I got a call from my son's teacher last night. Parents, please help!

[mom2boys]

As a funny side note, he failed Fire Safety because he didn't turn in his homework. The funny part is HIS FATHER IS A FIREMAN!!

I am laughing WITH you, not at you.

My 4th grader also has trouble turning things in. He brought home a failing progress report when he's gotten nothing below a B on all assignments. Seems signed quizzes & tests aren't recorded until the signed copy is returned. He had two zeros averaged into his grade because of this. He got it straightened out but he's making me .

He has an agenda which I have to initial each night. His teacher now has to initial it daily because he wasn't writing all of his assignments down. (Would you beleive the teacher initialed a blank page yesterday ? He remembered what he had to do but the point of her initialing it is to verify that he recorded all of the homework. ) If he gets everyone's initials each day, he gets to rent a movie or video game for the weekend. If not, I save $7.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

Originally posted by Tinkerbelle739
I dont have any advice, but I am concerned that the teacher did not send a note home earlier stating that 2 assignments were not handed in. You could have taken care of it and he would not have received a D.

Sorry, but by 5th grade the kids are supposed to be responsible for their own work. The days of the teacher calling Mommy to tell her that work wasn't handed in ended at the end of 3rd grade.

 

[Cruise04]

Sorry to say this but my dd went through that starting at the end of 5th grade, second semester of 6th grade and second semester of 7th grade and just the last couple of weeks of 8th grade. Very frustrating.....don't know how to break them of it. I even ask to see the homework after it's done but somehow it has a hard time getting from the book to the teacher. And the worse part is finding it later after the locker has been cleaned out and the teacher never saw it.

Then there is the part of just not doing it. Very very frustrating. So sorry, no advice here except to breath. Just remember to breath or your head will probably pop off!!!!!! Trust me on this.

 

[Sandy V.]

It really seems to be more of a "boy" thing. They seem to have some short circuit in their heads during the preteen/early teen years when it comes to organization. We didn't have the same issues with our daughter as we did our son, and neither did most of our friends.

The high school's gifted & talented coordinator says that it usually takes even the brightest males until the end of their freshman year to figure it all out (and sometimes longer).

As frustrated as parents may be with the teacher for not letting them know about missing homework, the ultimate responsibility lies with the kid who doesn't turn their work in. Life lesson for the kids to learn now.

I'm probably in the minority here and I'm not condemning the way anyone else does it, but my kids are NEVER rewarded for getting good grades. That is their "job" and they are expected to always put forth their best effort. I don't expect perfection, but I do expect 100% application towards the task.

 

[CBRorBust]

I dont have any advice, but I am concerned that the teacher did not send a note home earlier stating that 2 assignments were not handed in. You could have taken care of it and he would not have received a D.

Okay I know this has been quoted at least 4 other times already, but as a future teacher, I have to pipe in.

It really annoys me how parents think that their children are perfect angels and almost always find a way to blame the teacher. The Teacher this, the teacher that. What about teaching your child to be ACCOUNTABLE for their own actions! Don't you think that is a little more important of a lesson here than "why didn't the teacher call?" Do you know how many times a teacher would have to send a note home if every child forgot to turn something in? She would be sitting at her desk writing notes out all day and not teaching your children to the standards you all hold for these teachers.

I know everyone always says, "Well I am trusting them with my child, blah, blah, blah." and while I do agree with that to a point. They cannot be everywhere at every time for every child and every parent. You simply cannot please everyone. I think that whether or not the teacher sent a note home is not the point. The OP even states that the teacher repeatedly told the child to turn in the work and still refused! Do you think a note home to mommy or daddy would have really made the situation any different? It would have gotten the work placed in the backpack folder, but then what? A note from school would not have gotten the child to get the assignment and walk it over to where it needed to be turned it!

It's all about Accountability! Now, I am very sorry if I have offended anyone, but I constantly read teacher bashing posts on these boards, and I just had to chime in this time.

Have a great day!

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by Pete's Mom
As a funny side note, he failed Fire Safety because he didn't turn in his homework. The funny part is

HIS FATHER IS A FIREMAN!!

LOLOLOLOL! That is hilarious!

My nephew went through this stuff in a major way in his early high school years. Drove my sister and her husband crazy. She finally decided she wasn't going to bend over backward to get him to crack down studying. He had obviously made up in his mind that he can get by with C's. There were too many other things to also do. But any time the bad test paper came home or he acted up, she took away what he liked most...the computer. They would take the keyboard out of his room. LOL! That usually got him back on track.

I keep praying I won't have to do this alone when DS gets to be that age!

 

[tar heel]

I'm the mother of three boys, and I've been there. My oldest pulled things like that repeatedly. His worst incident was honors chemistry in high school. He made A's on the tests, a 98 on the cumulative final and got a C-. He was a National Merit Finalist at the time and we were very worried he was going to get a D. Usually, his other grades were so high that he only slipped from an A to a B. He also was totally ambivalent about grades.

