I just don't get "family names"...

[AliceinHalloweentown]

We have family friends who's "family name" is actually 3 names.. let's just call it X Y Z and then the last name.

The grandfather had all three names but was called X, the father had all three names but is called Y, and the son has all three names but is called Z.

It's really confusing

 

[JVL1018]

This is because it is a tradition in Italian families that the first born son is named after the mother's father. My mom is Sicilian and my dad is not and instead of being named after my grandfather I ended up being named after my father...I wish she would have stuck with the tradition instead
.

My husband's grandmother (Italian family) had 4 sisters, 3 of the sisters married 3 brothers, they all named the firstborn son after the maternal grandfather, the second born son after the paternal grandfather, so now you had all these kids running around with the same name. LOL


My FIL had a brother who died in WWII, his name was August, so my FIL named his firstborn son August, but son #2 was named after both grandfathers. Son #3(my DH) was named after his father, but they have different middles.

I was not having a son and a husband with the same name, I like the name(James), but it's confusing and annoying to us, so we did not follow that tradition.

I love the tradition of middle names being after family.

My son's middle name is James after his dad and his PopPop, and I toyed with the idea of giving him 2 middles because I like the idea of the name August living on(my BIL August has no kids), but I didn't and I regret it now.
My daughter's middle name is my mom's maiden name-which is also a standard girls name. I love the connection to the family history family names provide.

I wouldn't yell at my kids if they didn't continue the tradition, though-their baby their choice. And in the OPs situation, I don;t see how she could have done it any differently.

 

[LuvBaloo]

Of course, my grandmother thinks it was all done on purpose and is hurt that we didn't name any of the girls after her. I love my grandmother and all, but she has an awful name and there's no way I would have given it to any of the girls!

people should learn to keep their rude comments to themselves!

Have you told her it wasn't done on purpose, just to shut her up!

My DH has a 2 middle names, with the second one being a family name always used by first male. If we had a boy we had planned to use it, but we got 2 girls so it wasn't used.
With my first DD, we named her Shaelyn Marie. Marie is after my grandmother and I had decided as a young girl that I wanted to give my future DD Marie as her middle name. DH was happy with it. Shaelyn was after a figure skater. The funny thing is that DH's step mom and half-sister both have Marie as a middle name, so DFIL, loved to think see that connection. DD was actually born on the half-sister's birthday so it was kind of funny. DH's mom and sister boht have Lynne as their middle names, so they like to think that the 'lyn' in Shaelyn is for them. It makes them happy.
For my second DD we gave her my mom's middle name for her middle name. DH & I had gone through his family names, but he figured if it was a both it was being named at least partly after his family, and I could use my mom's connection for a girl. Another funny thing DD#2 is Kaleigh Ann. My sister's middle name is LeeAnn, so she liked to point out that my DD's name sounds like Kay LeeAnn

Bottom line, yes we did some family names, and family found connections we didn't plan. But names were our choice and DH & I are happy with them.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I can understand in your situation why you didn't, but we use family names as middle names for our children. I just like feeling a connection to those in my family who came before us. It's nice. I also like finding out about my ancesters.

My oldest son's middle name is a combination of my mom's maiden name and my husband's mom's maiden name. It was a tribute to our grandparents more than anything.

My youngest son's middle name is a family surname (but also used as a first name - Clark) from my husband's side. If he were a girl, she would have been given either my grandmother's middle name as her middle name or my great grandmother's first name as her middle name.

 

[cepmom]

Have you told her it wasn't done on purpose, just to shut her up!

.

believe me, we have told her multiple times, but I don't think she believes us After each child was born, we realized what happened and thought it was pretty cool to have that totally unplanned connection. We didn't realize how it was going to make her feel though and she always says something about how "none of her granddaughters were named after her" when the topic comes up. Her great nephew named his daughter after his mother (it's a pretty name)and we have to hear about it every time we talk about the nephew and his family

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I think traditions are cool, but bullying is not.

It is my baby, my bloodline and DH's and we decide what our baby will be named.

If anyone has an issue--tough noogies.

I'm aghast at some of the disrespect some of you guys have been shown by supposed family members b/c you either followed the tradition (but not to their liking) or opted not to.

Marie travels through my family, but there is no expectation or obligation to use that name anywhere. My mom teased me for not using it on my girls--but I wasn't treated poorly for not doing it.

