I Hate To Start Another Husband Bashing Thread But...**Update on Page 4**

[doxdogy]

I had the same exact thought. Except it is my son-in-law and not my husband. His mother did everything for him.

Originally posted by Antonia
I didn't know my husband had a twin!!

In all seriousness, I have often told my friends that when I die, don't send flowers - send take-out. My DH would starve to death if not for me fixing his food. He can't make a sandwich either!!

 

[Pooh93]

I feel your pain! I take my lunch 4 out of 5 days to work. My dh on the other hand.....NEVER takes his lunch!!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If my dh told me he couldn't make a lunch I would sit down and have a "brown bag seminar".

What is that saying...teach a man to fish so he eats for life?

 

[Kallison]

I just started working last year and leave 30 min. before the kids get on the bus. DH makes my lunch and all three of their lunches plus he makes them pancakes every AM (but he leaves all the dishes in the sink for me to clean up). So I guess I pick and choose my battles. He doesn't help much else around the house but does all the yard work and we have a lot. He also buys his lunch every day, he said he doesn't care how much it costs he enjoys getting out of the office. I don't fight it, he makes way more than I do.

 

[Cindy B]

Becka:

How old is that adorable son of yours?

I bet you could do this, and if it works, use it as a "teachable moment"

Could that adorable little son of yours take a piece of bread and with some peanut butter (or something else easy) and a spoon, spread it on a piece of bread?

Then he could say (if he talks) i make lunch! Daddy, do you make lunch?

My kids make their own lunches, and know what is expected in them!

And, stand your ground on the thighs... I get them so much more than the breasts, my family thinks the boneless breasts are a treat!

 

[vfb2girls]

Wow! I just got up and gave my DH a great big hug and thank you for being the best. I too get up and make him his lunch everyday not because he demands it or is not able on his own but because I want to. He would do it himself but it is my way of saying thank you to him for being such a good father and husband. Years ago when we struggled to make ends meet and I was forced to take crappy jobs just to make it my hubby always promised me that when he was able to find that great job that paid well I could quit working and enjoy my kids and grandchildren, well that day has come and I have since got to quit my job and let me tell you it is wonderful. Advice for the hubby that doesn't want to make his lunch, I don't buy it that he can't make a sandwhich, after all he is a chemist..and that has to take some brains.

 

[sue1013]

Have to agree he is just manipulating with the sandwich. Sounds like he doesn't care about saving money. But I can't blame him for the chicken, I cannot eat anything with bones. I know its weird but just to see the bones makes me sick to my stomach.

 

[becka]

** UPDATE **

I was venting last night and it made me feel a little better but DH and I did sit down this morning and talk over some things. I just wasn't in the mood to discuss this with him yesterday. The bottom line is that DH just wants to be lazy with the lunch thing. He doesn't mind taking his lunch (or saving the money) but he just doesn't want to have to do the work - it is a lot easier to buy lunch everyday. And the bottom line is that I don't mind making his lunches because it really is not that big of a deal to me. The thing that bothered me was the obvious lie about not knowing how to make a lunch. DH uses that line WAY too many times when he just doesn't want to do something. Lucky for him he has a wife who likes to teach him the stuff he really doesn't know how to do. It just frustrates me and I wish he would just come out and say what he really thinks about something. Over the past few years he has said he didn't know how to do laundry, do dishes, give DS a bath, fix DS a lunch, etc.. He learns! It is a tactic he picked up as a kid and his Mom bought it. It has been almost 7 years since we married but he just can't seem to figure out that that line doesn't work very well with me.

As for the chicken with bones thing well . I just don't get it and we have agreed to compromise. He realizes that sometimes I will serve meat with bones and he will just find something else in the house to eat. He was afraid that I was never going to serve him a boneless chicken breast again and that just isn't true. I just plan on serving some less expensive cuts of meat on occassion to save some money. I explained to him that it is really no different than those occassions when I make a meal that he likes that I can't stand. He eats what I cook and I make myself a salad or heat up some soup, etc. He can do the same.

DH really is a very capable smart guy but he is just really lazy about lots of things that he doesn't like to do. I have my things I am lazy about as well including the laundry which is backing up as I type.

 

[Christine]

Sounds like you got things off your chest, that's good. I just wanted to add that I probably would not eat chicken thighs. I just don't like dark meat on the bone. I don't know why, it just kind of disgusts me and I'm not a picky eater at all. But to say that I didn't know how to each meat with bones in it...well, I get your frustration!

