Rajah
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Aug 17, 1999
- Messages
- 9,633
No, not Disney, though I wish it were.
We leave Friday to go bury my dad in Colorado (as per his wishes and ours) this weekend, and I have such mixed emotions about it.
On one hand, we LOVE Colorado, as did my dad. I've always looked forward to going there. And burying him will give a sense of closure (though, honestly, I don't think I *want* closure at this point if that makes any sense? My mom really needs it, though). And, as my dad would have wanted, we have several vacation plans set up for the week following the burial.
So in some ways, I'm looking forward to this. We'll be going to the Chimney Rock ruins near Pagosa Springs, which I haven't seen in about 10 or 12 years and DH hasn't ever seen. We'll have some time just enjoying the atmosphere around Pagosa, which we love. We get to show DH Durango again, and hopefully this time he won't get sick. He wants to see Durango again now and says he's ready for that part. After sending DH back home (he has to come home mid-week), my mom and I are going to spend a couple of days at Mesa Verde, which neither of us has seen in about 15 years and we've never had more than one afternoon there. This time, she and I will be spending one night actually *in* the park, and we're looking forward to that.
Then, of course, is just the fact that we'll be in New Mexico (fly to Albuquerque) and Colorado, and I love being there and driving up there for some reason.
So those are the good parts.
But, on the other hand, the reason for this trip is tearing me apart (hello, duh) if I think about it. So I haven't been thinking about it. Which means I'm nowhere near as prepared plan-wise as I usually am. I still don't even have our maps for New Mexico and Colorado and Mesa Verde, which usually I have by now. (How do I think we're going to find our way around? Just instinct??)
I'm also very nervous about how this trip will go with my mom. To say my mom dislikes my grandparents (dad's side) would be a HUGE understatement. She has a hard time getting along with them under the best of circumstances. Since this is their son, naturally they'll be out there as well, and I'm afraid I'm going to be forced into the position of either being in the middle while they fight (or, rather, she fights then runs off and vents, to me of course) or in the position of having to choose between spending time supporting her, or spending time with my grandparents, who won't be around much longer. I'm honestly surprised my grandfather is still alive, he's just withdrawn into himself so much.
So I'm worried that another fight will break out between my mom and grandparents. And I've had some difficulty spending time with my mom when she gets too upset, but up there I can't tell her to go call her aunt or brother if it gets too much for me to handle.
I can't count the number of times my mom has ruined a Colorado vacation because of issues with the inlaws (my grandparents) and I'm terrified she's going to do that again, since everyone will be under such stress and my mom is positive my grandparents blame her (they don't).
I'd appreciate some prayers and hugs, that first this week I can focus on the trip enough to get everything in line so we can leave then second that the week goes well. And also that I can focus on work the next 3.5 days and actually get something done here at work besides dwelling or trying to hide from dwelling.
We leave Friday to go bury my dad in Colorado (as per his wishes and ours) this weekend, and I have such mixed emotions about it.
On one hand, we LOVE Colorado, as did my dad. I've always looked forward to going there. And burying him will give a sense of closure (though, honestly, I don't think I *want* closure at this point if that makes any sense? My mom really needs it, though). And, as my dad would have wanted, we have several vacation plans set up for the week following the burial.
So in some ways, I'm looking forward to this. We'll be going to the Chimney Rock ruins near Pagosa Springs, which I haven't seen in about 10 or 12 years and DH hasn't ever seen. We'll have some time just enjoying the atmosphere around Pagosa, which we love. We get to show DH Durango again, and hopefully this time he won't get sick. He wants to see Durango again now and says he's ready for that part. After sending DH back home (he has to come home mid-week), my mom and I are going to spend a couple of days at Mesa Verde, which neither of us has seen in about 15 years and we've never had more than one afternoon there. This time, she and I will be spending one night actually *in* the park, and we're looking forward to that.
Then, of course, is just the fact that we'll be in New Mexico (fly to Albuquerque) and Colorado, and I love being there and driving up there for some reason.
So those are the good parts.
But, on the other hand, the reason for this trip is tearing me apart (hello, duh) if I think about it. So I haven't been thinking about it. Which means I'm nowhere near as prepared plan-wise as I usually am. I still don't even have our maps for New Mexico and Colorado and Mesa Verde, which usually I have by now. (How do I think we're going to find our way around? Just instinct??)
I'm also very nervous about how this trip will go with my mom. To say my mom dislikes my grandparents (dad's side) would be a HUGE understatement. She has a hard time getting along with them under the best of circumstances. Since this is their son, naturally they'll be out there as well, and I'm afraid I'm going to be forced into the position of either being in the middle while they fight (or, rather, she fights then runs off and vents, to me of course) or in the position of having to choose between spending time supporting her, or spending time with my grandparents, who won't be around much longer. I'm honestly surprised my grandfather is still alive, he's just withdrawn into himself so much.
So I'm worried that another fight will break out between my mom and grandparents. And I've had some difficulty spending time with my mom when she gets too upset, but up there I can't tell her to go call her aunt or brother if it gets too much for me to handle.
I can't count the number of times my mom has ruined a Colorado vacation because of issues with the inlaws (my grandparents) and I'm terrified she's going to do that again, since everyone will be under such stress and my mom is positive my grandparents blame her (they don't).
I'd appreciate some prayers and hugs, that first this week I can focus on the trip enough to get everything in line so we can leave then second that the week goes well. And also that I can focus on work the next 3.5 days and actually get something done here at work besides dwelling or trying to hide from dwelling.
for you Tammi....
prayers and pixie dust on the way. trust in god and you will make it I promise......Bobby
