I Guess I'm Really Not The Better Person

[Cindy B]

Originally posted by gymnasticsmom68
I read somewhere that there comes an age when you have to quit expecting people to make a big deal out of your birthday, that age is about 11. Unless of course it's one of your children, or a parent.

I don't even tell people when my birthday is, I don't need people to give me that kind of attention. If my husband and kids remember, that's all I care about.

I have to agree wholeheartedly. I see some people at work dropping birthday hints like nobody's business. I just want to say GROW UP!

I don't even tell anyone at work about my birthday. My birthday usually is aroudn a major holiday.

 

[Kallison]

Sometimes it is fun to not be the better person. Go for it!

 

[Disney Doll]

I wouldn't think of anything as being the better or worse person.

Basically, what you've told me is that this person has avoided your birthday for 2 years, but expects a big deal made out of her birthday.

I'd ignore both. I'd no longer have any expectation about receiving any type of special treatment for my birthday, nor would I expect to give anyone else special treatment for their birthday.

It's not as much tit for tat as it is realizing that you're being used and not allowing that to happen.

I came to this realization a few months ago at work. I have no children, but am always very generous in buying from my co-workers' children when they are selling the various things that kids are required to sell throughout the year(wrapping paper, Girl Scout cookies etc). The one thing I do each year is a Walk-A-Thon for the American Diabetes Association, which is a cause near and dear to our hearts because of my late DFIL. Put up a sign-up sheet for sponsorship, received very little. This happened 2 years in a row, so I have determined that the folks who supported my one cause are the ones whose causes and/or children's causes I will support. The rest of my co-workers are on their own. It's not as much tit-for-tat as it is not liking the feeling of being used. I no longer have any expectation that they will support my one endeavor each year, and I no longer choose to support their numerous endeavors each year. The money I would have normally spent on their various sales things I noe put toward charities of my choice instead.

 

[Mermaid02]

I love my birthday! Am I the only "old" person here who STILL loves their birthday?? I don't want "stuff" from people but I love hearing people say "Happy Birthday!" And when I tell people "Happy Birthday" I mean it sincerely.... I feel "special" on my birthday (like I was the only one born on December 3rd- ever! LOL)

That being said, I would wish said co-worker a Happy Birthday and leave it at that. I don't want presents from the people I work with and I don't want to get them presents... Why don't you celebrate your UNbirthday tonight?? Maybe it will make you feel better! OMG- it's MY UNbirthday too...........

 

[disykat]

Tit for tat is basic human nature. I'd be tempted to make her squirm a bit too. If she asks, you are well within your rights to say "I thought we weren't celebrating birthdays anymore". Doesn't make you a worse person in my book. Sometimes in life you just don't feel like being the bigger person - everyone has that feeling sometime.

I'm not big on birthdays. I'm sure I've forgotten my share. However, you won't see me expecting special treatment on mine either. Your friend needs to learn that if she wants people to fuss over her on her birthday, she needs to do it for them on theirs.

 

[swea_pea1]

At my last job, we had what I thought was the *best* birthday policy:

Whenever a birthday came along, the person who was having it made the choice whether to make a big "to do" about it or not. Some people brought in a cake for their own birthdays, others brought in muffins for breakfast...because I was a Supervisor, I'd buy my team lunch...whatever way the birthday person wanted to celebrate was the way it went. If one was of the mind that they wanted their birthday to be recognized, then they participated. If not, then they didn't....no big deal. We changed to this unofficial birthday "policy" because too many folks were complaining that the same people were kicking in a buck or two for a cake whenever somebody had a birthday and it really worked out well for us.

 

[LadyAurora]

Originally posted by disykat
Tit for tat is basic human nature. I'd be tempted to make her squirm a bit too. If she asks, you are well within your rights to say "I thought we weren't celebrating birthdays anymore".


Good one!

 

[Disfan1]

I would probably say "Happy Birthday- hope you have the kind of day you deserve." Let her take that for what she will.

 

[HoneyPooh]

Thanks for the hugs! I really did fell very used. My co-workers still have not mentioned the fact that they missed my birthday. I've let it go, but I won't forget when the next birtday comes around. I'll definitely say happy birthday to the appropriate person (and mean it) but I'm probably going to have a hard time explaining to everyone else why I won't be baking the birthday cake or participating in the pot luck lunch. Going to be hard to do that without looking like the bad guy I think . Life goes on right?