I just did a really hard thing....

[nkjzmom]

I sent my 9 year old daughter to bed in tears. Huge tears...not fake tears...real fat, eye swelling and reddening tears.

She brought home a writing assignment today and has been working on it throughout the evening. She's written over 2 pages and got stuck. She realized she put some of the facts backwards and would almost have to start over again. So she was frustrated and tired so I gave her until 10...two hours past her bedtime to finish it.

She just came to me in tears saying there was no way she could get it done. I asked her honestly how long she'd had to complete it and she said since last week. Then the tears really started coming as she's crying about getting another B- on her report card and how she's not trying her best and she wishes she could try again. Oh...I didn't know whether to rejoice in her honesty or cry with her.

I just hugged her and told her she was right. She could have done better. We have 30 minutes mandatory sitting down to do homework even if you have no homework...they can read or do puzzles, write letters, etc. So she didn't have the "I didn't have time" excuse. Then I sent her to bed knowing that tomorrow she's going to have to turn in an incomplete assignment...her tears were still rolling down her cheeks. But she has to learn right??? Now I'm tearing up...I wish I could write the story for her. Poor baby.

 

[clh2]

Those are tough lessons to learn, but in the long run, this lesson is a lot better learned in 3rd or 4th grade than in high school or college. The lesson really is about time management and priorities.

We had one around here earlier this year, and my 11 YO went to bed not real happy with me either. She got over it, and, if she has homework on the weekend, she doesn't wait until "too late on Sunday night" to start it.

 

[noodles]

That is so hard, but it sounds like you know you did the right thing!

 

[azgal81]

Sounds like you did the right thing especially since she had a week to finish it already! It's not your fault she waited until the last minute. I did the same thing although when you are in college you can pull all nighters when you are nine you can't!

 

[shortbun]

You did the right thing but I have a suggestion and question. I'm wondering how this assignment got left until today. My son brings home all homework in a folder daily. I have the option of looking at that folder everyday and most days, I do. At her age, she still needs parental supervision of homework. Could their system or your's be changed so she doesn't get by you again with this kind of assignment until the last minute? Granted, she needs to be learning to budget her time but help with that at age 9 seems logical. She sounds sensitive, overwhelmed and unable to handle the responsibility quite on her own. Time management is a very difficult talent to learn. Many adults don't even know how to do it. Frustration and failure are not always the best teachers.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I think you are teaching her a valuable less. We all have to learn lessons, and the earlier in life the easier the learning is.

 

[Buckalew11]

I still remember the agony I went through in 3rd grade because I put off doing an assignment that I knew was due on a certain date.

My heart goes out to her but she will learn from this mistake. How was she this morning?

 

[dizagain]

You did the right thing but I have a suggestion and question. I'm wondering how this assignment got left until today. My son brings home all homework in a folder daily. I have the option of looking at that folder everyday and most days, I do. At her age, she still needs parental supervision of homework. Could their system or your's be changed so she doesn't get by you again with this kind of assignment until the last minute? Granted, she needs to be learning to budget her time but help with that at age 9 seems logical. She sounds sensitive, overwhelmed and unable to handle the responsibility quite on her own. Time management is a very difficult talent to learn. Many adults don't even know how to do it. Frustration and failure are not always the best teachers.

I know in Texas, I always knew of assignments through the "folder" and had to initial it every day. Here in Illinois, my 4th grade DD's folder only comes home on Friday with graded papers in it. The assignment book does no good as it doesn't usually include everything. We've learned the hard way this year that many times there are things that need to be done that aren't getting the attention they need. I really have to stay on DD and ask lots of questions. It was/is a hard transition.

SO, not every school does the "folder" thing the same way. I do think they need to learn through frustration and mistakes even though it's hard. OP-you did the right thing!

 

[IwasatWDWforamonth]

You did good,she needed rest.
My dad would scream at me if I asked him a question, my dad would call me an idiot.Sometimes I figured I had answers right and I basically just wanted reassurance. I stopped bringing my homework home. I used up my lunch period to sit in the library.
You just made me think of how much I would have liked a hug if I was having a hard time doing my homework.

 

[Belle2667]

You did the right thing.

In our house, from kindergarten on, we told our boys that their homework was their responsibility. It's the only one they really have (other than chores). I always ask if their homework is finished, but I do not check. If they have questions, need/want help studying, I'm here. We also make them understand that the grade they receive on their report card is NOT the grade the "teacher gave them", rather it's the grade they EARNED.

My job as a parent, hard as it is, is to raise responsible adults. There are consequences to everything, and as long as it is not physically/emotionally harmful, I let them happen. It hurts, it's hard, but it's definitely a learning opportunity.

 

[Evil Queen]

You did right.

My son also knows, school/homework is "his job" (besides chores), and he is responsible for keeping up on getting assignments finished and on time. I help him when he needs it, and I do set aside time each night.

He did hit a period of where he was turning in incomplete assignments (don't know how he still pulled off honor roll). I was informed by teacher. We had a long talk and he couldn't give me any good reason why he was doing this. I told him if I hear of it again he will lose some of his stuff (toys, games, TV time, time with his friends), plus he was only 1 missing assignment from detention. Now, each day he comes home and reports how much homework he has and when he will be doing it, he's pretty good at keeping to his schedule he sets up for himself. He's lucky though that some days he has to stay late at school with my sister, and on those days he gets most, if not all of his homework done before even leaving school grounds. Yesterday, he came home with no homework, only had to print out two pics to add to his science fair project display board.

