal opinion is that this is not about you, but about your son's happiness. If he wants his father to be in his life, then the biggest gift you can give your son is to continue to be loving, and not make him feel guilty -- he didn't pick his father - you did. He's trying to make the best of his life with the choices he has.

Is it really important who is the first to see the baby? After all, you'll probably be the one who'll rock that sweet one to bed at night, bathe her, and just love her up. Concentrate on that and don't worry about the other.

My best to you. I've learned to let it go, and my own life is much happier for it. I can actually be happy for my kids when they get some attention from their father, and want to spend time with him.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Honey, I sent you a pm...

TC

 

[Lachesis00]

(((Debbie))))

congrats to you!

 

[AirForceRocks]

Debbie, I can sympathize with you, but in a slightly different way. My mom gave all of us kids away to grandparents when we were young, and had little to nothing to do with us for most of our lives. Mother's Day cards were returned with no forwarding address, same with birthday cards, etc. For years, I tried to keep in contact with my mom, to no avail.

But lo and behold, when she found out I was pregnant, she was calling every week, and it drove me nuts!! I really resented the fact that she wanted nothing to do with me when I was growing up, but now that I was giving her a grandchild, I was the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Long story short, I sucked up all the hurt and anger I had towards her, and I let her be a grandmother to my kids. She adores them, they adore her, and she and I have come to an understanding, if not a close mother-daughter relationship.

I know it's hard for you, and I understand your resentment, but this may be something that your son feels he needs to do, not just for himself, but for his new baby.

JMO.

 

[LScot]

MaryJo makes excellent points (as usual).

I think you raised quite a son, myself. Congrats on your new grandchild!

 

[KimRaye]

Originally posted by Mom2Angels
I'm also hoping that he is not going to show up for one visit and then not be seen again for years, that is his usual game!

But this would work to YOUR advantage. Obviously not to your DS's liking tho. Looks like a trade-off, and you obviously care so much for your DS and your new grandchild that you can make any situation work.

Congrats and best wishes on your move!

 

[kellib36]

While I do understand your feelings, since we also have a couple of these relationships in our family, I do have 2 things to say.

1) I think its natural for all new and soon to be parents to put pride in their new little one, and the new softness in their heart toward making things right with other generations. This may be just the thing for your son to help heal his heart.

2) While I do hope your ex pulls his head out of whereever its been lately, his past track record may still hold up. He may be there for a while, but that may not last after the first diaper change.......

So, hang in there, and be the great grandma you are, it won't be hard to out-grandparent the ex.

Kelli