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I am glad you guys talked it out, Becka. Keep calling him on the "I don't know how to do it" line and he will figure it out.

 

[Wishing on a star]

"Duhhhh, I don't know how to do it...."

That has got the be the OLDEST (and yet still most affective???) line on the books!!!

And, you know, it is us womens faults... DH mother did EVERYTHING for him. I am surprized he knows how to tie his shoes.... (which, by the way, is my latest battle with our DS!)

The other morning, I told him to come help me with breakfast (I have been sick) and to scramble some eggs... He actually started to try to scramble the eggs with a spoon!!!!

Yeah right... when a grown man tries to act incapable of simple things like scrambling eggs or making a sandwich, well, that is just ridiculous (This has NOTHING to do with whether they do the yard work or not... )

When DS came along, I had to start telling DH that "I don't know how to do it" just didn't cut it any longer.... He still isn't 'THERE' yet, but he is a lot better! ( He still is not good at eating meat off the bone... I sometimes bake chicken leg-quarters... which we both like... But, you should see the shredded up mess he makes with his!! most never makes it into his mouth!!!)

Hang in there Becka... You gotta be tough!

 

[Serena]

 

[Alex]

what kind of men are these? Don't they eat Buffalo wings?

 

[Stepharoonie!]

LOL Alex!

 

[zurgswife]

That was my first thougt ALEX!!!!

 

[becka]

Originally posted by Alex
what kind of men are these? Don't they eat Buffalo wings?

Nope. He has never even tried a buffalo wing. I can't even get him to eat a boneless buffalo wing - don't know what the problem is there.

 

[Zurg]

Real men don't eat quiche
but buffalo wings are a must.

 

[Meriwether's Twin]

Great thread Becka!

After having been married to DH for about 100000 years, I must chime in.

IN THE BEGINNING (pre-child era) there was sweetness and light, and I was oh so happy to do anything to please him. Naive and ignorant, I did not realize I was establishing a pattern that would be hard to break later. We are very opposite, both strong, independent personalities, and argue a lot, but the arguements were never about chores.

THEN CAME THE KIDS (DD1, DD2, DS1, DS2....DD3 much later) . At one point I had 4, none in school yet. $$$$ CRUNCH bigtime. Instead of me becoming a SAHM, DH became SAHD for about 5 years. You would, of course, expect that he would pick up the "mom" types of chores, doing the majority of the cooking, cleaning, etc. BUT NO! I worked swing shift; I would get home at 12, up at 7, housework, kids, then off to work at 2. He would do dinner, take care of kids until bedtime, and the occasional chore. This still pretty much worked out for me, but I really started noticing that I was doing the lion's share of the day-to-day work.

THEN CAME THE REVOLT. I switched to a regular daytime schedule once my oldest hit school. DH started working part-time. I was always the one who did most of the school stuff (homework, activities). DH did even less than before! We started arguing about it. For awhile. I felt used and abused. I was angry. Then, I just decided how much time I felt ok about spending doing housework (about 2 hrs per night on weekdays). So I would spend that time, and whatever didn't get done, oh well.... The rest of my time I would spend w/ kids, or DH, or whatever.

I SHOULD NOTE that both DH and I came from rather traditional, largish families, where dad was the big money earner and mom either didn't work or had much the lesser job. Also we have always had our kids do chores, including cooking once they hit about 9, DH is VERY GOOD at supervising the kids doing this type of thing, (shocker, isn't it, LOL), I am way more likely to just do it myself so it is done "right" (I am NOT a perfectionist, just "selective").

THE RESULT OF ALL THIS was that

A) DH learned to do more stuff around the house or it wouldn't get done! Some of this was him getting the kids involved, a good thing, and some of this was him doing it himself.

B) Both DH and I tended to drift towards the things we enjoy more/are best at. DH now does ALL of the cooking (he is now a chef); I generally do much of the kitchen cleanup (nobody likes my cooking and I would way rather clean); DH & boys do ALL of yard work; I do most of shopping, school stuff; Kids do all other chores.

I guess this may seem a little off-track from Becka's DH making his own lunch, but to me it is all one thing. If $$ savings is the goal, it is definitely possible to make choices that fit in with each person's own personal inclinations, but still orient towards the overall goal. Maybe if Becka makes the lunches, DH can contribute in some other way, maybe carpooling or fixing the car instead of paying someone to do it or cutting down on recreational expenses in some way.