I just have to vent.

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Ok, I can't vent to any of my friends about my friend so I'm going to do a little venting here

My friend got pregnant right before she got her first high paying job. She didn't tell the company when they hired her that she was pregnant, and hid it until it couldn't be hidden anymore. She then took a huge maternity leave once the first kid was born. She eventually went back to work but groused about how she was treated. Her DH had a full-time job.

She starts looking for another job, interviews, gets one, and oh yeah, she's pregnant again but DOESN'T TELL THESE PEOPLE EITHER. Second baby is born 12 months after first baby.

Second verse, same as the first. Except that DH decides to become a stay at home dad because they have two infants.

She then looks for a third job, gets it, moves with her family this past August, and guess what email I get today?

She's pregnant AGAIN with her third kid. This will give her three kids under the age of 4.

Other news in the email somewhat lower down in the paragraph is that the DH has been having ulcers. No wonder!

It really bothers me that she gets these jobs where they expect her to work a 40 hour week (you need a PhD to do it), and the minute she gets a job, she basically gets pregnant and goes on maternity leave, then comes back eventually with vastly reduced hours and expects the business to make all sorts of concessions for her, and always complains about how they don't treat her right and how the boss is such a jerk, etc.

Well, duh, I bet the boss probably thought she was actually going to get work out of you.

Ok, I vented...

 

[momxx5]

Vent away.....hope it helps.


A similar situation happened to a co-worker of a friend and she finagled her way into working "part-time" with most of her hours at home, however she was able to keep her full time salary and benefits. Not that was the talk of the company for all time.


Warning:
I just have to add, that I had my first 3 kids in under 3 yrs and #4 was born when oldest was 4 1/2 yrs old. A few yrs later......bonus baby!
So I had a baby in:
1994
1995 (14 months apart from first)
1996 (18 months after second)
1998 (23 months after #3)
2002

We are a big very happy family. I would not change it for anything in the world!! I consider myself extremely blessed.

 

[mickeymaker2003]

I'll admit it, I'm guilty of this one. I was pregnant when I interviewed for a teaching job, but didn't tell them. Since they can't refuse to hire you based upon the fact that you are pregnant, I didn't think I needed to share that information at the time. I scheduled all of my pre-natal appointments outside of the school day. I intended to work right until delivery, take a minimal maternity leave, and come back to work full time as soon as I was released by my doctor. Unfortunately, I ended up on bed rest for five weeks before she was delivered (and it would have been longer if she hadn't broke my water 3 weeks before her due date). I did go back to work full time as soon as I was allowed to and did not request any altered schedule.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't understand why it matters to you?
Maybe she wanted her children close in age? She didn't get pregnant on her own. Not being rude but I don't really understand your vent.

 

[tonilea]

I think her point is (and this is coming from a SAHM) that behaviors like that may empoyers wary of hiring women of child bearing age.

 

[jlormeau]

A woman should NEVER apologize for being pregnant or feel she should be ashamed for accepting a position as a pregnant person. We are more than half the human race and childbearing is the nature of our biology. I do not understand why this offends you. If this country were more civilized in its treatment of pregnant and nursing women, women like your friend would not feel it necessary to "hide" their conditions.

 

[KigerKat]

I don't understand why it matters to you?
Maybe she wanted her children close in age? She didn't get pregnant on her own. Not being rude but I don't really understand your vent.

I can understand her venting. I think it's great that this woman wants to have lots of children, and it seems like they haven't had problems taking care of them.

But let's say that you are in competition with her for the same position, she being knowingly pregnant, and you not having any plans for children anytime soon. Would it irk you just a bit to know that she got the job, knowing up front that she probably wouldn't be able to put in as many hours as you?

In this economy, she's really taking a gamble doing this repeatedly. I think it will eventually catch up with her, seeing as she seems to have jumped from job to job so often. It's just sad that there are people out there applying for the sames positions that she is who probably wouldn't take advantage like she seems to have done.

