I Guess I'm Really Not The Better Person

[Wish Upon A Star]

My mom always tried to instill that us kids be "the better person"

Well, I'm not . . .I'm stubborn and I don't care . . .I'm also downright mean . . .

Last September 25th (my b-day) my co-worker decides to call out sick (no surprise there) she's always out for some reason or another. I spent my entire b-day with nobody wishing me a Happy B-day at work . . .nobody remembered.

Today is my co-worker's b-day . . .I have yet to wish her a Happy Birthday . . .I know its rude and mean, but that's just the way I am. She is sitting there huffing and puffing and trying to make suttle hints . . .but I refuse to say it . . .She knew it was my birthday and purposedly called out sick so she didn't have to get me anything like she did the previous years . . .even when she came in on the 26th she didn't say anything. I've always gotten her something in the past, but now I'm done . . .a tit for a tat . . .

Thanks for letting me vent . . .

 

[monkeyboy]

Do onto others.................

 

[Rippington'sFan]

I agree with "Do onto others..."

 

[faithinkarma]

Wish Upon A Star,

I'm on your mom's side. I understand how you feel, but I suspect that you might feel better if you go ahead and wish her a happy birthday.

But my motives are not as generous as your mom's. If it were me, I would just feel so smugly happy that I had been the "better person".

And if I spent my energy avoiding saying it I would end up carrying that anger around with me for days. If I just broke down and wished her a happy day I would be able to file it under " let her wait for her own karma".

 

[vald1977]

I always feel very under appreciated in this area as well. I always make a point to remember people's b-days, make sure I do something special for them, etc. Then it comes to my b-day and nobody remembers, nobody makes a big deal year after year. Doesn't seem fair. I am getting pretty sick of doing unto others when they never recipricate. Is that why I do stuff for people, to get stuff back? Of course not, I do it because I want to. BUT, it would be nice to be appreciated once in a while.

edited to add: I would probably go ahead and wish the co-worker a happy birthday but that would be about all she would get from me.

 

[CheshireVal]

I have a really hard time believing someone would call out sick on your birthday JUST so they wouldn't have to say "happy birthday." Are you sure you're not being paranoid here?

Anyway I don't see what the big deal is with wishing someone a happy birthday.

Then again, I work in a school and my birthday is in July so all my life I've never gotten happy birthdays from classmates or co-workers. Guess I'm just used to it!!

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

I read somewhere that there comes an age when you have to quit expecting people to make a big deal out of your birthday, that age is about 11. Unless of course it's one of your children, or a parent.

I don't even tell people when my birthday is, I don't need people to give me that kind of attention. If my husband and kids remember, that's all I care about.

 

[Rock'n Robin]

I've dealt with this forever, having a summer birthday--even as a teacher, my best friends here at school have birthdays during the school year and we make a big deal about it, but in July only one of them ever remembers. Oh well, I'm 40 and too old to worry about it. I'll just come here to the DIS to get my BDay fix!
Robin M.

 

[bjgrazi]

I share my birthday with my brother, who is my moms favorite, so I learned at an early age to grow up and accept it.

I'll never understand why people waste energy on such small things. Just say happy birthday and get on with it.

 

[skiwee1]

Originally posted by gymnasticsmom68
I read somewhere that there comes an age when you have to quit expecting people to make a big deal out of your birthday, that age is about 11. Unless of course it's one of your children, or a parent.

I don't even tell people when my birthday is, I don't need people to give me that kind of attention. If my husband and kids remember, that's all I care about.

ROFL! ITA! Since when should we be expecting co workers to wish us a Happy Birthday, Anniversary, or whatever? I say take your mom's advice. While I'm at it, take some advice my mom used to tell me once in awhile: Grow up!

 

[Chattyaholic]

I agree with others who have said "do unto others..." and "grow up."

My Mom did something similar recently, only it didn't involve birthdays, it involved funerals. My Grandma passed away about 15 years ago, a friend of hers didn't come to the funeral (she sent a card and said that was all she could do right then, so we don't know the reason she couldn't come, I feel it must have been very personal for her not to elaborate). My Mom's feelings were hurt because she didn't come. Fast-forward to this past November, her friend's Father died and my Mom said "well, at least I don't have to go to the funeral." Tit for tat were her exact words, just like you said. DH and I did go to the funeral, then my Mom asked me questions about it. I didn't answer them, I told her she should have been there. I am ashamed she is like that. If she does something for someone she gets upset if they don't do something for her. I love her dearly, but I wish she wasn't the way she is. But "wishing" won't make it so. She's the one who has to want to change that behavior and apparently she doesn't. It's sad though.

