I hate Alzheimers!!

[Ratpack]

My mom has been officially diagnosed with Alzheimers this week. We will be making some decisions on what to do with my parents (dad is 88 and mom is 79). I just hate this disease!! It's the fear of the unknown, worry of their safety, disgust of their faces as she forgets something from just a moment ago, the distance in our minds....it is just so hard. Please pray along with me for them...there is no cure, but there is hope for comfort and peace. Thanks

 

[Rebelmom67]

 

[Belle0101]

I'm sorry. My DS and I were watching a program a couple of weeks back about a woman with Alzheimers. It was on 20/20 or some program like that. I just wanted to cry for her. I told DS that if that should happen to either myself or my husband to just please be kind to us.

It's such a heart breaking disease. I hope some decisions can be reached that will bring peace to all involved.

 

[Abbie]

I'm so, so sorry and I understand your anger and grief. I can tell you that despite the difficulty, the sadness, the frustration, the anger there were times of great joy and humor too. It's not something I would ever choose to go through again but it was a journey in which so much was learned and I'm a stronger person for it. It was not all bad. Prayers for you and your family as you make your way through the maze ahead.

 

[Bareacuda]

My heart goes out to you and your families. I know, my mom also has Alzheimer's too.
My dad hide alot from us. I noticed alot the night we had to put my dad in the hospital, she asked more then 20 times in 1 hour where her car keys were.(he died 10 days later). During those 10 days she was soooooo confused. She was diagnosed about 6 or 7 months later, that was 5 years ago.
I'll be seeing her this Monday. Ive been told she is failing fast, she hasn't recognized my voice in a long time. Im ok with that, I KNOW who my mom is and try to help this frail little lady with very limited memory.

She may not remember me... but I sure remember her as my mom who really does have a great sence of humor and can cook like no other.

Good luck and my prayers are with you and your families.

Ann

 

[ontariomonkey]

 

[Iluvjiminy]

You have my heartfelt thoughts and I will keep your family in my prayers. My Nana who will be 89 in October was diagnosed a few years ago. Luckily she still lives by herself and a lady comes in a few hours a day. She does forget alot more now than she once did but part of that is because she "pretends" to take her medicine and then hides it...go figure. I think she knows my voice when I call her or she thinks I am one of my daughters sine we all sound the same over the phone but in person..........she has no idea who we are. We call her Nana and she has no probkem with that, she talks to us and knows what she's saying and we kiss her and tell her we love her when we leave but she doesn't recognize us anymore. Nana was always a quiet lady who never said out of the way things and now......she just says whatever is on her mind. Yes this is a very sad disease, but the one comfort I guess I can have in all this is that Nana is still "fun" she says things that make me laugh and she laughs too. It's especially hard for my youngest DD to accept the fact that Nana doesn't know us but I tell her she's still Nana and we have to love her like she is now. Take advantage of all the time you have now while she still remembers and who knows if she takes her meds like prescribed this could be a slow process. I noticed Nana "forgetting' things well over 5 years ago and I truly believe had my aunt made sure she was taking her meds she wouldn't be as bad as she is now. Then again...........she will be 89 after all. I"ll keep you in my prayers.

 

[jackemail]

I am right there with you. Mom will be 80 on Monday, and we are smack dab in the middle of Alzheimer's. She lives with me so at least I don't have to worry about her trying to manage on her own. The meds worked great for several years in slowing down the progression of the disease, but are not working so well right now. I keep hoping they will come up with some new ones that work better. We just do the best we can do..I know we are taking her to Disney in October while she can still enjoy it.

 

[JoanGirardi]

My father in law suffered from this as well, and it's maddening, to say the least. You will find, though, that you have wells of patience that you'd never have imagined. You'll get frustrated, then you'll find the humor when you need it. You will find the strength you need when you think you have nothing else to give. You are not alone, so take advantage of the support that's out there. You'll be in my prayers as well.

 

[Val]

My MIL is 87 and resides in an Alzheimer's unit nearby. My grandmother is 90, and after 3 strokes has also developed dementia (on top of almost total loss of most physical functions). We have a full time nurse in my grandmother's house, as she kept running away from the nursing home (wheeled herself down to the front door, called a cab, LEFT)....we gave in, and she is much happier. DMIL doesn't really recognize us, or anything else any more. She is quite confused most of the time, but is physically relatively healthy- she just thinks she is about 4 and is waiting for her mommy and daddy to come and get her.

We have learned to laugh alot, especially our 4 kids (ages 11-21). It is hard when the grandmas don't remember your name, what you do, or what is going on in your life- but sometimes the grandmas are VERY funny! DMIL, a very prim and proper lady all her life, now cusses like a sailor, burps and farts- all with glee! She is, in many ways, much happier now. We also liken her attention span to Dug (the dog) in UP!.....and when things get a little tense working with her and trying to get her back to task, all it takes is for someone to say 'Squirrel' and we get fits of giggling (and she giggles right along!) and the tension is broken.

It IS hard! I hate trying to take care of parents and my own children. DH hates dealing with any of it, and leaves most of the stuff to me....and I really wish at times there was someone who could be mom, wife and caretaker to me! But- we live and learn.....nothing I can do to change it, so we might as well grin and bear it. We do a lot of grinning and laughing whenever we can....and we just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

BTW, I told my kids that if I ever get like the grandmas, to go ahead and shoot me or throw me in front of the bus....they offered to do it last week!