I'm not saying that she is less deserving of a job, her family obviously is important just as much as the next. I just sympathizing with the op's vent.

 

[missj1975]

Vent away but be prepared for the backlash. Add me to the list of people who don't understand your vent. I don't see what your friend did wrong. Last time I checked getting pregnant isn't illegal.

 

[KirstenB]

OP I get it. I don't understand why she's treating her jobs like a revolving door. Pregnancies aside, she's blowing through jobs. Hiring is expensive. Maternity leave (or any type of disability leave) is an expensive benefit.

I'm currently a sahm but understand there's an unwritten reciprocity. I go out on maternity leave for 12 weeks, and come back ready to pick up where I left off. (which I did)

People are all too ready to look for an excuse to grouse about working moms, why is she handing them the ammo? And yes, I do think her behavior doesn't reflect well on working moms.

 

[bdcp]

She doesn't have to tell them she's pregnant and they're not allowed to ask her either. They could be sued. She's really done nothing wrong and it's up to the company to deal with it. It's not really your problem so why does it bother you so much? I was a SAHM and work now my kids are grown and those were our choices and I've seen others do what your friend did. Although I do have to question how much of a friend you are if you feel this way about her life choices.

BTW, the argument that a woman that doesn't have or plan to have kids should get the job sounds just as sexist as saying a man should get it because he won't be going out on maternity leave.

 

[bumbershoot]

I think her point is (and this is coming from a SAHM) that behaviors like that may empoyers wary of hiring women of child bearing age.

I think so too.

A woman should NEVER apologize for being pregnant or feel she should be ashamed for accepting a position as a pregnant person. We are more than half the human race and childbearing is the nature of our biology. I do not understand why this offends you. If this country were more civilized in its treatment of pregnant and nursing women, women like your friend would not feel it necessary to "hide" their conditions.

She is hiding something that is going to affect her work. If you had a long vacation that was non negotiable, and in the months leading up to the vacation you MIGHT be too tired, too sick, too whatever to work up to standards but would be protected from firing for that reason, would you try for a different job at that moment?

Don't you think it would be nice for a person in that position to mention something at the interviews, so the company knows what they are getting?

In this economy, she's really taking a gamble doing this repeatedly. I think it will eventually catch up with her, seeing as she seems to have jumped from job to job so often.

I agree. And those jobs have been very nice, allowing her to take time off. I know that at the last two companies I worked for, FMLA didn't kick in until you were there for 12 months, and they weren't required to do anything for you except for sick time earned and disability if you could convince a doc to sign off on that. This woman is LUCKY her jobs have been kind to her, and her luck will probably run out at some point.

 

[Chicago526]

Well, I don't see a problem with not telling employers she's pregnant, but complaining about a company not bending over backwards once she returns is a bit much. You should ask about flex time during the job interview process, some companies are more generous than others and an employee should know that going in if they think it's something they'll need some day.

 

[Stacerita]

I get the vent.

 

[MyDizneyBoyz]

Well, gosh, sorry you're so upset... is it because you felt she lied to her employer(s) by not disclosing the fact that she was pregnant? I don't really see anything wrong with what she's done. Having kids and changing jobs isn't exactly unusual... (but then again I'm biased as I work full-time and have 3 kids under the age of 5... )

I think the best thing you can do is step back and realize that you and your friend have different priorities. Hers is building a family while yours seem to focus more on a career. Nothing wrong with that. Jobs come and go. Family is forever.

 

[RitaE]

She didn't lie to her employer. Disclosing a pregnancy is not part of the job application process - by law. It has no place in a job interview.

btw, my thought process is that she keeps being offered what sounds like some pretty nice jobs. I'm thinking she must be talented and qualified.

 

[Tiger926]

I think people are missing the point - I don't think the OP is commenting on the amount of children or how close they are together. I think she's commenting on the fact that she is deceiving her employers - it doesn't matter that she doesn't have to tell them she's pregnant; she's witholding this information for a reason and obviously that is because she knows that she more than likely won't get the job.