I wish I had an answer for you. I'll have a fifth grader next year, and I'm pretty sure he's going to pull this, too. He did it a couple times this year, but it didn't count off enough for him to lose the A. When he starts getting a 0, though, it will be rude awakening b/c he just assumes he will get an A on everything he does.

 

[Planogirl]

My son isn't rewarded for good grades either. We might celebrate reaching a milestone but I never give him money or anything like that for his grades. That is not to say that I never will though.

DS is finishing fifth grade and has also been rather scatter-brained this year. I remind him but he is the one who is ultimately responsible for getting his work done but he loses things and often says "I forgot". I'm glad to hear that it might be just a phase.

 

[kild]

Originally posted by Pop Daddy
spank him

That's the best advice I have seen in this post.

 

[FroggyinArk]

we had exact same pr5oblem with dd in 6th this year,, and was in english arts too, asaround mid year she started trying to help another girl with homework, and tryingto bring her friends gradws up. this was addmirable and we encouraged the relationship,, after a few weeks we found out this child had no at home discipline, her moms an alchoholic, never there,, and that caused us to start tempering the way we allowed dd to hang out with her, definately nooo going to friends house ever. we found oiut at the last progress report that dd had stopped turning in her home work that unless both girls turned it in niether girl did,, they both had d's and low ones. at that point dd lost her phone her tv her toys she was allowed to read, was required to redo all the missing homework assignments and turn in to us,, and since she couldnt prove a grade imporovement before her b day, she lost alll chance at her b day pressy,, ( two week trip to visit her aunt in Fla, with stops at us/ ioa, busch gardens, and several other spots ) aunt was even goingto pay her way , since i wasnt able too. but no good grade no trip,, she was to have left tommorrow,,, and report card s are out today,, nop way sil could have refunded tickets so dd stays here. no real advise, just a note to let ya knoiw you arent alone

 

[mom2boys]

Originally posted by MICKEY88
I respectfully disagree....recent studies have shown that the whole positive reinforcement movement has had a negative effect, on a lot of youths,,,they no longer want to do anything unless there is a reward involved, they will not do what is expected, nor what they are capable of.. until a reward is offered

It is a fine line that parents walk with rewards & punishments. We have made it clear to our boys that they have certain responsibilities such as completely their school work in a timely manner and to the best of their ability. No they don't get paid for that but they might get to rent a video or campout in the backyard. A small incentive here & there goes a long way to motivating anyone.

 

[AABC]

As a mother of a 5th grade son, I need to chime in here. I agree that 5th graders need to be responsible and they do tend to become very forgetful, but there needs to be some accountability with the teachers and parents too.

This school year we have been repeatedly told that parents should not help the child. I really do understand and agree, but there is no communication from the teacher about what is expected so that parents can "monitor" what is going on. For example, our son received a failing grade in literature because he did not turn in two assignments. However, when asked about the assignments he said he did complete them. Upon inquiry, the teacher said they were in her in-box and she just did not see them -- this has been an on-going situation this year. So who is responsible??

Okay, off my soapbox.

 

[disykat]

Two words - negative reinforcement. It is time for him to understand consequences! He is not a two year old or a puppy that doesn't make the connection between his behavior and your actions. I would NOT turn it around and start giving him prizes for what he was supposed to be doing in the first place. That would be reinforcing the bad behavior IMO. (IE okay, I've learned that if I let the rules slide for a while, Mom will start offering rewards to)

 

[charabby]

Originally posted by Sandy V.
It really seems to be more of a "boy" thing. They seem to have some short circuit in their heads during the preteen/early teen years when it comes to organization. We didn't have the same issues with our daughter as we did our son, and neither did most of our friends.

As a former MS teacher, I have to respectfully disagree. Boys and girls were equally likely to forget to turn in homework, be disorganized, etc. I really don't like to see negative, yet normal, behaviors so frequently attributed to being a boy. First of all, it's not fair to boys in general to be stereotyped in that way and secondly, it's just handing boys an excuse for their behavior. The reality is that most preteen kids have organizational problems, due partly to the hormones and the increased responsibilities. I definitely don't think it's a 'boy' thing - it's a 'preteen' thing that needs to be dealt with before it gets out of control.

Incidentally, boy and girls, when I taught, were also equally likely to be organized, do their homework, hand it in, etc. There were no gender differences that I observed in that area.

Also, since I'm back editing, I want to add that I agree with other posters who said rewards are not the answer. IMO, he should have some sort of penalties for not getting the work in. He was given ample opportunity to get it to the teacher (who asked for it several times), and since he still failed to do it, he'd be in trouble in my house. I agree with the previous poster who said that school is the kids' "job" and that there should be things kids are just required to do.

edited b/c part of my post came off judgmental and snotty - which I definitely didn't intend.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I can only speak for me and my lovely 7th grade daughter...