 

[Stitchfans]

I agree, you did the right thing. Sure it was hard, but it will help her to grow and know better for next time.

 

[momof2inPA]

You did the right thing but I have a suggestion and question. I'm wondering how this assignment got left until today. My son brings home all homework in a folder daily. I have the option of looking at that folder everyday and most days, I do. At her age, she still needs parental supervision of homework. Could their system or your's be changed so she doesn't get by you again with this kind of assignment until the last minute? Granted, she needs to be learning to budget her time but help with that at age 9 seems logical. She sounds sensitive, overwhelmed and unable to handle the responsibility quite on her own. Time management is a very difficult talent to learn. Many adults don't even know how to do it. Frustration and failure are not always the best teachers.

I agree. When my third grader is writing a long assignment, I read it after every paragraph to make sure it makes sense and he hasn't missed anything. He's just started doing long papers this year, and it still takes him awhile to write in cursive. He would be in tears if he had left out important details early on in a paper and had to redo the whole thing.

Do the people who tell the kids that homework is "their job" not help their kids at all with homework? I don't see where checking a 9 year-old's assignment book will undermine their developing into responsible adults. Isn't that what the assignment books are for, anyway? They remind the adults and the students what assignments are due.

 

[Belle2667]

I agree. When my third grader is writing a long assignment, I read it after every paragraph to make sure it makes sense and he hasn't missed anything. He's just started doing long papers this year, and it still takes him awhile to write in cursive. He would be in tears if he had left out important details early on in a paper and had to redo the whole thing.

Do the people who tell the kids that homework is "their job" not help their kids at all with homework? I don't see where checking a 9 year-old's assignment book will undermine their developing into responsible adults. Isn't that what the assignment books are for, anyway? They remind the adults and the students what assignments are due.

My kids are responsible for their homework. I will help with their homework "if they ask". I will not give answers, I will not correct spelling / grammar / mathematical errors. I may make suggestions without actually giving the answer. I don't think having them make the corrections prior to handing in the report does them any justice other than ensuring they get a good grade. I'm not earning the grade, they are.

 

[ChristmasElf]

Wow! You are all better Mommies than I was with my 9 year olds!
When my oldest was that age, I would see that he was taking a long time, or started a project too late, whatever.
I would end up helping and then doing a lot of the work.
I could tell you anything you want about Ponce DeLeon, Leonardo DaVinci, and even made a board game out of William Shakespears life accomplishments!

Now I feel like I wrecked them. (the kids, not the projects, I usually got all A+ )

I promise to do better with this next child coming up. He will have to do ALL his own work

 

[daisyduck123]

You did the right thing.

I had to have my son get his first "zero" for homework this week.

I'm a teacher & my DS8 goes to my school with me.

Just the other day, we were leaving school & he realized he'd left his math homework back in his classroom. Students are not supposed to return to school to retrieve homework. Well, he could've easily gone back to get it.. but I just said "Too bad, explain it to your teacher tomorrow that you forgot it".

I hope this made him learn...he's forgotten once or twice before & I'd always let him go back....but this time I figured he needed to learn.

 

[nkjzmom]

You did the right thing but I have a suggestion and question. I'm wondering how this assignment got left until today. My son brings home all homework in a folder daily. I have the option of looking at that folder everyday and most days, I do. At her age, she still needs parental supervision of homework. Could their system or your's be changed so she doesn't get by you again with this kind of assignment until the last minute? Granted, she needs to be learning to budget her time but help with that at age 9 seems logical. She sounds sensitive, overwhelmed and unable to handle the responsibility quite on her own. Time management is a very difficult talent to learn. Many adults don't even know how to do it. Frustration and failure are not always the best teachers.

She does bring home a folder but if she hasn't packed the assignment in the folder it doesn't do us much good. At the beginning of our 30 minute homework time all 3 kids show me their folder so I am aware of what's going on...ONLY if they are bringing it home. She had left it in her desk for a few days.

Thanks for all the support. She was okay this morning. I went into school with them to help with a live chess tournament and she took a big breath and headed to class. I thought about her all morning long and prayed her teacher would work with her in some way. She came home this afternoon and has the weekend to finish it up. Thank goodness for tough lessons and forgiving teachers!!

 

[Hannathy]

I guess I'm different I would have let her stay up till it was done if that is what she wanted. I have a very bright DD who likes to do things at the last minute so she stays up! She is the one who is tired the next day not me. She has pulled a few 2-3 AM mornings and has learned somewhat but still does it, oh well. I am always up late packing so I guess it's inherited.

 

[FreshTressa]

Those are tough lessons to learn, but in the long run, this lesson is a lot better learned in 3rd or 4th grade than in high school or college. The lesson really is about time management and priorities.

Yup...life's lessons are always hard! Better now than later.

 

[Evil Queen]

I agree. When my third grader is writing a long assignment, I read it after every paragraph to make sure it makes sense and he hasn't missed anything. He's just started doing long papers this year, and it still takes him awhile to write in cursive. He would be in tears if he had left out important details early on in a paper and had to redo the whole thing.

Do the people who tell the kids that homework is "their job" not help their kids at all with homework? I don't see where checking a 9 year-old's assignment book will undermine their developing into responsible adults. Isn't that what the assignment books are for, anyway? They remind the adults and the students what assignments are due.

I set time aside each night, but no I don't check unless he asks me too. At 10 he is old enough to know if, he has homework and if it's done or not.