I just don't get "family names"...

[Piecey]

I just absolutely do not understand why some people are so dead set on family names! I get naming your child after someone you love and all that... but to carry on a name just because it's tradition drives me nuts.

This rant comes about because I am STILL getting crap from my DH's family about what we named DS.

DH is the 5th one in his family to have his name- Thomas. His brother got the other family name- Aaron (as his middle name).
DH didn't want to name our son Thomas or even use it as a middle name. He didn't like his father (who he got the Thomas from) and didn't want to carry it to his own son. So we thought we'd take the Aaron and make everyone happy. I was good with that since it would be his middle name.

Then his brother got his girlfriend pregnant and forbid us to use Aaron because "that his name" and he wanted to use it for his own son.
Fine. We didn't want to make it into a big issue, so we switched to James (which is my brother's name)... it would have been the name we used if we ever had another son so neither of us were heartbroken about the switch.

Then BIL's gf miscarried.
So we're sitting around the table the other day, eating our family meal, when DH's grandmother asks us what DS's middle name is. I told her. She got ANGRY and said "There are multiple generations of this family that have always had Thomas or Aaron and it's a tragedy that your son won't fit in with the rest of his family!!!"
So I told her that we had originally planned on using Aaron but BIL had told us we couldn't because of his gf's pregnancy. I said it quietly, as she was in the other room.
Then she said, very loudly, "Well she doesn't have a baby, does she? But you do and now neither of you have carried on the name!"

The look on the gf's face was bad. I felt so bad for her. And of course, mad at the grandma.

So. Rant over. I just DON'T GET IT?!! Why does someone think I should name my child after someone we don't want to just to carry on a tradition??

Anyone else have anything like this happen? Are you the black sheep of the family??

 

[DebbieB]

My brother got stuck with Alfonse as his middle name, he was a jr so that came from my dad. My dad got it from his mother's dad, it was his first name, he was born in Italy.

 

[-Hope-]

I don't really have a story to share but just wanted to say that ITA!! And I take it further than just names- I don't think ANYTHING should be carried on for the sole purpose of "tradition". That isn't to say that we have no traditions but if a tradition is meaningful then that meaning should be able to stand on its own without the label of tradition. My kids get an ornament every year that expresses their interests for the past year. This is a tradition in our family BUT it is because we truly enjoy looking back and saying "Oh, remember when you loved Blues Clues so much!?"

Incidentally both of my kids middle names are "family" names but it is because I truly wanted to honor these people and have my kids feel connected to them. NOT because it was a 'tradition'.

 

[bgohre]

You have to do what you feel is best for you and not worry about anybody else. You can't please everybody so you might as well do what makes you happy.

Congrats on standing your ground.

 

[FireDancer]

My brother got stuck with Alfonse as his middle name, he was a jr so that came from my dad. My dad got it from his mother's dad, it was his first name, he was born in Italy.

This is because it is a tradition in Italian families that the first born son is named after the mother's father. My mom is Sicilian and my dad is not and instead of being named after my grandfather I ended up being named after my father...I wish she would have stuck with the tradition instead

I do agree though that doing it just to do it is kind of dumb. One of my friends is a 4th and is about to have a son. He doesn't want to continue the tradition and isn't going to but he took a lot of grief. If the only reason for doing something is "we always did it that way" it is silly. If I walk into my bosses office and use that as a reason for anything I better get my resume in order.

 

[cepmom]

ooooh...that would have steamed me! I would have had a hard time not telling grandma what I really thought of her comments :: She was very rude. You have the right to name your child whatever you want for goodness sake!

Not the same thing, but my grandmother tries to guilt me every now and then that I didn't name any of my daughters after herEach of my Dd's have their grandmother's middle names, but it was totally coincidental I swear!

Oldest DD has her father's mother's middle name as her middle name....didn't realize it until after she was named. Middle DD has DH's grandmother's middle name as her first name; again never knew it until after she was named. Youngest DD has DH's other grandmother's middle name as her mdidle name. Yes again, didn't not know that until after she was named.

Of course, my grandmother thinks it was all done on purpose and is hurt that we didn't name any of the girls after her. I love my grandmother and all, but she has an awful name and there's no way I would have given it to any of the girls!

people should learn to keep their rude comments to themselves!

 

[HunnyPots]

I think it's more than a name issue. The issue is meddling relatives who think it's any of their business what you name your own children! I would have simply told her that naming my children is not up to her or anyone else but their father and me and "the family" can go take a flying leap!

 

[DVCBELLE]

I don't understand why if it is a middle name that you both couldn't use Aaron. My sister's daughters have the same middle name. And my son and nephew have the same middle name.