 

[Allison]

I understand the family name thing but I don't understand grandma being so out of line and rude. Her statements were completely uncalled for and inappropriate.

 

[disykat]

DH is a junior and wanted a IIIrd. I can't stand my FIL, don't like the name, and think the "tradition" of naming a child your exact name is really egotistical. I told my husband the only way I would agree to naming a boy child his exact name was if we named a girl "my first name, my middle name, my maiden name, followed by his last name." He tried to flip out, saying his name was a family name and mine wasn't. Since I'm named after BOTH my grandmothers, he didn't have much of an argument. I found it pretty hilarious that he was appalled at the notion of naming a girl after me, but insistant about naming a boy after himself.

We did use DH's name as our first son's middle name, so despite being mad, his family at least has to recognize I compromised.

 

[Poohbug]

I don't get it either. Not many people in our families loved the names of our sons but they got used to it. I have gotten flack from MIL about oldest DS not looking like DH at all. Talk about innuendo.

Sounds like Grandma is a little bitter because she "had" to follow tradition and you didn't. Don't let it bother you.

 

[Piecey]

I think some of grandmother's attitude comes from that fact that my FIL (her son) passed away last year so she would have seen us naming Lucas after her son as an honor.

Logic doesn't really enter the equation very often with his family... they all know my FIL was a jerk to my DH until he joined the Marine Corps. 2001, so why would DH want to honor a man that made most of his life miserable??
BIL is a completey different story.. him and FIL were two peas in a pod so we assumed he would use the name.

 

[torinsmom]

I did not want the family name deal when I was pregnant. I did compromise and gave DS his dad's first name as his middle name(Scott). I wanted a more unique first name and if you look at my username, the name I chose is obvious.

My sis' boys whole names are from the family--She has Jackson(our maiden name) Burley(a family name in BIL's family and his middle name) and Tyson(family name in BIL's family) Barefoot(our mom's maiden name)

If I had had another boy after I did our family tree, I might have used a family name. My great grandfather was named Josiah and I LOVE that name.

 

[cheermom1]

OP I agree with you - your MIL was rude as well --so sorry you are going through that -- I think I would have had to tell her what I thought as another pp said...

you are not the only one though, when we named our son we really liked the name James (named after no one) however I made it VERY clear that he was to be called James, not Jamie or Jimmy or anything else that is deamed a nick name for James ...my MIL was always calling him Jamie just to get to me I know she did - no matter what I said or his dad said she kept doing it and told us that she is grandma ans has the right to call him anything she wants -- I lost it - I told her that I am his mother and if I wanted him to be called anythign other than James it would be on his birth certificate!! and I yelled this to her and told her that if she didn't like it she could leave until she coiuld call my son his name that was given to him..I know harsh but this went on for the first few months before I lost it...

 

[MaumeeMom]

In our family, the mother gets to name the child, but Dad has veto rights. The mom is the one who carries the baby for 9 months, puts up with morning sickness and stretch marks, etc. IMO she has earned the right to select the name.

Not yet but its going to happen soon,
I'm the 3rd and i've told my mother as nice as possible it dies here...
As i don’t have kids yet she keeps saying I’ll change my mind...Nope
I've never liked my name...and would never do that to a child

DB and SIL just had a baby girl, if it was a boy he’d have been the fourth…I’ve happily said they could have my name as well…SIL refused…

I can see not using the name if you do not like it. My DH is a III but we like his name and it flows nicely.

I wasn't sure at first if I wanted to saddle a little one with such a big responsibility as being the IV so we hadn't totally made up our minds even as I went into labor (2 weeks overdue). We had a back-up name which we eventually used on DS#2. While I was in labor, a nurse asked what we were going to name DS and I said we wanted to see him first. Unsolicited, she said that she didn't have to think up a name for her DS because her DH was a third. I took that as a sign. Our DS#1 fits the name so I guess it was meant to be. He has often told me it makes him feel special and he has talked about when he has a son it will be the 5th - I told him he'd better ask his wife!

I understand the family name thing but I don't understand grandma being so out of line and rude. Her statements were completely uncalled for and inappropriate.

When our Great-Grandma gets cranky and opinionated I just remind myself that after 91 years she has earned the right to her opinions - then I just blame her meds.

