I got a call from my son's teacher last night. Parents, please help!

[IMGONNABE40!]

Despite the fact that my (5th grade) son has received all A range grades on tests and quizzes in language arts this quarter, his report card grade for the quarter will be a D! This is because he did not hand in two assignments for the quarter. What makes it worse, is that I know that he did the assignments, but just never handed them in! The teacher said she asked for them repeatedly but never received them. DS says he does not know what happened to them. URGHHHHH. Heavy sigh.

When I talked to my son about it his reply was "At least I"m not getting an F". That made me madder! When he could have easily gotten an A for the quarter, he seems satisfied with a D. I don't get it. We have struggled with issues like this all year. When I know that he can do all A & B work, it is frustrating to see him bring home C's and D's due to factors other than ability.

Any advice for us so that the 6th grade will go more smoothly?

 

[Pop Daddy]

spank him

 

[dianeschlicht]

Do you give rewards for A's? Try giving special rewards for each A on his report card. For each D or F, take away something. For example: For each A let him chose something special like a day at an amusement park, or a DVD he is wantint etc. For each D take away something that is special to him. It might be a day at a special event with his friends (like a grounding) or a video game etc.

 

[poohtown]

mine's just the opposite - she gets A's on all her projects, homework and class participation but she panicks whenever she has a test (even if she knows the material by heart). She over analyzes every question and ends up with a d or f that brings her grade way down. She also went through the 'well at least I dindn't flunk' phase. I think it's just something they go through. Now she gets very upset. I would talk to the teacher next year right at the beginning of the school year. Explain what happened last year and ask him/her for suggestions. Some teachers make the parents sign weekly homework sheets, or send home a letter saying if the child is missing assignments (i get these). If he is doing the work and not bothering to turn it in because he doesn't care - maybe you should associate homework with something he cares about. For example: he does his assignment, turns it in, and gets a good grade = tv. He does his assignment, forgets to turn it in = no tv until it's turned in. Of course, this would have to be something the teacher would be involved in since you only have his word if it was turned in or not. good luck

 

[CEDmom]

I think dianeschlicht had a good idea. Another might be to change the way you treat him about everything. In 5th grade you'd expect him to turn in his work and be responsible for things. I also expect that he gets many privledges at home because of his age. Stuff like playing outside with his friends, going to a friend's house by himself, waiting at the bus stop by himself etc. Since he can't handle the responsibility of his age with his school work then maybe be shouldn't be allowed the other responsibilities as well. Basically, he's acting like a 6 yo so treat him like one. I bet after a while he'll catch on . Good luck.

 

[goofy4tink]

I'm agreeing with the previous posters....if he can't keep his grades up, then there shouldn't be other activities. This is how we handle it with my dd. She has to make the choice. If she can't keep her grades above a certain level, then she has to give up those extracurricula activities. It's a responsibility issue. Act like a 2nd grader, get treated like one. Decide what that grade level is right for him and then stick to it. If he exceeds it, then I say reward it. If he falls below the expectation...he loses something.

 

[dianeschlicht]

Just a warning that you need to try and make it a positive reinforcement more than a negetive one. Stress getting the privledges more than taking them away.

 

[DNSDisney]

Why not also go over once more HOW to be organized.
From my understanding this is a phase they go through about 5th grade.(Had a talk with my daughters teacher abt this subject last yr).
Seems when the horomones start kickin in they seem to all get a little forgetful and unorganized. At the start of next yr go over with him again how to keep things in order and if you need to get seperate folders for each subject to keep homework to be handed in papers. We too like another poster said have daily agenda book here with homework written in them and we sign them (middle school once a wk , elem. was daily).
Work with him over the summer to organize his room or playroom. Try to make it fun so it sticks. The more organized he is the less likely papers will get lost.

 

[Tinkerbelle739]

I dont have any advice, but I am concerned that the teacher did not send a note home earlier stating that 2 assignments were not handed in. You could have taken care of it and he would not have received a D.

 

[dianeschlicht]

I thought that too, Tinkerbelle.

 

[Amy]

My DS is in 6th grade, and he's always gotten good grades in science. One day he came home and told me that his grade so far during this last grading period was a low D. I just about freaked out, esp. once I found out that he "lost" his science book, so he had no textbook for doing the work! I asked if he told the teacher he lost his book and asked to borrow one, and of course he didn't. I called the teacher, and she found him another book to use and said that she had moved seats around and DS was now in the back of the room and he wasn't paying attention, so she was going to move him back to the front.

DH and I cracked down on him---he wants to play ice hockey again this fall. We told him that his school work comes first, and if he doesn't bring his science grade up by the final report card, he won't be playing hockey. He's been working really hard, and yesterday the teacher said he brought his grade up to a 79% now, a high C.

Our big thing is that kids have to learn to be responsible---to study for tests, to make sure they hand in their homework on time. If it takes bribery, then I'm all for it!

 

[elgerber]

While I know the responsibility lies with the child (I have a 5th grade ds, very forgetful) I do also wonder why the teacher did not let you know sooner. Our kids get progress reports the last Wed. of each month. They have then until Monday to turn in any missing work, or it's given a 0. We also toured the Middle School last week, and were told they also send out progress reports every 3 weeks. I think the teacher should have done something like that before automatically counting it out.