I agree that carrying on the family name is not a good reason to pick a name. I would just tell your MIL that BIL would like to use the name some day and you are choosing to respect that decision.

If she ever mentions it again and is really upset - I would look her straight in the eye and ask her if she is going to love the baby any less since it doesn't have a "family" name.

 

[wendy46001]

I just absolutely do not understand why some people are so dead set on family names! I get naming your child after someone you love and all that... but to carry on a name just because it's tradition drives me nuts.

This rant comes about because I am STILL getting crap from my DH's family about what we named DS.

DH is the 5th one in his family to have his name- Thomas. His brother got the other family name- Aaron (as his middle name).
DH didn't want to name our son Thomas or even use it as a middle name. He didn't like his father (who he got the Thomas from) and didn't want to carry it to his own son. So we thought we'd take the Aaron and make everyone happy. I was good with that since it would be his middle name.

Then his brother got his girlfriend pregnant and forbid us to use Aaron because "that his name" and he wanted to use it for his own son.
Fine. We didn't want to make it into a big issue, so we switched to James (which is my brother's name)... it would have been the name we used if we ever had another son so neither of us were heartbroken about the switch.

Then BIL's gf miscarried.
So we're sitting around the table the other day, eating our family meal, when DH's grandmother asks us what DS's middle name is. I told her. She got ANGRY and said "There are multiple generations of this family that have always had Thomas or Aaron and it's a tragedy that your son won't fit in with the rest of his family!!!"
So I told her that we had originally planned on using Aaron but BIL had told us we couldn't because of his gf's pregnancy. I said it quietly, as she was in the other room.
Then she said, very loudly, "Well she doesn't have a baby, does she? But you do and now neither of you have carried on the name!"

The look on the gf's face was bad. I felt so bad for her. And of course, mad at the grandma.

So. Rant over. I just DON'T GET IT?!! Why does someone think I should name my child after someone we don't want to just to carry on a tradition??

Anyone else have anything like this happen? Are you the black sheep of the family??

Not yet but its going to happen soon,
I'm the 3rd and i've told my mother as nice as possible it dies here...
As i don’t have kids yet she keeps saying I’ll change my mind...Nope
I've never liked my name...and would never do that to a child

DB and SIL just had a baby girl, if it was a boy he’d have been the fourth…I’ve happily said they could have my name as well…SIL refused…

 

[DWGal210]

OP, I completely agree. If you love the name and want to use it - fine. But to be expected or strong-armed into choosing a name just isn't fair.

This situation happened in my family, and it has a humerous side to it. OP, I hope you can get a laugh out of this.

On my dad's side of the family, nearly all the women have either Katharine, Mary or Louise as their first or last name (for reference, my first name is Katharine). Louise comes from my grandma's mother. A few years ago, my aunt was doing some research as we knew that great-grandma came over to the Midwest on the orphan trains from New York State. She had quite a time finding great-grandma in the records and was beginning to wonder if she was barking up the wrong tree....but come to find out, she did come over on the orphan trains. And her name was Jeanne, not Louise, which is why they couldn't find her. Apparently she wanted a fresh start once she came here (she was about 10-11 years old) and picked Louise. So now, scores of women in my family are named after her and it's not her "real name".

I know you can argue that the name is still in rememberence of her, and I agree with that - we just found it funny after all these Louises.

 

[threecrazykids]

I ran into the same thing with DH family. They have John as a "carried down" name and I refused to play a part (for MULTIPLE reasons) and my hubby agreed. DH father's middle name is John, my DH middle name is John, and his little brothers name is Jonathan.

Cripes people...get a little more creative.

 

[tiggger1]

i don't get it either! Thankfully we don't have it with my family,

what I also don't get is when people (other than family) claim names and get mad when someone uses it. When I was pregnant with my first we had names picked out for months, either Emma for a girl or Chase for a boy (I have loved the name chase for years!). We had a girl so we decided to save Chase if we had another baby. a year later a friend's sister had a baby and named him Chase. No big deal, I didn't know her well and she lived in another state. I got pregant a few years later and when I found out I was having a boy, of course I chose Chase. A few month later we were at the neighbors summer party and someone asked me if I have any names. The second I said Chase, the sister and the mother went off...." How could I steal their name! They had it first! It was so wrong!"" I needed to pick something else!" I calmly reminded them that he son was 4 and that they lived 500 miles away!!! I also reminded her that she got the name Chase from me because we were at a party when I was pregnant with Emma and told her my name choices and she said " I never heard the name Chase before, I love it" So technically she stole it from me!" That shut her up quick!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

When your kids are having kids, you won't care so they can end the tradition.

