I hate this student

[maymom96]

On Friday I found out I was pregnant. By Sunday afternoon, I was in the worst pain of my life. My husband rushed me to the hospital where I found out I was 14.5 weeks along and my baby has no heartbeat. I was admitted and delivered my precious son at 1:15 a.m. on 1/26/09. We will never know why his heart stopped beating.
I work in a school as a dedicated aid to a high school student with autism. On Sunday, my husband called the mother to tell her what was going on and that I wouldn't be to work for a few days. She said that I needed to take my time getting back to work and she would find subs for me.
On Monday night, my husband again calls the mom to say that I would be taking Tuesday off and would be back Wednesday. She said ok that she understood. I stopped into work on Tuesday to fill out paperwork. Apparently the mom called the principal to tell him I hadn't been to work and she wasn't mad about it. I felt like saying "I don't give a @#$% if she is mad or not. Her feelings are the last thing on my mind." But I ignored his comment and went on with my business.
I didn't want to go back to work and cried in the shower this morning. Then I picked myself up, plastered a fake smile on my face and went to work. When the student was dropped off, mom says "Now be nice to Mrs. X". Well that was the students opening to be cruel.
Student spent the day screaming that it was all my fault student missed two days of school (apparently mom didn't call for a sub like she said she would). Then student would just scream over and over "It's all your fault" and spent the day talking about babies (something that has never happened). I did end up calling the mom because the student refused to eat lunch, was telling me to shut up and telling me not to talk to other people. Mom blew me off.
I got in my car after work and cried. I honestly believe if I wasn't so stressed out over my job, I wouldn't have lost my baby.Everyday at work is a battle and it stresses me out in ways I didn't know existed. I look at the student and want to scream "It's your fault that my baby is dead".
I don't know if I feel this way because I feel the need to blame something for our loss. But I can't help but feel part of the blame goes to the stress I have been under for months. That would explain why I was so out of touch with my body I didn't know I was pregnant for so long.
I disliked working with this student before this week because of things student has done (flipping me off, trying to hit me, refusing to do work, screaming at me, and ignoring me). But I can honestly say, to my very core, I hate this student.

 

[CharityLynn]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost a baby nearly six years ago. I didn't have long to come to terms with being pregnant found out Wed. lost my baby on Friday. All I can offer you are hugs and my condolences.

 

[Tinkin]

On Friday I found out I was pregnant. By Sunday afternoon, I was in the worst pain of my life. My husband rushed me to the hospital where I found out I was 14.5 weeks along and my baby has no heartbeat. I was admitted and delivered my precious son at 1:15 a.m. on 1/26/09. We will never know why his heart stopped beating.
I work in a school as a dedicated aid to a high school student with autism. On Sunday, my husband called the mother to tell her what was going on and that I wouldn't be to work for a few days. She said that I needed to take my time getting back to work and she would find subs for me.
On Monday night, my husband again calls the mom to say that I would be taking Tuesday off and would be back Wednesday. She said ok that she understood. I stopped into work on Tuesday to fill out paperwork. Apparently the mom called the principal to tell him I hadn't been to work and she wasn't mad about it. I felt like saying "I don't give a @#$% if she is mad or not. Her feelings are the last thing on my mind." But I ignored his comment and went on with my business.
I didn't want to go back to work and cried in the shower this morning. Then I picked myself up, plastered a fake smile on my face and went to work. When the student was dropped off, mom says "Now be nice to Mrs. X". Well that was the students opening to be cruel.
Student spent the day screaming that it was all my fault student missed two days of school (apparently mom didn't call for a sub like she said she would). Then student would just scream over and over "It's all your fault" and spent the day talking about babies (something that has never happened). I did end up calling the mom because the student refused to eat lunch, was telling me to shut up and telling me not to talk to other people. Mom blew me off.
I got in my car after work and cried. I honestly believe if I wasn't so stressed out over my job, I wouldn't have lost my baby.Everyday at work is a battle and it stresses me out in ways I didn't know existed. I look at the student and want to scream "It's your fault that my baby is dead".
I don't know if I feel this way because I feel the need to blame something for our loss. But I can't help but feel part of the blame goes to the stress I have been under for months. That would explain why I was so out of touch with my body I didn't know I was pregnant for so long.
I disliked working with this student before this week because of things student has done (flipping me off, trying to hit me, refusing to do work, screaming at me, and ignoring me). But I can honestly say, to my very core, I hate this student.

I have no advice for you I just wanted to say sorry for your loss.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I am so sorry for your loss.

Is it possible that you can ask for a reassignment? Maybe tell the boss that it isn't a good fit?
I hope that you can find a better work environment.

 

[NC State]

I am sorry for the lost. I would go straight to your boss and ask if there were a way to move the student to another class. Your boss needs to know the history with this student and it's to the point that you can't do your job.

 

[Camicar]

I am so very sorry. Words seem inadequate, but please know that my heart goes out to you.

Is it at all possible for you to leave this job? It just doesn't seem healthy emotionally or physically for you.... Honestly, it seems like emotional abuse to me.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

I don't really know what to say but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers

 

[brockash]

First let me say I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what that must be like.

Can you just quit? If you really hate that student then it's not good for you or the student...you need to be done. Even if you don't hate the student, I still think you need to look somewhere else to work. It doesn't sound like you enjoy your job at all, and it's not worth it.