Erika

 

[Bojangles]

Originally posted by Tinkerbelle739
I dont have any advice, but I am concerned that the teacher did not send a note home earlier stating that 2 assignments were not handed in. You could have taken care of it and he would not have received a D.

So now it's the teacher's fault?

 

[RitaZ.]

Originally posted by Tinkerbelle739
I dont have any advice, but I am concerned that the teacher did not send a note home earlier stating that 2 assignments were not handed in. You could have taken care of it and he would not have received a D.

I disagree with this. By 5th grade, students are expected to have learned a certain level of responsibility and organization. Trust me, it only gets worse in middle school. It's up to the student to "take care of it", not mom or dad. I know that it may seem like we are really helping our children by taking care of THEIR problems, so that THEIR grades won't drop. We all want our children to succeed and do well in school, but bailing them out of these type of problems doesn't foster responsibility. How are they going to learn if they never stumble?

My DS is in 6th grade and this year has been !!!!!! It has been his worst year ever, as far as grades. We have worked with him to help him learn organizational and study skills, bought him special folders to help him stay organized, etc. The fact is that he is the one in 6th grade, not me or my husband. As much as it upsets me to see him earn a low grade due to not turning in an assignment or not knowing what happened to it , he has to learn from HIS mistakes.

All I can say is to hang in there. Keep helping your son with his study and organizational skills, ask his teachers for suggestions on how to do this if what you have done doesn't get results. I also believe in removing privileges and give him the chance to earn them back with a desired behavior or when he reaches a set goal. It's very frustrating for us as parents, but this is all part of learning and growing; for them and for us.

BTW, you are NOT the only parent that is going through this and you won't be the last!

 

[4greatboys]

I just wanted to let you know that I have heard of quite a few kids who hit this age/grade and do the same thing. There is light at the end of the tunnel. My second ds was horrible about this in the 5th & 6th grade. He finally snapped out of it going into 7th but we did have those 2 stressful years. The boys have always been offered $$ for A's & B's. We went through the whole range of offering him rewards for doing his work and turning it in all the way to being grounded and having privildges taken from him

 

[Pin Wizard]

My DS is also in 5th grade. When he was younger, I rewarded him for every A and B he got. He kept mom broke! But there comes a time when he needs to be responsible and just do it. I have a friend who still "rewards" her son in high school! This kid gets tons of money because of his grades. Who is going to reward him for each thing he does when he's out of college and working? Ha!

DS's 3rd grade teacher had them so organized. In his school at the time, they considered 4th grade being the turning point in their responsibility so tried to organize them in 3rd. What a great year that was! He had a "take-home folder" and brought it home every night with anything that needed to be given to a parent or signed off. The teacher made sure they brought those folders home. In 4th he sometimes forgot it...teacher not reminding them every day. Prior to the end of the year, the folder wasn't coming home any more. And this year? Forget it! I tried telling him that the teachers are trying to get them organized, but they aren't going to remind them every day and need to keep it up themselves...in one ear and out the other. Same with the assignment book. Third grade I signed off every day. At the end of 4th grade, he came home with the EMPTY BOOK! I don't know...is it the hormones? LOL!

The big one that gets me is when he has something to be signed and gives it to me in the morning when I'm rushing to get us out the door. I tell him he's out of luck because he knows to give it to me the night before. He'll just have to deal with the teacher when he doesn't have it. Kids have to learn responsibility.

Oh! I almost forgot! I wouldn't expect a teacher to send a note saying assignments were due but not handed in. To me that's spoon feeding them. They have to hand in their homework when it's due or suffer the consequences. I'm sure the kids know that!

 

[airhead]

...Our dinner conversation is usually about the students (sometimes I sneak Disney in there!!). What I hear is the lack of responsibility kids take for losing things,forgetting assignments,turning things in. Even when these kids have assignment books! And they don't seem to really care. The parents care,but not the kids.

 

[Pete's Mom]

Originally posted by 4greatboys
I just wanted to let you know that I have heard of quite a few kids who hit this age/grade and do the same thing.

My best friend is going through the same exact thing. Straight A student for most of his life and now, all of a sudden, he has this bored kind of "whatever" attitude. Same thing, not handing in assigned homework and he genuinely appears to be dumbfounded as to why his parents are upset. NOTHING is getting through to him.

I would definitely nip it in the bud NOW.

As a funny side note, he failed Fire Safety because he didn't turn in his homework. The funny part is

HIS FATHER IS A FIREMAN!!

 

[RitaZ.]

he genuinely appears to be dumbfounded as to why his parents are upset.

I know that reaction, from DS, all too well... It's the one that usually sends me over the edge...

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by dianeschlicht
Just a warning that you need to try and make it a positive reinforcement more than a negetive one. Stress getting the privledges more than taking them away.

I respectfully disagree....recent studies have shown that the whole positive reinforcement movement has had a negative effect, on a lot of youths,,,they no longer want to do anything unless there is a reward involved, they will not do what is expected, nor what they are capable of.. until a reward is offered