I Hate To Start Another Husband Bashing Thread But...**Update on Page 4**

[mudnuri]

I guess I'm just not quite sure I'm getting why your upset.

You and DH decided to save money...

From your post you said DH use to eat out, now you want him to pack a lunch.....you never mentioned yourself, so I'm going to assume your a SAHM...(I might be wrong)....

If DH is working, and your home, why can't you pack his lunch. I would have never even thought DH would pack his own lunch if I was home....I'm sorry if this sounds so old fashioned, but geez, cut the guy a break. He's use to eating out...to him it's a big change to go from that to a brown bag.

DH takes a lunch with him every day, more because of his limited carb intake than anything else, but I use the glad "throw away" containers, (that we dont throw away), and make DH a large salad in one, and in the other has either a chicken breast, (we dont eat legs or thighs, as I HATE dark meat)...or cold cuts, with cheese. Never have I thought he should get his own lunch...after all, in my house, I pack his up when I make up the DD's school lunches, usually right after the kitchen is cleaned up from supper..

Sorry if I read this wrong, but geez...its only making a sandwich...

Brandy

 

[KathyTX]

Originally posted by mudnuri
I guess I'm just not quite sure I'm getting why your upset.

You and DH decided to save money...

From your post you said DH use to eat out, now you want him to pack a lunch.....you never mentioned yourself, so I'm going to assume your a SAHM...(I might be wrong)....

Becka is not a SAHM... she works outside the home and is quite busy with a toddler.

And I can fully understand why she's frustrated with an adult who's acting like a helpless child. He's used this passive-aggressive "take care of me, pay more attention to me" business before.

He needs to grow up and start helping out.

 

[BHFan25]

I pack DH's lunch also. He says my sandwiches taste better than the ones he makes.
And yeah, I can understand why you are feeling

 

[Pin Wizard]

This thread has gotten waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too funny! Are there really so many sandwich-making-challenged husbands out there? I have to agree...they're playing on you!

 

[Deb & Bill]

I make three lunches every weekday morning, one for me, one for son and one for husband. Husband and I eat together nearly every day in my office since his is out in the open. Mine is more private. We work at the same hospital.

If you packed a lunch like a child's for your husband, he would just throw it away and buy a lunch. Then you would be out double.

Talk to him and see what the problem is. Maybe he has another way to save money. Or sees you spending money in some way that bugs him.

 

[mudnuri]

Becka is not a SAHM... she works outside the home and is quite busy with a toddler.

My mistake------sorry

And I can fully understand why she's frustrated with an adult who's acting like a helpless child. He's used this passive-aggressive "take care of me, pay more attention to me" business before.

I didnt realize this was an ongoing issue....sounds like there are underlying issue's that need to be worked out.

Good luck to you Becka!, I hope you and DH can figure this out.

Brandy

 

[KimRaye]

Oh Becka, there are twins and even triplets and quads of DH's just like yours.

When my dh gives me the "I don't know HOW to do that" routine...I ask "Have you ever TRIED?!" or, "You won't know unless you try". Either way, it puts it back in his lap to TRY to do something NEW. Albeit .

However, after years of packing his lunch myself, I quit doing it, for various reasons and, he does it himself now. He doesn't pack anyone else's lunch but, that's ok, one less lunch for me is a blessing.

I agree with Alex and Kathy about the take advantage & "poor me" routine. Especially the "poor me" routine, when there's a young child around. SOME men become BIG babies when the attention is diverted somewhere else.

Good luck!

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by KimRaye
Especially the "poor me" routine, when there's a young child around. SOME men become BIG babies when the attention is diverted somewhere else.

Good luck!

Yes! And when I dumped a bf, that was a major reason. DS was a baby at the time. Whenever he required attention, I noticed that bf was basically competing against him. He lost every time.

 

[nealymouse]

OH somebody cut me a break. He's doing it because he can.
If I even thought about pulling that kind of B.S. DW's answer would be "if you are that stupid starve".
He's trying to manipulate you plain and simple.