I just think it is something that they cannot understand.

My own father changed HIS LAST NAME before he was married. That did not go over too well.It was LONG and very Polish.

 

[Phil'sFrontier]

Sounds like your in-laws are trying to control you....I say you tell them where to go if they wanna treat you like that

Do you know what bugs me is hyphenating last names because the Wife won't take the Husband's last name. What happens 4 generations down when you have a problem something like this....

"Aaron Miller-Williams-Johnson-Nelson-Anderson-Taylor-Davis-Jones; put that candy back right now."
By the time you're through that the kid has already eaten the candy
/end threadjack

 

[momof1princess]

i could never bring myself to pass down a name from my or DH's family. the passed-down names are homer, mack (middle name only) and melvin! i wanted to name my son connor douglas (douglas is FIL's middle name), but it wasn't meant to be.

 

[Piecey]

I don't understand why if it is a middle name that you both couldn't use Aaron. My sister's daughters have the same middle name. And my son and nephew have the same middle name.

Because BIL said we couldn't.

BIL is the older brother. He's the kind of guy that his way is the only way and you better not question it.
It wasn't worth arguing the fact that we could name our kid whatever we wanted and I was pregnant first.

Plus, neither of us cared one way or the other. We were using it to make the family happy and weren't too upset when we were told we couldn't.

 

[Crystal0608]

I wouldn't let anyone make you feel bad, its up to the parents what they want to call their kids.

My dh's family has sons named after their dads and my dh hates being called Little Michael and his dad Big Michael. I was forbid to include Michael in ds's name by my dh and he *hates* being called "little".

Onto the funny story. DH picked out ds's name and it's not common whatsoever. Well, towards the end of my pregnancy, MIL started dated a guy she is now married to and his name is the same as my son's, just a different spelling. Sooo....on dh's moms side of the family they now call my son Little XXXX and her dh Big XXXX and the same name wasn't intentional. My son also has an uncommon middle name, picked out by my mom. Last year my SIL had a baby and named his middle name after my son, so at 7 years old my son had a namesake, lol. I wasn't asked, but I was ok with it. We just like unique names now 2 other people in the family share the same, haha!

 

[happygirl]

We end the family name with my hubby

 

[SleepyMom]

The look on the gf's face was bad. I felt so bad for her. And of course, mad at the grandma.

So. Rant over. I just DON'T GET IT?!! Why does someone think I should name my child after someone we don't want to just to carry on a tradition??

Anyone else have anything like this happen? Are you the black sheep of the family??

Sorry the girlfriend had to hear that and you too, I also do not get the comments like that. This is your child and you get the right to name them, they had their chance.

I had a comment somewhat like that one time from my late MIL, only it was kind of in reverse. A little background... DH is named after his 5 year old brother who passed away before DH was born, DH's first name is the same as the middle name of his brother. So I do understand the name is special to late MIL.

DH and I named our son after ourselves, his first name is the male version of my name and DH's first name is his middle name. He passed away shortly after birth and my lovely MIL said to me that we "wasted" his name on a baby that died instead of saving it for the next male child We knew our son was not going to live long and we picked his name to have a connection to the both of us. I stupidly even thought she might like that someone in the family had finally used the middle name of the deceased brother, since DH is the youngest of 7 and the last to have children in the family and not one of his siblings had used either the first name or middle name to honor their brother for any of their kids.

 

[NotUrsula]

OK, I'll represent the other side, LOL.

In my father's family, the naming tradition is female. I'm going to out myself here to anyone who knows the family, but there is always some variation of Mary and/or Rose in EVERY branch of EVERY generation of that family, in an unbroken line for over 400 years. I'm one of three sisters, and we each have a variation in our names somewhere. We're loose about it. You can use any variation in any language, as long as you use it somewhere in the name of one girl.

No one in my extended family (and it is BIG) would ever dream of not doing it for at least one daughter, unless they just don't have a daughter. (Dad went with overkill and followed tradition with all 3 of us, but most of the cousins just go with once.) We love the tradition, and it ties us together. We are spread all over the world, but we all have that name as a common thread, and we like it that way, as we are an oddly closeknit bunch in spite of our geographical dispersal. It's very important to us, and though no one would ever dump on you for defying it, it would cause sadness and disappointment.

Now here is what I don't get: what on earth is with people who try to tell other relatives that a certain name is "taken"? Sorry, the living trumps the might-be-living, and if you have the pen in your hand on a birth certificate application, no one gets to tell you that it's too late. There is nothing in the world wrong with cousins having variants of a particular name, or the same name somewhere in the mix -- trust me; I would know!