I got some sad news...

[bambii]

last year in janurary. my grandmother passed away.. and now my grandfather isnt doing to well. his kidneys are failing and his herna is gotten bigger, he is 90 years old.and he gets so lost. and today my mom told me his wishes are he doesnt want a funeral.. I though the funeral was for the family, i dont know how I should feel should we respect him,


I guess i though we would have one..I think I need one to say goodbye...

 

[minnie56]

Goodbyes are best said when loved ones are alive...
It seems like you think a funeral would give you closure and that would not follow Grandpa's wishes...

How about after some time...a memorial service? Even a small one?

There is no proper way of saying goodbye after that really brings very much comfort. My Mum also wanted no funeral...but we did have a very small service of rememberence.

 

[DisneyCP2002]

 

[Pooh67_68]

 

[chell]

This is from my personal experience - a funeral or at least a memorial service is needed by the family and friends. You all will need that closure.

Hugs and prayers to you and your family.

 

[minkydog]

When my dad was dying last year he refused to give us any idea of what he wanted, saying "you decide." So my sisters & I decided we would have him cremated and planned his funeral while he was still living, ran the plan by Dad and he like it. Here's the plan: Dispense with the viewing--Dad was so sick, he would have had a fit if his friends were gawking at him, looking like he did. Short graveside service, with best friend speaking for him. Gather back at the "ranch" afterward for chicken & beer & horseback riding, with cat-chasing for the kiddies. He thought it was a hoot and that was exactly what we did(my dad was a pretty irreverent guy.)

Now, that kind of "remembrance" may not be your cuppa tea, but it made a difficult time memorable and even pleasurable for us. Perhaps you can talk amongst yourselves and make some plans now. Don't be afraid to share them with your grandfather, if he is willing. Funerals are for the living, but they don't have to be boring.

 

[Keli]

Without a funeral or a memorial service of some sort will all the family and friends of your grandfather come together? There is a real sense of comfort and closure that you can get from a gathering like that. Without it I think the grieving could be prolonged.

 

[momof2inPA]

I'm sorry for your Dad and your family, but I think you should respect his wishes. Ask him if a small burial for just family and friends would be o.k., without the visitation at the funeral home the day before. Then, you could have a small get together after the burial at the church hall or someone's home. When someone gets to be 90, their friends have often passed on already or are too sick/frail to get out much, so I'm guessing a funeral would mainly be for family.

 

[Planogirl]

You can pass on the funeral but still have a small memorial gathering for the family. I'm so sorry about your grandfather.