It is irresponsible in my opinion as to how she is going about her job process. |Here in Canada, she would be accused of doing this in order to secure maternity benefits, but not sure that's the case in the U.S. as I don't think you ladies get very much time off at all, whereas we get 1 year at unemployment rates, if we qualify, and so she would hide her pregnancies to get hired, and then take her maternity leave with full coverage. Not sure if this is the case here?

Regardless, I don't think people are being fair to the OP at all. I think she is asking responsible questions and making a darned good point about the job search process while pregnant. I'm not sure any of you would be so quick to condemn the OP if in fact you all got turned down for a job, and the successful candidate was the OP's job hopping/pregnant friend? She is deceiving her employers and then by complaining about it, she is showing that she has a strong sense of entitlement.

Tiger

 

[polineedyan]

at least she's willing to find work..whats up with dad? not that stay at home dads are wrong, im home alot..but he needs tohave work, too..ulcers are caused frequently by a bacteria..the stress thing is a myth..it can make the situation worse, though..

 

[jeanadave]

I think people are missing the point - I don't think the OP is commenting on the amount of children or how close they are together. I think she's commenting on the fact that she is deceiving her employers - it doesn't matter that she doesn't have to tell them she's pregnant; she's witholding this information for a reason and obviously that is because she knows that she more than likely won't get the job.

It is irresponsible in my opinion as to how she is going about her job process. |Here in Canada, she would be accused of doing this in order to secure maternity benefits, but not sure that's the case in the U.S. as I don't think you ladies get very much time off at all, whereas we get 1 year at unemployment rates, if we qualify, and so she would hide her pregnancies to get hired, and then take her maternity leave with full coverage. Not sure if this is the case here?

Regardless, I don't think people are being fair to the OP at all. I think she is asking responsible questions and making a darned good point about the job search process while pregnant. I'm not sure any of you would be so quick to condemn the OP if in fact you all got turned down for a job, and the successful candidate was the OP's job hopping/pregnant friend? She is deceiving her employers and then by complaining about it, she is showing that she has a strong sense of entitlement.

Tiger

What Tiger said

 

[RitaE]

I think people are missing the point - I don't think the OP is commenting on the amount of children or how close they are together. I think she's commenting on the fact that she is deceiving her employers - it doesn't matter that she doesn't have to tell them she's pregnant; she's witholding this information for a reason and obviously that is because she knows that she more than likely won't get the job.

It is irresponsible in my opinion as to how she is going about her job process. |Here in Canada, she would be accused of doing this in order to secure maternity benefits, but not sure that's the case in the U.S. as I don't think you ladies get very much time off at all, whereas we get 1 year at unemployment rates, if we qualify, and so she would hide her pregnancies to get hired, and then take her maternity leave with full coverage. Not sure if this is the case here?

Regardless, I don't think people are being fair to the OP at all. I think she is asking responsible questions and making a darned good point about the job search process while pregnant. I'm not sure any of you would be so quick to condemn the OP if in fact you all got turned down for a job, and the successful candidate was the OP's job hopping/pregnant friend? She is deceiving her employers and then by complaining about it, she is showing that she has a strong sense of entitlement.

Tiger

Not the case in the United States at all.

Very few employers have maternity benefits beyond FMLA and normal sick time accrual.

 

[jlormeau]

Honestly, Ladies, this conversation is a perfect illustration of how we are our own worst enemy. It is not a deception to give birth. It is not a crime to demand the same right to work as any man has (she didn't get pregnant by herself, after all). Do men have to report their wives pregnancies or intended pregnancies? Of course not. And she must be good at what she does, or else why is she offered so many lucrative positions? And do the research....most employers report that mothers are among their MOST productive employees! I work full-time and have 4 children and work circles around the young, childless young women. If she's good, she's good.

We need to stop hating women for being women...for doing what women do....giving birth, nursing their babies, and unfortunately, doing most of the child rearing. I sat Kudos to her! She's a hero as far as I am concerned.