DH is a junior and wanted a IIIrd. I can't stand my FIL, don't like the name, and think the "tradition" of naming a child your exact name is really egotistical. I told my husband the only way I would agree to naming a boy child his exact name was if we named a girl "my first name, my middle name, my maiden name, followed by his last name." He tried to flip out, saying his name was a family name and mine wasn't. Since I'm named after BOTH my grandmothers, he didn't have much of an argument. I found it pretty hilarious that he was appalled at the notion of naming a girl after me, but insistant about naming a boy after himself.

We did use DH's name as our first son's middle name, so despite being mad, his family at least has to recognize I compromised.

I don't see carrying on a name as being egotistical but as paying tribute to those who came before us. Luckily, my DH's family gets along so it was easy to name DS in honor of his Great Grandfather.

Since DS#1 has a family name we also gave DS#2 a family name for his middle name - in honor of my deceased uncle.

If we had had a girl, she would have been named after my grandmother.

All that being said - I do agree with others that it is really up to the parents and no one else to name the child. Unless it is a really out there name (like the people who used the name Hitler) others should stay out of it.

 

[smidgy]

thank goodness my MIL stood her ground and did not name hubby after his dad, even though herMIL was not happy. my hubby would have been named Adolph!

 

[2binak]

I come from a HUGE family (30-some cousins combined) and there are first names that are used mulitple times and a couple boys who have the same first & last name. Most of the names are not passed down from older generations. No one ever questioned or argued about anyone else's name choice though. If you liked a name, you used it, regardless of whether or not your sibling also used that name for their child. I wish it could be that simple for everyone.

 

[tazdev3225]

I knew on my first date with my DH that our first son was to be Jr. His family tradition was to name the first son after the grandfather. He had a nephew named that and really liked his name. We did name our son James Jr but called him Jamier. My dad and brother are also James as is my nephew, the 5th). My MIL insisted on calling DS Jimmy. When he was about 4 he told her off. I know it was rude but I was so proud that he stuck up for himself. We now have 6 Jamers' in the family and myDGS will carry on his tradition as will my nephew.
My DD has it just as bad. Her son is Michael the third. Her DF has a cousin Michael and everyone is a combination of Michael and Joseph. They don't have much creativity.
You should name your children what you want and ignore the family.

 

[daisax]

No one in my extended family (and it is BIG) would ever dream of not doing it for at least one daughter, unless they just don't have a daughter. (Dad went with overkill and followed tradition with all 3 of us, but most of the cousins just go with once.) We love the tradition, and it ties us together. We are spread all over the world, but we all have that name as a common thread, and we like it that way, as we are an oddly closeknit bunch in spite of our geographical dispersal. It's very important to us, and though no one would ever dump on you for defying it, it would cause sadness and disappointment.

A friend of mine has a similar tradition in her extended family. They're descended from a (now obscure) historical figure and all the female members of the family have her last name as their middle name. So it's kind of a secret society because pretty much any woman with that middle name is probably a relative.

 

[pooh4evr]

DH is the 3rd John in his family- each time we were expecting MIl expected us to name a son John, until Dh told her he thought we could be a bit more creative- (ouch) sher even wanted us to name our girls Johna or something like that?? - she is over it now- and we have an Emma Cassidy, Allison (Alli) Marie and Kate Mackenzie. - Sil has Leila Grace

 

[2binak]

My BIL was a III and refused to name any of this sons as a IV. Not that there was anything wrong with his name, but he just wanted something different for his kids.

 

[Maridw]

We don't have a naming tradition in our family - thankfully. My middle name is after my dad's mother and my sister's middle name is after my mom's mother. My brother has my paternal great grandfather's name for his middle name.

My sister did use my dad's first name as a middle name for one of her boys and her middle name for one of her girls.

When I went to name my daughter, my mom suggested having a middle name that started with the same letter as her last name so that when she got married later it could stand for either her maiden name initial or her middle name initial.

Now my DD is pregnant and we just found out that she is having a girl. She decided to do what I did and picked out a middle name that starts with the same letter as her last name. Actually she picked the other name that I was thinking of using for her. Mainly because she liked the name Grace for a middle name. I told her that she could have been Natalie Grace and she decided she liked that combination. If it had been a boy, it was going to be Aidan Keith, my dad's name as the middle name.