My dd was never one to study. She is a kid that breezes by without too much effort.
So I have been trying to get a handle on the middle school drama with grades & her responsibilty to them.

Second quarter this year she pulled what your son did. She failed to turn in a BIG science project. She was getting a solid A to a C. This "broke" our agreement of her not turning in homework. Explained clearly prior to school starting. Her punishment was to get her assignment book signed DAILY by ALL of her teachers AND trust me I went through it with a fine tooth comb EVERYDAY after school.
This helped her tremedously because I taught her how to organize herself better.

ALSO I drove her to school AND picked her up from school EVERYDAY!!!!! OH Man did she HATE HATE HATE that!!!

Here is how it turned out...she got it!
As we came to the end of the 3rd quarter she sat with me and said she would be responsible for her homework and get her book signed. The deal was I couldn't hound her and I had to trust her. So I backed off and allowed her to ride the bus again.
So far, so good!

So keep at it and find something that works for you!

 

[want2retire]

Just speaking from personal experience...My son just graduated from high school last week and we had those issues with him from fifth grade forward. Try to get a handle on it now. It gets so much harder when they are older.

 

[CookieGVB]

Originally posted by Pin Wizard

The big one that gets me is when he has something to be signed and gives it to me in the morning when I'm rushing to get us out the door. I tell him he's out of luck because he knows to give it to me the night before. He'll just have to deal with the teacher when he doesn't have it. Kids have to learn responsibility.

I go through this with my 5th grader, too. I tell him the same thing - either give it to me at night, or not at all. If you miss a field trip, then you'll learn to give it to me when you're supposed to. It hasn't come to that yet, but I'd stand by that, and I've told him COUNTLESS times.

 

[pjlla]

Originally posted by AABC
As a mother of a 5th grade son, I need to chime in here. I agree that 5th graders need to be responsible and they do tend to become very forgetful, but there needs to be some accountability with the teachers and parents too.

This school year we have been repeatedly told that parents should not help the child. I really do understand and agree, but there is no communication from the teacher about what is expected so that parents can "monitor" what is going on. For example, our son received a failing grade in literature because he did not turn in two assignments. However, when asked about the assignments he said he did complete them. Upon inquiry, the teacher said they were in her in-box and she just did not see them -- this has been an on-going situation this year. So who is responsible??

Okay, off my soapbox.

THere are two sides (at least) to every issue. While I personally wouldn't expect the teacher to be sending notes home, etc about this kind of issue in 5th grade, it is also up to the parents to keep the on top of things. Ask your children DAILY about current assignments/projects/tests etc. Good, open communication between the parents/kids is important, as is good open communication between the parents/teachers. If you get to know your child's teacher and can comfortably talk to him/her, that can help. But parents, keep in mind that teachers are HUMAN and therefore are not PERFECT. While I agree that a situation like what I quoted above is frustrating and difficult, I don't think it is unforgiveable! If you have reason to believe the teacher has made an error, you certainly have a right to pursue the matter in a POLITE way.

Anyhow.... as I stated, there are two sides to each issue. Let's keep that in mind...................P

 

[manchurianbrownbear]

My 7th grade DS is EXACTLY the same!

He does consistent A & B work, but often ends up earning a C or a D because assignments that are done are buried in his locker, or stuffed in a folder.

He has an assignment book that we sign daily, but he frequently "forgets" to write assignments in the book. If we know about an assignment, we can make sure he gets it done and handed in, but there's not much we can do if we don't know what has been assigned.

The last couple years we've ridden the roller coaster (and I'm not talking about R 'n' RC!) where his mid term is loaded with Cs, Ds & an occasional F. The comments next to the bad grades are invariably "CT", could try harder, or "MW", missing work. DS spends the last half of every quarter on "house arrest" with no computer, very little time with friends outside of school and very little TV.

We have tried a combination of cash and rewards for As & Bs. My response to the question, "who will pay him for performance when he gets out of school?" HIS EMPLOYER!

 

[wendyl]

I remember vividly a conversation I had with my parents when I was a child about getting money for grades. When I was growing up, many of my friends got money for A, B's, etc... I asked one day why I didn't get money for grades...the answer was this "Because getting good grades is something we know you are fully capable of doing, and so something you are expected to do--like a job, school is your job, and you are expected to do well"

I took that message to heart--I studied hard and got good grades because 1) I was personally, not materially, motivated to do so, and 2) my parents made it very clear that they had faith in me and knew I could / would get good grades.

I will not reward my child for grades--just like I don't reward him for using good manners or following rules-- I DO--make sure to let him know that I notice all the good things he does, and that I am proud. If he starts to get bad grades, there will be negative reinforcement (just like if he used bad manners, or did not follow rules).

Remember, good grades can be defined as either all A's (for the very intelligent child) or all A's and B's or even all A's, B's and C's. You can defind the parameters based on your child's abilities.