LOL. Your DW is right. My DH know how to cook, clean and do laundry AND DOES !! We both do.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I've also tried to get my husband to take his lunch. The reason he says he can't is because he needs the stress relief to be away from the plant. He is in management and all of the men he goes to lunch with are as well. I guess you could say he is networking while at lunch. It is better than him having to play golf with them on the weekends! He is expected to be a team player.

He will take his lunch if I have leftovers from his favorite meal. I know we could save a bundle if he brown bagged because he also has to leave a tip everyday.

His job is extremely stressful and with a lot of people losing their jobs at his plant he doen't feel that he can afford to appear anti-social nor does he want to be left out of the loop.

Does your DH feel the same way?

That was funny that he won't eat chicken off of the bone. My husband rarely complains about our food so I am more than happy to accomodate him when he has a request. I can serve him slop and he will say "Good Dinner, Dear!" So I don't have a problem with not serving something he doesn't like. Now if he complains excessively that would be another matter.

Lori

 

[Ranatra]

He can't eat meat off a bone?? Is he kidding??

Then are we to assume he doesn't eat wings or ribs either??

I make my husband a thermos of coffee every morning, an english muffin, and put out his vitamins.
I also make his lunch every day, and yes we both work.
He runs his own Commercial Roofing company, has a lot of employees and usually has 2 jobs going at one time. He leaves this house at the crack of dawn, 5:30 or 6:00 a.m.
He has never asked me to pack his lunch, but I know him. If I don't pack his lunch he won't eat. He'll go all day without eating because he claims he doesn't have time to eat. Going to lunch takes time, he doesn't have time to stand in lines, he's got a crew to run. blah blah blah. So I pack him a healthy lunch, and I have dinner waiting for him when he gets home, which is hours after I get home and In the summer sometimes it's close to 8 or 9. And this is 7 days a week. I worry about how long he can keep this pace up. I do my best to try and keep him healthy.

 

[Kermit]

Since no one has brought this up, do you think that he's as into cutting back as you are? DH and I had almost identicle disagreements for years, and it turns out that it was because he simply wasn't ready to cut back. He'd say that the thought we should, but he wasn't on fire enough to make the changes.

What worked for him was listening to Dave Ramsey, a financial person, on the radio. I've been telling him the same things that Dave Ramsey says for years, but I guess I'm not as motivating. Now he's actually more into it than I am, but it's fine with me.

As for him acting like a child, you have two choices. You can either tell him to grow up and ignore him, or you can go over the top doing stuff for him. Both could work. The latter could make him feel guilty and might get you breakfast in bed.

 

[Cindy B]

Originally posted by Alex
OH somebody cut me a break. He's doing it because he can.
If I even thought about pulling that kind of B.S. DW's answer would be "if you are that stupid starve".
He's trying to manipulate you plain and simple.

Alex hit it right on the head.

And my answer would be the same as Alex's wife!

FWIW, I have my 1st and 3rd grader make their own lunches every day for school. So if a 6 and a 9 year old can do it, so can he!

He does sound like he is competing for attention with the child.

 

[Kteacher]

Poor Becka!!!! I've been through this with my DH from time to time. I call it the " Do we have pans ? " syndrome- my DH thought if he acted helpless every time I asked him to do some simple task I would get frustrated enough that I would just do the task myself Before our kids were born we were getting ready to go away for the weekend, and he told me he " didn't know how to pack a suitcase" . Then he went off thinking I would just take care of everything. Of course I packed his suitcase with clothes that didn't match. That was the last time he forgot how to pack a suitcase. Be tough Becka !!

 

[skiwee1]

Originally posted by Alex
OH somebody cut me a break. He's doing it because he can.
If I even thought about pulling that kind of B.S. DW's answer would be "if you are that stupid starve".
He's trying to manipulate you plain and simple.

Pefectly said. ITA. Why would anyone put up with baby is beyond me!

 

[meeshi]

Originally posted by tcfdick
Have you thought about fixing his lunch/dinner like you would a small child? Would it sink in with him? For instance, you could take the meat off of the chicken leg and cut it into very small pieces with all the other vegetables you cooked already on the plate like you would for a two year old. Make his lunch like you would for a five year old, put peanut butter and jelly sandwich, pudding cup/jello cup, boxed juice, and a note like, "Have a wonderful day!" I don't know how long it would take, but I bet he would get wise pretty quick if he's smart enough to be a chemist. Sometimes saying nothing and doing is the most effective way to get your point across.