 

[lisadr]

I just want to say I am so sorry for your loss.

No matter why it happened, whether the student or other reasons, I really think that you need to take more time to grieve. You suffered a terrible loss and even without having to deal with this student, you need time to heal. I hope you can afford to take the time you need to let the hurt heal. And if this student is causing you so much stress, then maybe you need to walk away from them.

Take time for yourself, you need to heal.

 

[chrisw127]

I'm sorry for your loss. I have been there several times and it is a terrible thing to go through. One thing no one acknowledges is that it is the same hormonal rush and loss that you have when you have a full-term baby, only the circumstances are very sad.

I think you need to rethink your employment and your situation with this child. While his behavorior wasn't appropriate, he is disabled (apparently enough that he needs an aid) and this is not his fault.

Good luck. Speedy recovery.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

I am so sorry for your loss.

Is it possible to take an extended leave from school? Maybe a couple weeks? You might feel better after a little time away.

 

[freckles and boo]

I am so very, very sorry.

Please, please do not take your feelings out on your student. I am a woman who has had a miscarriage (and probably more than one). I am also the parent of a child with autism. It sounds like you need to not be around your student at this time, both for your sake and for his.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I've lost two babies, myself, so I know the pain you're going through. Please take care of yourself and give yourself time to heal physically and emotionally.

I'm also a para educator and work with students with autism. When you're feeling better, I have some advice for you, if you want it. I don't want to go there right now, though.

You will be in my prayers.

 

[luvmy2sams]

I am so sorry for your loss.

Please go speak with your administrator and ask for a reassignment. This placement isn't good for you or for the student.

 

[ireland_nicole]

I'm so sorry for your loss, I too lost a child a long time ago. But it is not this kids fault this happened to you, and the fact that you can openly state you "hate" him, shows that you do not have a full understanding of his disability. I agree that it is certainly not in either of your best interests for you to be his para at this time, if ever. I would encourage you to speak to your principal about reassignment.

 

[disykat]

Are you employed by the school district? I'd talk to your principal and see if you can get reassigned or maybe be a sub until a different position becomes available.

Is this a private school? I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around the mom having to arrange for her child's subs. This system just seems ripe for abuse - it's almost like the child is your boss. I'd get out of there if possible.

 

[DawnCt1]

I am very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you. It was nice of you to inform the parent but in the future, I wouldn't tell them anything. 'I am out ill, I won't be in, get a sub'. Can you take some Family Medical Leave Time.

 

[rabx5]

I am very sorry

Maybe you need to take a break.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Are you employed by the school district? I'd talk to your principal and see if you can get reassigned or maybe be a sub until a different position becomes available.

Is this a private school? I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around the mom having to arrange for her child's subs. This system just seems ripe for abuse - it's almost like the child is your boss. I'd get out of there if possible.

That's hard for me to understand, too. We paras and teachers have to call for our own subs. I have never heard of the parents having to call.

 

[Cool-Beans]

On Friday I found out I was pregnant. By Sunday afternoon, I was in the worst pain of my life. My husband rushed me to the hospital where I found out I was 14.5 weeks along and my baby has no heartbeat. I was admitted and delivered my precious son at 1:15 a.m. on 1/26/09. We will never know why his heart stopped beating.
I work in a school as a dedicated aid to a high school student with autism. On Sunday, my husband called the mother to tell her what was going on and that I wouldn't be to work for a few days. She said that I needed to take my time getting back to work and she would find subs for me.
On Monday night, my husband again calls the mom to say that I would be taking Tuesday off and would be back Wednesday. She said ok that she understood. I stopped into work on Tuesday to fill out paperwork. Apparently the mom called the principal to tell him I hadn't been to work and she wasn't mad about it. I felt like saying "I don't give a @#$% if she is mad or not. Her feelings are the last thing on my mind." But I ignored his comment and went on with my business.
I didn't want to go back to work and cried in the shower this morning. Then I picked myself up, plastered a fake smile on my face and went to work. When the student was dropped off, mom says "Now be nice to Mrs. X". Well that was the students opening to be cruel.
Student spent the day screaming that it was all my fault student missed two days of school (apparently mom didn't call for a sub like she said she would). Then student would just scream over and over "It's all your fault" and spent the day talking about babies (something that has never happened). I did end up calling the mom because the student refused to eat lunch, was telling me to shut up and telling me not to talk to other people. Mom blew me off.
I got in my car after work and cried. I honestly believe if I wasn't so stressed out over my job, I wouldn't have lost my baby.Everyday at work is a battle and it stresses me out in ways I didn't know existed. I look at the student and want to scream "It's your fault that my baby is dead".
I don't know if I feel this way because I feel the need to blame something for our loss. But I can't help but feel part of the blame goes to the stress I have been under for months. That would explain why I was so out of touch with my body I didn't know I was pregnant for so long.
I disliked working with this student before this week because of things student has done (flipping me off, trying to hit me, refusing to do work, screaming at me, and ignoring me). But I can honestly say, to my very core, I hate this student.

I can certainly see why.

Please don't beat yourself up for going to work and being stressed. NOTHING you did would have brought a different outcome. It was not your fault in any way, shape or form. Really. No matter where you were or what you were doing, it still would have happened. It wasn't the punk kid's fault or your fault for continuing to work with him (and he sounds much more like a punk than like an autistic kid, IMO.)

I'm so, so very sorry for your loss.