There are so many different ways to plan, so it really depends on your family and your priorities for the trip. But I'll share our experience, and the advice I give friends who are planning trips, in case it's helpful!
Just as you did, we start by deciding how many days/nights we plan to stay and then we book our resort. (Our favorite is the Beach Club, which allows us to end several days with dinner at Epcot before returning to the resort.) Then I'd suggest deciding which parks you'd like to visit and how much time you think you'll spend in each. Our kids are very involved in this process - we ask them to make a list of their favorite rides and attractions so that we can fit in all the priorities, and then we go to their list of "maybes" if we still have time. (The Unofficial Guide is my favorite guidebook, but I think that it's helpful for new guests to read Birnbaum's and Birnbaum's for Kids first and then go to the Unofficial Guide for more details.)
Once you decide which parks you want to visit, I'd suggest touringplans.com for a general idea of crowd levels each day. That can help you decide where you will be each day of your trip, and whether you will need park hoppers to cover everything you would like.
After we have a general idea of our park days, we schedule our ADRs to fit. We have a list of favorite restaurants and as our boys get older, they usually find new places they would like to try. We try to match up our list of priority restaurants with our park days. We love California Grill, for example, so we schedule that at the end of an MK day. We schedule Brown Derby for the end of a day at DHS. We always like to start the trip at Epcot, so we have lunch at Chef's and dinner at Garden Grill on the first day. As for the specific ADR times, this is based on our kids' schedules, so we tend to schedule lunches at 11:30am and dinners around 6pm. So for us, those times generally do not conflict with any parades or shows, but each family's schedule will be different.
After learning more about the parades and shows through this website and guidebooks, I'd suggest checking the Disney website, touringplans.com and Steve Soares'
http://pages.prodigy.net/stevesoares/index.htm for parade and show times. These are all subject to change, so you never know for sure, but these sites can give you an idea of the general schedules.
As you may already know, the allears.net website has all the menus, and this site includes menus and photos that may also help.
Hope that helps!