I love this idea!

 

[sharbear]

My DH likes to play that crap with me too. It drove me and my female relative crazy and I decided not to be my DH's mother. Now when he asks where something is or he can't do something. I say try this first and if it doesn't work I'll help. I never hardly ever have to help anymore.

I don't pack lunches. I am able to come home for lunch and the kids are teenagers. If they don't want to pack their lunch they can come home and eat or stay at school and not eat (my DD does this and it drives me crazy but she wouldn't eat a packed lunch anyways). I bought my DH soup, raman noodles, stuff like that (he doesn't like frozen processed food) and he warms up what he wants at work. That way if he wants to go out to eat he can and he can eat at work and not worry about packing everyday either.

Becka, maybe your DH doesn't want to pack his lunch. My DH used to go out to lunch because he wanted to go with a group. That was his way to socialize and to get away from a stressful situation. He eats in the office now not to save money, but because he's too busy to leave to eat and the group that he use to eat with no longer works with him.

As far as the chicken, just ignore him.

 

[Mskanga]

Becka, I just want you to know that you are not alone on this fight.
I used to have the same problem, but when dd1 was born I started making him do things that he had never done before, changing poopie diapers, feeding, babysitting, bathing, etc.
I became a SAHM during the week when she was 2 years old, but I still worked on weekends, dh would ask if I was going to cook their meals the day before ( I used to be at work at 5 am ) , and I said no, he could figure out what to make for himself but I wuold tell him what to give dd.
Then dd2 was born, his wish would have been for me to quit my weekend job, and trust me he tried his best, but it didn't work, he had to deal with the two kids at home. That was almost 7 years ago, I quit that job just last May , so for six years he had to deal with it.
The first thing I always heard when I got home was....what's for dinner? I said whatever you make just like I do when you work. It didn't always work but most of the times it did.
The bottom line is, years later he's still trying to pull my leg , if I don't cook he doesn't eat , but guess what? He doesn't starve, he knows how to make sandwiches, but hey, he will try to give me the guilt trip first, it doesn't work though.
But I do make his lunch in the mornings, I don't mind doing it because I have time to do it while I am making the kids also. But for years now he has been making his own coffee in the mornings.
I would ask dh how he's willing to cut corners and save, if he doesn't stick up to it , then continue doing what you were doing and when he realizes that he's going nowhere , maybe he will be more serious.
Your problem is buying lunches out, my problem is cigarettes, smoking two packs a day is killing us ( I don't smoke, he does ) , but no matter how much I nagg , he's not ready or willing to give it up.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

Originally posted by Kermit
Since no one has brought this up, do you think that he's as into cutting back as you are? DH and I had almost identicle disagreements for years, and it turns out that it was because he simply wasn't ready to cut back. He'd say that the thought we should, but he wasn't on fire enough to make the changes.

This is my DH!!! He keeps telling me that I need to go back to work fulltime to make money (right now working 2 part time jobs that allow me to be home when DDs get out of school!) because OUR spending is out of control. Everytime I ask him what I am spending money on, he looks confused because I spend money on food, clothes for the growing weeds aka DDs, etc. Not going out to eat, partying, etc. He is the crazy spender, and wants me to take a job that will make me unhappy and keep me away from my girls.

Anyway, back to the OP...my DH takes in leftovers a couple times a week. I always try to make enough for 3 adults and 2 kids that way DH has the 3rd adult serving for lunch. The cost to increase what I make the night before is negligible and it saves that lunch money.

 

[kilee]

Soemtime's it's the little things that go a LONG way. Does he help scour the bathroom, mop the floors, take out the garbage, go fill your gas tank, help put away your laundry, clean the snow off your car in the morning (if you live in a snowy area)??? ANY of these? I don't mind making DH lunch, because there is so much that he does for me that he doesn't have to. I mean we are in this together and it doesn't always have to be he does this so I'm going to do that.

As for the thigh pieces of chicken..... there are somethings you just shouldn't cut corners on. They are no where near as good for you as boneless skinless. I couldn't eat them either.