 

[bigtinkfun]

Alzheimers is a cruel disease. My heart goes out to you and your family as you deal with this awful thing.

 

[Liberty Belle]

My grandmother had dementia and it was so hard on all of the family. I'll pray for your parents and you.

 

[lisaviolet]

My mom has been officially diagnosed with Alzheimers this week. We will be making some decisions on what to do with my parents (dad is 88 and mom is 79). I just hate this disease!! It's the fear of the unknown, worry of their safety, disgust of their faces as she forgets something from just a moment ago, the distance in our minds....it is just so hard. Please pray along with me for them...there is no cure, but there is hope for comfort and peace. Thanks

First of all - . I am so so sorry.

I'm sure there are many on here who know. And then in some ways don't know. Because each person is SO different in how they progress and react. You just have to visit a ward to find that. Some become timid - and nervous. And some - God love them - become beyond outgoing.

I am on my second heartbreak.

We looked after my partner's mother for years. And never thought I would be travelling that road again. Now it's my mother. I spent a year - seven years ago - trying to get her help. She didn't want it - and now she's there. I could see/read it even back then. People have no idea that personality changes/irrational thought process is a bigger sign than memory. In no ways is it easier but I sighed at your "unknown" - I do know this time.

Listen - this is not Pollyanna although it's going to sound like it. There is some beauty and laughter in the sadness/frustration/anger - hold onto when it comes - laugh fully and smile in those moments. Grab them when they come. They will help in the dark moments - they will help in the exhaustion. My mom has followed "the rules" of life her entire life. You know be good - do the right thing - don't get your hair wet. Well the disease lessens the tight boundaries. And in some ways that is and will be hard. But it's beautiful too. It is. It's given me joy too. We took my mother and father to Disney's VB. She went in the ocean - she went down the huge slide - twice!!!!! Twice. With glee and laughter. There is no way - NO WAY - my mother would have every done that. Ever. Crap - I'm 42 and I don't think I've ever seen her get her hair wet.

My MIL - we still to this day laugh at some precious moments.

Would I have wanted either of them - or us - to suffer this disease. Never. But really you have to grab on to these moments.

Please look after yourself and don't feel guilty. Anyone who doesn't will break.

Love to you

Lisa

 

[Feralpeg]

OP, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. My stepmother was diagnosed about two years ago. She is now a stage 5 Alzheimer's patient. She doesn't recognize anyone. She rarely reacts to anything. From lack of use, her limbs have become useless. She is just a shell of her former self. She went downhill so fast. It is so very sad. I feel like she is already gone.

To me, Alzheimer's is worse than most diseases. I can't think of anything worse than losing yourself.

 

[The Mayor]

My mom has been officially diagnosed with Alzheimers this week. We will be making some decisions on what to do with my parents (dad is 88 and mom is 79). I just hate this disease!! It's the fear of the unknown, worry of their safety, disgust of their faces as she forgets something from just a moment ago, the distance in our minds....it is just so hard. Please pray along with me for them...there is no cure, but there is hope for comfort and peace. Thanks

...My Mom passed away from Alzheimers last June...I know there isn't a disease that isn't in the cruel category but to watch a love one lose their memory and along with it their dignity and pride is very hard...my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

 

[manning]

I don't know if this will help any.

Many years back someone was interviewed who's mother had Alzheimers. She related the struggle and heartbreak trying to keep mother living in her (daughters) world. Then someone advised her to just live in her mothers world when interacting with her. If she thinks she is talking to some long lost friend go along with her and be that friend.

She said it made life a lot simpler and more pleasant for both.

 

[AristocatFan]

So sorry you are having to deal with this dreadful disease. You're in my prayers. My mom suffered with dementia, her father had Alzheimers, and her mom had dementia. I've dealt with way too much of it! I agree with the PP, sometimes it is easier to play along in their world. But it's heartbreaking when you can't. Like when my mom called the police at 2am and reported that my daughter had been kidnapped. It's so hard to watch our loved ones slip away, mentally and physically.

 

[WDWAurora]

My grandfather had Alzheimer's, and died when I was around 15. It turns out, this was only preparing us for worse to come.

My mother, even now only 58, developed fronto-temporal dementia, much like Alzheimer's, but it hits younger. She had minor symptoms when I was in high school, and now is completely gone. I don't know how my dad continues to care for her, but he does. It's a terrible, awful disease. Be thankful for the good years you had. I never had my mom, my real mom, as an adult.

 

[Val]

I can't find the exact quote, but I love Elie Weisel's analogy of alzheimers...he states that it is like you take the book of one's life and then randomly tear each page out, page by page, until all you have left is the cover. I think this really characterizes the nature of this disease- you are robbed of one life story or event after another until all you have is a shell......as a friend of mine says about her childrens' cancer (yes- two kids with cancer)-STUPID Alzheimers!

 

[clori]

I'm with you on hating Alzheimers. My fil has Alzheimers. He has someone living with him but I'm not sure how much longer than can last. He doesn't live locally though his other son lives near him.

Last time we visited we didn't realize how much the Alzheimers had progressed. Dh's brother told us he just quickly went downhill. My fil in theory knew we were coming to visit and his caregiver definately knew and told him. When we got there fil answered the door. He looked right at my husband, his son, and asked who my husband was. While my dh understood it was still hard on him.