 

[browneyes]

Since when should we be expecting co workers to wish us a Happy Birthday, Anniversary, or whatever?

Sometimes coworkers become friends, and that's what friends do.

I'd probably tell her happy birthday and leave it at that.

 

[Rippington'sFan]

I could care less if anybody at work knows it's my birthday. I would prefer they don't know.
However what aggravates me at work is when it's a certain persons birthday (supervisor) the birthday card gets passed around to the group and they actually expect me and the others to sign the card and donate a buck or two to put in the birthday card and then they have a cake etc... I wouldn't mind donating if they did that for everyone but it's only a certain person. I don't donate a penny. I just sign the card and shrug it off.
Do any of you have similar stories like that? Another co-worker just sort of laugh and joke about it but it is blatantly un-tactful in my opinion.

 

[LadyAurora]

Wishing on a Star...
I know exactly how you feel, but I probably would say "Happy Birthday" to the coworker just so I could gloat to myself about being better than her!
I don't feel that I am too old to wish for someone to say "Happy Birthday," everyone deserves some positive attention once in a while. It feels bad when no one remembers your birthday.

"I read somewhere that there comes an age when you have to quit expecting people to make a big deal out of your birthday, that age is about 11. Unless of course it's one of your children, or a parent."

I think this (above) is just YOUR opinion, some people like to celebrate birthdays. Way to put the OP down.

 

[Winka]

If she really did avoid coming in JUST bc it was your birthday then . Even if money was tight or whatever, how hard would it have been to wish someone a happy birthday or send a free e-card or something?

Having said that, I agree with others ...acknowledge the birthday and enjoy the satisfaction of having behaved like the better person. A harmonious workplace is priceless, IMO.

 

[Christine]

WOAS-
I'd probably ignore her too. If she really is that "witchy" to do what she did, she would probably just REVEL in the fact that you did something for her and she put the screws to you. If she is indeed how you say she is, she will only get some sick pleasure out this. I doubt that "being the better person" in this case would have the desired effect.

I would like to agree with other posters though, I don't find birthdays a big deal and couldn't care less if anyone at work wishes me anything special or not. It's just another day--same for anniversaries. To me, it's how I'm treated all year that matters.

 

[HoneyPooh]

Not to hijack your thread but,

When I started work where I am now the Nurse told me to put my birthday on the schedule because they always have a pot luck lunch and a cake for birthdays. I thought that was nice so I put my b-day on the list.

My birthday is in February and that was last March. Between March of last year and February of this year we celebrated 5 birthdays during which I became the cake baker (none of them can bake for squat) and would bring pasta salad for each lunch party.

Well, in February for my birthday....NOTHING. Two of the staff were off and the others said they didn't think we were doing it since we all were not there. Excuse me? My feelings were VERY hurt that they didn't at least shedule it late for when the other two employees were back or early for before they went away. I haven't "gotten over it" yet, and although I treat them all the same as I always did, when the next birthday lunch comes around I will not be participating. I'll wish the person a happy birthday and that will be it. I'll be sure to bring my own lunch on birthday party days and they can find themselves a new baker or buy store bought.

It might seem silly to some people, but hurt feelings are very personal and we all get them in different ways. My feeling were hurt because I felt they used me all year to help with everyone elses party and then when my turn came and they couldn't get me to bake my own cake, they decided it wasn't worth it.

They better give me a darned good party next year!

 

[gina2000]

I have a SIL that does the tit for tat thing. I hate it. If I forget something, it's because I've forgotten it...not on purpose, not out of spite and not because I didn't care. I forgot. I'm not perfect.

She plays the tit for tat game with everything. I swear, she keeps notes on who remembers what and when.

Life is too short for that. Give with a generous, open heart and expect nothing except the pleasure it gives you in return. When someone does something for you, accept it with joy and pleasure. You'll enjoy life more that way.

 

[Wish Upon A Star]

Awwwwwwwww HoneyPooh . . .that stinks!

That's how I felt . . .Last year for her b-day I got her a bunch of balloons and a yankee candle and a mini potted daffodil for her desk.

When mine came . . .she was out . . .even when she came in the next day, not even a mention of my b-day, nada.

She always made it a point to celebrate our birthdays since it is just us 2 down in the Administrators office . . .I really wasn't in agreement with it, but I was the new one down here and she wanted it to be personal.

 

[Christine]

Yep, HoneyPoo that is REALLY bad. I would probably do the same as you unless they had, or course, realized that they had hurt your feelings and seriously owned up to it.